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Aspies & Auties

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Any other Aspies and Auties out there? Happy to chat and share experiences, tips and advice...

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

My son is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son is too x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My daughter is

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By *verReadyAndMinxyCouple
over a year ago

Blackpool

My OH is add-er (doesn't know about me on here) and son is ADHD autism and both dyslexic......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep. Aspie here, and there are others, I had a post some time ago about aspergers. Got some great response from it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son is aspy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son has autism.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any other Aspies and Auties out there? Happy to chat and share experiences, tips and advice..."

By the way, what kind of advice, and experience are you looking for assistance with? Or are you just curious as to how other people handle differing situations?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Any other Aspies and Auties out there? Happy to chat and share experiences, tips and advice...

By the way, what kind of advice, and experience are you looking for assistance with? Or are you just curious as to how other people handle differing situations?"

A bit of both really, and also offer our take on things...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks everyone who's commented. Hello and best regards to you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yep. Aspie here, and there are others, I had a post some time ago about aspergers. Got some great response from it "

Apologies if duplicating effort. How easy is that thread to find?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yep. Aspie here, and there are others, I had a post some time ago about aspergers. Got some great response from it

Apologies if duplicating effort. How easy is that thread to find?"

No worries, it's something a lot of people are passionate about, so the more the merrier

I honestly don't know, its been revived a few times when I thought it had been full. Just type asperger into the search function I guess

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lies, it's called advice for autistic swingers

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"Lies, it's called advice for autistic swingers"
you do well on here

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lies, it's called advice for autistic swingers"

Thank you. Got it. Had a quick scan read but will take a more detailed look in due course.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lies, it's called advice for autistic swingers you do well on here "

Thanks Steve, I try

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Come up against issues with phone conversation verification today. A couple we were in early stages of interacting with on here wanted the girls to phone verify before a friend request was forthcoming. We'd swapped face pics, but speaking on the phone to a more or less total stranger is way, way outside D's comfort zone. As such, I don't expect things to go any further unless the other couple are prepared to bend their own rules.

Has anyone else fallen foul of this too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lies, it's called advice for autistic swingers

Thank you. Got it. Had a quick scan read but will take a more detailed look in due course."

A lot of support came in the form of pm's, but there is also a fair bit on the post worth reading

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm an aspie (waves) Nice to meet you.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Come up against issues with phone conversation verification today. A couple we were in early stages of interacting with on here wanted the girls to phone verify before a friend request was forthcoming. We'd swapped face pics, but speaking on the phone to a more or less total stranger is way, way outside D's comfort zone. As such, I don't expect things to go any further unless the other couple are prepared to bend their own rules.

Has anyone else fallen foul of this too?"

I don't do phone or webcam verification. I don't even ring family or friends if I can help it, why would I ring or webcam a total stranger?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Come up against issues with phone conversation verification today. A couple we were in early stages of interacting with on here wanted the girls to phone verify before a friend request was forthcoming. We'd swapped face pics, but speaking on the phone to a more or less total stranger is way, way outside D's comfort zone. As such, I don't expect things to go any further unless the other couple are prepared to bend their own rules.

Has anyone else fallen foul of this too?"

I've had social meets without first speaking on the phone. Nobody has ever requested phone contact first. Don't do what you're not comfortable with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Come up against issues with phone conversation verification today. A couple we were in early stages of interacting with on here wanted the girls to phone verify before a friend request was forthcoming. We'd swapped face pics, but speaking on the phone to a more or less total stranger is way, way outside D's comfort zone. As such, I don't expect things to go any further unless the other couple are prepared to bend their own rules.

Has anyone else fallen foul of this too?"

I hate speaking on the phone other than in my work capacity and fully understand that. But unfortunately the reality is that it will be a deal breaker for some people that you won't do so, I'd personally move on as there are plenty of couples that have no issue to have a phone conversation don;t buy in to this ridiculous mantra that a phone conversation is essential

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I don't bother with phones very often. Stick to fab and meet in a cafe. It's an opportunity to message "I'm behind you!!!"

(Sorry to go slightly off track here)

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By *irtyandfilthy2014Couple
over a year ago

under the apple tree

Lady aspie here. Hello all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am an officially diagnosed Aspie.

My only daughter is an officially diagnosed Aspie.

My only son is full-blown SLD Autistic.

Never a dull moment!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm an aspie (waves) Nice to meet you.x"

Hiya. Waves back.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Come up against issues with phone conversation verification today. A couple we were in early stages of interacting with on here wanted the girls to phone verify before a friend request was forthcoming. We'd swapped face pics, but speaking on the phone to a more or less total stranger is way, way outside D's comfort zone. As such, I don't expect things to go any further unless the other couple are prepared to bend their own rules.

Has anyone else fallen foul of this too?

I've had social meets without first speaking on the phone. Nobody has ever requested phone contact first. Don't do what you're not comfortable with."

It is something that we've seen on people's profiles, but not something we'd actually come up against until today. Luckily, it's not a deal breaker and the couple have been very understanding, so all good.

I do see the wisdom of it as a safeguard, just that it's problematic for Aspies who don't like speaking on the phone to comply with it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lady aspie here. Hello all. "

Hello.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am an officially diagnosed Aspie.

My only daughter is an officially diagnosed Aspie.

My only son is full-blown SLD Autistic.

Never a dull moment! "

For sure. And some people maintain that it doesn't run in the family...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am an officially diagnosed Aspie.

My only daughter is an officially diagnosed Aspie.

My only son is full-blown SLD Autistic.

Never a dull moment! "

Yours definitely sounds like an interesting household

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am an officially diagnosed Aspie.

My only daughter is an officially diagnosed Aspie.

My only son is full-blown SLD Autistic.

Never a dull moment! "

Myself, D and D's eldest are Aspie. D's youngest is undergoing assessment for ADHD, dyslexia and Autism; so understand something of what it must be like for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ASPIE here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hello to everyone who's commented so far.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aspie here,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was just thinking as a black aspie if I was gay or trans I'd be unfireable.

Food for thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was just thinking as a black aspie if I was gay or trans I'd be unfireable.

Food for thought "

The things you could do! Get planning......

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"I was just thinking as a black aspie if I was gay or trans I'd be unfireable.

Food for thought "

Get a job in local government in Brighton and you'll never get sacked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son has been diagnosed aspie I have some very similar traits.

T

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son has ASD and had ADHD up to when he was a late teen.

I work with people with ASD.

Waving 'Hello'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm another Aspergers sufferer, and I won't lie, I hate it. It's caused me nothing but hurt in my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does strike me that one side effect is very attractive looking people. Waves to all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/08/15 23:07:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm another Aspergers sufferer, and I won't lie, I hate it. It's caused me nothing but hurt in my life."

Sorry to hear that. I know from personal experience that awareness has been a recent thing the last decade or so.

Makes me wonder how many people have slipped under the net over the years!

You're not a sufferer. It's a diagnosis not a label. Doesn't change you as a person it's just a part of who you are!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It does strike me that one side effect is very attractive looking people. Waves to all. "

It depends how much you like Autistic eyes, some think mine are wonderful, but more seem to find them frightening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Undiagnosed aspie here. My daughter is diagnosed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes chalk up another here. In someways it can be like a superpower for concentration and learning. But in terms of relationships and friendships it's been a disaster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes chalk up another here. In someways it can be like a superpower for concentration and learning. But in terms of relationships and friendships it's been a disaster. "

And your superpowers are worth little if your life ends up feeling like you're trapped in a dark, cold swamp with no way to convince people to come in, and see your powers shine.

(we're also known to be very descriptive)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, i look back at people I've known and intra personal relationships are my biggest hurdle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my fb has aspergers...i think its the sole reason we still have an nsa relationship after 2 1/2 years..never been any aspiration on either part for more...only downside is negotiating his cable ridden bedroom,cables for his 6 cctv monitors!..that and ive learnt subtle hints dont work...blunt works! wouldnt have him any other way...his bluntness is refreshing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blunt is the ONLY way for me

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By *uitar_antiheroMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

I don't have either, but I have applied for a job at the uni to help students with autism. I thought it was just a voluntary thing so I put my name down for it since it seemed a really great thing. I didn't know it was a paid position till the other day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You guys and girls rock. My eldest son has Aspergers and you all do so well. It's really reassuring. Thank you.

Good luck to you all on here. I find the honest and up front approach will actually serve you well on here. If only more people were.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over this last year I have become very aware of some definite strong aspie traits in myself. Blunt, direct, honest. Can't do relationships, so never been married. Have to give full explanations and go into detail. Find making true friends extremely difficult so don't have any. Isolated, lonely, hate crowds but love to chat and meet new people. I am who I am and that isn't going to change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with everyone who says the social aspects are hard, I used to play out whole conversations in my head before saying hi, I still do to some degree, and it's when this happens that I struggle, so I'm working on dropping it.

Another thing I've noticed is that I have been taken advantage of before because I misjudged people, possibly as a result of the Asperger's, but I don't know for sure. Still struggling to work out where that's left me psychologically.

I used to think I would never amount to anything because I had "learning difficulties" and "anger issues", but now I feel like that's the wrong approach, and decided I have as much right to make a life for myself, and anyone I choose to take with me as anyone else, so I've given how I live a makeover.

If I think about the things that have helped me gain this perspective, I become depressed and angry, but I realise I would not be as motivated without them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/08/15 09:45:21]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son has aspergers and ADHD

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My son has aspergers and ADHD "

I can empathise, my brother too

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My son has ASD and had ADHD up to when he was a late teen.

I work with people with ASD.

Waving 'Hello' "

Hello back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I (mr) have dyspraxia and something similar to adhd but can't remember what it's called. I'm not the most social of people but the wife encourages me, confidence isn't the best but who's is?? Lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/08/15 14:08:03]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 19/08/15 14:08:03]"

this is confusing me slightly, my clock says 14:04, the site says posted 5 minutes ago... Look at the timestamp

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I agree with everyone who says the social aspects are hard, I used to play out whole conversations in my head before saying hi, I still do to some degree, and it's when this happens that I struggle, so I'm working on dropping it.

Another thing I've noticed is that I have been taken advantage of before because I misjudged people, possibly as a result of the Asperger's, but I don't know for sure. Still struggling to work out where that's left me psychologically.

I used to think I would never amount to anything because I had "learning difficulties" and "anger issues", but now I feel like that's the wrong approach, and decided I have as much right to make a life for myself, and anyone I choose to take with me as anyone else, so I've given how I live a makeover.

If I think about the things that have helped me gain this perspective, I become depressed and angry, but I realise I would not be as motivated without them."

M had similar experience growing up. Misdiagnosed with depression and probable Autism/Aspergers ignored. Treated with antidepressants that have messed up his biochemistry for life. Told to "keep taking the tablets" but Antidepressants are only supposed to be prescribed for 3-6 months, and they artificially raise the levels of the stress hormone cortisol in your brain, making you more predisposed to stress. M now more or less permanently "on edge" and suffers from the shakes, which get worse when nervous or agitated. This adds feeling even more self-conscious to the mix, so it's a vicious cycle.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Through research into Aspergers, self-diagnosis, the kindness and acceptance and understanding of others, and shared experiences things are generally better now, other than the physical signs and heightened stress levels. Being Aspie hasn't really had a deleterious affect on our Swinging, other than some "performance anxiety" and a tendency to tumescence when too warm and/or overloaded with visual stimuli. Don't know if anyone else has this problem?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 19/08/15 14:08:03]

this is confusing me slightly, my clock says 14:04, the site says posted 5 minutes ago... Look at the timestamp"

I deleted the previous post as I had used the wrong medical term for a symptom of stress that I suffer from. The medical term I wrongly had in mind was far more serious and pejorative than the symptom I've actually got, and could have led to people jumping to totally the wrong conclusions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I agree with everyone who says the social aspects are hard, I used to play out whole conversations in my head before saying hi, I still do to some degree, and it's when this happens that I struggle, so I'm working on dropping it.

Another thing I've noticed is that I have been taken advantage of before because I misjudged people, possibly as a result of the Asperger's, but I don't know for sure. Still struggling to work out where that's left me psychologically.

I used to think I would never amount to anything because I had "learning difficulties" and "anger issues", but now I feel like that's the wrong approach, and decided I have as much right to make a life for myself, and anyone I choose to take with me as anyone else, so I've given how I live a makeover.

If I think about the things that have helped me gain this perspective, I become depressed and angry, but I realise I would not be as motivated without them.

M had similar experience growing up. Misdiagnosed with depression and probable Autism/Aspergers ignored. Treated with antidepressants that have messed up his biochemistry for life. Told to "keep taking the tablets" but Antidepressants are only supposed to be prescribed for 3-6 months, and they artificially raise the levels of the stress hormone cortisol in your brain, making you more predisposed to stress. M now more or less permanently "on edge" and suffers from the shakes, which get worse when nervous or agitated. This adds feeling even more self-conscious to the mix, so it's a vicious cycle."

that really sucks, a website which I was told to check out by my therapist was the centre for clinical interventions, it has some courses on anxiety and other stuff which I found useful to begin with, but got bored of. They might benefit M in some way hopefully.

I went on anti depressants for a while, but I stopped taking them after a couple of weeks because I didn't want to become reliant and sought other avenues for dealing with it, but they were useful in helping me face up to reality and get in a place to make a more controlled decision from. This was nothing to do with autism or misdiagnosis. I was fortunate to have been noticed by accident when my parents were getting my brother diagnosed, if the psychologist hadn't have informed my parents to get me checked, I would still be undiagnosed, because I was a very introverted child and not confrontational, which my brother was.

as for performance issues, I have had no troubles so far that I'm aware of, except with communication and it gets worse when I'm tired or stressed. I just can't formulate sentences properly and my internal monologue gets really bratty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 19/08/15 14:08:03]

this is confusing me slightly, my clock says 14:04, the site says posted 5 minutes ago... Look at the timestamp

I deleted the previous post as I had used the wrong medical term for a symptom of stress that I suffer from. The medical term I wrongly had in mind was far more serious and pejorative than the symptom I've actually got, and could have led to people jumping to totally the wrong conclusions. "

Oh, it's not that, people have their reasons for deleting posts... it's the time stamp. of all the little nitty picky things to get me lol.

the post could not have been deleted at 14:08 if the clock says 14:04

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" Oh, it's not that, people have their reasons for deleting posts... it's the time stamp. of all the little nitty picky things to get me lol.

the post could not have been deleted at 14:08 if the clock says 14:04"

The Fab site's server clock could be wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" as for performance issues, I have had no troubles so far that I'm aware of, except with communication and it gets worse when I'm tired or stressed. I just can't formulate sentences properly and my internal monologue gets really bratty."

It helps us if we get everything more or less sorted with a couple we want to play with before we go into the club. It's easier exchanging messages than having an actual conversation, as far as we're concerned. That way, it's not a question of if, per se, but when. Going in with them helps as well.

If no one else suffers from the same performance anxiety and environmental issues as M then M will just have accept that it's just how he is, rather than it being Aspie-related.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aspie here and still trying to get my first proper meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The autistic spectrum is so extensive, and people's "symptoms" so varied that each of us will have different issues to deal with.

My main issues (which are shared by many people) are:

1) Inability to cope for long periods with noise and multiple conversations

2) Difficulty reading body language

3) Difficulty maintaining eye contact.

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

im a mum of an aspie shes 28 and couldn't cope so sectioned under the mental health act take as much help as you are offered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I support adults with autism

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The autistic spectrum is so extensive, and people's "symptoms" so varied that each of us will have different issues to deal with.

My main issues (which are shared by many people) are:

1) Inability to cope for long periods with noise and multiple conversations

2) Difficulty reading body language

3) Difficulty maintaining eye contact."

So the triad of imparement.... social interaction, social communication and imagination

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" as for performance issues, I have had no troubles so far that I'm aware of, except with communication and it gets worse when I'm tired or stressed. I just can't formulate sentences properly and my internal monologue gets really bratty.

It helps us if we get everything more or less sorted with a couple we want to play with before we go into the club. It's easier exchanging messages than having an actual conversation, as far as we're concerned. That way, it's not a question of if, per se, but when. Going in with them helps as well.

If no one else suffers from the same performance anxiety and environmental issues as M then M will just have accept that it's just how he is, rather than it being Aspie-related. "

well, the question is not whether it is aspie-related, more how Asperger's exacerbates the difficulties, because there have been several threads on erectile dysfunction (that's just the threads titles, not throwing accusations) that have stated stress and undue pressure put on yourself is the predominant cause. given M's history and that having Asperger's/Autism does stress people out wondering how they're perceived (if they actually have the function to process how they might be perceived, as some do not) just sticking with what you're comfortable with is the best policy.

I haven't had problems with performance because my main struggle is with the social part and the stages leading up, this may sound arrogant, but the jokes about not having the blood to think consciously are quite accurate with me, once I'm having sex, nothing else really matters unless it's something happening to my body that I don't like, or I've been told to stop by the person I'm with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I (mr) have dyspraxia and something similar to adhd but can't remember what it's called. I'm not the most social of people but the wife encourages me, confidence isn't the best but who's is?? Lol"

Out of curiosity, how did you meet your partner, in spite of this issue?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The autistic spectrum is so extensive, and people's "symptoms" so varied that each of us will have different issues to deal with.

My main issues (which are shared by many people) are:

1) Inability to cope for long periods with noise and multiple conversations

2) Difficulty reading body language

3) Difficulty maintaining eye contact."

I struggle with body language and facial expressions, this cannot be altered I feel, and I literally shut out sound when there's too much noise making conversation impossible, also when stressed or tired, and it has taken years to maintain eye contact, and I started trying to overcome that when I was in school

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"im a mum of an aspie shes 28 and couldn't cope so sectioned under the mental health act take as much help as you are offered "

that sounds horrible *hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aspie here and still trying to get my first proper meet "

from looking at your profile, it looks good, I personally would remove the wieners and wine bit, however, it shows individuality which is what some ladies like, especially for regular meets, so it's up to you.

You seem to have had a veri from a social (albeit a while ago) this is how I got veri's also because I absolutely suck at chatting up women, not my forté at all. meeting at socials might be the way forward for you also, find a local club that allows single men (and doesn't charge too much) with a jacuzzi and does a decent cup of tea, the more relaxed you are, the easier it is, and a jacuzzi (in my opinion) is the most relaxing place outside of sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aspie here and still trying to get my first proper meet

from looking at your profile, it looks good, I personally would remove the wieners and wine bit, however, it shows individuality which is what some ladies like, especially for regular meets, so it's up to you.

You seem to have had a veri from a social (albeit a while ago) this is how I got veri's also because I absolutely suck at chatting up women, not my forté at all. meeting at socials might be the way forward for you also, find a local club that allows single men (and doesn't charge too much) with a jacuzzi and does a decent cup of tea, the more relaxed you are, the easier it is, and a jacuzzi (in my opinion) is the most relaxing place outside of sex"

footnote:

it's easier to ask to join in or go to a room in a club if you hit it off, in my opinion, because you can be upfront, which is more accommodating to Aspie needs of structure. Just an idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Several of the kids I work with are either ADHD or on the autism spectrum. Any tips helpful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Several of the kids I work with are either ADHD or on the autism spectrum. Any tips helpful. "

Wish I could help, unfortunately, I struggle with kids at the best of times, especially if I have to be around them for a prolonged time. Years of having to be around my brother who is Asperger's and was ADHD, I just spent a lot of time trying to ignore him, but you can't really do that if you're working with them. One thing someone told me was, to speak to kids or someone with autism or Asperger's, you have to get into their world and see it as they see it before guiding them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When speaking or writing to an Aspie choose your words carefully and minimally - clarity is needed as we can't 'read between the lines'.

E.g. Please can you make a brew?

As opposed to:

Do you fancy making a brew?

One is an instruction the other is a question but both saying the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When speaking or writing to an Aspie choose your words carefully and minimally - clarity is needed as we can't 'read between the lines'.

E.g. Please can you make a brew?

As opposed to:

Do you fancy making a brew?

One is an instruction the other is a question but both saying the same thing.

"

ah, the subtleties of relaxed dialogue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apparently at uni lots of girls were interested in me as more than one person has subsequently said.

However for me it went completely over my head and ended up getting depression as most others had the time of their lives and i didn't know which end was up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aspie here and still trying to get my first proper meet

from looking at your profile, it looks good, I personally would remove the wieners and wine bit, however, it shows individuality which is what some ladies like, especially for regular meets, so it's up to you.

You seem to have had a veri from a social (albeit a while ago) this is how I got veri's also because I absolutely suck at chatting up women, not my forté at all. meeting at socials might be the way forward for you also, find a local club that allows single men (and doesn't charge too much) with a jacuzzi and does a decent cup of tea, the more relaxed you are, the easier it is, and a jacuzzi (in my opinion) is the most relaxing place outside of sex"

Thanks for the advice. I've removed the wieners I am also awful at small talk (chatting up). Not sure how to get past that first stage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aspie here and still trying to get my first proper meet

from looking at your profile, it looks good, I personally would remove the wieners and wine bit, however, it shows individuality which is what some ladies like, especially for regular meets, so it's up to you.

You seem to have had a veri from a social (albeit a while ago) this is how I got veri's also because I absolutely suck at chatting up women, not my forté at all. meeting at socials might be the way forward for you also, find a local club that allows single men (and doesn't charge too much) with a jacuzzi and does a decent cup of tea, the more relaxed you are, the easier it is, and a jacuzzi (in my opinion) is the most relaxing place outside of sex

Thanks for the advice. I've removed the wieners I am also awful at small talk (chatting up). Not sure how to get past that first stage"

The first stage is to engage in conversation. Yes, I struggle with this too, however, I find it easier in clubs as I said, because no matter what is going on, just ask nicely if you can join in, and you'll generally get a straight answer.

I liked the idea of you having something on your profile that made you stand out, but yeah, the Wiener's and wine sounded a bit immature for the site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Apparently at uni lots of girls were interested in me as more than one person has subsequently said.

However for me it went completely over my head and ended up getting depression as most others had the time of their lives and i didn't know which end was up"

I've had great conversations with girls which I thought were going places, but I was unsure of how to progress, and then left wondering when they suddenly seemed to lose interest. It's a bloody minefield. The problem is that you can only keep trying again and again until you get it right, but you need a thick skin for this approach because there will be plenty of falls along the way. Online dating is a perfect example (if you're a guy) I have only had a handful of replies to messages in about 10 years of online dating, and no meets (except for two no shows) however, I get along well with people on forums and online games etc, in fact, I met one of my exes through a forum and we had a yearlong relationship. So, unfortunately, depression will surface, it is our psyche trying to improve itself but having no idea what the problem is, when in reality, the problem is not what we're doing, but where we're doing it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aspie here and still trying to get my first proper meet

from looking at your profile, it looks good, I personally would remove the wieners and wine bit, however, it shows individuality which is what some ladies like, especially for regular meets, so it's up to you.

You seem to have had a veri from a social (albeit a while ago) this is how I got veri's also because I absolutely suck at chatting up women, not my forté at all. meeting at socials might be the way forward for you also, find a local club that allows single men (and doesn't charge too much) with a jacuzzi and does a decent cup of tea, the more relaxed you are, the easier it is, and a jacuzzi (in my opinion) is the most relaxing place outside of sex

Thanks for the advice. I've removed the wieners I am also awful at small talk (chatting up). Not sure how to get past that first stage

The first stage is to engage in conversation. Yes, I struggle with this too, however, I find it easier in clubs as I said, because no matter what is going on, just ask nicely if you can join in, and you'll generally get a straight answer.

I liked the idea of you having something on your profile that made you stand out, but yeah, the Wiener's and wine sounded a bit immature for the site"

After a bit of thinking, posting stuff in your status updates now and again is good because it's like a little news reel into what you're like as a person, song lyrics, movie quotes etc. And someone may see it and decide to message you as a result

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Apparently at uni lots of girls were interested in me as more than one person has subsequently said.

However for me it went completely over my head and ended up getting depression as most others had the time of their lives and i didn't know which end was up"

Same here (M).

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When speaking or writing to an Aspie choose your words carefully and minimally - clarity is needed as we can't 'read between the lines'.

E.g. Please can you make a brew?

As opposed to:

Do you fancy making a brew?

One is an instruction the other is a question but both saying the same thing.

"

Agreed. And, try not to give us choices/ask us to make decisions that have to be analysed and agonised over. Something as simple as "would you like tea, or coffee?" can lead to a delay whilst it get's processed and filtered through. Aspie thought process in response to that question - 1) Which one would I actually prefer?, 2) When did I last have a drink?, 3) Am I already wired from the caffeine?, 4) Shit, am I taking too long over this?, 5) Have I now got the jitters?, 6) Can everyone now see me shaking?, 7) Is the person asking the question now impatient and pissed off with me?, 8) Am I worthless because I can't make a simple decision?

Etc. etc.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Time to process all of the above, and actually make the decision, varies from person to person; and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA, or Newson's Syndrome) is a sub-type of Autism characterised by an avoidance of the demands of ordinary life, and decision making.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find if given too much choice I get overwhelmed and really struggle to make a decision. If for instance going out to a restaurant,(very rare) and there is so much choice on the menu,I can take absolutely ages to decide. But if I can see the menu on line first and choose a couple of options that really helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

High functioning Asperger's and ADHD-PI - social situations and meeting new people are a challenge!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've read that apparently, eating a diary, gluten and sugar free diet can have great mental benefits for people with Aspergers, has anyone ever tried this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...I mean DAIRY, its understandable that eating diaries wouldn't be good for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...I mean DAIRY, its understandable that eating diaries wouldn't be good for you."

I can quite safely say for me yes, I don't eat much sugar and I'm lactose intolerant, it is definitely noticeable for days after when I've had sugar or dairy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yep. Aspie here, and there are others, I had a post some time ago about aspergers. Got some great response from it "

and what a lovely man you are my lovely!!! Xxxx

Son is one here too also an aspie and we just deal with it love to all folks xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...I mean DAIRY, its understandable that eating diaries wouldn't be good for you.

I can quite safely say for me yes, I don't eat much sugar and I'm lactose intolerant, it is definitely noticeable for days after when I've had sugar or dairy"

Buut, I adore cake and cheese, and cheesecake lol. I don't cut them 100%, but I definitely don't have much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yep. Aspie here, and there are others, I had a post some time ago about aspergers. Got some great response from it

and what a lovely man you are my lovely!!! Xxxx

Son is one here too also an aspie and we just deal with it love to all folks xxxx"

Thank you mistress, you are a very fantastic woman xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's just wonderful your all here never let things get in your way of enjoying life and remember we are all here to support one another xxxx

Ps, I used to council couples with children been diagnosed with autism so if I can help in any way just ask xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It's just wonderful your all here never let things get in your way of enjoying life and remember we are all here to support one another xxxx

Ps, I used to council couples with children been diagnosed with autism so if I can help in any way just ask xxx"

Thank you. Appreciate it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any other Aspies and Auties out there? Happy to chat and share experiences, tips and advice..."

Well I fancy this girl who is autistic, trouble is she always tells me exactly what she thinks of me and that terrifies me! Dont think her bf would approve, she's bigendered and that makes me hot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Twin boys here, low functioning, SLD, OCD and ADHD, but most problems with Autism come from authorities and other people, not my two boys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When speaking or writing to an Aspie choose your words carefully and minimally - clarity is needed as we can't 'read between the lines'.

E.g. Please can you make a brew?

As opposed to:

Do you fancy making a brew?

One is an instruction the other is a question but both saying the same thing.

Agreed. And, try not to give us choices/ask us to make decisions that have to be analysed and agonised over. Something as simple as "would you like tea, or coffee?" can lead to a delay whilst it get's processed and filtered through. Aspie thought process in response to that question - 1) Which one would I actually prefer?, 2) When did I last have a drink?, 3) Am I already wired from the caffeine?, 4) Shit, am I taking too long over this?, 5) Have I now got the jitters?, 6) Can everyone now see me shaking?, 7) Is the person asking the question now impatient and pissed off with me?, 8) Am I worthless because I can't make a simple decision?

Etc. etc."

Thanks that is great insight!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Twin boys here, low functioning, SLD, OCD and ADHD, but most problems with Autism come from authorities and other people, not my two boys."

I can relate to that. However, most of my problems have been with bosses who have not bothered to take the time to understand aspergers, and I have been forced into adapting to certain work conditions I struggled with, and then they wondered why I was struggling. Without a doubt, the best manager I've had has been a charity shop manager, she's been brilliant over the years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's just wonderful your all here never let things get in your way of enjoying life and remember we are all here to support one another xxxx

Ps, I used to council couples with children been diagnosed with autism so if I can help in any way just ask xxx"

Thank you m'dear, you are such a lovely person xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any other Aspies and Auties out there? Happy to chat and share experiences, tips and advice...

Well I fancy this girl who is autistic, trouble is she always tells me exactly what she thinks of me and that terrifies me! Dont think her bf would approve, she's bigendered and that makes me hot."

At least she's upfront with you I've on several occasions been left wondering what's been going on when a woman has said one thing, but her actions have given a totally different impression.

And yes, I can imagine the decision making post will be helpful to you, but it sounds like a complicated situation, just remember that you can't make the decision for her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Twin boys here, low functioning, SLD, OCD and ADHD, but most problems with Autism come from authorities and other people, not my two boys.

I can relate to that. However, most of my problems have been with bosses who have not bothered to take the time to understand aspergers, and I have been forced into adapting to certain work conditions I struggled with, and then they wondered why I was struggling. Without a doubt, the best manager I've had has been a charity shop manager, she's been brilliant over the years."

The thing is, sometimes it's a really simple thing that can make all the difference to a persons life, just a little bit of thought, but they are so adamant they are right and continue to make a persons life hell, glad you have a boss with sense matey.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Twin boys here, low functioning, SLD, OCD and ADHD, but most problems with Autism come from authorities and other people, not my two boys.

I can relate to that. However, most of my problems have been with bosses who have not bothered to take the time to understand aspergers, and I have been forced into adapting to certain work conditions I struggled with, and then they wondered why I was struggling. Without a doubt, the best manager I've had has been a charity shop manager, she's been brilliant over the years.

The thing is, sometimes it's a really simple thing that can make all the difference to a persons life, just a little bit of thought, but they are so adamant they are right and continue to make a persons life hell, glad you have a boss with sense matey. "

Had. Sadly that didn't pay the bills and I felt uncomfortable applying for managers' positions because I had no qualifications. Funnily enough, I'm going to college to study business so I can be my own manager,thus meaning that if my manager is a douche, it's me being a douche to myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Twin boys here, low functioning, SLD, OCD and ADHD, but most problems with Autism come from authorities and other people, not my two boys.

I can relate to that. However, most of my problems have been with bosses who have not bothered to take the time to understand aspergers, and I have been forced into adapting to certain work conditions I struggled with, and then they wondered why I was struggling. Without a doubt, the best manager I've had has been a charity shop manager, she's been brilliant over the years.

The thing is, sometimes it's a really simple thing that can make all the difference to a persons life, just a little bit of thought, but they are so adamant they are right and continue to make a persons life hell, glad you have a boss with sense matey.

Had. Sadly that didn't pay the bills and I felt uncomfortable applying for managers' positions because I had no qualifications. Funnily enough, I'm going to college to study business so I can be my own manager,thus meaning that if my manager is a douche, it's me being a douche to myself "

Nice one, be kind to yourself, lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Twin boys here, low functioning, SLD, OCD and ADHD, but most problems with Autism come from authorities and other people, not my two boys.

I can relate to that. However, most of my problems have been with bosses who have not bothered to take the time to understand aspergers, and I have been forced into adapting to certain work conditions I struggled with, and then they wondered why I was struggling. Without a doubt, the best manager I've had has been a charity shop manager, she's been brilliant over the years.

The thing is, sometimes it's a really simple thing that can make all the difference to a persons life, just a little bit of thought, but they are so adamant they are right and continue to make a persons life hell, glad you have a boss with sense matey.

Had. Sadly that didn't pay the bills and I felt uncomfortable applying for managers' positions because I had no qualifications. Funnily enough, I'm going to college to study business so I can be my own manager,thus meaning that if my manager is a douche, it's me being a douche to myself

Nice one, be kind to yourself, lol"

I'll try, thanks for the encouragement

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I'm not an aspie and have no experience with aspies but I've found this thread really informative and has made me think about things if I was ever to become friends with an aspie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think NT's are odd at times. People can be like magnets, but I simply do my own thing without giving a second thought to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often wonder what the key is to finding lasting happiness when you have Aspergers?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got the other half of my daughters 86 question assessment tomorrow.....

Hard work, nearly a year since we started the process

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Waves hello, mum to special needs lil boy who's also being assessed for autism.

I don't do phone verification, don't webcam either but I'm just shy. No one should do anything there not comfortable with.

Good luck xx

Lou

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've got the other half of my daughters 86 question assessment tomorrow.....

Hard work, nearly a year since we started the process "

Good luck, hope the rest of the assessment isn't too bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I often wonder what the key is to finding lasting happiness when you have Aspergers?"

Yeah, you and me both brain. I think it's just the same as with anyone else, working out what you want to do with your life, finding someone you want to go through life with, and doing things that hold your interest. Delete or add as you see fit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've got the other half of my daughters 86 question assessment tomorrow.....

Hard work, nearly a year since we started the process

Good luck, hope the rest of the assessment isn't too bad"

It was hard work.... Just don't understand the way they work, my youngest hasn't been diagnosed yet (also bring assessed) but has been given 25 hours extra support....but my daughter has had nothing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've got the other half of my daughters 86 question assessment tomorrow.....

Hard work, nearly a year since we started the process

Good luck, hope the rest of the assessment isn't too bad

It was hard work.... Just don't understand the way they work, my youngest hasn't been diagnosed yet (also bring assessed) but has been given 25 hours extra support....but my daughter has had nothing"

Wow. That sounds like an ordeal. Many hugs and best wishes to you guys with the hopes of better fortunes x

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