FabSwingers.com forum: Our Top Tips for Approaching A Couple

By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

Having said the same thing over and over again in private messages to people that wonder why they don't get anywhere on here, I thought I would share this with others....please feel free to add:

1. When you first approach a couples profile you should first of all check out whether you are speaking the man or woman.

2. Always treat the couple as a couple and not approach the woman as though she were single - this is totally disrespectful to the man. If we wanted to be treated as individuals, we would have singles profiles.

(The following applies to whether you're approaching a couples or singles profile)

3. Read the profile properly and respect what has been written - don't just jump straight to the pictures and ignore the text.

4. Before you start stating what you want try checking out that this is okay to do first by striking up a conversation to establish boundaries etc.

5. Before approaching, ask yourself "would I say this if I was meeting them face-to-face for the first time?"

Have fun

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Re 1.

Why?

Should an opening message not be aimed at both?

Should it be assumed that only one will be the decision maker?

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Re 1.

Why?

Should an opening message not be aimed at both?

Should it be assumed that only one will be the decision maker?

We have received so many opening messages assuming they are talking to me (Flik) and have not approached us as a couple. Obviously we are not always going to be sat side-by-side when on here, so establishing who is messaging would probably save some awkward conversations. Of course, any decisions would be a joint thing, but this is aimed at first approaching a couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Re 1.

Why?

Should an opening message not be aimed at both?

Should it be assumed that only one will be the decision maker?

"
this is brill always get guys just messaging thinking they are talking to babycakes gets on my nerves we always address our messages to both people in a couple its just polite

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

Personally, it is best to approach down wind of them.

Once you have sneaked up close enough, create a diversion (possibly Match of the Day based)...then throw a hood over her head and steal off into the night. Simples

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Re 1.

Why?

Should an opening message not be aimed at both?

Should it be assumed that only one will be the decision maker?

this is brill always get guys just messaging thinking they are talking to babycakes gets on my nerves we always address our messages to both people in a couple its just polite

Thanks Strife

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Re 1.

Why?

Should an opening message not be aimed at both?

Should it be assumed that only one will be the decision maker?

We agree, messages should be aimed at the couple, we find when a guy finds out he's talking Jackie he tone of conversation is totally different to if he was talking to me,

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Re 1.

Why?

Should an opening message not be aimed at both?

Should it be assumed that only one will be the decision maker?

this is brill always get guys just messaging thinking they are talking to babycakes gets on my nerves we always address our messages to both people in a couple its just polite

Thanks Strife

Maybe it's just me - but if I wanted to send a message to a couple of do just that.

Not start out by sending a message asking who'll be answering. That to me is no different to an opening message assuming it's one of the other. Couples are equal parties on a profile so why not start out treating them as such and just address it to both?

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Re 1.

Why?

Should an opening message not be aimed at both?

Should it be assumed that only one will be the decision maker?

this is brill always get guys just messaging thinking they are talking to babycakes gets on my nerves we always address our messages to both people in a couple its just polite

Thanks Strife

Maybe it's just me - but if I wanted to send a message to a couple of do just that.

I think that because you are a part of a couple you think that way, as we do...unfortunately a lot of single men (and occasionally women) don't.

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Newton Stewart

"Re 1.

Why?

Should an opening message not be aimed at both?

Should it be assumed that only one will be the decision maker?

Absolutely, we often get messages along the lines of, "Great Tits!", to which the usual reponse is, "Thanks, the wife's aren't bad either".

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

approach them slowly

Make sure you are down wind of them

Dont make any sudden noises or movements

Stay low to the ground with your arms to your side so you don't appear large and threatening. Couples are easily scared off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"approach them slowly

Make sure you are down wind of them

Dont make any sudden noises or movements

Stay low to the ground with your arms to your side so you don't appear large and threatening. Couples are easily scared off.

Sounds too much like hard work!!

If in a club I smile and say something really clever - like 'hello!'

When messaging I also say hello - refrain from using any code words as I don't like them - and attach a few pics of my fugly face!

I think that my success rate has been around - urm - 100% ?

Guess I'm just lucky?

I rely on my profile to 'sell' me though - not my initial message!

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"approach them slowly

Make sure you are down wind of them

Dont make any sudden noises or movements

Stay low to the ground with your arms to your side so you don't appear large and threatening. Couples are easily scared off.

Sounds too much like hard work!!

If in a club I smile and say something really clever - like 'hello!'

When messaging I also say hello - refrain from using any code words as I don't like them - and attach a few pics of my fugly face!

I think that my success rate has been around - urm - 100% ?

Guess I'm just lucky?

I rely on my profile to 'sell' me though - not my initial message!

I think that being a woman certainly gives you that advantage, but also your approach of just saying hello is a good one...when we receive an opening message of "I wanna fuck you and cum on yer tits" it's not so appealing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I disagree with point 1 too. However the majority of the mail we get (to our couples profile) addresses us both, not aimed at one of us.

Our profile pic is both of us together and we have equal photos of both of us. I think that makes a difference.

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

Absolutely, we often get messages along the lines of, "Great Tits!", to which the usual reponse is, "Thanks, the wife's aren't bad either"."

My husband does that too

I expect, on our couples profile, for the first message to be addressed to the pair of us, if it is something like hello darling I just delete.

When I reply I always sign my name first just to show I was the author, and if I like the person and I am answering the mail while hubby is at work then I will only put my initial.

If/when it seems they have forgotten we are a couple then I get hubby to answer a few messages just to remind them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about if you wonder when hubby starts work to fuck the wife? lol

(its a joke)

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By *onah10Man
over a year ago

birmingham

Flik and Paul some very good advice but not many will read this let alone understand it lol xxx

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"I disagree with point 1 too. However the majority of the mail we get (to our couples profile) addresses us both, not aimed at one of us.

Our profile pic is both of us together and we have equal photos of both of us. I think that makes a difference. "

Hello...Paul here...Sadly the vast majority of messages that "we" receive are aimed purely at Flik. We are planning to put more "couples" shots up soon so we'll see if that makes a difference.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

I always sign my messages so people know they're talking to me, unless I don't want them to know

But the amount of single guys who talk directly at me is staggering. One even commented that I must have a cushy job that allows me to be online all the time. I pointed out it was a couples profile and he's here too. And this was someone I'd conversed with a lot

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

and the next message we receive is..."Hey flick how has your day been?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Okay, let's have a go with No.1:

"WHO AM I TALKING TO...IDENTIFY YOURSELF?"

What do you think?

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Okay, let's have a go with No.1:

"WHO AM I TALKING TO...IDENTIFY YOURSELF?"

What do you think? "

That would make us laugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and the next message we receive is..."Hey flick how has your day been?""
How do we know which one is online tho of the couple?

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Okay, let's have a go with No.1:

"WHO AM I TALKING TO...IDENTIFY YOURSELF?"

What do you think? "

Perfect...without the shouty letters, but if you don't want to know then expect a surprise when you ask when we can meet and fuck and I tell you I'm not ghey...Paul

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"and the next message we receive is..."Hey flick how has your day been?"How do we know which one is online tho of the couple?"

Precisely....so why not "Hey flik and Paul how has your day been?

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"and the next message we receive is..."Hey flick how has your day been?"How do we know which one is online tho of the couple?"

We would make it clear which one they are talking with

this is Flik by the way

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Common sense, mainly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We put on our profile that it's me who answers all messages ( Andrew ) so any that are clearly directed to Sabrina are ignored .

It actually works

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and the next message we receive is..."Hey flick how has your day been?"How do we know which one is online tho of the couple?

We would make it clear which one they are talking with

this is Flik by the way

"
YEs that's a good idea or as a status flik is on or the other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and the next message we receive is..."Hey flick how has your day been?"How do we know which one is online tho of the couple?

Precisely....so why not "Hey flik and Paul how has your day been?"

I use it as a filter. If they send mail to just one of us I'd just ignore them as I think it's rude. He's less grumpy than me though and it doesn't bother him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/07/15 15:34:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"approach them slowly

Make sure you are down wind of them

Dont make any sudden noises or movements

Stay low to the ground with your arms to your side so you don't appear large and threatening. Couples are easily scared off.

Sounds too much like hard work!!

If in a club I smile and say something really clever - like 'hello!'

When messaging I also say hello - refrain from using any code words as I don't like them - and attach a few pics of my fugly face!

I think that my success rate has been around - urm - 100% ?

Guess I'm just lucky?

I rely on my profile to 'sell' me though - not my initial message!

To be fair id struggle to aim over your tits!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and the next message we receive is..."Hey flick how has your day been?"How do we know which one is online tho of the couple?

Precisely....so why not "Hey flik and Paul how has your day been?

I use it as a filter. If they send mail to just one of us I'd just ignore them as I think it's rude. He's less grumpy than me though and it doesn't bother him.

"
How was your day scarlet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just send us anything, if we like the look of your profile we'll get back to you.

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Just send us anything, if we like the look of your profile we'll get back to you."

We do answer all of our messages....even if it's to say no thanks. It's just that some are mystified as to why there is no desire to continue the conversation. This was just our guide to approaching us....may suit some and not others...may help someone to get a better response from others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I aim all my fancy a fuck messages at the Female n if i get no response i know She must be a raving Rug Muncher and i let Ms Muffin take over

Gentleman Gimp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3. "...don't jump straight to the pictures!"

A common error (they'll never learn), but I have to concur with your 'veri' bloke on Flick: "The best... smile on Fab!"

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"3. "...don't jump straight to the pictures!"

A common error (they'll never learn), but I have to concur with your 'veri' bloke on Flick: "The best... smile on Fab!" "

Thank you....muchly appreciated

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By *razedcatMan
over a year ago

London / Herts

Not to cast a sense of cynicism over this thread, but this approach only works for some couples. Others will judge you entirely on your appearance, almost regardless of what you say.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"Not to cast a sense of cynicism over this thread, but this approach only works for some couples. Others will judge you entirely on your appearance, almost regardless of what you say. "

Well it doesnt matter if you write like Shakespeare if there is no sexual attraction does it?

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Not to cast a sense of cynicism over this thread, but this approach only works for some couples. Others will judge you entirely on your appearance, almost regardless of what you say. "

Absolutely...then the next thing is they post on the forums complaining that they are not getting anywhere on the site.

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Not to cast a sense of cynicism over this thread, but this approach only works for some couples. Others will judge you entirely on your appearance, almost regardless of what you say. "

This is our guide to approaching us and wouldn't dream of speaking for others - what works for some may not work for others.

We certainly don't judge anyone by their appearance, but a bad attitude is a massive turn-off for us.

We've received messages since posting this thanking us for the advice so if it helps any fellow Fabbers then job done...that was all it was intended for

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Not to cast a sense of cynicism over this thread, but this approach only works for some couples. Others will judge you entirely on your appearance, almost regardless of what you say.

Well it doesnt matter if you write like Shakespeare if there is no sexual attraction does it?"

You don't have to have sexual attraction to have an enjoyable and stimulating conversation....we've had plenty of those on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ahhh not a prob for us.. As states on our profile.. Mr F never uses fab...

He's under the patio

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Ahhh not a prob for us.. As states on our profile.. Mr F never uses fab...

He's under the patio

A clean, clinical if somewhat extreme solution

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends how you like to do things really. We 'prefer' sorting a real life meet fairly quickly, not really into the 'chat' side of things, though a few days beforehand a bit of text flirting not a problem.

If long distance a bit of flirty text not a problem either but again preferably just a few days before a meet. So long as there are clear pics, and other needs are a match, then the final decision isn't really made until someone is in front of you anyway.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

We're middle of the road, don't see the point in organising a social meet if we haven't chatted a while here first. Could be awkward and stilted otherwise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends how you like to do things really. We 'prefer' sorting a real life meet fairly quickly, not really into the 'chat' side of things, though a few days beforehand a bit of text flirting not a problem.

It's a red flag for us if flirty chat goes in for more than a few days without arranging a meet, so we just switch off, if we like the look of the pics and profile we will arrange a meet and do the chatting & flirting when we physically meet and then decide to play or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and the next message we receive is..."Hey flick how has your day been?""

To be honest, you both say you're straight & play together so if I was a single male messaging you, I'd probably aim my message at Flik as she is the one I'd want to have fun with, just as a single woman I'd aim my message at Paul as he would be the one I'd want to play with.

Does this make any sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ahhh not a prob for us.. As states on our profile.. Mr F never uses fab...

He's under the patio

A clean, clinical if somewhat extreme solution

Shush it's a secret

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Ahhh not a prob for us.. As states on our profile.. Mr F never uses fab...

He's under the patio

A clean, clinical if somewhat extreme solution

Shush it's a secret

Your secret is safe with us....discretion is key

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Personally, it is best to approach down wind of them.

Once you have sneaked up close enough, create a diversion (possibly Match of the Day based)...then throw a hood over her head and steal off into the night. Simples

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree about approaching the couple as a couple, we get so many messages where people assume it's him running our profile when it isn't - I'm not even sure if he can remember the password. Although the other day we did get a message that just said 'nice tits' so I got him to reply with a picture of his chest saying thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because sometimes couple profile sounds like its written in 3rd person and complements the wife more I think.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

We always address both members of a couple, and have been fortunate that we have generally had the same approach with us.

Maybe because we have several photos of us both and did the profile together?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"approach them slowly

Make sure you are down wind of them

Dont make any sudden noises or movements

Stay low to the ground with your arms to your side so you don't appear large and threatening. Couples are easily scared off.

Sounds too much like hard work!!

If in a club I smile and say something really clever - like 'hello!'

When messaging I also say hello - refrain from using any code words as I don't like them - and attach a few pics of my fugly face!

I think that my success rate has been around - urm - 100% ?

Guess I'm just lucky?

I rely on my profile to 'sell' me though - not my initial message!

You're just that awesome peach

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"We always address both members of a couple, and have been fortunate that we have generally had the same approach with us.

Maybe because we have several photos of us both and did the profile together?

As did we and have pictures of us both ..approach from couples has not been an issue...this was aimed at helping singletons

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a man of limited imagination and intelligence, I assume both partners read the messages anyway and usually start my messages with hi Mr and Mrs (or whatever they're down as on their profile)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We always address both members of a couple, and have been fortunate that we have generally had the same approach with us.

Maybe because we have several photos of us both and did the profile together?

As did we and have pictures of us both ..approach from couples has not been an issue...this was aimed at helping singletons

Genuinely read that as simpletons not singletons

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By *razedcatMan
over a year ago

London / Herts

"Not to cast a sense of cynicism over this thread, but this approach only works for some couples. Others will judge you entirely on your appearance, almost regardless of what you say.

Well it doesnt matter if you write like Shakespeare if there is no sexual attraction does it?"

I think I've been misunderstood. I'm not saying that couples should be interested in people in the absence of any physical attraction.

I'm saying that some couples only care about the way you look. You could be as dumb as a sack of potatoes or as crude as a 70s standup, if you've got the right physical attributes you're in.

It's just a matter of preference, ultimately. And I'm hoping people don't assume I'm being bitter, because I don't meet couples who don't want to engage in conversation. My preference

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"bring a female for us"

its not only singles that send twatty messages....

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"Not to cast a sense of cynicism over this thread, but this approach only works for some couples. Others will judge you entirely on your appearance, almost regardless of what you say.

Well it doesnt matter if you write like Shakespeare if there is no sexual attraction does it?

I think I've been misunderstood. I'm not saying that couples should be interested in people in the absence of any physical attraction.

I'm saying that some couples only care about the way you look. You could be as dumb as a sack of potatoes or as crude as a 70s standup, if you've got the right physical attributes you're in.

It's just a matter of preference, ultimately. And I'm hoping people don't assume I'm being bitter, because I don't meet couples who don't want to engage in conversation. My preference

Ah I see what you meant now. It is easy to make generalisations about couples or singles, but some couples even disagree amongst themselves about whether a turn of phrase or a view/attitude is off putting or not. So in the end, i guess you cant please everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also let's not forget, couples are at the top of the tree and don't send shite mail to singles, with all manor of bizarre requests, demands and rules (for the wife)

It's not solely, the single men that are sending out these mails.

I often find couple profiles and those contained in or on it, worse than singles.

So, I'd not so polietly, decline an opening mail lesson.

After all that's what the delete button is for and filters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also let's not forget, couples are at the top of the tree and don't send shite mail to singles, with all manor of bizarre requests, demands and rules (for the wife)

It's not solely, the single men that are sending out these mails.

I often find couple profiles and those contained in or on it, worse than singles.

So, I'd not so polietly, decline an opening mail lesson.

After all that's what the delete button is for and filters. "

*Couples profiles and emails*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmm. I think it depends on what all parties are looking for. Songles who are interested in both parties will talk to both parties. If they only talk to one of you, why entertain them if they're not for you?

You can't change other people's behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*singles

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By *lik and Paul OP Couple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Hmm. I think it depends on what all parties are looking for. Songles who are interested in both parties will talk to both parties. If they only talk to one of you, why entertain them if they're not for you?

You can't change other people's behaviour. "

You're absolutely right....only they can change if they want to. But there are dozens of forum posts every day of single men asking for help as they don't get anywhere. Their profile isn't the only thing taken into account - how they interact is a massive part, so we therefore were giving pointers of how we like to be approached.....nothing more to it than that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure why you would want to give advice on how to message you?

If you get crap messages, delete them. If those that message you aren't who you are looking for, try being proactive and message first yourselves.

Nobody has given me advice and although compared to some my profile may be rubbish and the vast majority of my messages are deleted with no reply, I still do ok.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm not sure why you would want to give advice on how to message you?

If you get crap messages, delete them. If those that message you aren't who you are looking for, try being proactive and message first yourselves.

Nobody has given me advice and although compared to some my profile may be rubbish and the vast majority of my messages are deleted with no reply, I still do ok."

Agreed!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not sure why you would want to give advice on how to message you?

If you get crap messages, delete them. If those that message you aren't who you are looking for, try being proactive and message first yourselves.

Nobody has given me advice and although compared to some my profile may be rubbish and the vast majority of my messages are deleted with no reply, I still do ok.

Agreed!

Why thankyou kind sir and lady!

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