FabSwingers.com forum: Judging ???

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all. Just looking for some advice.

I ended up on this site / in this lifestyle after yet another failed attempt at dating. The last guy I dated introduced me to the scene and we visited a club together, I really enjoyed It and have a massive libido / high sex drive, so after the failed attempt I decided to just live a little , have a bit of fun.

What I want to know is ... How do people get through the judging ? Ive had someone message me on here , first feeling sorry for himself for having no meets .. Then sending abusive messages about me being on this site and my meets.

May I just add, 2 of my meets are from very old fb who I didn't realise used this site, when they saw me they verified me to help me out.

Anyway, I don't know if it's because I'm still new but I'm feeling a little.... Overwhelmed? Put off ?

What's acceptable for a woman to do in this lifestyle and what isn't ? How do you get past the judgement from people ?

Thank you , Loubie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi and yes new women will always be abit overwhelmed here with msgs due to the high male ratio here, it will cool down after few weeks x.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/06/15 00:49:37]

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By *rs TootyWoman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Welcome to the site sweet.

Ultimately we're all here for the same thing.

Women find the site easier as the ratio of men to women is stupid numbers.

A lot of men, I find, are frustrated at not getting meets. Some unfortunately feel the need to be abusive.

Don't allow yourself to feel judged angel. You don't need to justify or explain to anyone your reasons for being on here.

Enjoy yourself, enjoy the fun you get and remember the block button is there for a reason

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi and yes new women will always be abit overwhelmed here with msgs due to the high male ratio here, it will cool down after few weeks x."

The volume of messages doesn't bother me , it's the people who are abusive. As a newbie im still a little nervous etc... Then people sending abuse just makes it a little harder . X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's acceptable to do whatever you want. Just meet one guy every 12 months, meet couples, groups, gangbangs, or just chat and meet no-one. Do whatever you like and makes you happy.

Some people will think you're cool. Some will use derogatory names for you. Just smile and be happy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Welcome to the site sweet.

Ultimately we're all here for the same thing.

Women find the site easier as the ratio of men to women is stupid numbers.

A lot of men, I find, are frustrated at not getting meets. Some unfortunately feel the need to be abusive.

Don't allow yourself to feel judged angel. You don't need to justify or explain to anyone your reasons for being on here.

Enjoy yourself, enjoy the fun you get and remember the block button is there for a reason

Tooty, thank you hun. Yeah I blocked the abusive guys in the end, I just am a little new to all of this so judgy messages from people makes things a little more nerve wracking if you know what I mean? X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi and yes new women will always be abit overwhelmed here with msgs due to the high male ratio here, it will cool down after few weeks x.

The volume of messages doesn't bother me , it's the people who are abusive. As a newbie im still a little nervous etc... Then people sending abuse just makes it a little harder . X"

Report all abusive mail. Admin are very good on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People get abusive because you say no. Not just men, couples and women can be horrible too.

Just need to use filters, block morons and remember you are a strong confident woman who has taken ownership of her sexuality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People handle rejection in all kinds of ways . In effect you are what so many on the site are looking for , and demand will be sky high . Therefore you will be inundated with meet requests and messages , which will be impossible to keep up with .

So stop worrying about those who judge you because you don't want them . It shows you made the right decision in the first place . Block them , don't give it a second thought , and move on to the next .

We get judged all the time and after growing a thicker skin we don't give a flying fuck what those who judge us think . We are only interested in the opinions of those people who deserve our time and attention . The judges can do one !

It may seem hard now , but you will soon realise that this lifestyle can be so much fun if you let it be . Don't let anyone spoil it for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi and yes new women will always be abit overwhelmed here with msgs due to the high male ratio here, it will cool down after few weeks x.

The volume of messages doesn't bother me , it's the people who are abusive. As a newbie im still a little nervous etc... Then people sending abuse just makes it a little harder . X"
Yes the best way is to ignore them and as other said here as well to report them to admin I the best way forward x.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is helpful thank you. I do enjoy the lifestyle and I get we are all here for the same thing. I just don't get the need for abuse when they're here for the same reasons. I blocked him so I don't know how to report it now?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People handle rejection in all kinds of ways . In effect you are what so many on the site are looking for , and demand will be sky high . Therefore you will be inundated with meet requests and messages , which will be impossible to keep up with .

It may seem hard now , but you will soon realise that this lifestyle can be so much fun if you let it be . Don't let anyone spoil it for you

Thanks honey, It's harder when you don't really know much about the lifestyle I guess and with no friends who are swingers ( apart from one male) it's hard to discuss it with anyone who knows what it's like. Think I need to find a social swinging party or something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is helpful thank you. I do enjoy the lifestyle and I get we are all here for the same thing. I just don't get the need for abuse when they're here for the same reasons. I blocked him so I don't know how to report it now? "

There should be an option on menus on the message you want to report

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you still have the mail you can report via that. Report button on the mail.

If people are blocked there is still an option to report them when you click on their profile.

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By *rs TootyWoman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Most people have had them sweet. Try not to let other people's nasty comments affect you.

Do what makes you happy. Everyone has an opinion on something. It's easy to take it to heart on a site like this but as I say.. We're all on the same site.

It's usually people who can't get meets that send nasty things.

At the end of the day their just pissed off they are missing out on a meet with such a fab person

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Yea they're just lashing out. Report and block. Going to socials is a good idea, I feel I've made a few friends through the lifestyle now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP- nothing is acceptable for some people on here. Meet too many and you are a whore and not meet and you're fridgid. If you think about the thoughts and opinions of strangers on a website then it will drive you mad.

Do what makes you happy. Be true to your self and forget about anyone else's opinion as they count for nothing in your life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Report and block.

We try answer with a no thanks rather than just blanking especially if the initial message had some thought into it. All except one thanked us for replying and wished us well. It's wrong to focus on the one bad one, most people are nice and accept rejection politely.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Women who have a lot of sexual partners are always judged. The thing to keep in mind is that we all judge but some will judge fairly.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

Somebody will always judge somebody, that's life..you just do what you feel comfy with, and let the rest get on with it...its your life and your profile...

dont let them put you off!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't allow yourself to feel judged angel. You don't need to justify or explain to anyone your reasons for being on here.

Enjoy yourself, enjoy the fun you get and remember the block button is there for a reason

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

Fuck someone new every day. Just meet up for socials once a year. Have sex only on Wednesdays in a clown costume.

Basically Just enjoy yourself.

If they are abusive. They are not judging they are using abusive messages to goad you.

Be Thankful you dodged them. And sorry for anyone unfortunate enough to get in a relationship with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly your name makes me smile every time I read it as that was what my Nan would call me when I was little

Moving on... You have to get a thick skin on here... People can be so judgy. When we first became a couple. We had couples that wouldn't have meet with us because I was a greedy girl. The fact was that if they read the Mr's verifications they would have realised that he was meeting just as often... I just had mine in one go. But it didn't matter what he did.

So we started for the most part to play with other couples x with greedy girls as they were the same... Not everyone judges for the same thing and we all have our lines we think shouldn't be crossed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I, female half of the couple, am nice and polite, but people do get a bit rude and not in the good way. I have the benefit of the other half who will block anyone who is remotely out of order. We are doing this for our own pleasure, And obviously the people we meet will get the same.

However I am not taking my clothes off, or getting tied up etc for someone who can't even be polite in a message.

So don't worry, just block away, have fun for yourself and stay safe xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For a single woman....pretty much anything you are comfortable with is ok. No-one has a right to judge you.

Sadly there are an increasing number of (often actually not) single guys on here who think it is "grabashag" and have no concept of the lifestyle.

They have crap profiles, send shit messages and become abusive when they get (inevitably) knocked back.

They are idiots you would never want to meet...ever.

Report the abuse, block them and move on.

There are thankfully lots of nice guys on here too. I count myself as one of them....but I am outside your age range...so good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

think we all get a few horrible contacts in the first weeks. Guys who have been rejected by most and who lay in wait for newbies. Its a shame cod I think it scares a lot of women away.

Make sure you set your filters to match your requirements, that gets rid of a lot of unwanted contacts and the ones that are more likely to be abusive.

You can hide your verifications if you want....there's no obligation to show them.

As others have said, there's no obligation to do anything you don't want.

The block button is your best defence

. Never feel bad about using it.

Use the report facility too if guys are abusive

Enjoy yourself on here. It's a great place.

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

My best advice is to try not to take it all too seriously.

Concentrate on the positives and avoid responding or getting caught up in the negativity.

Hope you find what you're looking for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can do exactly what you want to do, your in charge of your own profile and what you want to do for fun

Thick skin will grow the longer you stay, make sure you have filters in place, I don't get abuse often about in 3people in three years.on my joint party profile I get a load of daftsods message because I haven't many filters so I do now see what woman moan about is true, but all I do is hit the block button as its like a playground not worth my time.

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By *andy_tomMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

Its your life and no one has the right to judge you, people will always judge some one for one thing or another they just cant wait to poke there noes into some one elses life , just ignore them they will eventually move on to someone else , live and let live is my motto,

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all for your support and advice ! Means a lot

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

do your thing in the way that you want to.

but some people will judge and they may not admit it to you, but they will.

and if that concerns you, you may need to reconsider.

just being honest

good luck with whatever you decide

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's not that it bothers me to the extent where I want to reconsider. I was simply asking what others do about judgy comments. I have no doubt that I made the right decision in this lifestyle. That's as clear as crystal lol.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

" I was simply asking what others do about judgy comments."

I ignore them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all. Just looking for some advice.

May I just add, 2 of my meets are from very old fb who I didn't realise used this site, when they saw me they verified me to help me out.

Anyway, I don't know if it's because I'm still new but I'm feeling a little.... Overwhelmed? Put off ?

What's acceptable for a woman to do in this lifestyle and what isn't ? How do you get past the judgement from people ?

Thank you , Loubie

Unfortunately my love, there are many many dickheads on here (male and female) who's egos can't deal with rejection, however, the lovely people make up for that a thousand times over, either, develop a thick skin, or block anyone from messaging you, and do the hunting yourself, but, either way, familiarise yourself with the block button

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's acceptable for a woman to do in this lifestyle and what isn't?"

There are very strict limits about what is respectable for a woman to do in this lifestyle. First she MUST have her cake... and then she MUST eat it

"How do you get past the judgement from people?"

People? What people? If you're talking about the monkeys throwing their bananas at you from the trees, I wouldn't take a blind bit of notice. You may be a bit flustered and upset for a moment... but after a good night's sleep you'll wake up thanking them for making it clear how unsexy and ugly they were as people before it went any further

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

"What's acceptable for a woman to do in this lifestyle and what isn't?

There are very strict limits about what is respectable for a woman to do in this lifestyle. First she MUST have her cake... and then she MUST eat it

How do you get past the judgement from people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is one of the best posts on the forums, many honest and helpful supportive posts and not some idiot hijacking it with nonsense. Well done you fabbers ?? OP, I think this is all part of it, learn to deal with the abuse , every now and again send a message saying exactly what you think and immediately block. No one has a right to judge you, you go gal, enjoy yourself on your terms. It's all up to you and nobody else x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 things. 1 great pics. 2 do what makes you happy. You are the only one who decides what's right for you, no one else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi and a belated welcome to Fab.

Simple advice;

Don't be afraid to be you.

Don't be afraid to find what you want.

Don't be afraid to ask for help in the forums if you feel you need it.

Don't be afraid to use the block button.

Have fun and enjoy!!!!!!!!

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

The volume of messages doesn't bother me , it's the people who are abusive. As a newbie im still a little nervous etc... Then people sending abuse just makes it a little harder . X"

There are many on here who will block single guys, even though that's who they want to meet. They can then message just people that they're interested in and not have to deal with all of the random comments\abuse that would otherwise be in their inbox.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is one of the best posts on the forums, many honest and helpful supportive posts and not some idiot hijacking it with nonsense. Well done you fabbers ?? OP, I think this is all part of it, learn to deal with the abuse , every now and again send a message saying exactly what you think and immediately block. No one has a right to judge you, you go gal, enjoy yourself on your terms. It's all up to you and nobody else x"

Thank you, ive changed my settings and used the block button a few times, thanks all of you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Honestly guys thank you so much you've really helped put me at ease ! Much love . X

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

The volume of messages doesn't bother me , it's the people who are abusive. As a newbie im still a little nervous etc... Then people sending abuse just makes it a little harder . X

I got flamed by one starkly aggressive man when I made exactly the same point in a recent thread so thanks for endorsing my point

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

"Honestly guys thank you so much you've really helped put me at ease ! Much love . X"

for the most part - 90% on the guys on here aren't swingers so don't realise it is not 'a hello fancy a fuck site'. They dont realise that by spamming the fuck out of women or getting turned away, and then by getting a reply, they can somehow convince them they have a personality..

If you dont like them in your gut, dont respond, if the message sounds too generic - it's up to you, but the best bet is to probably block single males and just message the profiles you like the look of. But be ready for similar disappointment should someone not like the look of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honestly guys thank you so much you've really helped put me at ease ! Much love . X

I am not sure where the 90% figure comes from, and I think it is wrong and irrelevant to OP's question.

The issue, as others have said, is that there are unpleasant people of both sexes on this site who are willing to be rude. Its best for OP to ignore them and live her life the way she wants.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not saying all people are bad on here and I've said this before.... But I've never come across a more judgemental group of people then some swingers.

I've been abused via messages and in person from 'friends' with certain people making up lies to justify their badmouthing

As long as YOU can live with your choices, I'd not worry about other peoples opinions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been on here for a while and have only had 1 meet. Tbh it doesnt bother me that much. Would be nice to atleast get a reply sometimes. Started off writing fairly large mesages as alit complain about the ones that say just hi etc but kept being deleted or ignored. must of gone wrong somewhere lol. so now im just abit more casual with the whole thing. Just take it as it comes. Would never think of being horrible to someone i didnt know though. Spose its like anything. Out of a bunch of people there are always a couple of wronguns with no head screwed on. make the most of it and enjoy it with the decent members

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Welcome to the site sweet.

Ultimately we're all here for the same thing.

Women find the site easier as the ratio of men to women is stupid numbers.

A lot of men, I find, are frustrated at not getting meets. Some unfortunately feel the need to be abusive.

Don't allow yourself to feel judged angel. You don't need to justify or explain to anyone your reasons for being on here.

Enjoy yourself, enjoy the fun you get and remember the block button is there for a reason

I'd disagree with two of the above points!

Not everyone is here for the same thing and women don't find the site easier.

Some want simple NSA, some a select few, some a FB or two and some may still consider a potential relationship- there's nothing wrong with any of these and the motive for being here is both individual and can also be fluid and changing over time or dependant on mood.

Women may have more men to choose from given the ratios but that doesn't make it easier. They still have preferences and regardless of the numbers they often struggle to find suitable company. More men to choose from isn't a bonus!!

Re the judgements? Like anything - abuse, negativity, opinions and comments - judgements belong to the person making them - not you. So they're simple to ignore. It doesn't matter what someone else says or feels - just you.

Understanding and accepting this makes for a far happier life - on Fab and in the big wide world!

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By *eltintomysmileMan
over a year ago

West Midlands

from my own experiences I would block them as they are just arseholes or wind up merchants, people who care about you or respect you will never judge you, the abuse isnt,t nice but become thick skinned and ignore it you are a beatiful lady and quite local unfortunately i am outside your age range so happy swinging and dont let them get ya down

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

"It's not that it bothers me to the extent where I want to reconsider. I was simply asking what others do about judgy comments. I have no doubt that I made the right decision in this lifestyle. That's as clear as crystal lol. "

You are always going to have people judge you for something...

A long, long time ago...

In a galaxy far, far away...

I heard a saying and it has stuck with me ever since.

"Everyone wants to shoot the fastest gun"

Whenever anybody wants to tear me down, I love it....

I simply say this to myself, in my head and am satisfied that it's just a reminder that....

I am the fastest gun!

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By *amparaWoman
over a year ago

biggleswade

"Welcome to the site sweet.

Ultimately we're all here for the same thing.

Women find the site easier as the ratio of men to women is stupid numbers.

A lot of men, I find, are frustrated at not getting meets. Some unfortunately feel the need to be abusive.

Don't allow yourself to feel judged angel. You don't need to justify or explain to anyone your reasons for being on here.

Enjoy yourself, enjoy the fun you get and remember the block button is there for a reason

I'd disagree with two of the above points!

Not everyone is here for the same thing and women don't find the site easier.

Understanding and accepting this makes for a far happier life - on Fab and in the big wide world!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I am the fastest gun!"

Possibly not something you want to be remembered on here for

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

"I am the fastest gun!

Possibly not something you want to be remembered on here for

I have never felt the need to be remembered & I embrace the good and bad rumours in equal measures....

That's what builds a myth....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Block any guy you're not interested in as soon as he messages. 99% of men who get a polite "Not thanks" on this site will reply with abuse because they're petty, bitter little souls who think they're entitled to a fuck. And if you report them it makes absolutely no difference as they won't be removed. It's their problem, not yours so don't give them the chance to annoy you. Stay happy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

how about if you just block the abusive messagers and delete the messages. It mighthelp you . In your file make sure you mmention that thats what you will do and it will reduce the amount of Pricks anoing you hun. Some people have no respect. And spoil for other. Hope this helped will help you. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes it really helped , very supportive so thank you to everyone who commented

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