FabSwingers.com forum: Is it considered rude to delete a message without responding?

By *tallionExotica OP Man
over a year ago

Islington

I sure do think so. Not really polite of the person to do that. I understand some get like literally hundreds of messages (And most likely with many being some outright annoying ones....thanks lads for ruining it!) but wouldn't that be generalizing the fact that they're thinking every guy is the same? Not everyone is, and some even tend to take the time to read someone's profile and respond accordingly.

Heck, in my case, whoever sends me a message (Be it a guy or a girl), I at least take the courtesy to reply back and make my intentions known on whether I'm interested in them or not. It helps clear off the air and gives that person a signal of whether or not to keep messaging me.

I'm sure others could learn a thing or two about that wouldn't you think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No its called personal choice if folk delete a message I send its a hint they are not interested and just move on.

I sometime do same if not of interest to no one is owed an explanation at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I sure do think so. Not really polite of the person to do that. I understand some get like literally hundreds of messages (And most likely with many being some outright annoying ones....thanks lads for ruining it!) but wouldn't that be generalizing the fact that they're thinking every guy is the same? Not everyone is, and some even tend to take the time to read someone's profile and respond accordingly.

I'm sure others could learn a thing or two about that wouldn't you think?"

Fine responding to half a dozen a day. But hundreds? There wouldn't be any time to actually meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Noone owes anyone a reply on here. I couldn't possibly reply to all the messages i get on here so i only respond to the ones i'm interested in. Take it as a no and move on.

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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

I'm sure others could learn a thing or two about that wouldn't you think?"

The avatar and subject line would determine whether the message gets deleted unopened.

The problem with this site is that there is no clear definition as to whether people are actually wanting to meet or not. We get in the mood maybe one or two weekends a month and so tend to delete messages that come in outside of those times unless there was a very striking avatar and subject line that would make us want to save it.

Don't take it personally, just move on.

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By *an_WoodMan
over a year ago

Stafford

Single women get deluged even changing a status prompts messages. I think there is a good explanation in FAQ section ?

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I usually reply but really 90% are being rude themselves and wasting my time, having not read my profile and so are ignorant of what I'm looking for.

I say "no thank you" and then occasionally get treated as if I'm rude when they are not at all what I have made clear I'm interested in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, I suggest you have a read through site FAQ's. It's covered there.

On fab it is NOT considered rude not to reply. There is an explanation why

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just delete if I'm not interested, what's the point in replying, all it leads to is "but why aren't I your type" or "I bet I can change your mind" or just plain old abuse.

much easier to just delete and let the standing site rule of a delete is a no thanks stand.

" It helps clear off the air and gives that person a signal of whether or not to keep messaging me.

You'd think a delete would be a pretty solid signal not to message again...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem with this site is that there is no clear definition as to whether people are actually wanting to meet or not. "

What like the meet today icon?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Manners on the Internet has gone the way of the dinosaurs. If you're a single guy just don't message anyone. If they want you they will find you. Just come to the forums and hang out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's very rude like but that's just me. Some very ignorant people on here

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

We always try to reply to messages, but don't consider it to be at all rude if others don't. After all how many people reply to all the junk mail that comes through your letter box at home every day?

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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

The problem with this site is that there is no clear definition as to whether people are actually wanting to meet or not.

What like the meet today icon?"

Then that indicates you may want a meet on that day. But that is no indicator to most single males on here who send mail anyway. Hence it gets deleted unread if we are not in the mood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't ring the local takeaway, to say, "I don't want a pizza"...so why reply to unwanted mail, on here. I see it as the same thing.....junk mail.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We always try to reply to messages, but don't consider it to be at all rude if others don't. After all how many people reply to all the junk mail that comes through your letter box at home every day?"

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

I'm sure others could learn a thing or two about that wouldn't you think?"

When I delete a message it is because I don't want to meet and not because I want to meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Remember your message to them is unsolicited, especially if you haven't read their profile text.

Also, nice people feel bad saying that they don't find you attractive preferring to just delete the message.

We do try answer most of the thoughtful ones but the impolite ones get nothing.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I never bother looking to see if they've been read never mind deleted. If I send a message and it gets ignored or deleted then that tells me quite a lot. It tells me she isn't interested, it tells me don't message her again, it says move on to someone else who might e interested.

Don't stress about those who don't want to meet. Save your energies for those that do.

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By *unkysoulWoman
over a year ago

Mitcham, Surrey

Have you ever caught someone's eye across the bar...and by their body language you know they're not interested...it's like that. You don't expect them to come over and say...'No thanks'...

This is our 'virtual' meeting place...so no reply is simply a polite no thanks for me.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

That just about sums it up.

People will have a lot better time on here if they concentrate on the people that do want to meet them and not worry about the ones that don't.

Of course if no-one wants to meet you then you have to ask the question- Is swinging for you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You only need to send a 'Thanks not what I'm looking for. Have fun' messages and then receive abuse to quickly realise some messages don't deserve a response. If that upsets some poor sensitive soul with an unrealistic sense of entitlenent then so be it.

People that have read the profile and sent a decent message will get a reply. No amount of whiny forum threads is going to change that.

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By *unkysoulWoman
over a year ago

Mitcham, Surrey

"You only need to send a 'Thanks not what I'm looking for. Have fun' messages and then receive abuse to quickly realise some messages don't deserve a response. If that upsets some poor sensitive soul with an unrealistic sense of entitlenent then so be it.

People that have read the profile and sent a decent message will get a reply. No amount of whiny forum threads is going to change that."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you ever caught someone's eye across the bar...and by their body language you know they're not interested...it's like that. You don't expect them to come over and say...'No thanks'...

This is our 'virtual' meeting place...so no reply is simply a polite no thanks for me."
thats a great way to explain it

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

To me, it's a fairly clear "response" to a message. . .

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By *tallionExotica OP Man
over a year ago

Islington

You see that's the thing. There are times when I messaged people once but had it deleted. Yet when I tried messaging them again on another day, they responded positively.

That's the confusing part. Amidst all the bulk deletion of messages some might do, they might be deleting the ones that could genuinely be of interest to them.

Plus like I've said, not everyone is ignorant and some do actually message after going through their profile and responding accordingly. Yes, countless messages would annoy anyone, but courtesy does help a lot in the long run.

I keep on getting messages from guys even though I've specifically mentioned in my profile that I'm straight and don't go for bisexual / gay guys. But I do respond to them in a nice manner and politely refuse them and in response they politely accept it too.

Ignoring the message and deleting it would only prompt more unnecessary messages from some lot with some even going on to be rude. (Which btw, is uncalled for). I do think most men here do lack manners and respect (like how they do in real life? Ha-ha) so I can't blame people either for having to tackle all the rudeness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You see that's the thing. There are times when I messaged people once but had it deleted. Yet when I tried messaging them again on another day, they responded positively.

That's the confusing part. Amidst all the bulk deletion of messages some might do, they might be deleting the ones that could genuinely be of interest to them.

Why would deleting prompt more messages? They delete don't message again.

and you can stop men messaging you know

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By *lfieWoman
over a year ago

South Dublin

"I don't ring the local takeaway, to say, "I don't want a pizza"...so why reply to unwanted mail, on here. I see it as the same thing.....junk mail."

This

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By *tallionExotica OP Man
over a year ago

Islington

"People that have read the profile and sent a decent message will get a reply. No amount of whiny forum threads is going to change that."

Not necessarily. Even after reading someone's profile and sending a decent message (defining 'decent' in this context is pretty much subjective here haha) would still land one into the ignoring / deleting list.

Ah well...one person's meat is another person's poison I suppose eh?

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By *tallionExotica OP Man
over a year ago

Islington

Why would deleting prompt more messages? They delete don't message again.

and you can stop men messaging you know"

I know I can stop men messaging me, but I don't have anything against them plus I've also mentioned that I'll gladly have them on my list as good friends if that'd be okay with them. (Pro LGBT rights all the way here considering the fact I come from a highly conservative background).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People that have read the profile and sent a decent message will get a reply. No amount of whiny forum threads is going to change that.

Ah well...one person's meat is another person's poison I suppose eh? "

From me they will. Cant speak for others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's rude is to send a message without first reading the profile of who your sending it to.

Usually single guys but sometimes couples.

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By *tallionExotica OP Man
over a year ago

Islington

"Manners on the Internet has gone the way of the dinosaurs. If you're a single guy just don't message anyone. If they want you they will find you. Just come to the forums and hang out

Hahaha! You can say that again!

Heck even the chatrooms here make me cringe at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't judge someone until you've walked in their shoes.

As a man you have no idea the messages that women and couples get. Not just the volume but the types that think because this is a swing site that it's some kind of free for all. As a couple it's quite bad when we have single men unfiltered, God knows how bad it must be for the single women.

The simple fact is, if you don't get a reply they're not interested in you. It may be you don't have any pics, for us an instant no...it may be you have the body type that they aren't looking for...it may be something you wrote on your profile text that put them off....

If you changed your profile, added new text, more pics etc, then maybe you could get a reply off someone who previously didn't.

End of the day if someone is not interested in you, you just have to deal with it and find someone that is.

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"Have you ever caught someone's eye across the bar...and by their body language you know they're not interested...it's like that. You don't expect them to come over and say...'No thanks'...

This is our 'virtual' meeting place...so no reply is simply a polite no thanks for me."

Perfect explanation

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

"I sure do think so. Not really polite of the person to do that. I understand some get like literally hundreds of messages"

If you still think people should reply to you then you obviously don't understand. I meet rarely. My profile states this. I still get lots of unsolicited messages despite having my 'looking for' boxes unticked (which also means people get a warning when they do message me). Occasionally I get messages from people I may like but if I know I won't be meeting for at least 6 or 7 weeks then what is the point of responding and wasting their time/getting their hopes up? I may hotlist them for later but that's my choice. As is my choice not to respond and state so very, very clearly on my profile (and on the site FAQ).

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

"I think it's very rude like but that's just me. Some very ignorant people on here"

Quite right.

There ARE some ignorant people on here.

They're the ones who don't read profiles before messaging

....and the ones who ignore all the valid reasons for not replying constantly re-iterated on these forum threads...

Now THAT'S ignorance!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. If I have no interest in the person, I wont reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a bit of a realist so don't think it's rude.

I have also heard from people who reply saying "No thanks, good luck" and then they get a reply back asking why. Why would they want to open up a dialogue with someone they don't want to chat with? Easier just to delete.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. My profile says - if I don't reply it's not because I think I'm all that it's due to lack of time generally - so you'd know that if you'd read it all.

The reasons for not replying at times are :- I sometimes reply - to say thanks but I'm not looking at the moment , but then I get a reply again asking why not etc. But I've made it clear I'm not looking already.

I recently replied - I'm not looking and got the response that I was a fat slag and he could do better than me anyway. It made feel crap. So that day no one got a reply !

I will say though that when I reply as I think someone has put effort into writing a message - I mostly get a nice response saying thank you for replying. So I'm not saying everyone is the same.

I think no reply means not interested and I don't take offence if I don't get a reply. As someone above said , in a bar , I'd tell by body language etc if someone is or isn't interested . No reply is the same kind of thing.

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

"Don't judge someone until you've walked in their shoes.

If you changed your profile, added new text, more pics etc, then maybe you could get a reply off someone who previously didn't.

End of the day if someone is not interested in you, you just have to deal with it and find someone that is."

This is so true.

I think the junk-mail analogy is so apt here..it's already been mentioned briefly on this thread.

Junk-mail writers may have carefully selected their targets (though most don't) as being the exact right demographic group and just the kind of person that will want their product.

They may have crafted carefully worded reasons why theirs is a must-have item, and why you would be foolish to turn down such a magnificent once-in-a-lifetime deal.

Do you write back and tell them you're not interested?....and why?

Well, do you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Remember your message to them is unsolicited, especially if you haven't read their profile text.

Also, nice people feel bad saying that they don't find you attractive preferring to just delete the message.

We do try answer most of the thoughtful ones but the impolite ones get nothing. "

All first messages are unsolicited. That is what the site is about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's very rude like but that's just me. Some very ignorant people on here"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see why the comparison to junk mail has been made. But doing so is crass.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Manners on the Internet has gone the way of the dinosaurs. If you're a single guy just don't message anyone. If they want you they will find you. Just come to the forums and hang out

This is spot on. I'm going off experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I read profiles before I read messages

Unlike the vast majority of people who message me

I do try to reply to those that have,but strictly speaking if someone has read the profile they wouldn't send a message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Remember your message to them is unsolicited, especially if you haven't read their profile text.

Also, nice people feel bad saying that they don't find you attractive preferring to just delete the message.

We do try answer most of the thoughtful ones but the impolite ones get nothing.

All first messages are unsolicited. That is what the site is about."

Yes. The person sending the first message hasn't been asked to, by the recipient. Therefore, the recipient is under no obligation to respond.

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By *WcplCouple
over a year ago

Tameside

08:12 this morning " wanna suck my 9" cock this afternoon ? I am local to you".

That was the extent of the message and unfortunately similar to many of the messages single guys send ..... Doesnt warrant a reply and they are instantly deleted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure others could learn a thing or two about that wouldn't you think?"

No disrespect OP but if a deleted message ir no reply isn't a clear sign that someone isn't interested and you feel the need to keep messaging them then you really shouldn't be having a pop at other single guys for 'ruining it'...

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

"I can see why the comparison to junk mail has been made. But doing so is crass."

Why is it crass?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can see why the comparison to junk mail has been made. But doing so is crass."

Of course it's not, it's entirely accurate. In fact, whilst I'm typing this, can we discuss your PPI claim?

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

Spot on!

Other guys don't "ruin it".

People just don't reply because they have most probably looked at your profile and decided you're not for them.

It's why the junk-mail analogy is so appropriate because it evokes exactly the same reaction...

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

No op it's not rude . You are not owed or garanteed anything from the person you mail . Smacks of entitlement to expect a reply of any sort .As people have said no reply IS your answer. I assure you if the persons interested they'll mail back . I personally respond to the mails that catch my eye and seem to fit what I'm after.I don't wish to enter into the endless ..but why not ...but surely we can sort something out etc etc .Not to mention going from stunning to slag due to saying no .You have no idea of the toy throwing and abuse that gets sent by some who can't take their ego being dented .I copied one said message and sent it to a good friend and his response was he had no clue it was THAT bad .It was truly an eye opener for him . No we know its not all guys like that,and assure you us ladies are perfectly capable to treat each guy on their own merit. Still doesn't mean that in dervish all interests us

You raised the confusion you have that one time they may just delete mail and another time same person will respond . ... well I assume it you don't send same copy and pasted message each time?? So why not look at what was different in the messages you do get a response? Or maybe you weren't what they wanted at that time and then that's changed to what ever reason . What ever the case why not focus on the responses you DO get ..not on ones you don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suspect the guys who moan that their messages go unread, or read but not replied to, don't realise the volume of messages received by some of us.

I, for one, do look at each profile that messages me. Combining the subject line, the opening line, the profile location, avatar, profile name, any pictures, profile wording.... very quickly I can see if I'm interested.

If I reply to thirty messages with a no thank you, you can guarantee at least half of them will reply. Ending that conversation isn't always easy without being rude.

Like many on here, I work, and I haven't got hours to be messaging people I'll never meet. That's time wasting for everyone.

So no; I don't consider not replying rude.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

I'm an old guy, who's memory fails me at times.. I'm pretty certain this has been covered before.

Your profile you manage it in your way, other folk will manage theirs in their way

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I'm sure others could learn a thing or two about that wouldn't you think?"

No. It's not rude.

Nobody else's actions reflect on you.

Reading a profile doesn't automatically make you compatible - attraction/interest cannot be gauged by a few words and interests on a profile.

Intentions are clear if someone has not responded - they're not interested.

The air doesn't need clearing and sending repeat messages usually ends in a block.

I'm sure others don't need to learn a thing or two. They're entitled to run their profiles and interactions exactly how they choose - not at the behest of others.

Have a nice day.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Admin say if you accept that some people reply and some people don't then you will enjoy the site a lot better

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