FabSwingers.com forum: Couples bdsm balance

By *ath_Neil_bifun OP Couple
over a year ago

near cardiff

Couples, how do you achieve a good balance in your relationship if one of you is more into something than the other?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swing with other people?

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By *ath_Neil_bifun OP Couple
over a year ago

near cardiff

We already swing with other people, so 'm looking for more in-depth advice than that. So far, we swing as a couple, together, and while there have been quite a few people we've met that are into bdsm, it's never gotten into that territory.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Swing with other people?"

This baisically. My wife doesn't much like BDSM and she hasn't got a cock.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get involved with your local kink scene and involve people that share those kinks in your play

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By *ath_Neil_bifun OP Couple
over a year ago

near cardiff

Not tried swinging separately, not comfortable with that thought tbh. How do you find people you're safe/comfortable with?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not tried swinging separately, not comfortable with that thought tbh. How do you find people you're safe/comfortable with?

The same way that you'd find people you're comfortable with together. How did you work out if you were both comfortable with each other before you started dating?

I have many ongoing connections with people for BDSM on both a casual and less-casual basis. I treat each person individually, negotiate with them, and evaluate how it's going on an ongoing basis.

Do you have any more specific questions?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not tried swinging separately, not comfortable with that thought tbh. How do you find people you're safe/comfortable with?

But fundamentally if you don't want to see people separately then there's not really anything you can do about an imbalance in frequency requirements or activities.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not tried swinging separately, not comfortable with that thought tbh. How do you find people you're safe/comfortable with?

Go to a munch and chat to people, build up friendships, ask people who they have played with, ask for an informal play in a safe place.

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

With my BF we regularly indulge in DSM activities but not too much B. I really like it and have found other people (one person in particular) I trust to indulge in it with. It wasn't a conscious decision, just something that happened naturally. I managed to get all three of us together recently as well. That was remarkable! It depends what matters more to you OP, playing together and limiting activities only one of you likes or coming to a compromise that may or may not involve other people. You two always seem pretty solid so I'm sure you'll figure it out.

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By *ath_Neil_bifun OP Couple
over a year ago

near cardiff

"With my BF we regularly indulge in DSM activities but not too much B. I really like it and have found other people (one person in particular) I trust to indulge in it with. It wasn't a conscious decision, just something that happened naturally. I managed to get all three of us together recently as well. That was remarkable! It depends what matters more to you OP, playing together and limiting activities only one of you likes or coming to a compromise that may or may not involve other people. You two always seem pretty solid so I'm sure you'll figure it out."

We're solid, I just like to hear how other people balance their relationships.

Like, are there other couples like us, and do they meet up with similar for swaps where two might pair up for vanilla while the other two pair up for bondage?

I feel there should be a fairly easy compromise, other than 'play alone or go without'

Been asking about scenes in South Wales and had messages pointing us towards couples etc, so when he's home I'll see if anything catches his eye.

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

"Like, are there other couples like us, and do they meet up with similar for swaps where two might pair up for vanilla while the other two pair up for bondage?"

Now that is an intriguing idea.

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By *ath_Neil_bifun OP Couple
over a year ago

near cardiff

"Not tried swinging separately, not comfortable with that thought tbh. How do you find people you're safe/comfortable with?

The same way that you'd find people you're comfortable with together.

But the only reason I'm comfortable is because I'm with someone I already trust - neil is big and handy, I am not. How did you work out if you were both comfortable with each other before you started dating? By being friends for years before getting together - I'm not looking to do that for bondage, I am not looking for a relationship.

I have many ongoing connections with people for BDSM on both a casual and less-casual basis. I treat each person individually, negotiate with them, and evaluate how it's going on an ongoing basis.

Do you have any more specific questions?"

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By *ath_Neil_bifun OP Couple
over a year ago

near cardiff

"Like, are there other couples like us, and do they meet up with similar for swaps where two might pair up for vanilla while the other two pair up for bondage?

Now that is an intriguing idea.

Isn't it just? We've been in situations where we seemed on the brink of something like this, where I'm obviously sub, but lusty spontaneity vs planning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But the only reason I'm comfortable is because I'm with someone I already trust - neil is big and handy, I am not."

Well, I can only tell you how I do it.

I chat to people online, then I meet them for coffee, and if all goes well then we play. That's it really. I know once I've met someone if I trust someone enough to play with them.

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