FabSwingers.com forum: Getting used to Clubs?

By *razedcat OP Man
over a year ago

London / Herts

Hey everyone,

I'd like to get people's two cents on this topic. The other day, I visited my first swing club with a very accommodating female companion.

It took time for me to understand just how differently things go down in a club, as opposed to the more...gradual private meet approach.

But I just couldn't perform, despite the fact there were plenty of attractive people there (my companion included

. It baffled me because I'm experienced with meets, had threesomes and even been in a couple of group situations before, and never had an issue.

It's safe to say my ego was feeling pretty bruised the following morning

Am I just not cut out for clubs, or is this sort of anxiety expected from guys on their first time?

I have an inkling that the different approach in the club was just so alien to me, hence the...difficulties

I'm so used to chatting with people on fab, taking it over to whatsapp or kik, then meeting for a drink in person and going from there...maybe I need to adapt to the faster pace?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/07/15 13:52:42]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

your not alone unfortunately

after going to a very nice club several times, I got to play with some very nice ladies, its all good when giving them oral, but when it comes to keeping the old chap up and getting him to cum, he doesn't want to play!

I cant explain why that is, maybe im stressed for some reason or another? im sure i will overcome my anxiety of this problem in time, but yes, it does bruise the ego slightly.

As long as the people i play with enjoy my oral skills for the time being, then i will continue to do so

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It seems we are the only 2 that have anxiety issues

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My hubby has the same issues and I have met one or two others who have the same problem, so you are definitely not alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My hubby has the same issues and I have met one or two others who have the same problem, so you are definitely not alone

is it just the end performance for him?

I don't have a problem getting hard, just maintaining it and getting the bugger to cum!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a pretty daunting thing to try to play with an audience on your first visit...maybe private rooms would be better to start off with ....stage fright happens to many when least expected ...don't worry bout it ...shit happens x

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

Clubs aren't for me. I prefer a chase and tension and the instant nature of play there left me cold.

I had a 3some with 2 very hot ladies and never had a twitch. I knew it would happen as I never felt comfortable so I had warned them.

Very sensuous kissing and giving oral though.

Also may have had something to do with not being an exhibitionist anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FAB QUEEN,

My first play was out in the open, people watching, but on my second play it was upstairs, in a lockable room.

Still had the same affect on me though

nervous, anxious etc, still managed to have fun but I think the lady in question wanted more than just oral play

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By *orkieLassCouple
over a year ago

York

Relax. If you go in thinking about performance issues, your brain will make it hard (or not) to perform.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My hubby has the same issues and I have met one or two others who have the same problem, so you are definitely not alone

is it just the end performance for him?

I don't have a problem getting hard, just maintaining it and getting the bugger to cum!

This is hubby exactly. I know some women, myself included, feel that they are the problem, but as it seems to happen to quite a few guys in general, I'm sure it's the 'scene' rather than anyone in particular

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's nice to know we are not alone with this issue, although I don't dwell on it too much, I would like to please the person I am playing with fully, and having Mr floppy at the wrong time certainly doesn't help matters

Was thinking maybe trying Viagra or something to see if that helps?

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By *razedcat OP Man
over a year ago

London / Herts

" Clubs aren't for me. I prefer a chase and tension and the instant nature of play there left me cold.

That resonates with me. I may give clubs another go, but I think I prefer the gradual approach.

For me, I couldn't even get up, let alone keep it up

Perhaps if i visit a club with a small group of people I already know, I'll feel more comfortable?

I noticed a lot of guys on viagra there too, but I really don't see that as a solution

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have known men to throw up on their first visit to a club! Others can't get on it straight away ....some just take to it instantly ..baby steps when trying new things, you can't rush - I didn't play for at least 6/8 times when I first started going clubs & only just this year have I been able to play in front of an audience ...it's about individuals confidence & if you actually want to play to an audience

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

the one thing i say to everyone is that clubs are not for everyone.. i think a lot of it is mental, some are better at blocking out the distractions, some are better in group situations, it is just the way it is...

does it get better... the only way you will find that out is by going again....but if you go into it defeatist, that doesn't really help your mental state of mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's nice to know we are not alone with this issue, although I don't dwell on it too much, I would like to please the person I am playing with fully, and having Mr floppy at the wrong time certainly doesn't help matters

Was thinking maybe trying Viagra or something to see if that helps?

Quite a few guys take 'something'. Not only does it get you hard but most can repeat

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

Anxiety is the most effective thing to kill performance.

Clubs often have private rooms where you aren't under pressure to perform in front of an audience.

Personally we both get turned on by that, so that isn't an issue for us - but other things might be a problem - eg if we play with a couple B has to feel a real physical attraction to the female in order to perform.

Do what ever suits you best, what you are most comfortable with, and don't worry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wont stop going to the club because I cant maintain certain issues, its a very nice club and social too.

I have been going for about 7/8 times now, first few visits just meeting new people, socialising and taking in all the new surroundings, now I have got to know a few people better, and chatting to them more.

I enjoy going out, I don't have to play to enjoy myself as its a fantastic place to be, but I do feel that if I am lucky enough to get to play, I want to be able to perform to a good standard.

Maybe in time I will lose my inhibitions and it will (cum) naturally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anxiety is the most effective thing to kill performance.

Clubs often have private rooms where you aren't under pressure to perform in front of an audience.

Do what ever suits you best, what you are most comfortable with, and don't worry."

That last few words... don't worry! lol if only it was that simple

I thought I had a high sex drive, never had a problem when meeting a couple at their place, maybe its just the whole club thing that daunts me?

Still enjoy my time there though

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

Do what you feel comfortable with OP. Go at your own pace and what you want to do. Either way it will get better, or you will decide that a particular place isn't for you, but another might be. Don't worry, We're here to help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry to the OP for hijacking his thread

just helps to talk as a group of understanding people

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By *razedcat OP Man
over a year ago

London / Herts

[Removed by poster at 19/07/15 15:17:44]

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By *razedcat OP Man
over a year ago

London / Herts

"sorry to the OP for hijacking his thread

just helps to talk as a group of understanding people

Oh no, this is exactly what I was hoping for! Lots of people describing their experiences.

"Do what you feel comfortable with OP. Go at your own pace and what you want to do. Either way it will get better, or you will decide that a particular place isn't for you, but another might be. Don't worry, We're here to help

I'm sure you are

hehe

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

"sorry to the OP for hijacking his thread

just helps to talk as a group of understanding people

Oh no, this is exactly what I was hoping for! Lots of people describing their experiences.

I'm sure you are

hehe"

You know you can count on me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh no, this is exactly what I was hoping for! Lots of people describing their experiences"

What exactly are your experiences?

Do you have a problem maintaining, or just cant get it to work in general?

glad I have actually got it off my chest on here, if people want to play still then they know there may be a bit of a problem at the end

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would Viagra be a good option for the first time?

Never thought I needed it in the past, but maybe a little helping hand will solve some issues?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In many club situations, all the fun is non penetrative

Just go, enjoy, watch, play, and you will see it happen

Never expect anything in a club

Another good way to relax is the pool

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh I do enjoy what happens there, its only a small place with no wet room or pool etc, but it does have friendly people there

Played a few times, but not been able to keep the damn thing working

Viagra for the first time meaning taking it, not playing for the first time

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

If you enjoyed the overall experience don't let it bother you. I think this is quite common.

Hubby struggled to stay hard the first time we went to a club and played with others. However, this was the first and last time I have known him have a problem.

Maybe you need more sensual play before "getting down to it" or go to a club where there is more of a social side followed by fun later, so you can chat and get to know people more before having sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go to mingles in Colchester, a very social club

Its not all about shagathon, more like enjoy good company and good music

Playtime is always later in the evening, gonna try not drinking on Friday, see if that helps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went once and found it awkward, daunting and a little clicky then left within an hour ! Went home and put it down to nerves and me painting a picture of it that couldn't have been further than the truth ! I agree with the guy a few messages back that's it's not for everybody but looking back on it I'd give it another go but without any expectations next time

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

My first time to a club was a very overwhelming experience. I went to a place during their Halloween party and dressed up as a school girl, college rather than secondary

. I was followed by a train of men everywhere I went and my partner at the time didn't feel like he could leave me, not knowing what he'd come back to. Suffice to say it scared me off that place a bit, although the person who runs it is lovely, but it hasn't put me off going to visit other clubs and I have no problem with people watching me

and my voice is louder and more confident in saying No. I also feel very lucky to have made some friends in this lifestyle, both beautiful inside and out. It all takes some getting use to and knowing what your are comfortable with xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mingles in Colchester are a friendly club, they don't have any problems with members not behaving themselves, it's a great venue and I love going there

Just this one little problem I have that's stopping me fully letting myself go.... will soon sort itself out though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmmmmm it's a hard one (no pun intended). We were so looking forward to going to a club and when we went into the play areas we were comfortable and very able to overtly perform because we just knew it before even going that it was what we wanted. I can completely see why people would have issues though.

I wouldn't say Viagra or any other substance would be helpful long term as you may become reliant on it to go to a club.

If you want to stick with the club scene then perhaps take the pressure off and just observe for a few visits and take things slower.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have done exactly that!

Been about 6/7 times observing and finding my feet, first night of play I enjoyed giving oral, but couldn't manage to cum with a bj

2nd time of play with the same outcome! Maybe I should lay off the beers and just drink soft drinks?

Stella - brewers droop! Haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had the same issues. One time I was playing and a guy just came and laid in the room. I could sense the staring and it put me off.

Private rooms are ok, as are playing with people you know as I feel more comfortable.

I think the more you go the easier it becomes. Some people drink too much and also has same effect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The whole club atmosphere is great where I go, people have respect for each other, and also its social too

See how it goes without the beers this week

may have a better time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always wondered about this as it must go through every blokes head before he goes to a club for the first time. Still to attend a club soo......we'll see lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey everyone,

I'd like to get people's two cents on this topic. The other day, I visited my first swing club with a very accommodating female companion.

It took time for me to understand just how differently things go down in a club, as opposed to the more...gradual private meet approach.

But I just couldn't perform, despite the fact there were plenty of attractive people there (my companion included

. It baffled me because I'm experienced with meets, had threesomes and even been in a couple of group situations before, and never had an issue.

It's safe to say my ego was feeling pretty bruised the following morning

Am I just not cut out for clubs, or is this sort of anxiety expected from guys on their first time?

I have an inkling that the different approach in the club was just so alien to me, hence the...difficulties

I'm so used to chatting with people on fab, taking it over to whatsapp or kik, then meeting for a drink in person and going from there...maybe I need to adapt to the faster pace?"

There's nothing wrong with that. It's tricky to adjust to a new environment and everything, but I think the problem was that you might have built up an expectation of what was going to happen, and you stressed yourself out trying to achieve the expectations. This probably isn't true, but from speaking to people on my first visit, this isn't an uncommon issue. If it is the case, just go for a chat and mingle and don't get hung up on the details.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always wondered about this as it must go through every blokes head before he goes to a club for the first time. Still to attend a club soo......we'll see lol "

This is what I've been thinking for a while now. I'm going to have to join and give it a go though.

Just meeting new people's always good anyway, so at least it would be enjoyable finding out how I react to the situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had this too. Just can't get horny.

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