FabSwingers.com forum: starting out as a female domme

By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

i require some advice...

i have not done this before, and its not my usual style at all..however i request that sub men and domme women..suggest how i can become a tease / denial type domme, by giving me some experiences or inspiration in this arena..

the types of tasks i can set between meetings..that kind of thing...what do you like, and, what do you do ?

of course ive heard of the more extreme acts of play...but im having difficulty in getting started..thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will watch this with interest as my wife Could be interested....however your avatar looks like a weird skinny alien!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What I like to do may not be what you like to do. Your dynamics with your men will be different to someone else's. I do what I get satisfaction from and what entered my head at the time. I don't do anything to please the man,that's not how it works for me. As soon as someone starts telling me what they want they lose my interest.

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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

better clem?..lol

thank you miss lovely..what i think im asking for are ideas..so that i can find out exactly what it is, i want to do..i appreciate its going to be a unique dynamic..maybe you could tell me how you started out, what you did, to get going set the dynamic up...that kind of thing..anything would be appreciated x

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

First question you should ask yourself is what do YOU want as a domme.

Remember you are in control, and whilst of course you need to 'click' and ' engage' (or any other word you want to use) with your sub, or subs it is about YOU ....

you are in control and find subs who enjoy giving you what you want.

if you have a sadistic streak, look for a masochistic sub, if you are into teasing and denial look for someone who perhaps is not into pain but more the humiliation aspects.

there are many different scenarios to play out .... but the main thing is just be YOU, do it your way, dont dress, behave, or comply with what you think a domme is .... be your own woman !

(and of course many will disagree with me.... but hey thats my view)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i require some advice...

the types of tasks i can set between meetings..that kind of thing...what do you like, and, what do you do ?

of course ive heard of the more extreme acts of play...but im having difficulty in getting started..thank you x"

Orgasm Denial is pretty good one and fairly easy to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"better clem?..lol

I met someone who made me want to do it. I didn't decide to,it just happened. I wouldn't call myself a domme as such but I had control. I dressed him in what I wanted him to wear,which was my lingerie. I arranged for another man to come and meet him. Anything I wanted to do to him he did. Other men I have set tasks and they sent photographic evidence. Toys aren't my thing but one thing I would want is for a man to learn how to milk his own prostate and cum when I want him too,without touching his cock.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where denial is concerned the cock cage is used widely,he doesn't have a choice then. I would rather he abstained because I told him to.

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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"First question you should ask yourself is what do YOU want as a domme.

Remember you are in control, and whilst of course you need to 'click' and ' engage' (or any other word you want to use) with your sub, or subs it is about YOU ....

you are in control and find subs who enjoy giving you what you want.

if you have a sadistic streak, look for a masochistic sub, if you are into teasing and denial look for someone who perhaps is not into pain but more the humiliation aspects.

there are many different scenarios to play out .... but the main thing is just be YOU, do it your way, dont dress, behave, or comply with what you think a domme is .... be your own woman !

(and of course many will disagree with me.... but hey thats my view)

its true....i dont really feel i have an answer to this 'why'..only, like miss lovely has said i have met someone i want to do it with.. its the unknown for me.. like trying on a new pair of shoes..walking the first steps are the most difficult..but thank you x

and all the debate that may ensue..will help me answer that fundamental why question..im trusting as a foundation stone to build upon x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Much better!

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

To start, you need to know the terminology. Domme is the female Dominant and therefore, you don't need to say you want to be a female Domme. The male equivalent is Dom.

You should actually join another well know fetish site (can't name it obviously) as you will get a lot of experienced people who can offer you advice; watch out for the wannabes and nobs; pretty similar to here really.

I have been a Domme for 15 years and a pr Domme for 10 of those. There's more to it than throwing your weight around and telling guys what to do. The golden rule is that you must really want to do it! If it's not fun, there's no point.

If you want to PM me with any specific questions, please feel free

Vicky

aka Lady C of Drastic Fantastic Dungeons

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love my goddess side. I'm not in to pain or humiliation but adore teasing. Making him desperate for me.

I started off by texting instructions throughout the day so he was in no doubt of what would happen and what's more was desperate for it.

Sensation is a big thing. If you blindfold every other one is heightened. Sounds. Smell and taste. High heels on a hard floor. Warm breath against his skin, the smell of my perfume. I often play while he is tied and blindfolded. It drives him crazy .

The sound of toy's or even silence can be powerful.

Whisper in his ear what you want etc

Classical music is also very powerful for getting the mood right

Lotions and potions or ice or whatever hitting the skin

Finger tips tracing or materials or more

Endless possibilities

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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"To start, you need to know the terminology. Domme is the female Dominant and therefore, you don't need to say you want to be a female Domme. The male equivalent is Dom.

If you want to PM me with any specific questions, please feel free

Vicky

aka Lady C of Drastic Fantastic Dungeons"

i take on board the terminology..thankyou..

i think ill leave the other site alone for now, but may take you up on your very kind offer...i shall also think about what you said about it being fun for me..i appreciate your imput x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't have to call yourself anything if it's just between him and you. I prefer to play by ear where the denial and teasing is concerned. It would depend where he is and who he's with. If you want ideas for bdsm stuff there's loads of it on the internet,it's pretty much the same wherever you look.

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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"You don't have to call yourself anything if it's just between him and you. I prefer to play by ear where the denial and teasing is concerned. It would depend where he is and who he's with. If you want ideas for bdsm stuff there's loads of it on the internet,it's pretty much the same wherever you look. "

yes ive found that..same stuff..however not very forthcoming on the practicalities..such as setting tasks between meets etc.. plenty on ones 'attitude'..which i feel is as personal thing between who you are and the person concerned...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The tasks can be anything from making him edge himself and send him to do something. While he's out get him to call you and listen to you talk about his next task or something you will do to him when you next see him. I like post orgasm torture on a tied man. Promise him he can have that if he goes home and doesn't make himself come. Don't tell him when he's getting it. You have to find out what turns him on the most. There are endless ways to tease a man. You have to find the best way for him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sent someone to buy me some holdups and told him to call me when he had them. Over the phone I told him to go into a department store changing room and put them on and go shopping in them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's loads of things you can do but you have to find what you're comfortable with. Sensory deprivation is very rewarding, orgasm denial but first off choose some tasks for him to complete for you. In the past I have requested wearing knickers under trousers at work sending you a pic, going into a shop and purchasing something he's uncomfortable with, phone call to you when others can overhear, take him to the doctors about a very embaressing predicament..Experienced fem's may snort at my tasks but then I'm a kid at heart. Have fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes ive found that..same stuff..however not very forthcoming on the practicalities..such as setting tasks between meets etc.. "

If your Dommeing him, then the thrill for you both is in the exertion of control. Tasks are a way of reaching out to them, placing a metaphorical hand upon them and saying "do this for me"

If you want to reward or encourage them then ask them to to "submit" in a way they enjoy. But a more potent exertion of control is making them do something they find inconvenient, boring or distasteful.

Perhaps they have to eat their 5 a day everyday till they see you, videos to prove so to be texted to you. If you have mutual friends make him tell them so they can spy for you. Every meal then becomes a battle of wills without you even being there.

Be prepared to be tested by him "bratting" deliberately breaking a rule or failing to do as told. How will you react? Physical punishment might be a reward even if painful, all play is good play to some, so your ultimate sanction may have to be no play or even contact.

Although this perhaps seems harsh and even like your spiting yourself, flexing your muscles when first challenged may well make them secretly a lot happier, after all they want you to be the boss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Check out a google search for the bdsm checklist, both complete separately and honestly

It will go over everything which in itself can give you ideas not previously thought off,

But you could compare the results for both no, and more importantly both yes or maybe

Give you a bit of an idea of activity's plays you both like to start your play around, its not a crib sheet to follow but will give a simple guide and ideas, plus areas to avoid if you both or he says no,

Be in charge and take it easy until you find what you both like, foot worship is a good one as the objectification is key, so you can read a book or magazine while he is under command to worship

Personally the objectification of being commanded to do something while she is effectively ignoring me engrossed in book is epic, but its finding what works for you,

Would suggest a collar, symbol or you power and his submission but helps to set the mindset of the same for both

Hope you work it out, mostly though dont put pressure on yourself to conform to any preset images of a dominant, run with what works and it will hopefully fall into place,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Check out a google search for the bdsm checklist, both complete separately and honestly

It will go over everything which in itself can give you ideas not previously thought off,

But you could compare the results for both no, and more importantly both yes or maybe

Be in charge and take it easy until you find what you both like, foot worship is a good one as the objectification is key, so you can read a book or magazine while he is under command to worship

Personally the objectification of being commanded to do something while she is effectively ignoring me engrossed in book is epic, but its finding what works for you,

Would suggest a collar, symbol or you power and his submission but helps to set the mindset of the same for both

Hope you work it out, mostly though dont put pressure on yourself to conform to any preset images of a dominant, run with what works and it will hopefully fall into place,"

She was asking for ideas of tasks she could set in between meeting. The control without being there to enforce it type thing.

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By *orny36hhCouple
over a year ago

penzance

cant reply uve blocked?

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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

thankyou so much everyone for your very useful advice and tips.. ive really appreciated the imput.. i shall check out the checklist and i will take on board the obvious 'personality' nature of this type of play, and i will let it unfold and not think there is any one way to do this, but to gradually find my way..

thank you once again for your time and trouble x

ive stopped all private messages yes..i wasnt after PM's i was after advice..noone or should i say everyone is 'blocked'..you could still contribute to this thread though..if i found it useful, maybe someone else will too xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First question you should ask yourself is what do YOU want as a domme.

Remember you are in control, and whilst of course you need to 'click' and ' engage' (or any other word you want to use) with your sub, or subs it is about YOU ....

you are in control and find subs who enjoy giving you what you want.

if you have a sadistic streak, look for a masochistic sub, if you are into teasing and denial look for someone who perhaps is not into pain but more the humiliation aspects.

there are many different scenarios to play out .... but the main thing is just be YOU, do it your way, dont dress, behave, or comply with what you think a domme is .... be your own woman !

(and of course many will disagree with me.... but hey thats my view)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

op you are blocked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That is the chance you take when asking for advice on a forum,people will send private messages and want a long drawn out conversation. You have to state you want to keep it on the forum and don't want private messages.

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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"op you are blocked

no just have no messages coming to me at the moment

its written on my profile x

please share the insight here im sure others would benefit too x

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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"That is the chance you take when asking for advice on a forum,people will send private messages and want a long drawn out conversation. You have to state you want to keep it on the forum and don't want private messages. "

thank you sweet.. ill remember that next time..this was my first OP thread xx

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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I love my goddess side. I'm not in to pain or humiliation but adore teasing. Making him desperate for me.

I started off by texting instructions throughout the day so he was in no doubt of what would happen and what's more was desperate for it.

The sound of toy's or even silence can be powerful.

Whisper in his ear what you want etc

Classical music is also very powerful for getting the mood right

Lotions and potions or ice or whatever hitting the skin

Finger tips tracing or materials or more

Endless possibilities

thankyou..this is an excellent post for me. im sorry didnt reply earlier i missed it xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To start, you need to know the terminology. Domme is the female Dominant and therefore, you don't need to say you want to be a female Domme. The male equivalent is Dom.

If you want to PM me with any specific questions, please feel free

Vicky

aka Lady C of Drastic Fantastic Dungeons"

Oh you're Lady C!!! I've bee scratching my head trying to work that one out Vicky!

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