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Does the way you were raised make you more likely to engage in swinging?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yet another question we've been pondering.

Does the way you were brought up have any correlation to your propensity for swinging?

For example, do people with mental health issues (depression and anxiety here), super-conservative upbringings (rebellion?), or sexual abuse in the past have a higher likelihood of participating in swinging than those who do not deal with those things?

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Is swinging indicative of mental illness or child abuse? Is that what you're asking?

Charming

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say no...Most people I know who swing,Do so because they work long hours and only get very little spare time,to meet new people etc..

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By *lackbirdtimestwoWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

?????? What!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yet another question we've been pondering.

Does the way you were brought up have any correlation to your propensity for swinging?

For example, do people with mental health issues (depression and anxiety here), super-conservative upbringings (rebellion?), or sexual abuse in the past have a higher likelihood of participating in swinging than those who do not deal with those things?"

Depressed - nope

Anxiety issues - nope

Tight upbringing - nope

Sexual abuse victim - nope

Still a swinger - yup

Fucking hell there must be something seriously wrong with me then

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Ahhh, Americans...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ahhh, Americans..."

That's not very nice. A bit racist if you ask me.

A valid question also. Even if you agree or disagree, would you have mentioned the OP's origin of they were English/Welsh/Indian? Jesus.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yet another question we've been pondering.

Does the way you were brought up have any correlation to your propensity for swinging?

For example, do people with mental health issues (depression and anxiety here), super-conservative upbringings (rebellion?), or sexual abuse in the past have a higher likelihood of participating in swinging than those who do not deal with those things?"

According to the forums, yes it does appear to be more likely (Saying this in a factual way from the things people post about. Not in a bitchy way.)

I think a lot of things all together lead people towards swinging. And those things are different for everyone. -For some it may be rebellion against a strict childhood and for others just following on from open minded family/ parents. And still others, just because....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ahhh, Americans...

That's not very nice. A bit racist if you ask me.

A valid question also. Even if you agree or disagree, would you have mentioned the OP's origin of they were English/Welsh/Indian? Jesus."

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"Ahhh, Americans...

That's not very nice. A bit racist if you ask me.

A valid question also. Even if you agree or disagree, would you have mentioned the OP's origin of they were English/Welsh/Indian? Jesus."

Welsh probably, they can be a bit dodgy too.

Don't mind Indians, native American ones or otherwise.

Is American a race?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ahhh, Americans...

That's not very nice. A bit racist if you ask me.

A valid question also. Even if you agree or disagree, would you have mentioned the OP's origin of they were English/Welsh/Indian? Jesus."

its not Racist its xenophobic But it is a good question,but maybe the way its worded is not in a good way

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

Well whenever I'm depressed, last thing I wanna do is meet people for sex. I'd rather curl up in my little black hole.

I only swing when I'm feeling happy and positive about myself and having suffered terribly from mental illness for 20 years, it is not the reason why I started to swing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a study that found cuckold husbands had higher than average IQ, that's the only 'trend' I know of

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I work in a field where I constantly question and look for trends. I am just curious if there are any predetermining factors that make people more likely to engage in this lifestyle. You would think people here would be a whole lot less judgmental than a lot of the comments I see in these forums.

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By *anie1000Woman
over a year ago

Staffs

I am an alpha female and maybe that is why I swing ?

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"I work in a field where I constantly question and look for trends. I am just curious if there are any predetermining factors that make people more likely to engage in this lifestyle. You would think people here would be a whole lot less judgmental than a lot of the comments I see in these forums."

Did I precis your original question poorly?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I work in a field where I constantly question and look for trends. I am just curious if there are any predetermining factors that make people more likely to engage in this lifestyle. You would think people here would be a whole lot less judgmental than a lot of the comments I see in these forums."

Swinging is a minority but 4 studies have shown infidelity to be a majority, most of them put the figure at 60-70% of marriages have some form of infidelity and the figures are pretty comparable between husbands and wives.

I would look at those figures and say that most people in our society are predisposed away from monogamy, as swingers we embrace that...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm going to assume that is the case. I am interested in the psychology behind things. I, in no way, meant to be offensive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I work in a field where I constantly question and look for trends. I am just curious if there are any predetermining factors that make people more likely to engage in this lifestyle. You would think people here would be a whole lot less judgmental than a lot of the comments I see in these forums.

Swinging is a minority but 4 studies have shown infidelity to be a majority, most of them put the figure at 60-70% of marriages have some form of infidelity and the figures are pretty comparable between husbands and wives.

I would look at those figures and say that most people in our society are predisposed away from monogamy, as swingers we embrace that..."

THIS is what I am looking for. This is a big reason that Adam and I got into the lifestyle. Before there was an “us” we had both had failed marriages. Infidelity was a factor in each of the failed relationships. After discussing this at length, we determined that it was not sex with other people that caused the destruction of our previous relationships, but the lying and deceit of cheating. Then we had to determine why people go outside of committed relationships for sexual encounters. In the case of her failed marriage, there was something missing in the marriage relationship and after not being able to come to a consensus on what it was, she was tired of feeling alone and went in search of something to ease that feeling. In his case, his ex-wife had cheated on him. He decided that if she could do it, so could he and found he enjoyed the variety that it afforded him. Knowing that, in our previous relationships, along with speaking to friends who had dealt with the same types of problems, we questioned why monogamy was so difficult and also if humans are biologically wired to be monogamous. She, being bisexual, also craved the sexual interaction with another women. Swinging offered us access to bisexual women that she wanted and the variety that he desired.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I work in a field where I constantly question and look for trends. I am just curious if there are any predetermining factors that make people more likely to engage in this lifestyle. You would think people here would be a whole lot less judgmental than a lot of the comments I see in these forums.

Swinging is a minority but 4 studies have shown infidelity to be a majority, most of them put the figure at 60-70% of marriages have some form of infidelity and the figures are pretty comparable between husbands and wives.

I would look at those figures and say that most people in our society are predisposed away from monogamy, as swingers we embrace that...

THIS is what I am looking for. This is a big reason that Adam and I got into the lifestyle. Before there was an “us” we had both had failed marriages. Infidelity was a factor in each of the failed relationships. After discussing this at length, we determined that it was not sex with other people that caused the destruction of our previous relationships, but the lying and deceit of cheating. Then we had to determine why people go outside of committed relationships for sexual encounters. In the case of her failed marriage, there was something missing in the marriage relationship and after not being able to come to a consensus on what it was, she was tired of feeling alone and went in search of something to ease that feeling. In his case, his ex-wife had cheated on him. He decided that if she could do it, so could he and found he enjoyed the variety that it afforded him. Knowing that, in our previous relationships, along with speaking to friends who had dealt with the same types of problems, we questioned why monogamy was so difficult and also if humans are biologically wired to be monogamous. She, being bisexual, also craved the sexual interaction with another women. Swinging offered us access to bisexual women that she wanted and the variety that he desired.

"

If you are interested in the subject, there's a good book called "evolutionary psychology II: the science of human nature" by Allen MacNeill. It's a contraversial subject so feel free to form your own opinions about it but a lot of the behaviour you described is explained as fairly natural. That'd not to say we must follow nature but it is easier... bottom line is that it argues we are not wired for sexual monogamy although there are practical social reasons to live in a society where monogamous relationships are the norm.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"I work in a field where I constantly question and look for trends. I am just curious if there are any predetermining factors that make people more likely to engage in this lifestyle. You would think people here would be a whole lot less judgmental than a lot of the comments I see in these forums.

Swinging is a minority but 4 studies have shown infidelity to be a majority, most of them put the figure at 60-70% of marriages have some form of infidelity and the figures are pretty comparable between husbands and wives.

I would look at those figures and say that most people in our society are predisposed away from monogamy, as swingers we embrace that...

THIS is what I am looking for. This is a big reason that Adam and I got into the lifestyle. Before there was an “us” we had both had failed marriages. Infidelity was a factor in each of the failed relationships. After discussing this at length, we determined that it was not sex with other people that caused the destruction of our previous relationships, but the lying and deceit of cheating. Then we had to determine why people go outside of committed relationships for sexual encounters. In the case of her failed marriage, there was something missing in the marriage relationship and after not being able to come to a consensus on what it was, she was tired of feeling alone and went in search of something to ease that feeling. In his case, his ex-wife had cheated on him. He decided that if she could do it, so could he and found he enjoyed the variety that it afforded him. Knowing that, in our previous relationships, along with speaking to friends who had dealt with the same types of problems, we questioned why monogamy was so difficult and also if humans are biologically wired to be monogamous. She, being bisexual, also craved the sexual interaction with another women. Swinging offered us access to bisexual women that she wanted and the variety that he desired.

"

How on earth did this turn into another thread about cheating?

So is the question now "Are humans meant to be monogamous?"

And if you/she swings to dabble in her bisexual side, while you/he does it to increase variety, why the assumption that we must have a history of mental illness or child abuse? And how is that not offensive? And why do you talk about yourself in the third person? And can one be Xenophobic towards white Americans since they are surely simply white Europeans who moved? And why do I never learn not to stray out of the lounge? And will these questions, and others, be answered in next weeks edition of........SOAP! (do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do-do...)

Finally, should I apologise for not giving a serious answer to a question that I cannot believe seriously warrants one?

(But if it helps: no, I don't swing because I have a mental illness, nor because I was abused as a child. If anything it is despite this.

Doh!)

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley


"Yet another question we've been pondering.

Does the way you were brought up have any correlation to your propensity for swinging?

For example, do people with mental health issues (depression and anxiety here), super-conservative upbringings (rebellion?), or sexual abuse in the past have a higher likelihood of participating in swinging than those who do not deal with those things?"

Lady GaGa is a swinger???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we are not wired for monogamy" - totally agree - and that is personally why I swing m x

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By *orn_To_PerformCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Personally - no issues in childhood etc but I was in a marriage where the term sexually incompatible was very apt. in fact he didn't particularly like to have sex much at all. It was something I struggled with immensely and eventually led to infidelity. Meeting Mr B and being introduced to this was a bit of an epiphany. I suspect this may have been a factor for others too

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"Yet another question we've been pondering.

Does the way you were brought up have any correlation to your propensity for swinging?

For example, do people with mental health issues (depression and anxiety here), super-conservative upbringings (rebellion?), or sexual abuse in the past have a higher likelihood of participating in swinging than those who do not deal with those things?"

No but it might seem that way as people with such problems tend to mention them, therefore they are noticed.

The proportion of swingers with such and the 'general public' is probably the same.

Someone mentioned infidelity, swinging is not infidelity unless the spouse is unaware of his/her partners actions.

If the couple swing together the are not being unfaithful to each other.

If however one is doing it behind the others back then that is infidelity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It indicates that the social/religious indoctrination that says the unnatural state of monogamy is good has not had an affect on them; lucky buggers!!

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"I work in a field where I constantly question and look for trends. I am just curious if there are any predetermining factors that make people more likely to engage in this lifestyle. You would think people here would be a whole lot less judgmental than a lot of the comments I see in these forums."

If you are serious about looking for the underlying reasons look at animals and the diffrences between pack/herd animals and those who do not form packs or herds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yet another question we've been pondering.

Does the way you were brought up have any correlation to your propensity for swinging?

For example, do people with mental health issues (depression and anxiety here), super-conservative upbringings (rebellion?), or sexual abuse in the past have a higher likelihood of participating in swinging than those who do not deal with those things?

No but it might seem that way as people with such problems tend to mention them, therefore they are noticed.

The proportion of swingers with such and the 'general public' is probably the same.

Someone mentioned infidelity, swinging is not infidelity unless the spouse is unaware of his/her partners actions.

If the couple swing together the are not being unfaithful to each other.

If however one is doing it behind the others back then that is infidelity.

"

Agree with what you've said. I mentioned infidelity to say that most marriages have infidelity but most marriages don't swing! That seems backwards to us, hence why we swing...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It indicates that the social/religious indoctrination that says the unnatural state of monogamy is good has not had an affect on them; lucky buggers!! "

Monogamous relationships are a social good, sexually monogamy is a bit... the Romans and their orgies had the right balance imo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It indicates that the social/religious indoctrination that says the unnatural state of monogamy is good has not had an affect on them; lucky buggers!!

Monogamous relationships are a social good, sexually monogamy is a bit... the Romans and their orgies had the right balance imo"

Totally agree!!!

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple
over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

My dad is a baptist Minister...think what you will! xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

For example, do people with mental health issues (depression and anxiety here), super-conservative upbringings (rebellion?), or sexual abuse in the past have a higher likelihood of participating in swinging than those who do not deal with those things?"

All of these factors could apply to swingers.

All of these factors could apply to non swingers not swinging.

I do know though that just a hundred years ago, anyone partaking of this lifestyle (especially women) would have been labelled morally insane/having no virtue/nymphomanic and sent to an asylum.

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

I am no expert in such matters but would guess that swingers consist of a whole mixed bag of people,c

lass etc

Lifestyle choice instigated by a desire for freedom in some way.

Mildly rebellious perhaps..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am no expert in such matters but would guess that swingers consist of a whole mixed bag of people,c

lass etc

Lifestyle choice instigated by a desire for freedom in some way.

Mildly rebellious perhaps.."

Yes if anything, I'd say we all have the rebel gene, to a greater or lesser extent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad is polyamorous and I've spent the last 10 years berating his lifestyle. After only ever having one partner at a time and then getting married, I felt morally superior. I've been married nearly 7 years and last year we opened up our marriage. Now I can't get enough! X

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

I've been in and out of the swinging scene for over a decade and I don't think there is anything in common with the background of swingers. Some were raised in liberal, open-minded households, some in religious, conservative households...and everything inbetween.

Some have mental health issues, and some don't.

Really swingers run the entire gamut of the human race.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you to everyone who answered our questions thoughtfully and logically. As Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." We find it interesting to examine life. To be honest, we both suffered from low self-esteem due to metal health issues such as anxiety and depression when we were younger. One of us was sexually molested as a child. We are not assuming that they are the reasons that people swing. However, we can logically see how they enter into our choices. We can assume that some people like to cause drama and argument from the safety being behind a computer creates. In our field of work, we call that attention seeking behavior and we'll ignore it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No issues here , we are just very sexually compatible and highly sexed too . We were together a year before swinging together and neither of us had swung before . Now married for nearly three years and just love the lifestyle .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you to everyone who answered our questions thoughtfully and logically. As Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." We find it interesting to examine life. To be honest, we both suffered from low self-esteem due to metal health issues such as anxiety and depression when we were younger. One of us was sexually molested as a child. We are not assuming that they are the reasons that people swing. However, we can logically see how they enter into our choices. We can assume that some people like to cause drama and argument from the safety being behind a computer creates. In our field of work, we call that attention seeking behavior and we'll ignore it. "

Drama and argument, where?

Disclaimer: not looking to invoke drama or argument - genuinely interested

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

The choice of my lifestyle was driven by me alone, however the respect and empathy for others. I was taught has helped immensely in life as well as this lifestyle.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

For me personally I do not know how much it had to do with how I was raised.

My mother is pretty conservative and would be utterly shocked and horrified if she knew. My late father would have been OK with it and probably guessed but was discrete enough never to ask.

I went to a progressive school which certainly helped me along the road to an open mind and a belief that "if nobody is being damaged, then any lifestyle is OK". But that didn't turn me into a polyamorous swinger. Because it could just as easily have turned me into a hippie, or an environmentalist. It just taught me to keep an open mind about all lifestyles.

Meeting the lady who became my wife some 17+ years ago, we discussed non-monogamy and it seemed right for us. It still seems right for us.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Yet another question we've been pondering.

Does the way you were brought up have any correlation to your propensity for swinging?

For example, do people with mental health issues (depression and anxiety here), super-conservative upbringings (rebellion?), or sexual abuse in the past have a higher likelihood of participating in swinging than those who do not deal with those things?"

I have no idea really but I've observed from the people we've come across that swingers come from every background and walk of life. I don't thing any background precludes or makes you more likely to swing but I've never done a scientific survey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm from a conservative Catholic family with no childhood traumas or abuse, went to a convent primary school and an all-girls Catholic grammar school...and yet here I am

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By *mmabluTV/TS
over a year ago

upton wirral


"I would say no...Most people I know who swing,Do so because they work long hours and only get very little spare time,to meet new people etc.. "

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By *eaven and Hell 69Couple
over a year ago

HULL

People may choose a swinging lifestyle for a variety of reasons. Many cite the increased quality, quantity and frequency of sex. Some people may engage in swinging to add variety into their otherwise conventional sex lives or due to their curiosity. Some couples see swinging as a healthy outlet and means to strengthen their relationship. Others regard such activities as merely a social and recreational interaction with others.

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)

I am two out of your three original examples....not the best start for trusting people but once I met my now husband my life was turned around. We are very happy, together for 17 years and married for nearly 11 - swinging for just over 18 months......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i once found a scud book under my old mans bed does that count ?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

[Removed by poster at 23/06/15 22:19:23]

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I'd say the way I was raised makes me more likely to eschew an exclusive relationship.

I know my parents did attend wife swapping parties and my father subscribed to contact mags, but I didn't find that out til years after I stared swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad was a randy bugger. I am 1 of 8 kids. I think I inherited his hunger for sex. I Know that much. I'm sure a lot of it is genetics.

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By *lactontogMan
over a year ago

Clacton on Sea


"Well whenever I'm depressed, last thing I wanna do is meet people for sex. I'd rather curl up in my little black hole.

I only swing when I'm feeling happy and positive about myself and having suffered terribly from mental illness for 20 years, it is not the reason why I started to swing. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been on swinging scene for near on 9 years or more - some with my ex wife and a few with my lovely FB partner when previously on here and i'd say being a swinger as nothing more to do with mental state and the other odd things you said, but more to do with sexual appetite and sexual desires

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you to everyone who answered our questions thoughtfully and logically. As Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." We find it interesting to examine life. To be honest, we both suffered from low self-esteem due to metal health issues such as anxiety and depression when we were younger. One of us was sexually molested as a child. We are not assuming that they are the reasons that people swing. However, we can logically see how they enter into our choices. We can assume that some people like to cause drama and argument from the safety being behind a computer creates. In our field of work, we call that attention seeking behavior and we'll ignore it. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always considered swinging a self help group for the damaged excepting single men : who aren't actually swingers (they're just horny men who've hijacked our thing)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/06/15 17:18:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I chose swinging originally to boost our 27yr relationship bringing some excitement to a failing marriage. He left over 2yrs ago(he has had 3 failed relationships since) I carried on as don't want a relationship had a very long one, I'm free now to enjoy myself on my terms.

There doesn't have to be a reason underlying in the past causing people to change lifestyle, that is eg as u say abuse or mental health,there are also people here who enjoy it for themselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are several reasons which people often imagine swinging springs from... sexual boredom in your relationship, an attempt to control and prevent cheating, the secret desire to jump ship and have someone better than you've got, low self esteem or other issues that make us seek out sexual gratification as a fix, etc etc. Where all these cynical views on swinging come from is the assumption that monogamy is the natural state of things.

We're looking to swing because we believe in old hippy values of loving life, loving others, expanding love, expansive living, and just being MORE. They don't come from any lack, any inadequacies, any damaged mindset... they simply come from a freer and more open spiritual mindset that sees sexual liberation as part of a greater emotional and spiritual liberation we should each be striving towards... away from control, ownership, and dominance, and towards freedom and love

btw I would argue that polygamy is equally beneficial as monogamy but that, unfortunately, polygamists are prejudiced against by society, both culturally and legally, and that it is this prejudice which can make them harder on people. Without this stigma I feel certain that there would be no difference between the two... some people simply are capable of loving more than one partner...whilst others aren't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Always considered swinging a self help group for the damaged excepting single men : who aren't actually swingers (they're just horny men who've hijacked our thing) "

What about single women? What are they?

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By *amparaWoman
over a year ago

biggleswade


"I work in a field where I constantly question and look for trends. I am just curious if there are any predetermining factors that make people more likely to engage in this lifestyle. You would think people here would be a whole lot less judgmental than a lot of the comments I see in these forums.

Swinging is a minority but 4 studies have shown infidelity to be a majority, most of them put the figure at 60-70% of marriages have some form of infidelity and the figures are pretty comparable between husbands and wives.

I would look at those figures and say that most people in our society are predisposed away from monogamy, as swingers we embrace that...

THIS is what I am looking for. This is a big reason that Adam and I got into the lifestyle. Before there was an “us” we had both had failed marriages. Infidelity was a factor in each of the failed relationships. After discussing this at length, we determined that it was not sex with other people that caused the destruction of our previous relationships, but the lying and deceit of cheating. Then we had to determine why people go outside of committed relationships for sexual encounters. In the case of her failed marriage, there was something missing in the marriage relationship and after not being able to come to a consensus on what it was, she was tired of feeling alone and went in search of something to ease that feeling. In his case, his ex-wife had cheated on him. He decided that if she could do it, so could he and found he enjoyed the variety that it afforded him. Knowing that, in our previous relationships, along with speaking to friends who had dealt with the same types of problems, we questioned why monogamy was so difficult and also if humans are biologically wired to be monogamous. She, being bisexual, also craved the sexual interaction with another women. Swinging offered us access to bisexual women that she wanted and the variety that he desired.

How on earth did this turn into another thread about cheating?

So is the question now "Are humans meant to be monogamous?"

And if you/she swings to dabble in her bisexual side, while you/he does it to increase variety, why the assumption that we must have a history of mental illness or child abuse? And how is that not offensive? And why do you talk about yourself in the third person? And can one be Xenophobic towards white Americans since they are surely simply white Europeans who moved? And why do I never learn not to stray out of the lounge? And will these questions, and others, be answered in next weeks edition of........SOAP! (do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do-do...)

Finally, should I apologise for not giving a serious answer to a question that I cannot believe seriously warrants one?

(But if it helps: no, I don't swing because I have a mental illness, nor because I was abused as a child. If anything it is despite this.

Doh!)"
well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Always considered swinging a self help group for the damaged excepting single men : who aren't actually swingers (they're just horny men who've hijacked our thing)

What about single women? What are they?"

I believe we are horny woman who have also hijacked their thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Always considered swinging a self help group for the damaged excepting single men : who aren't actually swingers (they're just horny men who've hijacked our thing)

What about single women? What are they?

My definition of a swinger is someone who swaps or shares their partner.Bi men and women (on here)are also swingers as they offer something unusualor unique. Singles are just horny chancers. Nothing seperating them from hordes of "normal" people who don't swing but will fuck anything.

I believe we are horny woman who have also hijacked their thing

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are several reasons which people often imagine swinging springs from... sexual boredom in your relationship, an attempt to control and prevent cheating, the secret desire to jump ship and have someone better than you've got, low self esteem or other issues that make us seek out sexual gratification as a fix, etc etc. Where all these cynical views on swinging come from is the assumption that monogamy is the natural state of things.

We're looking to swing because we believe in old hippy values of loving life, loving others, expanding love, expansive living, and just being MORE. They don't come from any lack, any inadequacies, any damaged mindset... they simply come from a freer and more open spiritual mindset that sees sexual liberation as part of a greater emotional and spiritual liberation we should each be striving towards... away from control, ownership, and dominance, and towards freedom and love

btw I would argue that polygamy is equally beneficial as monogamy but that, unfortunately, polygamists are prejudiced against by society, both culturally and legally, and that it is this prejudice which can make them harder on people. Without this stigma I feel certain that there would be no difference between the two... some people simply are capable of loving more than one partner...whilst others aren't "

There are parts of the world where polygamy works just fine. The general/ theoretical problem with it is that you eventually run out of wives to go around. Since the wives tend to gravitate to the better off in society, who tend to be older, that leaves a large population of unmarried, angry young men which is pretty much your basic recipe for revolution. So when I say there's a social good to monogamous relationships, it has historically speaking correlated with more stable societies. On that logic polyamory could work but I'm not aware of any country that's ever adopted it on a broad scale. That's the problem from a theoretical stand point anyway, not my personal opinion and not passing judgement on anyone that chooses it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Monogamy is an unnatural state that religion and society indoctrinates into people from an early age. It is part of an outmoded social control system that logic concludes has had it's day, even though it is still widely followed today.

Genuine Swingers are people in whom the indoctrination did not take root or those where in adult life the true worth of monogamy was seen to be nonexistent. There is no mental weakness involved as it takes strength to choose to resist society's imposed parameters.

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By *orgeouslyyoursWoman
over a year ago

essex just looking around

This feed makes me giggle

I believe all the above type people mentioned in the original thread are on this site as all social media sites as a form of validation for themselves

HOWEVER

Think on this .. A close friend is an identical twin on here ... The naughtiest most Openminded sexual minded female I know .. With no real issues or hang ups. Her sister however by her own account is the biggest prude and she bought her her first vibrator at 38 and she had no idea what to do with it !!

Guess that puts all your theories on the bin . Lol oops

On a basic level I believe true hedonistic swingers are either Openminded and sexual or not ... The others in between are just looking for something missing xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This feed makes me giggle

I believe all the above type people mentioned in the original thread are on this site as all social media sites as a form of validation for themselves

HOWEVER

Think on this .. A close friend is an identical twin on here ... The naughtiest most Openminded sexual minded female I know .. With no real issues or hang ups. Her sister however by her own account is the biggest prude and she bought her her first vibrator at 38 and she had no idea what to do with it !!

Guess that puts all your theories on the bin . Lol oops

On a basic level I believe true hedonistic swingers are either Openminded and sexual or not ... The others in between are just looking for something missing xxx "

Twins are interesting too. I have friends who are identical twins. One is straight, married to a guy 15 years older than us...the other is a lesbian and has had a committed relationship with an absolutely gorgeous woman for the past few years.

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By *orseydaveMan
over a year ago

Norwich NR5

I think it is alot to do with class and education (or lack of).

On one hand you have couples who have the mental capacity to 'see' that although they don't want to get divorced, they are mentally strong enough to invite some extra marital enjoyment into their lives.

On the other hand, you find "Jeremy Kyle-Style" swingers who, having become bored with x-box's, hoodies, Vauxhall Astra's and daytime TV, see Swinging as a stop gap between their next DWP appointment....

We have all seen the ad's & profiles on here "Would anyone like to come and use my wife as a cum-dump" ...... Charming !!

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By *he horny kinkstersCouple
over a year ago

North West


"Ahhh, Americans..."

Typical attitude from a Derbyshire person!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are parts of the world where polygamy works just fine. The general/ theoretical problem with it is that you eventually run out of wives to go around. Since the wives tend to gravitate to the better off in society, who tend to be older, that leaves a large population of unmarried, angry young men which is pretty much your basic recipe for revolution. So when I say there's a social good to monogamous relationships, it has historically speaking correlated with more stable societies. On that logic polyamory could work but I'm not aware of any country that's ever adopted it on a broad scale. That's the problem from a theoretical stand point anyway, not my personal opinion and not passing judgement on anyone that chooses it. "

Just wanted to take a mo to expose your "theoretical stand point" as very much a series of flawed personal assumptions.

1) A polygamous society needn't only involve single males with multiple wives... it could entail single females with multiple husbands. Then, on paper, it would theoretically balance itself out.

2) However, you're assuming that both populations, males and females, are equal in size. If they are not, as I would suggest is most often the case, it is actually monogamy which leaves society disadvantaged (by your reasoning) as the remainder of single people have to endure a life of loneliness. Polygamy, meanwhile, could well enable these remaining singles to find some sustenance in being part of expanded relationships.

3) If wives gravitated toward older and wealthier males we would see this occurring in monogamous societies as well. Instead, whilst it is part of the mix, women are quite clearly motivated by a wide range of features which attract them to men, the most notable being a love which seems to defy logic. I can't see why women or men would act any differently in a polygamous society.

4) I'm not entirely sure where your suggestion that unmarried young men become angry and incite revolution comes from. Any single males here on Fab want to verify that? lol

In conclusion I'd suggest that your "theoretical stand point" is ill-thought out and based more upon your personal assumptions than any objectivity in relation to the subject. I'm not trying to upset you... just merely pointing out that your detached theoretical stance isn't detached in the slightest

But then... theoretical stances seldom are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are parts of the world where polygamy works just fine. The general/ theoretical problem with it is that you eventually run out of wives to go around. Since the wives tend to gravitate to the better off in society, who tend to be older, that leaves a large population of unmarried, angry young men which is pretty much your basic recipe for revolution. So when I say there's a social good to monogamous relationships, it has historically speaking correlated with more stable societies. On that logic polyamory could work but I'm not aware of any country that's ever adopted it on a broad scale. That's the problem from a theoretical stand point anyway, not my personal opinion and not passing judgement on anyone that chooses it.

Just wanted to take a mo to expose your "theoretical stand point" as very much a series of flawed personal assumptions.

1) A polygamous society needn't only involve single males with multiple wives... it could entail single females with multiple husbands. Then, on paper, it would theoretically balance itself out.

2) However, you're assuming that both populations, males and females, are equal in size. If they are not, as I would suggest is most often the case, it is actually monogamy which leaves society disadvantaged (by your reasoning) as the remainder of single people have to endure a life of loneliness. Polygamy, meanwhile, could well enable these remaining singles to find some sustenance in being part of expanded relationships.

3) If wives gravitated toward older and wealthier males we would see this occurring in monogamous societies as well. Instead, whilst it is part of the mix, women are quite clearly motivated by a wide range of features which attract them to men, the most notable being a love which seems to defy logic. I can't see why women or men would act any differently in a polygamous society.

4) I'm not entirely sure where your suggestion that unmarried young men become angry and incite revolution comes from. Any single males here on Fab want to verify that? lol

In conclusion I'd suggest that your "theoretical stand point" is ill-thought out and based more upon your personal assumptions than any objectivity in relation to the subject. I'm not trying to upset you... just merely pointing out that your detached theoretical stance isn't detached in the slightest

But then... theoretical stances seldom are "

It's not my theory, go back through the thread and I even referenced the source. You're welcome to your own opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not my theory, go back through the thread and I even referenced the source. You're welcome to your own opinion. "

Lol I don't really care whose theory it is. Based upon how you summarised it, the four points I outlined above effectively discount it. Those four points aren't an opinion. They're facts which falsify the theory

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the answer to this is no. Obv.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you to everyone for your opinions. It definitely is an interesting read. It looks as though there are underlying circumstances for some people that do make them more inclined to swing, but not for everyone who swings. This is what we figured when we asked. We never claimed that everyone participating in this lifestyle dealt with the examples we gave...and what those things were WERE examples.

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By *ucks4funCouple
over a year ago

london

[Removed by poster at 25/06/15 22:52:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yet another question we've been pondering.

Does the way you were brought up have any correlation to your propensity for swinging?

For example, do people with mental health issues (depression and anxiety here), super-conservative upbringings (rebellion?), or sexual abuse in the past have a higher likelihood of participating in swinging than those who do not deal with those things?"

Nope I swing because I like sex and believe if we all just went to bed because we liked people then the world would be a happier place.

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

Both of us were brought up by parents who were very repressed sexually and as soon as we were able to leave home we both went rather wild, which is why we took to swinging so easily later in life.

We weren't allowed to take our girlfriends / boyfriends upstairs but R allowed her sons to fuck their girlfriends at home, again a reaction to her oppressive upbringing.

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By *d871Man
over a year ago

nowhere

I'm not qualified in any way to answer this question, apart from being a member of the site, however, I feel that monogamy is generally a restriction placed artificially upon natural behaviour to signify commitment. For those with no commitment, like myself, or those who are secure enough in their relationship to see no need for that restriction, then swinging is only a natural behavior, expressed without inhibition. Mental health problems and upbringing probably have little or nothing to do with it. I suspect that an honest (annonymous) survey would reveal a similar demographic to the non - swinging population.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm not qualified in any way to answer this question, apart from being a member of the site, however, I feel that monogamy is generally a restriction placed artificially upon natural behaviour to signify commitment. For those with no commitment, like myself, or those who are secure enough in their relationship to see no need for that restriction, then swinging is only a natural behavior, expressed without inhibition. Mental health problems and upbringing probably have little or nothing to do with it. I suspect that an honest (annonymous) survey would reveal a similar demographic to the non - swinging population. "

It's normal to do either, the animal kingdom demonstrates this too.

We have pair bonding species (where both parents invest in their offspring to ensure it's survival, you can't tell the difference between males and females physically and the way they act). And tournament species (who just fuck as many as possible to spread their DNA to ensure survival of their species, males tend to be larger than females and more violent).

So yes i agree that you wouldn't have to be mentally ill to enjoy swinging, just our society focused on forcing everyone to become a bonding species for some reason.

I do think upbringing may have something to do with it, in that what people perceive as normal will affect how they feel about their own actions. But ultimately you can't really change how you feel about what you want in life and how you go about living it. Well you can i guess, but you might be deeply unhappy about the situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it true that the the last seven world champion snooker players were all ex firemen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I work in a field where I constantly question and look for trends. I am just curious if there are any predetermining factors that make people more likely to engage in this lifestyle. You would think people here would be a whole lot less judgmental than a lot of the comments I see in these forums."
do you grow cabbages in said field

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I was bought up in a rather formal and unexpressive house. Cold in many ways. I escaped to Brighton. I'm the total opposite, casual and sexual.

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By *rettyLittleThingWoman
over a year ago

Swansea


"

Welsh probably, they can be a bit dodgy too.

"

Hey now... lay off the Welsh

On to the question.. and I dont know what to add to this, So basically are you asking are "damaged" people (without the intention to offend anyone) more likely to swing ?

In my experience my husband just asked me to find someone one day and Fab ticked all our boxes on finding that person. Nothing to do with our pasts/ect just wishing to fill a few fantasies we'd always gone over.

So I guess it's a no here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yet another question we've been pondering.

Does the way you were brought up have any correlation to your propensity for swinging?

For example, do people with mental health issues (depression and anxiety here), super-conservative upbringings (rebellion?), or sexual abuse in the past have a higher likelihood of participating in swinging than those who do not deal with those things?"

Yep, I knowingly do, I fit in the so-called 'daddy issues' category, not so much sexual abuse but I was not exempt from the flirtations and 'appreciative glances/ gropes' from older men from a younger age, instead of playing the victim, I revelled in it and I owned my sexuality, and here I am, looking for tall, older men as my dad was, with a rocketing appetite for sex

I easily detach and know exactly what I want, as I was practically alone throughout childhood, so a self-seeking missy, I'm just really thankful the pendulum didn't swing the other way

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"

Welsh probably, they can be a bit dodgy too.

Hey now... lay off the Welsh "

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