FabSwingers.com forum: a question for couples

By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

Hello all

I'm new to this and my partner isn't which makes me a lot more anxious than it does him.

Just wondering if other couples play solo as well as have 3somes , if so how do you do it? Meaning are you both completely open or just do it behind their back?

Just need advice from people in the lifestyle

thanks xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Completely open.

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By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

Does it ever get you upset or anything? Or do you arrange your own thing for the same time?xx

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By *utty_JiggleCouple
over a year ago

Black Country

Welcome to fab! You need to work out your own boundaries as a couple. No-one can tell you what is best for you and your partner. However, doing something behind their partners back isn't swinging, in my opinion. It requires a level of honesty and openness and should be used to enhance your relationship as a couple.

Hope that make sense.

Nutty

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By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

Thank you

I really want this to work and I want us to have some fun but sometimes it scares me and I don't feel comfortable.

Will have to set rules etc for us then and hopefully I don't find it so daunting !!xx

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By *utty_JiggleCouple
over a year ago

Black Country

"Thank you

I really want this to work and I want us to have some fun but sometimes it scares me and I don't feel comfortable.

Will have to set rules etc for us then and hopefully I don't find it so daunting !!xx"

We personally don't play seperately. You need to dip your toes in slowly if your apprehensive with your partner and take small steps. If your that anxious I wouldn't suggest start playing separately. Build up to it if it's something you both want to do.

Swinging is meant to be fun and enjoyable. Not an anxious, stressful experience. When you feel uncomfortable talk to your partner and tell him. Communication is key.

Nutty

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Thank you

I really want this to work and I want us to have some fun but sometimes it scares me and I don't feel comfortable.

Will have to set rules etc for us then and hopefully I don't find it so daunting !!xx"

I would set out really clear rules. More than you need as they can always be relaxed.

It's trial and error finding out what works for you both.

Perhaps think what you would like to try but what you'd be comfortable your other half doing to someone else too.

Personally, I prefer being present when my partner plays with other women and then I feel included, even if I'm just watching. Some people prefer separate rooms.

Clubs might be a good place for you to start. You could watch others play or maybe play together and let others watch. Dipping your toe in.

You might be surprised. I'm new (ish) to swinging with a partner. I thought I would hate watching him play solo with another woman. It turns out, I'm quite the voyeur and I absolutely love it. Sometimes I join in, sometimes I don't.

If it's stressing you, then I would maybe rethink if it's for you. It's supposed to be additional fun not something to cause any anxiety.

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By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

It's not that I want to rule out solo play but right now it's too much !

Let's hope he sees it that way X

Thanks

xxx

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I guess within a couple, when you have not met as singles who swing, one partner is always going to be the initial instigator, and the other learning the ropes, as it were. Can't advise you on that one, as we are equals with this, meeting on here, we both knew where we were with this and what we wanted from it ... but this have changed since we are now a couple. We stilt have single profiles, but the nature of our relationship is now more important than any meets on here. Thus we have evolved to once a month or less parties or clubs and the much more social aspect of swinging ...I think you have to be sure the relationship is solid and not do anything you don't want to do ... communication is everything, and making sure it is indeed what you personally want and you are not being driven along by someone else. I do worry about that aspect for couples who have one partner lure the other into it .... not saying that is your case, just in general.

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By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

I would set out really clear rules. More than you need as they can always be relaxed.

It's trial and error finding out what works for you both.

Perhaps think what you would like to try but what you'd be comfortable your other half doing to someone else too.

Personally, I prefer being present when my partner plays with other women and then I feel included, even if I'm just watching. Some people prefer separate rooms.

Clubs might be a good place for you to start. You could watch others play or maybe play together and let others watch. Dipping your toe in.

If it's stressing you, then I would maybe rethink if it's for you. It's supposed to be additional fun not something to cause any anxiety. "

It's only stressing me because I feel out of my depth , wanted to try it out but baby steps !

Communication is key and I think if we can get on a level with some rules I'll feel a lot calmer !

Because I'm so new to this I don't know what I like etc so maybe I would like to watch, then it's down to me if I join in or walk away xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does it ever get you upset or anything? Or do you arrange your own thing for the same time?xx"

Upset? Not at all. WHy would we be upset that the other is having a great time? No, it's all about great sex (which of course we have together - what we can't do together is have 'new' sex that you can only have with a new partner). So long as you approach it with the right mentality you can have a fantastic time with another partner and yet still keep a solid unbreakable relationship with your spouse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/08/15 11:27:53]

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By *ecktheHallsCouple
over a year ago

Near Leeds xx

If your not comfortable with meeting solo, then don't. For us swinging is just an extension of our relationship, something we share together. We personally wouldn't meet seperately, but that is because it's something we want to share together. It's all down to personal choice though, and if your not comfortable, don't ever feel forced into anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello all

I'm new to this and my partner isn't which makes me a lot more anxious than it does him.

Just wondering if other couples play solo as well as have 3somes , if so how do you do it? Meaning are you both completely open or just do it behind their back?

Just need advice from people in the lifestyle

thanks xx"

We personally never play apart - what we do is for our joint enjoyment as we like watching each other's pleasure

Apart is not for us ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have a feeling of doubt about how you would feel during or afterwards then maybe its not for you maybe just stick to meets with your partner and then uf your feelings change then tak a next step

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By *eardsandboobsCouple
over a year ago

north of lincoln

"Hello all

I'm new to this and my partner isn't which makes me a lot more anxious than it does him.

Just wondering if other couples play solo as well as have 3somes , if so how do you do it? Meaning are you both completely open or just do it behind their back?

Just need advice from people in the lifestyle

thanks xx

We personally never play apart - what we do is for our joint enjoyment as we like watching each other's pleasure

Apart is not for us ??"

We are the same. Why bother having sex away from your partner ? That to us isn't swinging . We enjoy seeing each other having fun.

We found starting with just having sex Infront of others helped our nerves then we gradually did more and more. Probably took 6 months before actual sex with someone else happened .

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By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

Thanks all,

I want to give him the freedom , but also want him to understand my point of view

Should start as a couple who have guests and maybe branch out into solo play ?

Really appreciate your help !!xxx

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By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

We personally never play apart - what we do is for our joint enjoyment as we like watching each other's pleasure

Apart is not for us ??

We are the same. Why bother having sex away from your partner ? That to us isn't swinging . We enjoy seeing each other having fun.

We found starting with just having sex Infront of others helped our nerves then we gradually did more and more. Probably took 6 months before actual sex with someone else happened . "

Thanks !!X to me it doesn't feel like swinging but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to eventually do it too X Just a bit scary to start with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello all

I'm new to this and my partner isn't which makes me a lot more anxious than it does him.

Just wondering if other couples play solo as well as have 3somes , if so how do you do it? Meaning are you both completely open or just do it behind their back?

Just need advice from people in the lifestyle

thanks xx"

When you are not a "real " couple as it is... I think it is much harder to play separate. Mostly as what seperates you from the other people you are both meeting.

Personally I think that it can work... BUT you need total honesty and openness... As if things happen behind your back it kills any trust.. and all relationships be it fb or life time soul mates need trust.

We met separately when we first met, then have had a very long time where we haven't.. We have after a lot of discussion agreed that we may try it but yet since deciding that we haven't actually felt the need.

Personally I never want to meet separately but accept that Mr may on occasion do so but with the proviso that I know and approve.

We are not technically a FB couple though, but not a Married, live together romantic couple either.. but if your new, find your own feet first and establish what you have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We never swing separately , we enjoy seeing each other have fun . We have done very mild separate room in a club , but didn't feel comfortable , so didn't do it again .

Only ever do what you are comfortable with .

If he feels he wants to continue to play separately , maybe it's better you say you aren't ready to , but you can't really stop him can you ? Perhaps it would be wise if he didn't go into detail about his meets until you are ready .

Good luck

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By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

"We never swing separately , we enjoy seeing each other have fun . We have done very mild separate room in a club , but didn't feel comfortable , so didn't do it again .

Only ever do what you are comfortable with .

Good luck

Thanks

makes sense really

Clubs are a bit daunting to both of us so that'll be something to think of together

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By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

When you are not a "real " couple as it is... I think it is much harder to play separate. Mostly as what seperates you from the other people you are both meeting.

Personally I never want to meet separately but accept that Mr may on occasion do so but with the proviso that I know and approve.

We are not technically a FB couple though, but not a Married, live together romantic couple either.. but if your new, find your own feet first and establish what you have.

We've been together for 3 years without any of this so we are serious ,is probably why this is so difficult for me

Honesty is the key

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi You need to work out your own boundaries as a couple. You 2 must speak what you two want to try. Make deal and do only what is good both of you. Communication is important.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi You need to work out your own boundaries as a couple. You 2 must speak what you two want to try. Make deal and do only what is good both of you. Communication is important."

This.

The only thing that matters is that you are both happy. If you don't want to meet others and don't want him to meet alone then he should respect that. If he doesn't then it says more about him than you.

You should never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

If he is serious about you he wil listen to all your concerns.

The ONLY way this works is with openness, honesty and compromise. If he doesn't want to listen to you and wants to do his own thing then it's not going to work long term...

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By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

Will see what he thinks

Fingers crossed X

Thanks people xxx

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford

"If he is serious about you he wil listen to all your concerns.

The ONLY way this works is with openness, honesty and compromise. If he doesn't want to listen to you and wants to do his own thing then it's not going to work long term..."

this and what others have said.

We are doing things now we said we would never do 4 years ago! Kate is having a night away next week

Talk, make it fun, he needs to let you explore at YOur pace as you are new to it.

I can understand how "knowing what I know now" we'd have moved faster, but that's not how it works. Experience is not something you are told about, it's something you have to go trough.

Just remind him of that.

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By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

That's what I mean at the moment it makes me uncomfortable but it's not something I want to rule out completely !

I want us both to have fun and learn new things about ourselves . I want to move at a pace that suits us both which may be slower for him and a little quicker for me but at least we're on the same level and happy X

Thanks for your post xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The biggest thing is communication. There are going to be times when one wants to do something the other isn't initially comfortable with. There will be times of frustration, spats and disagreements but as long as you reassure each other that you're number 1 to each other then you'll work it out between you. x

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By *onny-2008Man
over a year ago

Manchester/ Lancaster

only do what you feel you want to do and each time you try things you can venture a bit more next time

be honest and open if you want to play separate

good luck xx

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By *oxycouple28Couple
over a year ago

bexley

Hiya,

You guys also need to work out other things, especially if your both new to it. For example, its one thing him saying about meeting seperatly because he may be thinking "great, I can have my cake and eat it!"

However, sometimes things work the other way, so he also needs to think how he would feel if you went off and played with other people. We have seen couples in the past where one wants to go off and play but can't handle it if their partner does exactly that..

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By *ischief ManagedCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Open and honest is the way to a happy healthy relationship. At least you are both in it and know what is happening unlike some unlucky partners that havent a clue (search the forum for that one) . We are always open about it and discuss maybe too much at times but you do need to go at pace that you will both be happy with.I like the idea of my partner having meets however next on the agenda after we both agreed was a 3sum mmf a turn on for me and have we had a few club visits but yet to have one (any offers

) .Whats next on our list after that who knows....

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

We don't meet seperately but we do not always both play at a meet.

Sometimes one or the other will just watch the action or even be in a different room.

Just decide what suits the pair of you and try that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We both meet or in my case am going to meet solo and are completely honest about it. Only way. And if they get too attached they go. Have rules and stick to them. It will also bring you closer together. Then discuss what you have got up to. The love making thwn is mind blowing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We only play as a couple something we started together ,so stay that way don't mind each other playing separately so long as other is around same venue ect mainly for her safety

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Welcome to fab! You need to work out your own boundaries as a couple. No-one can tell you what is best for you and your partner. However, doing something behind their partners back isn't swinging, in my opinion. It requires a level of honesty and openness and should be used to enhance your relationship as a couple.

Hope that make sense.

Nutty

couldn't have put it better .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello all

I'm new to this and my partner isn't which makes me a lot more anxious than it does him.

Just wondering if other couples play solo as well as have 3somes , if so how do you do it? Meaning are you both completely open or just do it behind their back?

Just need advice from people in the lifestyle

thanks xx"

I play on my own, and with my partners.

I'd never dream of lying to them. If they ever lied to me they'd be dumped.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does it ever get you upset or anything? Or do you arrange your own thing for the same time?xx"

I usually just take the opportunity to have a good night's sleep in my bed without him waking me up at 6am when he goes to work. :D

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't read every reply but one thing that we have found is that we don't always feel the same, sometimes we change or bend the "rules" because that's what's needed. Communication is key but just because it's ok one day doesn't mean, in a slightly different scenario, that it is still ok. Could just be a particular person that for no reason one of us might take a dislike to. So keep talking and never assume it's ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe do a list of do's and dont's or a list of fantasies that you would like but this is about both of you sharing the experience be open and honest and do not be pressured into something you are not happy with. If clubs are far too out there for you at the moment there are plenty of socials to go to, to get the feel of things also could start with soft swing and work up but only if it feels right.

Good luck and welcome to the world of fabs x

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By *ondimentsCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

We play in separate rooms, and completely separately. Complete honesty is the only way. Sometimes we'll have separate meets at the same time, others not, depends on our moods.

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By *orny n NaughtyWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I started this last year for my bicuriosity. At first I couldn't even bear my partner kissing the other girl but as time has gone on I've relaxed and I now get turned on seeing him fuck her while she's kissing or licking me. Still not comfortable with him cumming in her but maybe that will change in time. I'd hate it if he wanted to play on his own tho but he's said he doesn't mind if I want to play alone with a girl...as long as I take done pics lol. So far I haven't felt 100% comfortable with that so not done it yet but it's a definite possibility. I think you just relax your rules when you become comfortable with the old set xx

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By *rincess Slut 94 OP Woman
over a year ago

Medway & Thanet

Thanks all !!x

We spoke briefly and expressed concerns, agreed tgat bottom line is we always come first to each other and this is not something that has to be set in stone. We thought we'd give it a go and see what happens and just keep adapting from there

Really appreciate everyones input xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks guys for some informative replys and some helpful information op hope things go well for you as im in similar position xxx take care and have fun

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Hello all

I'm new to this and my partner isn't which makes me a lot more anxious than it does him.

Just wondering if other couples play solo as well as have 3somes , if so how do you do it? Meaning are you both completely open or just do it behind their back?

Just need advice from people in the lifestyle

thanks xx"

We only play together. For us, a large part of the fun is seeing each other having a good time. As for threesomes, it actually tends to be foursomes or more-some

In my oppinion; the secret to swinging being an enhancement to our relationship ship, is trust, honesty, respect and communication. If one of us wanted to meet on our own for example, we'd discuss it and talk about how we feel about it. Ultimately, we will only do something if the other-half is happy with it too.

I do believe that the reason why we don't suffer jealousy or guilty about having sex with others, is because we do it together..

Cal

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By *P2903Couple
over a year ago

Rotherham

K has been out for a surprise lunchtime play with our FB. I'm happy for her to do so, it's a lovely surprise to see your wife in action when you weren't expecting it and it makes the day pass just a little quicker. Different strokes and all that but we're both cool with it.

- P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd be interested in knowing how you intend to go about this. If you are going to try and meet couples at parties or through Fab. If you are going to try and arrange threesomes or meet two singles either together or separately, via Fab or at parties. If you are going to try and pick people up in public. Or if there are already some people you have in mind to have sex with.

If it is the first or second then good luck to you both. If it is the third I'd be fascinated to hear how you intend to pull it off. And if it is the fourth I'd be highly suspicious that your man is looking to reopen sexual relations with a previous lover.

Just some thoughts

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've been on the scene for over eight years now, and still consider ourselves inexperienced.

Mainly because we have taken it slowly at a we're both comfortable with.

Even now we're at discovering likes/dislikes and boundaries.

They key for us has been open honest and none judgmental communication respecting each others opinions and boundaries.

Where ones enjoyment supercedes the others, we don't consider that swinging at all, as it's important to us that were both comfortable, happy and enjoying it.

In our opinion if you can both enjoy the scene using too principles you can't go too wrong.

Wishing you lots of luck and welcome

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By *BW100Couple
over a year ago

Suffolk/Norfolk border

You have had lots of great advice, we played having threesomes for 2 & 1/2 yrs before I felt comfortable & confident playing on my own with a guy but that's with lots of encouragement from him but then chat about it after, we tell each other everything, no secrets & that's why it works. Have fun & enjoy x

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

WE prefer to be together but often end up playing in separate rooms in clubs and at parties.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We play as couple,but I'm allowed to play alone with single guys.although playing alone with a couple is a no no.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm the female half. We met through Fab and he had a lot more experience than me, as a single male on the scene. We both started as singles and moved to a couple when I was ready. We've had some "bumps" along the way. However, being open in terms of communication and meeting others has strengthened our relationship. I won't say it's been easy because it's not but it's definitely been worthwhile. We wouldn't still be together after almost 18 months if we weren't open.

Good luck and keep communicating is my advice x

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