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variable consent

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By *ensoria OP   Couple
over a year ago

Brighton

Why do some couples struggle to be clear about consent? We had a meet recently where I had to ensure they knew 'no' to any act is always welcomed as much as yes. The freedom to choose at any stage of a meet.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Do you mean that they weren't clear about being able to say no or found it difficult to accept that you could say no?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A number of women I've been with used to say that I was to ignore when they said no. Now I am reluctant to accept even a maybe is consent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Scratches tierd head, looks confused and goes to look for a hot chocolate and pair of warm slippers

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

I tend to always ask to start playing, and although we would have previously discussed boundaries and what we are looking for (for example full swap), I will usually ask at each stage of escalating play, for example starting with kissing, caressing, boob play, pussy play etc. etc. just to make sure they are comfortable all the way through. I even do this with people I have played with before.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Also its not like there is swinging school that everyone has to attend. We listen to the Life on the swingset podcast and that has given us a brilliant education

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I usually chat for quite sone time before a meet so ground rules and boundaries are known, for example, one of my biggest social fears is outstaying my welcome so I always suggest a 'Steve leaves' time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I usually chat for quite sone time before a meet so ground rules and boundaries are known, for example, one of my biggest social fears is outstaying my welcome so I always suggest a 'Steve leaves' time. "

Are you still here?

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge


"I usually chat for quite sone time before a meet so ground rules and boundaries are known, for example, one of my biggest social fears is outstaying my welcome so I always suggest a 'Steve leaves' time.

Are you still here? "

Yeah its way past Steve leaves o'clock!

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By *ensoria OP   Couple
over a year ago

Brighton


"I tend to always ask to start playing, and although we would have previously discussed boundaries and what we are looking for (for example full swap), I will usually ask at each stage of escalating play, for example starting with kissing, caressing, boob play, pussy play etc. etc. just to make sure they are comfortable all the way through. I even do this with people I have played with before. "

this is exactly how we do it. As often when in a party or group situation someone can do something to change your consent to different activities.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tend to always ask to start playing, and although we would have previously discussed boundaries and what we are looking for (for example full swap), I will usually ask at each stage of escalating play, for example starting with kissing, caressing, boob play, pussy play etc. etc. just to make sure they are comfortable all the way through. I even do this with people I have played with before.

this is exactly how we do it. As often when in a party or group situation someone can do something to change your consent to different activities. "

It's also sometimes what I do, but that's dependent on the person I'm with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I work on a "negotiate in" rather than "opt out" basis.

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By *opinovMan
over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

I'm gravitating increasingly towards consensual non-consent - I find it... um well, captivating I suppose!

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"A number of women I've been with used to say that I was to ignore when they said no. Now I am reluctant to accept even a maybe is consent"

Get it in writing.

It used to be expected that "good" girls would always say no and had to be persuaded to have sex.

Now that is considered coercion and potentially rape.

To safeguard yourself get written consent witnessed by someone in authority such as a policeman, school teacher, minister of religion or M.P.

Oh hang on a minute all those types have had sex allegations laid against them let me have a rethink.

Never have sex

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By *rinking-in-laCouple
over a year ago

Bristol


"A number of women I've been with used to say that I was to ignore when they said no. Now I am reluctant to accept even a maybe is consent

Get it in writing.

It used to be expected that "good" girls would always say no and had to be persuaded to have sex.

Now that is considered coercion and potentially rape.

To safeguard yourself get written consent witnessed by someone in authority such as a policeman, school teacher, minister of religion or M.P.

Oh hang on a minute all those types have had sex allegations laid against them let me have a rethink.

Never have sex

"

It is a lot safer that way.

It also avoids the "buyers remorse" where one of the participants starts to feel embarrassed and claims that they were forced into it to avoid said embarrassment. Dreadfully difficult for the other party as an accusation like that sticks irrespective of any legal outcome.

Sex is a minefield not helped by the fact that humans frequently behave like dicks.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

No you guys are thinking about vanilla sex, with 2 people. We just have sex in a 4, that way we have witnesses who will say its consensual

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"No you guys are thinking about vanilla sex, with 2 people. We just have sex in a 4, that way we have witnesses who will say its consensual "

One would think so but that is not always the way.

Possibly the ones that get the most publicity are the claims & counter-claims involving footballers in gang rape cases.

In some cases the charges have been thrown out in others the men have been found guilty.

It is not always so cut and dried as you would think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When ive been on a meet, the guy has always asked "shall we start playing now", sometimes I feel like I wish they would just take control, without asking. I still have some limits but that could be talked about via message first.

Save wasting time talking about it on the actual meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We always discuss any 'no go' activities before a meet and make it clear that if anyone says 'stop' then everyone does so. Luckily never been in a 'stop' situation, as all the people we've met have been careful and considerate ...........even the rough ones

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By *ensoria OP   Couple
over a year ago

Brighton

I get the idea of wanting a man to lead. But the appeal of swinging to me is how it empowers you because you cannot be passive and still give consent. To be able to say no freely is a sexual kick. X

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