FabSwingers.com forum: Appropriate to ask about testing?

By *skmatt OP Man
over a year ago

Aylesbury

I was in conversation with a couple with a view to meeting and I enquired about sexual health and whether they had paid a visit to a gum and been tested recently.

Whatever might have happened would be 'safe'(condoms), but I was quickly accused of 'making it weird instead of fun'. The conversation ended there.

Is this normal? I take this as a responsibility owed to my partners, but it seems this couple have never ventured as far as their local clinic.

Is this common? Do you ask?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I use condoms always so rarely ask, but wouldn't consider it weird if some ask me, as I get tested every three months, whatever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We ask and probably 1/3 of couples stop talking to us because we asked.

That doesn't bother us one bit and we have no intention to stop asking. We hope it becomes more common and acceptable to ask so that people can make informed choices.

Condoms or not, there are always risks with multiple partner sex. We prefer to make a calculated risk rather than guess.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

It's a perfectly reasonable question in my book

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing. "

And there's the problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't ask...But mostly because we don't expect people to be truthful... X

If someone asked we would Happily tell them x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem. "

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We don't ask...But mostly because we don't expect people to be truthful... X

If someone asked we would Happily tell them x "

In our experience 1/3 of couples will be offended by the question and stop talking to us. We've never had someone claim to get tested and then refuse to swap results with us. Thats just our experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share."

Most are now only messaging if there is a problem x

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

I could see why some find the question weird/offensive as let's face it, it's quite a personal thing to ask, but I wouldn't take offence, in fact I'd be more inclined to meet as they seem as serious about their sexual health as I am

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By *skmatt OP Man
over a year ago

Aylesbury

To be clear, I wasn't asking for results, just whether they thought to be tested

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share."

I think it's acceptable to do what makes you feel most comfortable.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

Most are now only messaging if there is a problem x "

This is true my local GUM clinic only contacts you if they find a problem if you've got the all clear they just leave it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share."

I didn't get texted my results. Just told me over the phone. I've no way to prove anything.

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By *skmatt OP Man
over a year ago

Aylesbury

"I could see why some find the question weird/offensive as let's face it, it's quite a personal thing to ask, but I wouldn't take offence, in fact I'd be more inclined to meet as they seem as serious about their sexual health as I am "

This was their thing, they thought it too personal. But what is more personal than sex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

Most are now only messaging if there is a problem x

This is true my local GUM clinic only contacts you if they find a problem if you've got the all clear they just leave it "

Fair enough, ours you get a text either way. But the point is that knowing that fact heavily implies you have some knowledge of the GUM clinic in the first place, which is a good thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

I didn't get texted my results. Just told me over the phone. I've no way to prove anything."

Ok but the fact you know that's how your local clinic operates would add credibility.

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

This was their thing, they thought it too personal. But what is more personal than sex?"

Erm erm a head!

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

On a more serious note, this is my take on the subject: u can ask anything under the sun; I reserve the right to answer or not and as i deem fit as well.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

Most are now only messaging if there is a problem x

This is true my local GUM clinic only contacts you if they find a problem if you've got the all clear they just leave it

Fair enough, ours you get a text either way. But the point is that knowing that fact heavily implies you have some knowledge of the GUM clinic in the first place, which is a good thing."

All of us who have read this thread know this now. I think everyone has to take each other on trust at some point.

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By *skmatt OP Man
over a year ago

Aylesbury

So a more definitive question. Would you swing with a couple who had never been tested and thought it was 'icky'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share."

The last texted test result I saw had no date on the text,just the day. It could have been any Monday of any week of any month of any year.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So a more definitive question. Would you swing with a couple who had never been tested and thought it was 'icky'? "

Icky isn't the word I would use. Irresponsible is more appropriate if they are meeting people.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

Most are now only messaging if there is a problem x

This is true my local GUM clinic only contacts you if they find a problem if you've got the all clear they just leave it

Fair enough, ours you get a text either way. But the point is that knowing that fact heavily implies you have some knowledge of the GUM clinic in the first place, which is a good thing.

All of us who have read this thread know this now. I think everyone has to take each other on trust at some point."

Thats true, as if this thread as proved anything, it's that depending on your location, results are given in different ways, unless you've been tested in their local area, you have no way of really knowing if they are telling the truth or not, so it requires trust on some level

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

Most are now only messaging if there is a problem x

This is true my local GUM clinic only contacts you if they find a problem if you've got the all clear they just leave it "

How long do you wait until you think you are ok? What if there's a hold up at the lab? I know it's to cut costs but they should notify everyone. I always ring my clinic after two weeks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

The last texted test result I saw had no date on the text,just the day. It could have been any Monday of any week of any month of any year. "

You look at the date the text was received.It shows it on the details... How ever it also doesn't mean that they are clean x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

Most are now only messaging if there is a problem x "

I got tested a few weeks ago and they text me to say all my results was clear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So a more definitive question. Would you swing with a couple who had never been tested and thought it was 'icky'? "

STIs are 'icky'. Lol they sound about 5yr old tbh.

It's fine to ask people, i don't think people have to divulge any more information than "yes we go every *however often*". Doesn't make anything weird or awkward unless you don't go for them.

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By *skmatt OP Man
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Thank you all.

We all rely on trust to one extent or another.

But to encounter a couple who cut off conversation because I enquire about this just signifies naivety and denial.

I'm angry now but I'll calm down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend of mine got had a go at by telling a guy it was safe sex only... Apparently she was insinuating he wasn't clean.

So people do take offence at stuff

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

Most are now only messaging if there is a problem x

This is true my local GUM clinic only contacts you if they find a problem if you've got the all clear they just leave it

How long do you wait until you think you are ok? What if there's a hold up at the lab? I know it's to cut costs but they should notify everyone. I always ring my clinic after two weeks. "

Mine tell me if you haven't heard back in a week then you've got the ok

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"A friend of mine got had a go at by telling a guy it was safe sex only... Apparently she was insinuating he wasn't clean.

So people do take offence at stuff "

And they say women are touchy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So a more definitive question. Would you swing with a couple who had never been tested and thought it was 'icky'? "

Wouldn't touch it with a 60 foot pole but each to their own. Not judging anyone who wants to make a different choice.

Apparently 25% of people with HIV don't know they have it, not sure how that could be proven but it's an estimate anyway. So someone that says "I'm clean" well unless you get tested then you just mean you don't have symptoms.

The best reply we had was "we don't need tests because we only swing with other couples" - block block block

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mostly don't bother asking. I assume everyone has been in the worst possible scenario. I don't think it odd to ask just don't really see the point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

Most are now only messaging if there is a problem x

This is true my local GUM clinic only contacts you if they find a problem if you've got the all clear they just leave it

How long do you wait until you think you are ok? What if there's a hold up at the lab? I know it's to cut costs but they should notify everyone. I always ring my clinic after two weeks. "

Ours say to ring after 2 weeks if you haven't heard.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

OP maybe a more successful strategy would be to say something along the lines of "I was last tested in June and got the all clear, when were you guys last tested?"

Perhaps they found it weird because you asked, but didn't disclosed first? Or maybe you did and they were just funny about it.

Its not rocket science, we all know that we should be getting testing regularly, but as we know, some people don't, its then up to you to decide to play with them or not.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing. "

...and therein lies the rub!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I mostly don't bother asking. I assume everyone has been in the worst possible scenario. I don't think it odd to ask just don't really see the point."

This for me too. You take a calculated risk with every new partner. If I was going to be that paranoid I'd not bother.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the only people who would be offended by that question are the ones who dont regularly get screened.

We're all adults and we all know how important sexual health is, so why be shocked that it comes up in conversation?

Reasonable and sensible adults should be glad that you take your health seriously and have no problem answering.

People who blank you after being asked are probably not the type of people you want to play with in reality anyway

Sasha x

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

But everybody could just be lying through their teeth

How do I know whether the OP has ever seen the inside of an STI clinic? Because he says so???

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

But everybody could just be lying through their teeth

How do I know whether the OP has ever seen the inside of an STI clinic? Because he says so???"

Yes I am fully aware of that thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I mostly don't bother asking. I assume everyone has been in the worst possible scenario. I don't think it odd to ask just don't really see the point.

This for me too. You take a calculated risk with every new partner. If I was going to be that paranoid I'd not bother."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But everybody could just be lying through their teeth

How do I know whether the OP has ever seen the inside of an STI clinic? Because he says so???"

It's a matter of probability. It's harder to lie than tell the truth so if you ask and get decent answers there's a better than not asking and guessing the answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A perfectly reasonable question however the couple may have misconstrued the question to a gateway to you discussing the possibility that you would ask to play without condoms x

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

But everybody could just be lying through their teeth

How do I know whether the OP has ever seen the inside of an STI clinic? Because he says so???

It's a matter of probability. It's harder to lie than tell the truth so if you ask and get decent answers there's a better than not asking and guessing the answer. "

I am lost now

So, I am in this swingers club and just met somebody

Me: You been to an STI clinc?

Him: Yep

Me: When?

Him: Two weeks ago

Me: How often do you go there?

Him: Every two weeks

Me: Got a certificate?

Him: Yep, a digital on my iPhone

Me: Kool; lets f**k

I don't know if I can do this

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By *vsnikkiTV/TS
over a year ago

Limavady

If your potential meet said that they had had a cureable STI which had since been treated; would you feel comfortable having sex with them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If your potential meet said that they had had a cureable STI which had since been treated; would you feel comfortable having sex with them?"

Yes

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"If your potential meet said that they had had a cureable STI which had since been treated; would you feel comfortable having sex with them?

Yes"

Yes I would and id admire their honesty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get tested every 6 months but mainly cause I like the nurse and he gives me lots of free condoms!

He says I'm very low risk as I wear condoms, also it's important to wear condoms that fit you properly.

Apparently we all subconsciously risk assess anyone we sleep with.

Example, if you met a girl or guy and they had shit all over there underwear, would you sleep with them??? The answer is no right? Subconscious risk assessment right there!

The fact I'm very fussy to start with and the fact I'm very careful as I'm a hypochondriac makes me very low risk of catching anything but like I said I get tested twice a year just incase.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But everybody could just be lying through their teeth

How do I know whether the OP has ever seen the inside of an STI clinic? Because he says so???

It's a matter of probability. It's harder to lie than tell the truth so if you ask and get decent answers there's a better than not asking and guessing the answer.

I am lost now

So, I am in this swingers club and just met somebody

Me: You been to an STI clinc?

Him: Yep

Me: When?

Him: Two weeks ago

Me: How often do you go there?

Him: Every two weeks

Me: Got a certificate?

Him: Yep, a digital on my iPhone

Me: Kool; lets f**k

I don't know if I can do this"

You don't have to, I'm not telling anyone else what to do. Just answering the OP's question and stating a fact that in our experience, people are more likely to refuse to discuss the matter than lie about their habits.

So in our opinion, this filtering process results in meets with couples at a lower risk of having anything. The OP was frustrated that their own attempts to ask the question ruined a potential meet for them. I'm just saying that it's par for the course and he's better off without them. That is in our opinion anyway and other people are welcome to a different opinion.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

It strikes me as a very sensible thing to ask.

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By *lue and RedCouple
over a year ago

Ulverston

[Removed by poster at 30/08/15 01:56:29]

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By *lue and RedCouple
over a year ago

Ulverston

Totally reasonable request. However how any people here are Hep B immune? How many get tested at all? How many lie? How many people are open and honest about swining to the nurse at the gum clinic and as a reult get a more stringent testing? I was told by a GSM nurse that a test can miss anything up anything 2 weeks before the day you got tested so that test only means that you were negative 2 weeks before that day. Add on waiting time for the results and by the time you are told your clear you have had 3-4 weeks of sex that you could of contract something in. And for some reason everyone things comdoms are the ultimate barrier against all diseases. Clamydia for example can be spread orally and what as we know there is a higher than average percentage of bi woman in swining so it is extremely easy to catch and spread. So yes good question but will it really change your mind about meeting someone? It's a risk we all take when we have meets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Totally reasonable request. However how any people here are Hep B immune? How many get tested at all? How many lie? How many people are open and honest about swining to the nurse at the gum clinic and as a reult get a more stringent testing? I was told by a GSM nurse that a test can miss anything up anything 2 weeks before the day you got tested so that test only means that you were negative 2 weeks before that day. Add on waiting time for the results and by the time you are told your clear you have had 3-4 weeks of sex that you could of contract something in. And for some reason everyone things comdoms are the ultimate barrier against all diseases. Clamydia for example can be spread orally and what as we know there is a higher than average percentage of bi woman in swining so it is extremely easy to catch and spread. So yes good question but will it really change your mind about meeting someone? It's a risk we all take when we have meets."

HepB immune and happy to tell the GUM nurse that we swing.

Yes the tests only really prove you were clean months ago. You may remember that AIDS outbreak in the porn industry on 2004? The actor had a clean cert on the day. But that doesnt mean the tests are useless either. We still use condoms anyway but they have a tendency to break / come off so we're just very risk adverse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

The last texted test result I saw had no date on the text,just the day. It could have been any Monday of any week of any month of any year.

You look at the date the text was received.It shows it on the details... How ever it also doesn't mean that they are clean x "

It said Monday,nothing else. Which is why I wrote what I did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The end of the day I wouldn't take someones word for it anyway, so always protect yourself by wearing or making the guy wear a condom.

If a man or a woman is happy to have sex without protection it says a lot about the person and alarm bells should start ringing!!

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

But everybody could just be lying through their teeth

How do I know whether the OP has ever seen the inside of an STI clinic? Because he says so???

It's a matter of probability. It's harder to lie than tell the truth so if you ask and get decent answers there's a better than not asking and guessing the answer.

I am lost now

So, I am in this swingers club and just met somebody

Me: You been to an STI clinc?

Him: Yep

Me: When?

Him: Two weeks ago

Me: How often do you go there?

Him: Every two weeks

Me: Got a certificate?

Him: Yep, a digital on my iPhone

Me: Kool; lets f**k

I don't know if I can do this

I realise that you weren't telling me or anyone else what to do. My comment wasn't aimed at you; sorry if it appeared that way

If someone asked me that question my answer would be to mind their own business. I don't give two hoots about 'loosing a meet'; there are another couple of dozen around the corner

For the record, I have never visited a GUM or STI clinic in my life. I didn't even know what these places were until I joined this site. I have only ever gone for whatever tests I get called for, which are not many. Infact the only one I can remember which I go to regularly is a Pap smear

I once went to my GP because I let some idiot stick his fingers in me and I ended up with a mild urinary tract infection. My GP told me to stop lying to her (she knows me very well) and not to insert unsterilised 'foreign objects'; and I got to walk to Salisbury's and get a ton of Cranberry juice

I have always used condoms except when with someone I am seeing on a long-term basis. And then it is a risk because the so-and-so could be cheating on me

And now, as per my GP's advice, I check passports to stay clear of foreigners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I mostly don't bother asking. I assume everyone has been in the worst possible scenario. I don't think it odd to ask just don't really see the point.

This for me too. You take a calculated risk with every new partner. If I was going to be that paranoid I'd not bother."

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

Example, if you met a girl or guy and they had shit all over there underwear, would you sleep with them??? The answer is no right?"

If the persons into scat I would think the concept of shitty knickers would be highly appealing and therefore definitely a yes so bad example

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Asking is fine but ask me to provide proof and it's end of conversation for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Example, if you met a girl or guy and they had shit all over there underwear, would you sleep with them??? The answer is no right?

If the persons into scat I would think the concept of shitty knickers would be highly appealing and therefore definitely a yes so bad example

No its not a bad example at all I. My opinion, I wouldn't sleep with someone that's into that kind of thing, never heard of it or even met anyone that it.... Gross

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In!

Lol typing to fast for my poor phone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't ask such a question simply because lots of people on here will simply say what they think you want to hear, they could say yes they were tested 3 week ago and it was clear it's then upto you to decide wether to accept that answer as the truth

Just protect yourself on each meet the best way you see fit

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By *ethepeopleMan
over a year ago

Near you

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem. "

Yep there lies the truth unless you keep someone locked for min three months and see the results NO one is safe just taking there word for it ...... So in a nutshell be very carful or stop

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By *rbusyhandsMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

My centre gets you to phone a hotline that gives the results.

In response to being honest with the nurse about swinging to get more stringent testing I find they go through what actual sex I have had ie male or female, drug users etc and test accordingly... Sometimes I lie and say I've had sex with a high risk group just to get the extra tests.

I don't understand why in this ages of information they can't put it anonymously online to access. Would be useful if you wanted to share the results easily.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have found private clinics will provide acceptable verification certificates and do so pretty quickly. Every 2 weeks is acceptable and expected. It's all there in black and white.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

Example, if you met a girl or guy and they had shit all over there underwear, would you sleep with them??? The answer is no right?

If the persons into scat I would think the concept of shitty knickers would be highly appealing and therefore definitely a yes so bad example

No its not a bad example at all I. My opinion, I wouldn't sleep with someone that's into that kind of thing, never heard of it or even met anyone that it.... Gross"

If the emojis didn't give it away It was said in jest I wasn't questioning your opinion so relax

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By *ishopstippleMan
over a year ago

Purley

"We ask and probably 1/3 of couples stop talking to us because we asked."

Probably out of embarrassment, i suspect they NEVER been anywhere near one or don't know what on is.

Spoke a couple in a club one who only do BB (she&he "allergic" to condoms) and they had NEVER been. Needles to say i didn't play, nor play with anyone who played with them.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"We ask and probably 1/3 of couples stop talking to us because we asked.

Probably out of embarrassment, i suspect they NEVER been anywhere near one or don't know what on is.

Spoke a couple in a club one who only do BB (she&he "allergic" to condoms) and they had NEVER been. Needles to say i didn't play, nor play with anyone who played with them.

But did you play with the people who played with the people who played with this couple?

I wouldn't have; infact, I would have found out where the people who played with the people who played with this couple worked and made certain I don't even ever submit a job application there. Because the people who played with the people who played with this couple might be playing with their boss and I might too

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"We ask and probably 1/3 of couples stop talking to us because we asked.

Probably out of embarrassment, i suspect they NEVER been anywhere near one or don't know what on is.

Spoke a couple in a club one who only do BB (she&he "allergic" to condoms) and they had NEVER been. Needles to say i didn't play, nor play with anyone who played with them.

But did you play with the people who played with the people who played with this couple?

You say that in jest, but there was a couple that didn't play with black people. They didn't play with anyone who played with black people. They checked every verification and blocked anyone who even had a social meet with a black person. I think they checked that any party invite didn't include black people or in a house on a street with black people.

Oooh, what a fun day on the forums that was.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"We ask and probably 1/3 of couples stop talking to us because we asked.

Probably out of embarrassment, i suspect they NEVER been anywhere near one or don't know what on is.

Spoke a couple in a club one who only do BB (she&he "allergic" to condoms) and they had NEVER been. Needles to say i didn't play, nor play with anyone who played with them.

But did you play with the people who played with the people who played with this couple?

Oooh, what a fun day on the forums that was.

Oh, I know about that. I was at a club where a guy I kindda knew saw me with my friend who happens to be Black. That guy hasn't spoken with me since

No loss as far as I am concerned. The loss would be if my friend had not spoken with me for meeting with d**kheads like that guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice fuzzy logic with people saying "they might lie so it's not worth asking" it's the same logic as saying "the condom might break so we may as well go bareback".

Maybe the truth is that you don't want to ask because it's awkward. But it wouldn't be awkward if everyone asked!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always ask so that people who feel 'weird' about being asked don't reply.

It's just another filter.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

Most are now only messaging if there is a problem x

This is true my local GUM clinic only contacts you if they find a problem if you've got the all clear they just leave it "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Better safe than sorry, always ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you always get a reply from the GUM clinic. I've been tested and never had a reply.

I wouldn't give them my phone number anyway. But even so, I received no letters or anything.

I think, as a responsible adult, you should get checked regularly. It's no big deal.

But like someone else said, some clinic's will only get in touch if there's something that needs addressing. So, I'm not sure how reliable swapping test results can be.

Condom up is the only way to go I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think you always get a reply from the GUM clinic. I've been tested and never had a reply.

I wouldn't give them my phone number anyway. But even so, I received no letters or anything.

I think, as a responsible adult, you should get checked regularly. It's no big deal.

But like someone else said, some clinic's will only get in touch if there's something that needs addressing. So, I'm not sure how reliable swapping test results can be.

Condom up is the only way to go I guess.

If you don't give them your phone number then you have to phone to get results usually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it just me.....or has anyone else picked up on the....'When did u last get tested' is only as good as how often you shag.

I could get tested tomorrow, then go to a gang bang the day after and catch something!

Which would make asking about my last test a waste of time.

I know it cuts down your risk, but let's face it, it doesn't guarantee anything!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This was their thing, they thought it too personal. But what is more personal than sex?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know it cuts down your risk, but let's face it, it doesn't guarantee anything!"

Right, so it's like a condom then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it just me.....or has anyone else picked up on the....'When did u last get tested' is only as good as how often you shag.

I could get tested tomorrow, then go to a gang bang the day after and catch something!

Which would make asking about my last test a waste of time.

I know it cuts down your risk, but let's face it, it doesn't guarantee anything!"

If they're going for tests they're more likely to be aware of potential issues and care about their sexual health.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Is it just me.....or has anyone else picked up on the....'When did u last get tested' is only as good as how often you shag.

I could get tested tomorrow, then go to a gang bang the day after and catch something!

Which would make asking about my last test a waste of time.

I know it cuts down your risk, but let's face it, it doesn't guarantee anything!"

which is why you should always be more concerned about your own sexual health and not others. Condoms and common sense etc, if something looks iffy then dont go there lol

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

I know it cuts down your risk, but let's face it, it doesn't guarantee anything!

Right, so it's like a condom then. "

No, it is not; a condom is a physical barrier and one knows it is safe unless it breaks. And if that happens, then it is time to visit your GP (or STIs, GUMs, etc)

Relying, even 1%, on someone else telling the truth about visting some clinic where they were tested negative is not good enough for me. And even if they are telling the truth, they could have caught all manner of diseases in the last two weeks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know it cuts down your risk, but let's face it, it doesn't guarantee anything!

Right, so it's like a condom then.

No, it is not; a condom is a physical barrier and one knows it is safe unless it breaks. And if that happens, then it is time to visit your GP (or STIs, GUMs, etc)

There's a certain episode of friends you might want to re-visit, condoms are not 100% effective. Yes they do put that on the box.

Condoms aren't going to stop genital warts and a few other diseases spread by skin to skin contact either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its funny when people ask if i get checked and i find out they don't !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked a lady once and got a lot of abuse back so never asked again!!

We always play safe but still visit the clinic every 3 months and I tell meets this x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked a lady once and got a lot of abuse back so never asked again!!

So you deduced that you were in the wrong for wanting to know the facts so you could make an informed decision???

Ever considered you might have dodged a bullet with her?

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

I know it cuts down your risk, but let's face it, it doesn't guarantee anything!

Right, so it's like a condom then.

No, it is not; a condom is a physical barrier and one knows it is safe unless it breaks. And if that happens, then it is time to visit your GP (or STIs, GUMs, etc)

There's a certain episode of friends you might want to re-visit, condoms are not 100% effective. Yes they do put that on the box.

Condoms aren't going to stop genital warts and a few other diseases spread by skin to skin contact either. "

I stand corrected; condoms are not 100% safe but short of not having sex at all, it is the safest method I know of

Relying on someone's honesty, which even if they were honest, is only safe till the pico-second they left the clinic; by the time they receive the 'all-clear' from the clinic, they could already have had sex and got infected. So, not worth anything apart from the good news (if they are telling the truth) that they were STD free at some point in the past

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know it cuts down your risk, but let's face it, it doesn't guarantee anything!

Right, so it's like a condom then.

No, it is not; a condom is a physical barrier and one knows it is safe unless it breaks. And if that happens, then it is time to visit your GP (or STIs, GUMs, etc)

There's a certain episode of friends you might want to re-visit, condoms are not 100% effective. Yes they do put that on the box.

Condoms aren't going to stop genital warts and a few other diseases spread by skin to skin contact either.

I stand corrected; condoms are not 100% safe but short of not having sex at all, it is the safest method I know"

But surely the safest method you know would be a clean test and use a condom?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was in conversation with a couple with a view to meeting and I enquired about sexual health and whether they had paid a visit to a gum and been tested recently.

Whatever might have happened would be 'safe'(condoms), but I was quickly accused of 'making it weird instead of fun'. The conversation ended there.

Is this normal? I take this as a responsibility owed to my partners, but it seems this couple have never ventured as far as their local clinic.

Is this common? Do you ask?"

We met a great couple and we're meeting on a regular basis until I (Rogue) had the audacity to ask about sexual health test and whether they had taken any risks with other they had met (eg. Bareback - we had a fair idea that they had, though this wasn't part of the conversation.)

They freaked out, refused to discuss it and stopped coming to the club where we normally met them.

We both got retested just in case and we're all clear; just as a precaution.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked a lady once and got a lot of abuse back so never asked again!!

So you deduced that you were in the wrong for wanting to know the facts so you could make an informed decision???

Ever considered you might have dodged a bullet with her? "

Oh no I know a dodged a bullet. I only asked because she goes bareback so assumed she wouldn't mind me asking. She was so horrible though

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

I know it cuts down your risk, but let's face it, it doesn't guarantee anything!

Right, so it's like a condom then.

No, it is not; a condom is a physical barrier and one knows it is safe unless it breaks. And if that happens, then it is time to visit your GP (or STIs, GUMs, etc)

There's a certain episode of friends you might want to re-visit, condoms are not 100% effective. Yes they do put that on the box.

Condoms aren't going to stop genital warts and a few other diseases spread by skin to skin contact either.

I stand corrected; condoms are not 100% safe but short of not having sex at all, it is the safest method I know

But surely the safest method you know would be a clean test and use a condom? "

If by that you mean me getting tested; yes, I agree

But don't take my word that I did get tested, it was negative and since that test, even 24 hours ago, I haven't had sex. And that is how I would view such a Q&A session with anyone else

It is at best going to alienate people. And I would still be using a condom, no matter even if their answers are all positive (as in 'good' ones)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked a lady once and got a lot of abuse back so never asked again!!

So you deduced that you were in the wrong for wanting to know the facts so you could make an informed decision???

Ever considered you might have dodged a bullet with her?

Oh no I know a dodged a bullet. I only asked because she goes bareback so assumed she wouldn't mind me asking. She was so horrible though

Sounds like she had something to hide. So we're you saying that experience has put you off asking people in future?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is at best going to alienate people. And I would still be using a condom, no matter even if their answers are all positive (as in 'good' ones)"

At best, they were about to ask you the same thing and they are glad you asked because it shows how much you care about the subject. That's happened to us enough that the people that get offended are just par for the course.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

It is at best going to alienate people. And I would still be using a condom, no matter even if their answers are all positive (as in 'good' ones)

I hear what you are saying and I can see that this works for you. I am not trying to dissuade you from your point-of-view

It won't work for me as, where my health is concerned, I do not trust people even an iota. I need to know that I am protected by that thin layer of latex separating me from him

J xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked a lady once and got a lot of abuse back so never asked again!!

So you deduced that you were in the wrong for wanting to know the facts so you could make an informed decision???

Ever considered you might have dodged a bullet with her?

Oh no I know a dodged a bullet. I only asked because she goes bareback so assumed she wouldn't mind me asking. She was so horrible though

Sounds like she had something to hide. So we're you saying that experience has put you off asking people in future? "

Yes actually

I felt like I was rude to ask! So now we only meet people who mention safe sex on their profiles x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked a lady once and got a lot of abuse back so never asked again!!

So you deduced that you were in the wrong for wanting to know the facts so you could make an informed decision???

Ever considered you might have dodged a bullet with her?

Oh no I know a dodged a bullet. I only asked because she goes bareback so assumed she wouldn't mind me asking. She was so horrible though

Sounds like she had something to hide. So we're you saying that experience has put you off asking people in future?

Yes actually

I felt like I was rude to ask! So now we only meet people who mention safe sex on their profiles x"

Ahh but we don't mentioned safe sex because that's called "leading the witness". People will lie if they know what you want to hear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked a lady once and got a lot of abuse back so never asked again!!

So you deduced that you were in the wrong for wanting to know the facts so you could make an informed decision???

Ever considered you might have dodged a bullet with her?

Oh no I know a dodged a bullet. I only asked because she goes bareback so assumed she wouldn't mind me asking. She was so horrible though

Sounds like she had something to hide. So we're you saying that experience has put you off asking people in future?

Yes actually

I felt like I was rude to ask! So now we only meet people who mention safe sex on their profiles x

Ahh but we don't mentioned safe sex because that's called "leading the witness". People will lie if they know what you want to hear."

Lol yes but I have a litte trick for that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think asking is acceptable. Whether anyone tells the truth is another thing.

And there's the problem.

Then is it acceptable to ask to see the results? Most clinics text the results to your phone so it's easy to share.

The last texted test result I saw had no date on the text,just the day. It could have been any Monday of any week of any month of any year.

You look at the date the text was received.It shows it on the details... How ever it also doesn't mean that they are clean x

It said Monday,nothing else. Which is why I wrote what I did. "
but phones show you the date a text was received

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked a lady once and got a lot of abuse back so never asked again!!

So you deduced that you were in the wrong for wanting to know the facts so you could make an informed decision???

Ever considered you might have dodged a bullet with her?

Oh no I know a dodged a bullet. I only asked because she goes bareback so assumed she wouldn't mind me asking. She was so horrible though

Sounds like she had something to hide. So we're you saying that experience has put you off asking people in future?

Yes actually

I felt like I was rude to ask! So now we only meet people who mention safe sex on their profiles x

Ahh but we don't mentioned safe sex because that's called "leading the witness". People will lie if they know what you want to hear.

Lol yes but I have a litte trick for that

Hmmm care to share?

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By *uscobMan
over a year ago

lichfield

what a mine field

I have been tested although new to the scene (and not had a meet yet) this was because I was in a vanilla relationship for 7 months and got a bit relaxed about safe sex . I later found out she was playing away

if your having sex your not 100% safe and its up to you to assess and reduce risks however you see fit. If a potential partner doesn't like it then they are probably high risk anyway so would you really want to?

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By *lactontogMan
over a year ago

Clacton on Sea

As the sexually aware swinger knows everyone who has sex with multiple partners each month should get tested regular, if they don't bother getting tested then they shouldn't be swinging anyway...yes you should always ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was in conversation with a couple with a view to meeting and I enquired about sexual health and whether they had paid a visit to a gum and been tested recently.

Whatever might have happened would be 'safe'(condoms), but I was quickly accused of 'making it weird instead of fun'. The conversation ended there.

Is this normal? I take this as a responsibility owed to my partners, but it seems this couple have never ventured as far as their local clinic.

Is this common? Do you ask?"

I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me if I get checked regularly. I wouldn't hesitate in asking someone either. If they got funny about it, they wouldn't be for me.

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By *nDeexXxCouple
over a year ago

Rossendale

We would expect to be asked.....our health is important to us, and as pointed out condom not 100%

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked a lady once and got a lot of abuse back so never asked again!!

So you deduced that you were in the wrong for wanting to know the facts so you could make an informed decision???

Ever considered you might have dodged a bullet with her?

Oh no I know a dodged a bullet. I only asked because she goes bareback so assumed she wouldn't mind me asking. She was so horrible though

Sounds like she had something to hide. So we're you saying that experience has put you off asking people in future?

Yes actually

I felt like I was rude to ask! So now we only meet people who mention safe sex on their profiles x"

I've met several guys who have this on their profiles and have tried to bareback me. It doesn't mean anything (for some people).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked a lady once and got a lot of abuse back so never asked again!!

So you deduced that you were in the wrong for wanting to know the facts so you could make an informed decision???

Ever considered you might have dodged a bullet with her?

Oh no I know a dodged a bullet. I only asked because she goes bareback so assumed she wouldn't mind me asking. She was so horrible though

Sounds like she had something to hide. So we're you saying that experience has put you off asking people in future?

Yes actually

I felt like I was rude to ask! So now we only meet people who mention safe sex on their profiles x

I've met several guys who have this on their profiles and have tried to bareback me. It doesn't mean anything (for some people)."

Same here actually which is another to get checked regularly xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it had no mention of safe sex on the profile we move on.....

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