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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

hi we have talked about swinging 9mainly in bed0 but wife nervous! any advice please

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

Get a couples profile on here.

Just keep talking to her. Why is she nervous and what can you do to ease those fears.

Like all these threads, honesty, communication and compromise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get her on here chatting first. It took me a while to get my head around it at first do spent ages just chatting while i got used to the idea.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"hi we have talked about swinging 9mainly in bed0 but wife nervous! any advice please "

There's usually a perception that the male is driving such discussions, in which case the advice would be to wait for her to bring it up next, and accept that might be never.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She probably isnt voicing her real thoughts i.e that she may think its abnormal, wonder if her husband/partner is cheating behind her back, he isnt the man she married, whats wrong with her that he has to look for this kind of thing...all those kind of thoughts..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First get a couple profile. Start talking to her what's like and why would you want to do it. With my wife I worked on it for over few years to convince her which mostly for her to enjoy the different sex lifestyle now she loves it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We started out by simply going on cam. Nobody else involved and just progressed from there, then moved to going to clubs and seeing what's out there for real.

But definetly get a couples profile set up and just go slow and see where things lead.

I've seen plenty of single male profiles get annihilated when posting questions like this, so I'd take the friendly advice you've received

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Start listening to the podcast Life on the Swingset. That's what we did and it really helped us with the mental gymnastics of swinging.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Cheers all will see what Mrs oatie thinks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be patient. Don't let anyone rush you, and din't rush your missus especially! We're doing this at her pace and that's how it should be.

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

Started with us reading girly magazines in bed plenty pillow talk told Paul not to push me i would when it felt right

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World


"Get her on here chatting first. It took me a while to get my head around it at first do spent ages just chatting while i got used to the idea."

I would suggest this.

But for god sake set your message filters the very first second on here, if she is nervous then the stupid, sexually aggressive and plain ignorant messages that can be sent on here could have her running for the hills.

*Disclaimer ~ not all messages are like this, but there can be a fair number.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We started out by simply going on cam. Nobody else involved and just progressed from there, then moved to going to clubs and seeing what's out there for real.

But definetly get a couples profile set up and just go slow and see where things lead.

I've seen plenty of single male profiles get annihilated when posting questions like this, so I'd take the friendly advice you've received "

this is what we did. Started with cam fun then club. Still going slow but having great fun

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

My personal experience, encourage her to read as much as possible about the subject.. There's a series of books written by the Barry Calver, guy who now owns the La Chambre club in Sheffield, Anita read these in advance of our first steps into swinging. They are called "Swingers (1, 2, & 3)" and we bought them from Pulse & Cocktails, you can get them on amazon ( http://www.amazon.co.uk/Barry-Calvert/e/B0034O3H5Y/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1 ).

Cal

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I would feel absolutely awful if I knew my husband had been planning to get me involved all the ways he could over a long period of time. To me that sounds manipulative and sinister. I am so glad I came to the decision myself as a single female and met my partner on here, so I know and he knows there was no emotional blackmail or obligations involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would feel absolutely awful if I knew my husband had been planning to get me involved all the ways he could over a long period of time. To me that sounds manipulative and sinister. I am so glad I came to the decision myself as a single female and met my partner on here, so I know and he knows there was no emotional blackmail or obligations involved. "

Yes I agree. We went through all the stages together. It would have been different if we didn't have the trust we do between us. And heartbreaking to know he had a profile first and met alone behind my back!

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford

13 hours into the thread and not a single "show her your single profile and verification, see what she thinks" comment...

You lot are slacking... Or did only the clique get the memo??;-)

D

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"13 hours into the thread and not a single "show her your single profile and verification, see what she thinks" comment...

You lot are slacking... Or did only the clique get the memo??;-)

D "

Think my last reply touched on it!

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford


"13 hours into the thread and not a single "show her your single profile and verification, see what she thinks" comment...

You lot are slacking... Or did only the clique get the memo??;-)

D

Think my last reply touched on it! "

Indeed, on reflection it did. My hat us duly dipped in your general direction. I will try harder next time.

D

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"13 hours into the thread and not a single "show her your single profile and verification, see what she thinks" comment...

You lot are slacking... Or did only the clique get the memo??;-)

D

Think my last reply touched on it! "

My point was more about couples too, though ... as the idea that my man had it in his mind, and was always trying to work on me would be an awful thing, and yet often times, one of the couple starts it ... and works and works on the other one. I was introduced to swinging by a man, but could not get rid of him quick enough because I felt it was awful, being worked on to do something he had concocted. Fast forward to me developing in this lifestyle myself, I feel my partner and I are much more on a oar with this. I seriously doubt all couples on here came to it together, although perhaps the balance has shifted in terms of who wants it more now, compared to at the beginning. I do think the dynamics of some couples clearly show one is the instigator, we have seen some terrier peeps at parties, and some people who clearly did not want to be there ....

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"13 hours into the thread and not a single "show her your single profile and verification, see what she thinks" comment...

You lot are slacking... Or did only the clique get the memo??;-)

D "

Personally if I was not into it, I would prefer my partner do it on their own, rather than use emotional blackmail or other means to get me into it ... I rarely comment on these married type threads as I feel that often in couples there is one instigator who at some point has 'forced' their opinions about swinging onto the other anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for the constructive bits! The rest well!!! Wecare meeting a couple off here for drink and chat as per advice given

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"hi we have talked about swinging 9mainly in bed0 but wife nervous! any advice please "
really don't take our advice its Crap but Trevor fu##$$$%&ing McDonald's he's the man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

talk and go as fast as the slowest - dont do anything you dont want to and leave wanting rather than having regrets at doing something you werent sure of

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We started last year,the first message we got mentioned her arse,she threw the tablet down and wouldn't go near it for the rest of the day, we kept a diary which we could read together, absolutely brutal,it worked though, she felt i was being pushy,let her go at her pace,women hold the key,nerves are part of the experience

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

Let her take her time she will when it feels right like mine did

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"hi we have talked about swinging 9mainly in bed0 but wife nervous! any advice please "

Hard to give advice when we don't know your wife.

You say you have talked about swinging.

Does that mean both of you are happy about swinging or you have told your wife of your interest and she has played along to keep you happy while you are having sex with her?

If it really has been a two-way conservation and she is happy but nervous suggest going to a club to have a look round talk to people there and perhaps even watch what takes place in a club.

Many people use clubs for the social side only play occasionally.

Take things slowly and only do what both of you are totally happy to allow.

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By *sym45Man
over a year ago

JE2

Best thing is take her to A Club.

Promise and re-assure her that there is no

action to be expected once you are there !

It's a great ice breaker.

Endless chatting on this Site is debatable !

There are some nice folks on here but a hell

of a lot of wannabes,messers and fakes.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Personally if I was not into it, I would prefer my partner do it on their own, rather than use emotional blackmail or other means to get me into it ... I rarely comment on these married type threads as I feel that often in couples there is one instigator who at some point has 'forced' their opinions about swinging onto the other anyway. "

This is why I'm here alone.

We were here together many years ago, we had a few social meets, visited some clubs, we never played & only got as far as kissing others & then she decided it wasn't for her.

A couple of years later she said I should carry on by myself. I do occasionally but always wish she would come with me.

Will always want her to try but cannot & wont force her, hopefully one day she decides she'll have another try.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is your wife a motorbike....thread title

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is your wife a motorbike....thread title "

It sounds like she is a cow and he is lining her up for some amorous bulls. Seriously, i will vouch that if 90% of married men proposed swinging to their wives ,they would quickly find themselves sofa surfing and receiving a dear john from some greedy solicitor. Another small percent may agree due to coercion and bullying by their partner and a small percent would be up for it.

As a married man,,do you feel lucky??

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