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Not sure that makes sense but curious about people's thoughts.
D | |||
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"Hi all, for those who swing with the same people "regularly" - when does it cross from simply swinging to something more "poly"? - if at all? I know very little about polyamorous relationships, but surely you will develop caring type feelings for people the more time you spend with each other? I suppose more so for singles? Although not completely. For example, we play with people in clubs and keep in contact via fab, but if they suddenly disappear we don't really think anything of it, whereas if it was someone we'd seen say, 10 times we'd probably be concerned they were ok? After 100 times - who knows. Just curious on people's thoughts. It's something that intrigues us - having someone else who is more than just a "meet" but not fully poly. Maybe "poly-lite"
Not sure that makes sense but curious about people's thoughts.
D"a poly relationship suggests tome anyway it's someone you are intimate with and care for as all within that poly relationship so what you've described isn't because caring about someone is not measured in numbers x | |||
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"Sorry, I don't mean it from a pure numbers point of view, I mean, the first time you met your partner, you didn't "love" them, that comes with time and getting to know someone. So I'm saying as you spend time with a swinging partner, I realise some will not get that emotionally invoked, but others will. I was curious about that. Ta D" true but is it then poly because youre not devoting yourself equally to all ,it's not something I could do easily ,I could give my love to a few x | |||
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"Sorry, I don't mean it from a pure numbers point of view, I mean, the first time you met your partner, you didn't "love" them, that comes with time and getting to know someone. So I'm saying as you spend time with a swinging partner, I realize some will not get that emotionally invoked, but others will. I was curious about that. Ta D" good question i feel 'i am' poly..that means that every time i meet someone, i am forming an individualized interrelation with them, even if its or five minutes...i hour...it doesnt have to be sexual i also feel 'i am 'love',which to me is unconcern..because at that level, everything is perfect the way it is, which has no bearing on what anyone else feels or does....its not based, on anyone else. ..its something you are i feel, not something you apply to certain other people..i wouldnt know if this applies to others..only the others i choose to develop poly relationships with.. its an outlook.. my fiends are all different, but i still hug them all..i still love them all..having different lovers, doesn't detract from a that individual relationship, you have with one of them. they are all equal journies and can develop in their own way, without impacting on any of the others.. i am single. i have no desire to live in with anyone, although with enough personal space, i would consider it...more like a cul de sac arrangement though, rather than house sharing.. a whole village would be awesome  x | |||
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"Sorry, I don't mean it from a pure numbers point of view, I mean, the first time you met your partner, you didn't "love" them, that comes with time and getting to know someone. So I'm saying as you spend time with a swinging partner, I realize some will not get that emotionally invoked, but others will. I was curious about that. Ta D good question i feel 'i am' poly..that means that every time i meet someone, i am forming an individualized interrelation with them, even if its or five minutes...i hour...it doesnt have to be sexual i also feel 'i am 'love',which to me is unconcern..because at that level, everything is perfect the way it is, which has no bearing on what anyone else feels or does....its not based, on anyone else. ..its something you are i feel, not something you apply to certain other people..i wouldnt know if this applies to others..only the others i choose to develop poly relationships with.. its an outlook.. my fiends are all different, but i still hug them all..i still love them all..having different lovers, doesn't detract from a that individual relationship, you have with one of them. they are all equal journies and can develop in their own way, without impacting on any of the others.. i am single. i have no desire to live in with anyone, although with enough personal space, i would consider it...more like a cul de sac arrangement though, rather than house sharing.. a whole village would be awesome x"hey Suzy it's not something many could do if it has made you happy and content then so be it ,I have a lot of love to share but want if I give it to give it to one woman ,I am happy being monogamous x  | |||
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"Hi all, for those who swing with the same people "regularly" - when does it cross from simply swinging to something more "poly"? - if at all? I know very little about polyamorous relationships, but surely you will develop caring type feelings for people the more time you spend with each other? I suppose more so for singles? Although not completely. For example, we play with people in clubs and keep in contact via fab, but if they suddenly disappear we don't really think anything of it, whereas if it was someone we'd seen say, 10 times we'd probably be concerned they were ok? After 100 times - who knows. Just curious on people's thoughts. It's something that intrigues us - having someone else who is more than just a "meet" but not fully poly. Maybe "poly-lite"
Not sure that makes sense but curious about people's thoughts.
D"Isn't what you've described covered by friendship? If you see someone or a couple a lot of times and develop emotional feelings for them it doesn't have to be the love you feel for a partner, it can be the love you feel for friends. | |||
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"Sorry, I don't mean it from a pure numbers point of view, I mean, the first time you met your partner, you didn't "love" them, that comes with time and getting to know someone. So I'm saying as you spend time with a swinging partner, I realize some will not get that emotionally invoked, but others will. I was curious about that. Ta D good question i feel 'i am' poly..that means that every time i meet someone, i am forming an individualized interrelation with them, even if its or five minutes...i hour...it doesnt have to be sexual i also feel 'i am 'love',which to me is unconcern..because at that level, everything is perfect the way it is, which has no bearing on what anyone else feels or does....its not based, on anyone else. ..its something you are i feel, not something you apply to certain other people..i wouldnt know if this applies to others..only the others i choose to develop poly relationships with.. its an outlook.. my fiends are all different, but i still hug them all..i still love them all..having different lovers, doesn't detract from a that individual relationship, you have with one of them. they are all equal journies and can develop in their own way, without impacting on any of the others.. i am single. i have no desire to live in with anyone, although with enough personal space, i would consider it...more like a cul de sac arrangement though, rather than house sharing.. a whole village would be awesome x"Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D | |||
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"Hi all, for those who swing with the same people "regularly" - when does it cross from simply swinging to something more "poly"? - if at all? I know very little about polyamorous relationships, but surely you will develop caring type feelings for people the more time you spend with each other? I suppose more so for singles? Although not completely. For example, we play with people in clubs and keep in contact via fab, but if they suddenly disappear we don't really think anything of it, whereas if it was someone we'd seen say, 10 times we'd probably be concerned they were ok? After 100 times - who knows. Just curious on people's thoughts. It's something that intrigues us - having someone else who is more than just a "meet" but not fully poly. Maybe "poly-lite"
Not sure that makes sense but curious about people's thoughts.
D
Isn't what you've described covered by friendship? If you see someone or a couple a lot of times and develop emotional feelings for them it doesn't have to be the love you feel for a partner, it can be the love you feel for friends."Yes, this is a very good point, I just think when sex is involved, it crosses a line? - maybe not... I personally feel if you've got a really good friend who you also have really good sex with it can "feel" like more? - I mean that's the basis for a lot of successful monogamous relationships. D | |||
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"Sorry, I don't mean it from a pure numbers point of view, I mean, the first time you met your partner, you didn't "love" them, that comes with time and getting to know someone. So I'm saying as you spend time with a swinging partner, I realize some will not get that emotionally invoked, but others will. I was curious about that. Ta D good question i feel 'i am' poly..that means that every time i meet someone, i am forming an individualized interrelation with them, even if its or five minutes...i hour...it doesnt have to be sexual i also feel 'i am 'love',which to me is unconcern..because at that level, everything is perfect the way it is, which has no bearing on what anyone else feels or does....its not based, on anyone else. ..its something you are i feel, not something you apply to certain other people..i wouldnt know if this applies to others..only the others i choose to develop poly relationships with.. its an outlook.. my fiends are all different, but i still hug them all..i still love them all..having different lovers, doesn't detract from a that individual relationship, you have with one of them. they are all equal journies and can develop in their own way, without impacting on any of the others.. i am single. i have no desire to live in with anyone, although with enough personal space, i would consider it...more like a cul de sac arrangement though, rather than house sharing.. a whole village would be awesome xhey Suzy it's not something many could do if it has made you happy and content then so be it ,I have a lot of love to share but want if I give it to give it to one woman ,I am happy being monogamous x "i totally understand that choice trademark, i have found, in my own experience that i appreciate the variety and the non pressure of not being everything, to someone. i have had the beautiful experience of having that, however, that is not honestly where my soul lies..it lies in the freedom of being able to be myself, with others without being , in my perception trapped by 'rules' that a traditional or stereotypical relationship seems to expect... they don't suit me and life is too short to be miserable, or make someone else miserable.. im happy enough on my own, id only want to enhance someone else s experience of life , and im lucky enough to feel, that i do that, to some people already, i wouldn't give that up now, for the foreseeable future.. | |||
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"I didn't know what Poly was until I was on here. It is a lifestyle I had always wanted but didn't know it had a name." ive had the outlook a long time..but same here didnt know it had a name until just before i came to fab..its been a relief quite honestly, to hear others speak, the way i think, about it..x | |||
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"its been a relief quite honestly, to hear others speak, the way i think, about it..x" I couldn't agree more | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D" I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? | |||
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"A new word found polly but each couple and single have different needs some hang about some stay for a week/ month others just the night.Thats what makes us all different " it is, however from my perception i dont call that poly.. if one is poly is more of an outlook that you are going on a journey with another person parallel to other people..if two people who are essentially poly to begin with..it enters in at that level and a lot of caring communication as well as frank discussion comes into play..and continues...right from day one..essentially polys want a world shared..not a world visited and left..you develop something that is valuable between you, without the constraints of monogamy, possessiveness, insecurity and competition despite whatever regularity of physical contact.. for me, that's awesome x | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? " Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D" There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view" this is your view of 'relationships though..imagine loving everyone, the way you love your partner, because you love, not maybe for what you get back yourself...(note: that's not what i am inferring, its just an example of what could be for some in relationships.) .this is the space i am in, it doesn't breed attachment feelings, just more understanding and if you like intimacy..but i, like them, are free spirits, the norms of social boundaries dont work for us..id never want to own someone, or have them tied to some kind of contract to me, to give.. i give cos i want to, they give, cos they want to. i dont choose who i give this connection to,its not special , its just my nature. i just am this way..it makes me happy... ..its not based on any security, its based on total freedom | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view" I understand what you're saying, but I don't agree. How many times do we hear "well you're obviously lacking something in your sex life if you swing. " or "your partner should be enough" etc etc - why, could it then also not apply to feelings and emotions? There is nothing missing in our relationship, but intrigued about this in the same way as most of ended up having sex with others. D | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view this is your view of 'relationships though..imagine loving everyone, the way you love your partner, because you love, not maybe for what you get back yourself...(note: that's not what i am inferring, its just an example of what could be for some in relationships.) .this is the space i am in, it doesn't breed attachment feelings, just more understanding and if you like intimacy..but i, like them, are free spirits, the norms of social boundaries dont work for us..id never want to own someone, or have them tied to some kind of contract to me, to give.. i give cos i want to, they give, cos they want to. i dont choose who i give this connection to,its not special , its just my nature. i just am this way..it makes me happy... ..its not based on any security, its based on total freedom" That's fine for you as you are a single woman so you have not chosen to have that loyalty to one individual in a relationship. My comment and view is of couples. Nobody loves everyone/anyone the same way they love their partner, you wouldn't get yourself in that position like the OP is suggesting they are open minded about xx | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view this is your view of 'relationships though..imagine loving everyone, the way you love your partner, because you love, not maybe for what you get back yourself...(note: that's not what i am inferring, its just an example of what could be for some in relationships.) .this is the space i am in, it doesn't breed attachment feelings, just more understanding and if you like intimacy..but i, like them, are free spirits, the norms of social boundaries dont work for us..id never want to own someone, or have them tied to some kind of contract to me, to give.. i give cos i want to, they give, cos they want to. i dont choose who i give this connection to,its not special , its just my nature. i just am this way..it makes me happy... ..its not based on any security, its based on total freedom That's fine for you as you are a single woman so you have not chosen to have that loyalty to one individual in a relationship. My comment and view is of couples. Nobody loves everyone/anyone the same way they love their partner, you wouldn't get yourself in that position like the OP is suggesting they are open minded about xx" you dont know what i have done in the past..and i wouldnt have a partner now unless it was poly relationship tolerant..and i am lyoal to many people...i dont need to harness my 'devotion' to one person..please dont tell me who i am, or, what i can or cant manage. i appreciate you feel you cant do it, but please dont assume other people cant . much love and be happy in your choice of relationship xx | |||
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" I understand what you're saying, but I don't agree. How many times do we hear "well you're obviously lacking something in your sex life if you swing. " or "your partner should be enough" etc etc - why, could it then also not apply to feelings and emotions? There is nothing missing in our relationship, but intrigued about this in the same way as most of ended up having sex with others. D" Sex is no strings and an add on to our relationship, we could happily leave this site and never share our bed with anyone else but we enjoy our naughty behaviour. Having sex with someone else includes everybody been involved and having a great time. You forming an emotional attachment with someone, your partner is not involved he is just a bi-product. There is nothing to gain from forming an emotional bond with another person but so much to lose. You have no choice over your emotions so why put yourself in that position? Just enjoy each other or get out now and find the person who gives you all the emotional attachment you want and need x | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view this is your view of 'relationships though..imagine loving everyone, the way you love your partner, because you love, not maybe for what you get back yourself...(note: that's not what i am inferring, its just an example of what could be for some in relationships.) .this is the space i am in, it doesn't breed attachment feelings, just more understanding and if you like intimacy..but i, like them, are free spirits, the norms of social boundaries dont work for us..id never want to own someone, or have them tied to some kind of contract to me, to give.. i give cos i want to, they give, cos they want to. i dont choose who i give this connection to,its not special , its just my nature. i just am this way..it makes me happy... ..its not based on any security, its based on total freedom That's fine for you as you are a single woman so you have not chosen to have that loyalty to one individual in a relationship. My comment and view is of couples. Nobody loves everyone/anyone the same way they love their partner, you wouldn't get yourself in that position like the OP is suggesting they are open minded about xx you dont know what i have done in the past..and i wouldnt have a partner now unless it was poly relationship tolerant..and i am lyoal to many people...i dont need to harness my 'devotion' to one person..please dont tell me who i am, or, what i can or cant manage. i appreciate you feel you cant do it, but please dont assume other people cant . much love and be happy in your choice of relationship xx" You're on here as a single woman are you not? Therefore I call you a single woman. When did I say what you can/can't manage? Think I missed that bit. | |||
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""That's fine for you as you are a single woman so you have not chosen to have that loyalty to one individual in a relationship." whos to say im not loyal to my relationships, even though i am a single woman with multiple lovers?? i dont need to be married to be intimate and loyal.. "Nobody loves everyone/anyone the same way they love their partner, you wouldn't get yourself in that position like the OP is suggesting" i love everyone, the way a person loves their partner.. they are my lovers i dont call them partners thats all.. i am in that position, from my point of view, with everyone of them...thanks.. from the outside , because i dont live in a house with anyone of them or have chosen to marry all of them which i cant as its illegal and anyway i wouldnt want to, that my love for people isnt as strong as yours?? im sorry that's just assumption... i just dont require the constant physical presence of one person, in order to love them, thats all x" Lovely. Goodnight | |||
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"Hi all, for those who swing with the same people "regularly" - when does it cross from simply swinging to something more "poly"? - if at all? I know very little about polyamorous relationships, but surely you will develop caring type feelings for people the more time you spend with each other? I suppose more so for singles? Although not completely. For example, we play with people in clubs and keep in contact via fab, but if they suddenly disappear we don't really think anything of it, whereas if it was someone we'd seen say, 10 times we'd probably be concerned they were ok? After 100 times - who knows. Just curious on people's thoughts. It's something that intrigues us - having someone else who is more than just a "meet" but not fully poly. Maybe "poly-lite"
Not sure that makes sense but curious about people's thoughts.
It is a bit like someone married or single having a boy/girlfriend or sex buddy? Would they be in love with boy/girlfriend and just meet sex buddy for a fuck and have no feelings for them.
D" | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view this is your view of 'relationships though..imagine loving everyone, the way you love your partner, because you love, not maybe for what you get back yourself...(note: that's not what i am inferring, its just an example of what could be for some in relationships.) .this is the space i am in, it doesn't breed attachment feelings, just more understanding and if you like intimacy..but i, like them, are free spirits, the norms of social boundaries dont work for us..id never want to own someone, or have them tied to some kind of contract to me, to give.. i give cos i want to, they give, cos they want to. i dont choose who i give this connection to,its not special , its just my nature. i just am this way..it makes me happy... ..its not based on any security, its based on total freedom That's fine for you as you are a single woman so you have not chosen to have that loyalty to one individual in a relationship. My comment and view is of couples. Nobody loves everyone/anyone the same way they love their partner, you wouldn't get yourself in that position like the OP is suggesting they are open minded about xx you dont know what i have done in the past..and i wouldnt have a partner now unless it was poly relationship tolerant..and i am lyoal to many people...i dont need to harness my 'devotion' to one person..please dont tell me who i am, or, what i can or cant manage. i appreciate you feel you cant do it, but please dont assume other people cant . much love and be happy in your choice of relationship xx" Suzy you say you're " loyal to many people" how do you mean that loyal to them emotionally and sexually or one or the other and does this loyalty exist until someone else who's poly comes along so then you are loyal to him or her as well ? Please don't get me wrong I'm not criticising you in any way just trying to understand the method of your madness x  | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view this is your view of 'relationships though..imagine loving everyone, the way you love your partner, because you love, not maybe for what you get back yourself...(note: that's not what i am inferring, its just an example of what could be for some in relationships.) .this is the space i am in, it doesn't breed attachment feelings, just more understanding and if you like intimacy..but i, like them, are free spirits, the norms of social boundaries dont work for us..id never want to own someone, or have them tied to some kind of contract to me, to give.. i give cos i want to, they give, cos they want to. i dont choose who i give this connection to,its not special , its just my nature. i just am this way..it makes me happy... ..its not based on any security, its based on total freedom That's fine for you as you are a single woman so you have not chosen to have that loyalty to one individual in a relationship. My comment and view is of couples. Nobody loves everyone/anyone the same way they love their partner, you wouldn't get yourself in that position like the OP is suggesting they are open minded about xx you dont know what i have done in the past..and i wouldnt have a partner now unless it was poly relationship tolerant..and i am lyoal to many people...i dont need to harness my 'devotion' to one person..please dont tell me who i am, or, what i can or cant manage. i appreciate you feel you cant do it, but please dont assume other people cant . much love and be happy in your choice of relationship xxSuzy you say you're " loyal to many people" how do you mean that loyal to them emotionally and sexually or one or the other and does this loyalty exist until someone else who's poly comes along so then you are loyal to him or her as well ? Please don't get me wrong I'm not criticising you in any way just trying to understand the method of your madness x "just imagine you have a circle of friends..in my case of both genders...now, all those friends you might see at varying intervals, speak to them, between seeing them, listen and talk to them, about whatever, maybe go out with them occasionally, some like one thing you do, and, some like another..and you hug them all, and you are glad to see them, you have shared experiences with them and you have different things planned that you want to do with them...and they all have friends of their own, that you dont necessarily have anything to do with.. despite them all being different, you hug all of them and you give them your time, your presence, and your attention, when you are together, and you communicate with them..when you are not, on the basis you both understand, you are both busy people.. ok, now imagine that circle of friends with one addition, youve got sexual chemistry between you, and you take your physical expression, to that level, with each one, instead of just hugging. They still have thier own lives, thier own friends, thier own interests, you arent jealous of any of this, because you love who they are. as for someone else coming into your life, well if a new friend came in, you wouldnt drop the others, because of this one new friend would you?..they would understand the dynamic of the circle. i wouldnt give up my friends, and what i do with them, for someone new, it would be ridiculous, to be told, that they were now more special than any of the others..., yes. they are individual, unique and treasured. but it doesn't detract from any other relationship/friendship you have..my friends dont get jealous. when im going out with one of my other friends, or even if they got invited out, somewhere all together..all their needs are met by their life, i am just a valued part of that life.. no better or worse than any other part.. that is how poly works for me...and ive had relationships where freedom to be, is paramount, i dont own, or need to ask permission, to have other friends, even if im living with someone. and the same goes for them. you either trust someone and in yourself enough, that they provide something unique to your life, whatever that may be, or you dont...you may share dinner together, but that doesnt mean to say you dont have different interests or hobby's...and you cant go do those on your own... i hope this answered your question, it may not be for everyone but i am perfectly content with my choices at this moment in time, i couldn't care less whether people thought me mad or not..im not looking for approval. i live my life , they dont have to x | |||
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" I understand what you're saying, but I don't agree. How many times do we hear "well you're obviously lacking something in your sex life if you swing. " or "your partner should be enough" etc etc - why, could it then also not apply to feelings and emotions? There is nothing missing in our relationship, but intrigued about this in the same way as most of ended up having sex with others. D Sex is no strings and an add on to our relationship, we could happily leave this site and never share our bed with anyone else but we enjoy our naughty behaviour. Having sex with someone else includes everybody been involved and having a great time. You forming an emotional attachment with someone, your partner is not involved he is just a bi-product. There is nothing to gain from forming an emotional bond with another person but so much to lose. You have no choice over your emotions so why put yourself in that position? Just enjoy each other or get out now and find the I person who gives you all the emotional attachment you want and need x"  absolutely agree | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view this is your view of 'relationships though..imagine loving everyone, the way you love your partner, because you love, not maybe for what you get back yourself...(note: that's not what i am inferring, its just an example of what could be for some in relationships.) .this is the space i am in, it doesn't breed attachment feelings, just more understanding and if you like intimacy..but i, like them, are free spirits, the norms of social boundaries dont work for us..id never want to own someone, or have them tied to some kind of contract to me, to give.. i give cos i want to, they give, cos they want to. i dont choose who i give this connection to,its not special , its just my nature. i just am this way..it makes me happy... ..its not based on any security, its based on total freedom That's fine for you as you are a single woman so you have not chosen to have that loyalty to one individual in a relationship. My comment and view is of couples. Nobody loves everyone/anyone the same way they love their partner, you wouldn't get yourself in that position like the OP is suggesting they are open minded about xx you dont know what i have done in the past..and i wouldnt have a partner now unless it was poly relationship tolerant..and i am lyoal to many people...i dont need to harness my 'devotion' to one person..please dont tell me who i am, or, what i can or cant manage. i appreciate you feel you cant do it, but please dont assume other people cant . much love and be happy in your choice of relationship xxSuzy you say you're " loyal to many people" how do you mean that loyal to them emotionally and sexually or one or the other and does this loyalty exist until someone else who's poly comes along so then you are loyal to him or her as well ? Please don't get me wrong I'm not criticising you in any way just trying to understand the method of your madness x
just imagine you have a circle of friends..in my case of both genders...now, all those friends you might see at varying intervals, speak to them, between seeing them, listen and talk to them, about whatever, maybe go out with them occasionally, some like one thing you do, and, some like another..and you hug them all, and you are glad to see them, you have shared experiences with them and you have different things planned that you want to do with them...and they all have friends of their own, that you dont necessarily have anything to do with..
despite them all being different, you hug all of them and you give them your time, your presence, and your attention, when you are together, and you communicate with them..when you are not, on the basis you both understand, you are both busy people..
ok, now imagine that circle of friends with one addition, youve got sexual chemistry between you, and you take your physical expression, to that level, with each one, instead of just hugging. They still have thier own lives, thier own friends, thier own interests, you arent jealous of any of this, because you love who they are.
as for someone else coming into your life, well if a new friend came in, you wouldnt drop the others, because of this one new friend would you?..they would understand the dynamic of the circle. i wouldnt give up my friends, and what i do with them, for someone new, it would be ridiculous, to be told, that they were now more special than any of the others...,
yes. they are individual, unique and treasured. but it doesn't detract from any other relationship/friendship you have..my friends dont get jealous. when im going out with one of my other friends, or even if they got invited out, somewhere all together..all their needs are met by their life, i am just a valued part of that life.. no better or worse than any other part.. that is how poly works for me...and ive had relationships where freedom to be, is paramount, i dont own, or need to ask permission, to have other friends, even if im living with someone. and the same goes for them. you either trust someone and in yourself enough, that they provide something unique to your life, whatever that may be, or you dont...you may share dinner together, but that doesnt mean to say you dont have different interests or hobby's...and you cant go do those on your own...
i hope this answered your question, it may not be for everyone but i am perfectly content with my choices at this moment in time, i couldn't care less whether people thought me mad or not..im not looking for approval. i live my life , they dont have to x"I get it Suzy, you explained it better than I ever could. | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view this is your view of 'relationships though..imagine loving everyone, the way you love your partner, because you love, not maybe for what you get back yourself...(note: that's not what i am inferring, its just an example of what could be for some in relationships.) .this is the space i am in, it doesn't breed attachment feelings, just more understanding and if you like intimacy..but i, like them, are free spirits, the norms of social boundaries dont work for us..id never want to own someone, or have them tied to some kind of contract to me, to give.. i give cos i want to, they give, cos they want to. i dont choose who i give this connection to,its not special , its just my nature. i just am this way..it makes me happy... ..its not based on any security, its based on total freedom That's fine for you as you are a single woman so you have not chosen to have that loyalty to one individual in a relationship. My comment and view is of couples. Nobody loves everyone/anyone the same way they love their partner, you wouldn't get yourself in that position like the OP is suggesting they are open minded about xx you dont know what i have done in the past..and i wouldnt have a partner now unless it was poly relationship tolerant..and i am lyoal to many people...i dont need to harness my 'devotion' to one person..please dont tell me who i am, or, what i can or cant manage. i appreciate you feel you cant do it, but please dont assume other people cant . much love and be happy in your choice of relationship xxSuzy you say you're " loyal to many people" how do you mean that loyal to them emotionally and sexually or one or the other and does this loyalty exist until someone else who's poly comes along so then you are loyal to him or her as well ? Please don't get me wrong I'm not criticising you in any way just trying to understand the method of your madness x
just imagine you have a circle of friends..in my case of both genders...now, all those friends you might see at varying intervals, speak to them, between seeing them, listen and talk to them, about whatever, maybe go out with them occasionally, some like one thing you do, and, some like another..and you hug them all, and you are glad to see them, you have shared experiences with them and you have different things planned that you want to do with them...and they all have friends of their own, that you dont necessarily have anything to do with..
despite them all being different, you hug all of them and you give them your time, your presence, and your attention, when you are together, and you communicate with them..when you are not, on the basis you both understand, you are both busy people..
ok, now imagine that circle of friends with one addition, youve got sexual chemistry between you, and you take your physical expression, to that level, with each one, instead of just hugging. They still have thier own lives, thier own friends, thier own interests, you arent jealous of any of this, because you love who they are.
as for someone else coming into your life, well if a new friend came in, you wouldnt drop the others, because of this one new friend would you?..they would understand the dynamic of the circle. i wouldnt give up my friends, and what i do with them, for someone new, it would be ridiculous, to be told, that they were now more special than any of the others...,
yes. they are individual, unique and treasured. but it doesn't detract from any other relationship/friendship you have..my friends dont get jealous. when im going out with one of my other friends, or even if they got invited out, somewhere all together..all their needs are met by their life, i am just a valued part of that life.. no better or worse than any other part.. that is how poly works for me...and ive had relationships where freedom to be, is paramount, i dont own, or need to ask permission, to have other friends, even if im living with someone. and the same goes for them. you either trust someone and in yourself enough, that they provide something unique to your life, whatever that may be, or you dont...you may share dinner together, but that doesnt mean to say you dont have different interests or hobby's...and you cant go do those on your own...
i hope this answered your question, it may not be for everyone but i am perfectly content with my choices at this moment in time, i couldn't care less whether people thought me mad or not..im not looking for approval. i live my life , they dont have to x
I get it Suzy, you explained it better than I ever could. "why thank you sweet i appreciate your positive feedback xx have a wonderful day xx | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view this is your view of 'relationships though..imagine loving everyone, the way you love your partner, because you love, not maybe for what you get back yourself...(note: that's not what i am inferring, its just an example of what could be for some in relationships.) .this is the space i am in, it doesn't breed attachment feelings, just more understanding and if you like intimacy..but i, like them, are free spirits, the norms of social boundaries dont work for us..id never want to own someone, or have them tied to some kind of contract to me, to give.. i give cos i want to, they give, cos they want to. i dont choose who i give this connection to,its not special , its just my nature. i just am this way..it makes me happy... ..its not based on any security, its based on total freedom That's fine for you as you are a single woman so you have not chosen to have that loyalty to one individual in a relationship. My comment and view is of couples. Nobody loves everyone/anyone the same way they love their partner, you wouldn't get yourself in that position like the OP is suggesting they are open minded about xx you dont know what i have done in the past..and i wouldnt have a partner now unless it was poly relationship tolerant..and i am lyoal to many people...i dont need to harness my 'devotion' to one person..please dont tell me who i am, or, what i can or cant manage. i appreciate you feel you cant do it, but please dont assume other people cant . much love and be happy in your choice of relationship xxSuzy you say you're " loyal to many people" how do you mean that loyal to them emotionally and sexually or one or the other and does this loyalty exist until someone else who's poly comes along so then you are loyal to him or her as well ? Please don't get me wrong I'm not criticising you in any way just trying to understand the method of your madness x
just imagine you have a circle of friends..in my case of both genders...now, all those friends you might see at varying intervals, speak to them, between seeing them, listen and talk to them, about whatever, maybe go out with them occasionally, some like one thing you do, and, some like another..and you hug them all, and you are glad to see them, you have shared experiences with them and you have different things planned that you want to do with them...and they all have friends of their own, that you dont necessarily have anything to do with..
despite them all being different, you hug all of them and you give them your time, your presence, and your attention, when you are together, and you communicate with them..when you are not, on the basis you both understand, you are both busy people..
ok, now imagine that circle of friends with one addition, youve got sexual chemistry between you, and you take your physical expression, to that level, with each one, instead of just hugging. They still have thier own lives, thier own friends, thier own interests, you arent jealous of any of this, because you love who they are.
as for someone else coming into your life, well if a new friend came in, you wouldnt drop the others, because of this one new friend would you?..they would understand the dynamic of the circle. i wouldnt give up my friends, and what i do with them, for someone new, it would be ridiculous, to be told, that they were now more special than any of the others...,
yes. they are individual, unique and treasured. but it doesn't detract from any other relationship/friendship you have..my friends dont get jealous. when im going out with one of my other friends, or even if they got invited out, somewhere all together..all their needs are met by their life, i am just a valued part of that life.. no better or worse than any other part.. that is how poly works for me...and ive had relationships where freedom to be, is paramount, i dont own, or need to ask permission, to have other friends, even if im living with someone. and the same goes for them. you either trust someone and in yourself enough, that they provide something unique to your life, whatever that may be, or you dont...you may share dinner together, but that doesnt mean to say you dont have different interests or hobby's...and you cant go do those on your own...
i hope this answered your question, it may not be for everyone but i am perfectly content with my choices at this moment in time, i couldn't care less whether people thought me mad or not..im not looking for approval. i live my life , they dont have to x" yes but Suzy to take just one point you made jealousy is a human frailty that many of us are afflicted with and many people love in different ways just because you like to remain devoid of commitment to another within your poly circle it doesn't mean another will its a human emotion our brains force us to believe commitment to another is the right way forward swingers in the true sense of the word couples I mean that love eachother believe that to ,that's why they like to fuck and go ,NSA but jealousy and envy eventually affects them to eventually one or the other of them likes someone they meet more than they should ,it takes a very individually minded person to avoid being affected I think . | |||
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"I applaud the enlightened life philosophy that Suzy is putting forward, and her capacity to live it out, liberated from social conditioning. The problem is that not everyone is as clear and mature. Let me quote from a recent book, entitled "Lurid and Cute": "...that's why so few conversations do ever happen, we try very hard to avoid ever reaching the point of conversation with another person, usually contenting ourselves with a quick greeting and negotiation, and also why if indeed a conversation does occur it has to be so guarded with politesse and business skills, with indirection and guarded thoughts - precisely to avoid knowing the other person at all and therefore inevitably falling in love."" And? It has nothing to do with maturity... People are individuals and live their lives to suit themselves. | |||
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" yes but Suzy to take just one point you made jealousy is a human frailty that many of us are afflicted with and many people love in different ways just because you like to remain devoid of commitment to another within your poly circle it doesn't mean another will its a human emotion our brains force us to believe commitment to another is the right way forward swingers in the true sense of the word couples I mean that love eachother believe that to ,that's why they like to fuck and go ,NSA but jealousy and envy eventually affects them to eventually one or the other of them likes someone they meet more than they should ,it takes a very individually minded person to avoid being affected I think . " So are you saying above, that all swinging couples are "fuck and go"? Judging by threads on here I don't think that's entirely the case. I think your missing the point, which is that with poly - emotions are involved. You just don't have the jealousy - because why would you? You all know where you stand.... Your not worried or threatened by the love someone has for someone else, you embrace the love you have for the person your with. As I say it's not something we've embarked on and it's not something we are looking to do because something is missing (can't believe I have to make that statement on a swinging site!) but because we feel secure and open enough to explore it. D | |||
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"I get emotionally attached very easily so I would say I agree with your 'Polylite' lol. If it was just one way with only me having those feelings then I wouldn't class it as that but there are two men outside of my marriage that have deep emotional feelings for me as I do for them. xxx" I think this is more where we are heading. Where Kate has a few men as you describe. Thank you for sharing... So to speak.
I'm presuming it's all working out well for you?
D | |||
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"I get emotionally attached very easily so I would say I agree with your 'Polylite' lol. If it was just one way with only me having those feelings then I wouldn't class it as that but there are two men outside of my marriage that have deep emotional feelings for me as I do for them. xxx I think this is more where we are heading. Where Kate has a few men as you describe. Thank you for sharing... So to speak.
I'm presuming it's all working out well for you?
D"Hubby has felt threatened several times and needs a lot of reassurance. I imagine i'd be just the same the other way around. For me it's not just about the sex so I love finding someone i'm comfortable enough with to spend hours and hours with and not feel awkward or bored, but with the added excitement of it all still being new. I'm not currently allowed to do date type stuff though like going to the cinema or out for a meal. | |||
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"I get emotionally attached very easily so I would say I agree with your 'Polylite' lol. If it was just one way with only me having those feelings then I wouldn't class it as that but there are two men outside of my marriage that have deep emotional feelings for me as I do for them. xxx I think this is more where we are heading. Where Kate has a few men as you describe. Thank you for sharing... So to speak.
I'm presuming it's all working out well for you?
D
Hubby has felt threatened several times and needs a lot of reassurance. I imagine i'd be just the same the other way around. For me it's not just about the sex so I love finding someone i'm comfortable enough with to spend hours and hours with and not feel awkward or bored, but with the added excitement of it all still being new. I'm not currently allowed to do date type stuff though like going to the cinema or out for a meal. "Wow sounds like it's working out perfectly well Hubby sounds happy as Larry with this set up | |||
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"We communicate constantly and every time he's felt very uncomfortable I've taken a step back until he's ready. I think the key to success is talking about every little doubt and figuring a way forward. It's only natural he will have had times of doubt as we all do surely?! The important thing is that we talk about them." Which I think applies to all swinging relationships. thabks for sharing.
D | |||
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"[Removed by poster at 21/09/15 15:08:56]" No go on...no such thing as a stupid post on my threads... | |||
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" yes but Suzy to take just one point you made jealousy is a human frailty that many of us are afflicted with and many people love in different ways just because you like to remain devoid of commitment to another within your poly circle it doesn't mean another will its a human emotion our brains force us to believe commitment to another is the right way forward swingers in the true sense of the word couples I mean that love eachother believe that to ,that's why they like to fuck and go ,NSA but jealousy and envy eventually affects them to eventually one or the other of them likes someone they meet more than they should ,it takes a very individually minded person to avoid being affected I think . So are you saying above, that all swinging couples are "fuck and go"? Judging by threads on here I don't think that's entirely the case. I think your missing the point, which is that with poly - emotions are involved. You just don't have the jealousy - because why would you? You all know where you stand.... Your not worried or threatened by the love someone has for someone else, you embrace the love you have for the person your with. As I say it's not something we've embarked on and it's not something we are looking to do because something is missing (can't believe I have to make that statement on a swinging site!) but because we feel secure and open enough to explore it. D " no I don't say all couples ,I said all couples in the conventional sense of swinging, couples who have a close loving relationship they are only looking for NSA fuck and go they in general don't want attachment,theirs always an exception to every rule xx | |||
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"Suzys point is ambiguous because she says she wants sex with no ties but she wants to love them equally she may well be able to love them equally but it's not love in the conventional sense and if she is giving her suitors love they who are not poly may want more love than she's willing to give also they may well want to know something about you in oder to feel they have a connection with you xx" i have sex with no ties and i do love them equally and no its not conditional love based on social values, although i would say people who know me would say i was very caring and loving. there are always those who are going to want more, usually though that's based on their beliefs about what a relationship consists of, i let things take their time to unfold naturally..its shows up the truth of peoples expectations, their boundaries, insecurities, desires, wants and needs and what actually makes them truly happy..if i feel i cannot fulfill this, then i take it no further. therefore, there is a time and a place to develop the 'getting to know you' part, of a relationship. i am a very private person about my life,not only for my own safety, but for my kids and what i do, i like to meet first.. and sharing, face to face in person,over time, as i grow to trust someone.. i also don't want to divulge information to people before i meet, and find don't have chemistry with them . i don't control the chemistry and i see talking about things online, before meeting, risky.Thus i am also quite reserved about asking questions of a personal nature, before meeting..i treat others the way id like to be treated... i meet as soon as i am able, and i haven't had a problem with explaining this to anyone else. what this has to do with poly relationships is not clear to me, however i hope you have gleaned whatever it was you were hoping to achieve from attempting to engage my attention.. much love s x | |||
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"Suzys point is ambiguous because she says she wants sex with no ties but she wants to love them equally she may well be able to love them equally but it's not love in the conventional sense and if she is giving her suitors love they who are not poly may want more love than she's willing to give also they may well want to know something about you in oder to feel they have a connection with you xx i have sex with no ties and i do love them equally and no its not conditional love based on social values, although i would say people who know me would say i was very caring and loving. there are always those who are going to want more, usually though that's based on their beliefs about what a relationship consists of, i let things take their time to unfold naturally..its shows up the truth of peoples expectations, their boundaries, insecurities, desires, wants and needs and what actually makes them truly happy..if i feel i cannot fulfill this, then i take it no further. therefore, there is a time and a place to develop the 'getting to know you' part, of a relationship. i am a very private person about my life,not only for my own safety, but for my kids and what i do, i like to meet first.. and sharing, face to face in person,over time, as i grow to trust someone.. i also don't want to divulge information to people before i meet, and find don't have chemistry with them . i don't control the chemistry and i see talking about things online, before meeting, risky.Thus i am also quite reserved about asking questions of a personal nature, before meeting..i treat others the way id like to be treated... i meet as soon as i am able, and i haven't had a problem with explaining this to anyone else. what this has to do with poly relationships is not clear to me, however i hope you have gleaned whatever it was you were hoping to achieve from attempting to engage my attention.. much love s x"  h i gleaned that that I Already knew Suzy much love to you to hugs xxxx  | |||
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"My wife and I started swinging and did develop feelings for other people. TThat eventually lead us to realise and accept that we are both poly. we still swing and enjoy casusl sex but are also open to more with people who are also open to more. as an aside this is a great one day event for anyone curious about polyamory www.polyday org.uk" Thanks. It's interesting to hear that it does happen. Has it caused any issues? D | |||
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"There have been bumps along the way but all has been good for some years. Indeed the lady I fell for when we were supposedly swinging has become best friend to both of us. I currently have a long term girlfriend in addition to my wife, the two ladies are friends (but not involved). A couple of weeks ago I was best man at my girlfriend's wedding, appropriate as I introduced her to her husband! If you want to know more please feel free to PM me. My wife is on Fab too." Thank you - I will do.
D | |||
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"Personally I think monogamy is more of a societal norm than a human state." I think we've become open to this possibility.
D | |||
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"Personally I think monogamy is more of a societal norm than a human state." I would tend to agree. Monogamy is perfectly valid but so are the other options. | |||
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"A new word found polly but each couple and single have different needs some hang about some stay for a week/ month others just the night.Thats what makes us all different it is, however from my perception i dont call that poly.. if one is poly is more of an outlook that you are going on a journey with another person parallel to other people..if two people who are essentially poly to begin with..it enters in at that level and a lot of caring communication as well as frank discussion comes into play..and continues...right from day one..essentially polys want a world shared..not a world visited and left..you develop something that is valuable between you, without the constraints of monogamy, possessiveness, insecurity and competition despite whatever regularity of physical contact.. for me, that's awesome x " poly basically means you are acquaintances you have sex with but a non committed you do your thing I will do mine type of relationship , | |||
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"Polyamory is multiple meaningful, loving relationships" My husband wanted this type of relationship but i said no and we have separated. If he had suggested a more open marriage, each of us having partners but us still together, at the beginning of the year when i had met someone special, that suggestion may have had a more positive reaction! The trouble is my fwb relationship broke down as i thought my marriage was important. Unfortunately not all people, including my ex, dont think that! Forming relationships with others when swinging does not always have a happy ending! | |||
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"Polyamory is multiple meaningful, loving relationships My husband wanted this type of relationship but i said no and we have separated. If he had suggested a more open marriage, each of us having partners but us still together, at the beginning of the year when i had met someone special, that suggestion may have had a more positive reaction! The trouble is my fwb relationship broke down as i thought my marriage was important. Unfortunately not all people, including my ex, dont think that! Forming relationships with others when swinging does not always have a happy ending!" Thanks for the post. It's not something we're running headlong into. I was just curious about the possibility and how others have experienced it. It's good to get both sides and from the thread, there are those who very much enjoy it, but also those who've not had such a good experience. I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. 
D | |||
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"Hi all, for those who swing with the same people "regularly" - when does it cross from simply swinging to something more "poly"? - if at all? I know very little about polyamorous relationships, but surely you will develop caring type feelings for people the more time you spend with each other? I suppose more so for singles? Although not completely. For example, we play with people in clubs and keep in contact via fab, but if they suddenly disappear we don't really think anything of it, whereas if it was someone we'd seen say, 10 times we'd probably be concerned they were ok? After 100 times - who knows. Just curious on people's thoughts. It's something that intrigues us - having someone else who is more than just a "meet" but not fully poly. Maybe "poly-lite"
Not sure that makes sense but curious about people's thoughts.
D"i agree that's why we have a one meet only rule as it is very easy to get attached to people on recurring meets.
xx
eve | |||
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"Hi all, for those who swing with the same people "regularly" - when does it cross from simply swinging to something more "poly"? - if at all? I know very little about polyamorous relationships, but surely you will develop caring type feelings for people the more time you spend with each other? I suppose more so for singles? Although not completely. For example, we play with people in clubs and keep in contact via fab, but if they suddenly disappear we don't really think anything of it, whereas if it was someone we'd seen say, 10 times we'd probably be concerned they were ok? After 100 times - who knows. Just curious on people's thoughts. It's something that intrigues us - having someone else who is more than just a "meet" but not fully poly. Maybe "poly-lite"
Not sure that makes sense but curious about people's thoughts.
It is a bit like someone married or single having a boy/girlfriend or sex buddy? Would they be in love with boy/girlfriend and just meet sex buddy for a fuck and have no feelings for them.
D"If you met a fuck buddy regularly for many times even 100 times you are bound to develop feelings for them. | |||
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"Polyamory is multiple meaningful, loving relationships My husband wanted this type of relationship but i said no and we have separated. If he had suggested a more open marriage, each of us having partners but us still together, at the beginning of the year when i had met someone special, that suggestion may have had a more positive reaction! The trouble is my fwb relationship broke down as i thought my marriage was important. Unfortunately not all people, including my ex, dont think that! Forming relationships with others when swinging does not always have a happy ending!" this is the common ending for polygamous relationships and most swinging relationships ,if you introduce someone else to what you regard as a happy stable relationship with your partner then in most cases one or the other of you like the lifestyle and the people you meet more than the other ,to survive this lifestyle you would have to be really quite self centred and cold sorry its just my opinion | |||
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"I get emotionally attached very easily so I would say I agree with your 'Polylite' lol. If it was just one way with only me having those feelings then I wouldn't class it as that but there are two men outside of my marriage that have deep emotional feelings for me as I do for them. xxx" It would be very interesting to hear about how it actually works for all of you? How involved are they in your day to day life? Would you consider it a poly relationship? J | |||
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" Thanks for your input Suzy - and that makes perfect sense. We found that one particular meet was definately more emotional, which opened up a lot more talk between us. We came to the conclusion we could potentially be open to Kate becoming more emotionally involved with another male Or more. It's all new to us, but very curious to hear these insights. D I'm baffled by this, why would you openly choose to become emotionally involved with somebody else? Why would any happily married couple allow others to share their sex life - yet here we are on a swinging site. I can't answer your question, as we're not there with anyone, but we are open to the possibility. We also find it intriguing - hence the post. D There is a clear differentiation between having sex with someone and forming an emotional attachment with someone. Sex is an attraction which is short lived. Emotional attachment is a whole new level. For me I have chosen my emotional attachment when I met my Mr, he is that special to me and I am that dedicated to him and only him when it comes to emotions that I couldn't imagine betraying him like that whether he was aware of it or not. If your partner gives you everything you need/want emotionally then this wouldn't enter your head. If he doesn't then you have issues. I appreciate emotional attachment could rear up for single men & women as they don't already have that dedication/responsibility/Love like you do for a partner. As a couple though it's wrong and asking for trouble in my view" Written by someone who is monogamous As someone that identifies as poly, it's not about whether a partner can give you all you want or need, emotionally or otherwise. I personally don't believe any one person can and think it's unhealthy when someone expects that... There's a lot of debate about the differences between being mono or poly, again personally I think it doesn't matter, if you're happy with how you identify yourself there's no need to try and make one right or one wrong It's just a difference, in the same way as being hetro, gay or bi | |||
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It was a brand new experience for them too so it has been far from easy, there has been lots of tears and tantrums, each of us finding our feet with it.
Thursday we celebrated our 6 month anniversary! (yes we set our anniversary date at 1st April lol)
To make it work it takes communication, hard work, patience and a whole shed load of self reflection on all sides. But the rewards are amazing.
I have 2 very special people in my life, they are lovers, friends, and family.
Our parents are aware and it hasn't been greeted well by all sides but we have stuck together and have eachothers backs.
We all have children and they are unaware of the situation and it will remain that way for as long as possible. They have friends who they hang with and so do we the grown-ups.
It's working well for us but it is not for the faint hearted.
We are all very very happy and I wouldn't change our situation for the world xx | |||
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"Last year I stumbled across the concept of poly relationships and realised that it was something I would be open to but couldn't even begin to work out how etc. I was single so in my mind I would need someone who was as open as me to build a relationship and then add another. Where exactly do you start. As said before I realised it is unfair to expect one person to be everything that I needed and by the same token for me to be their everything forever. The concept however and how you start this process seemed near on impossible so it went on the back burner so to speak and I continued swinging. I then met a married guy on here, after a few meets it became apparent that there was a mutual connection that ran far deeper than sex...I'd met his wife too and we had began hanging out loads, she too was wonderful and I really didn't see what was staring me in the face until they both approached me and asked me how I would feel about a 3 way relationship
It was a brand new experience for them too so it has been far from easy, there has been lots of tears and tantrums, each of us finding our feet with it.
Thursday we celebrated our 6 month anniversary! (yes we set our anniversary date at 1st April lol)
To make it work it takes communication, hard work, patience and a whole shed load of self reflection on all sides. But the rewards are amazing.
I have 2 very special people in my life, they are lovers, friends, and family.
Our parents are aware and it hasn't been greeted well by all sides but we have stuck together and have eachothers backs.
We all have children and they are unaware of the situation and it will remain that way for as long as possible. They have friends who they hang with and so do we the grown-ups.
It's working well for us but it is not for the faint hearted.
We are all very very happy and I wouldn't change our situation for the world xx"Thank you so much for that! And really glad it seems to be working for you. It's not something we'd even considered in the past, in fact would have been very much against it. But it's something we've become open to exploring. How do you find the dynamic between the 3 of you? Excuse my ignorance on terminology but I presume the couple still have a more primary/dominant relationship? Happy to speak privately. Thanks D | |||
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"This is a really interesting conversation. For those of you in poly relationships, can I ask, do you have a core relationship? The main one? And how do you deal with jealousy? " my wife and I consider ourselves the "primary" relationship. We have been together 18 years. I have a girlfriend whom I have been seeing regularly for five years and other ladies who I occasionally date. My wife has a couple of men who she sees but infrequently. Personally I have only experienced jealously once. It was a long time ago and the issue was discussed and dealt with. My wife did have jealousy issues when we begun but she worked then out. She felt jealous if she felt insecure, that I might not come back to her. Our level of openness is quite big. My girlfriend has been in short holidays with us. The two ladies get on but are not involved with each other. My girlfriend recently got married and I thought it was deliciously fun that I was best man and my wife was matron of honour. With jealousy try to figure out why you are feeling that way. It's a subject that comes up a lot in the poly world and is usually connected with one or more partners not feeling secure. | |||
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