FabSwingers.com forum: Seeing a Cheater

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do others feel about knowingly seeing someone who is cheating? I'm sure they all have justifications that seem to make it seem more acceptable. However you look at it though, there's the potential that one or more people could be devastated and suffer huge emotional distress should the truth out, which happens so often. Even though it's not your responsibility, how do you feel knowing that you could possibly contribute to someone's pain? The reason I'm asking is because there's a man who I have a great connection with, we both want things to go further and we're both clear about where we stand. However, he's in an unhappy relationship but doesn't want his son to suffer any upheaval. I don't want a serious relationship with him but I'm not sure how I'll be able to cope with any guilt. Experiences please? X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

are you absolutely sure that this is a wise post given your previous thread?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are asking all the relevant questions and pointing out all the pitfalls yourself. Each case is individual so we can't say. You must make your own mind up. Good luck.

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

Op you seem to believe him? The mainquestion perhaps is if he lies, cheats and hurts you how will you feel, especially knowing what you know now, and still went ahead with a relationship? Someone will always be hhrt, its a shame that invariably it will probably be the iinnocent party, but spmeone will be hurt.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"are you absolutely sure that this is a wise post given your previous thread?"

I'm getting confused with all the OPs relationship problems.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"are you absolutely sure that this is a wise post given your previous thread?"

It's something I feel some of the members may have experience of and I know nobody can make a decision for me but would still value hearing about their opinions. Regarding my previous post, I'm not sure how that's relevant?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Op you seem to believe him? The mainquestion perhaps is if he lies, cheats and hurts you how will you feel, especially knowing what you know now, and still went ahead with a relationship? Someone will always be hhrt, its a shame that invariably it will probably be the iinnocent party, but spmeone will be hurt. "

I'm not looking for an exclusive or serious relationship so that shouldn't be an issue. Thank you for your response x

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

You will see him.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only you can decide whats best for you

Sometimes i think seeing an attached guy could work for me as i only want nsa but then i think of myConscious and think my heads right.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"are you absolutely sure that this is a wise post given your previous thread?

I see. I wish you and all involved with you the best.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Op

Only you can decide whats best for you

Sometimes i think seeing an attached guy could work for me as i only want nsa but then i think of myConscious and think my heads right. "

To be honest the reasons I don't see attached men has nothing to do with their wives. Its to do with the fact they are not available for spontaneous meets, can rarely meet when I can, insist on no perfume, and are paranoid about possible bites and scratch marks. Sucks the fun out of it all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"are you absolutely sure that this is a wise post given your previous thread?

I see. I wish you and all involved with you the best."

Same here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/06/15 21:44:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got no problems seeing a married woman who is cheating, cos it means I am helping them out in a sexless marriage

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Good points raised. If it was just a stranger then I think I probably wouldn't consider it when there are so many single men out there. This guy though is someone from my past who I feel I have unfinished business with and have spent 10 years regretting not giving a chance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op

Only you can decide whats best for you

Sometimes i think seeing an attached guy could work for me as i only want nsa but then i think of myConscious and think my heads right.

Thats one id many reasons i

Don't do attached for what u said.

And my career isnt 9 to 5

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would not want to meet anyone who is cheating , Been on the receiving end and it hurts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"are you absolutely sure that this is a wise post given your previous thread?"

OP do you enjoy drama and chaos? Ask yourself what good can become of this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op

Only you can decide whats best for you

Sometimes i think seeing an attached guy could work for me as i only want nsa but then i think of myConscious and think my heads right.

I've never met a married man who insists on no perfume or who is paranoid about bites or scratches.

Spontaneity yep I'll give you that, but that's one of the reasons it suits me because I can't do spontaneous either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good points raised. If it was just a stranger then I think I probably wouldn't consider it when there are so many single men out there. This guy though is someone from my past who I feel I have unfinished business with and have spent 10 years regretting not giving a chance."

I'm not trying to nitpick but by saying you regret not giving a chance & unfinished business sounds like you want more of a relationship which he is not free to give you.

I feel you maybe the one that ends up getting hurt.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Op

Only you can decide whats best for you

Sometimes i think seeing an attached guy could work for me as i only want nsa but then i think of myConscious and think my heads right.

I've never met a married man who insists on no perfume or who is paranoid about bites or scratches.

Spontaneity yep I'll give you that, but that's one of the reasons it suits me because I can't do spontaneous either. "

Ooh, I have. However I do meet married men, but only for one off meets when I am travelling (and only if no single men are available), so if they go home looking bedraggled I am long gone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So the guy you married then was just second best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It will get messy, no doubt about it! And for him to play the card of being in an unhappy relationship but only sticking around for a child is very selfish of him.

If he is truly unhappy he leaves and betters himself to make the child happy at seeing his father is best out of the relationship.

Kids are very switched on these days and an unhappy home is a very upsetting experience for a child.

10 yrs of unfinished business? I'd say leave it well alone until he is single

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest to me that sounds more dangerous than if he were a stranger. It sounds like more than just a fuck, and that wouldn't be a situation I'd want to get info, for my own sake if no one else's.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not trying to nitpick but by saying you regret not giving a chance & unfinished business sounds like you want more of a relationship which he is not free to give you.

I feel you maybe the one that ends up getting hurt."

Or more likely her husband who according to her other thread she makes do with.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

I'm not trying to nitpick but by saying you regret not giving a chance & unfinished business sounds like you want more of a relationship which he is not free to give you.

I feel you maybe the one that ends up getting hurt.

Or more likely her husband who according to her other thread she makes do with."

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"Op

Only you can decide whats best for you

Sometimes i think seeing an attached guy could work for me as i only want nsa but then i think of myConscious and think my heads right.

I've never met a married man who insists on no perfume or who is paranoid about bites or scratches.

Spontaneity yep I'll give you that, but that's one of the reasons it suits me because I can't do spontaneous either.

Ooh, I have. However I do meet married men, but only for one off meets when I am travelling (and only if no single men are available), so if they go home looking bedraggled I am long gone

pmsl

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My husband is aware of everything

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"My husband is aware of everything "

yes but his wife isn't. You started a thread recently because you felt that your husband had been wrong to lie to you but are unable to see the relevance to this thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My husband is aware of everything "

Is he aware about your feeling for this other man?

What you do OP is totally your business but tread carefully as you're muddying the waters of nsa sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My husband is aware of everything "

And how does he feel that his wife who makes do with him seems intent on starting a relationship with someone from her past that she _iew as having unfinished business with?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say go for it. But expect to always work around his schedule. Also these things don't always end well. So expect the old line " I'm going to try to work it out with her for the kid "

So have fun but break it off with him before he breaks up with you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My husband is aware of everything

And how does he feel that his wife who makes do with him seems intent on starting a relationship with someone from her past that she _iew as having unfinished business with?"

He understands that it's something I need to get out of my system. I'm not saying he's jumping up and down ecstatic but he wants me to be happy and fulfilled. I want that for him too but can't make his choices for him and he says he is happy with just me even though he has the same freedom as me should he want it

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I could never knowingly meet an attached man,the pain it causes the other person is not worth a quick shag for me.However it happens alot on.here and its not for me to judge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My husband is aware of everything

And how does he feel that his wife who makes do with him seems intent on starting a relationship with someone from her past that she _iew as having unfinished business with?

He's happy just with you? I thought he was meeting up with men and you didn't like it?

But regardless do you not think the fact he is less than enthusiastic is something you should consider?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My husband is aware of everything

And how does he feel that his wife who makes do with him seems intent on starting a relationship with someone from her past that she _iew as having unfinished business with?

I don't understand how you can just "get it out of your system" when the way you've described it sounds like so much more than sex.

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By *he devil wears pradaWoman
over a year ago

gosport ish

I think regardless of advice, words of wisdom, previous experiences the op will go ahead. You reap what you sow op

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Out of interest could you imagine leaving your husband for him if he left his wife?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"But regardless do you not think the fact he is less than enthusiastic is something you should consider? "

I don't think the OP is considering anyone apart from herself.

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By *ex_OnTheBeachCouple
over a year ago

kent ( by the seaside )

What's past is past and should stay that way,

OP you remember how hurt you was when you told us about your marriage on the other thread? Well that could well be the others mans wife and possibly his son.

But at the end of the day the decision is yours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op I really struggle with your posts, I really shouldn't read them but it's like car crash tv.

Do you honestly not realise your capacity to hurt other people?? You've hurt your husband and now your going to hurt him again and an unsuspecting woman??

Get. A. Grip. I may not be fully 'fulfilled' but I've not hurt anyone because you know sex isn't the be all and end all ya know??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not trying to nitpick but by saying you regret not giving a chance & unfinished business sounds like you want more of a relationship which he is not free to give you.

I feel you maybe the one that ends up getting hurt.

Or more likely her husband who according to her other thread she makes do with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Out of interest could you imagine leaving your husband for him if he left his wife? "

No, I have no plans to leave my husband

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My husband is aware of everything

And how does he feel that his wife who makes do with him seems intent on starting a relationship with someone from her past that she _iew as having unfinished business with?

He's happy just with you? I thought he was meeting up with men and you didn't like it?

But regardless do you not think the fact he is less than enthusiastic is something you should consider? "

As I thought I made quite clear in my other post, he met up socially with one man out of curiosity and hid it from me. I had no problem with him meeting a man or woman for that matter, the problem was that he actively lied and covered it up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But regardless do you not think the fact he is less than enthusiastic is something you should consider?

I don't think the OP is considering anyone apart from herself."

I try to avoid these types of threads but I have to agree with this. Sorry if this offends Op but you are portraying yourself as very spoilt and selfish to me.

Perhaps think about how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot.

Somebody suggested some sort of counselling or mediation on your other thread. May be worth considering ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it possible that you might be _iewing the situation through rose coloured glasses?

10 years have past, you both have had families since, grown up, different from when you were a young care free teenagers perhaps?

Sometimes unfinished business is best left that way.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"My husband is aware of everything

And how does he feel that his wife who makes do with him seems intent on starting a relationship with someone from her past that she _iew as having unfinished business with?

He's happy just with you? I thought he was meeting up with men and you didn't like it?

But regardless do you not think the fact he is less than enthusiastic is something you should consider?

you have a problem with your husband lying to you but no problem clearing up unfinished business with a man who is lying to his wife and lets be honest you too?

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By *ex_OnTheBeachCouple
over a year ago

kent ( by the seaside )

"My husband is aware of everything

And how does he feel that his wife who makes do with him seems intent on starting a relationship with someone from her past that she _iew as having unfinished business with?

He's happy just with you? I thought he was meeting up with men and you didn't like it?

But regardless do you not think the fact he is less than enthusiastic is something you should consider?

But you expect the other man to lie to his wife and his child?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I expect to have an honest relationship with my husband. Anybody else I can hope they are honest but wouldn't expect it.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

Oh my.

Are you for real?

Seeing as you asked... get a grip ffs!

From this, and your other post I would suggest that you leave Fab, and concentrate on your relationship, before it all implodes and leaves you and your partner in a world of hurt.

DO NOT even consider adding others to the mix.... especially a married guy who has a kid ffs!

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"I expect to have an honest relationship with my husband. Anybody else I can hope they are honest but wouldn't expect it."

But you know hes not being honest with his partner.

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By *ex_OnTheBeachCouple
over a year ago

kent ( by the seaside )

"I expect to have an honest relationship with my husband. Anybody else I can hope they are honest but wouldn't expect it."

That really didn't answer the question,

You were upset that your husband had lied to know, you know this other man is attached with children? So if you wouldn't expect your husband to lie to you do you expect the other man to lie to his wife knowing how you felt when you found out your husband had lied to you?

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

Oh well.

Reading the responses from the OP it's clear that she has made her own mind up already.

Just please don't come on here to tell us how it all blew up in your face, at least spare yourself the "I told you so's" lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jeez major head fuck this is op

Ur husband was unfaithful and ur on here with husbands consent

U didnt like the fact your husband cheated on you, yet u are willing to do this and maybe put his wife through what u went through

Jeeez i hate to be in your life

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By *itTVlondonTV/TS
over a year ago

London

The OP has far from told us all we need to know to even start giving advice/commenting; she has drip-fed some info and the feeling I get has come mainly from her comment about "unfinished business"; to me it sounds so threatening and I cannot find it in me to actually advise someone who is being rather slippery (at best). For all we know the OP's hubby is loving all this humiliation - and she the manipulation. I am afraid we have not been given all relevant data; hats off to the person who spotted the OP's other thread. The premise of the OP's post is at best dodgy, at worst I dare not say; but to each his own, I guess

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Oh well.

Reading the responses from the OP it's clear that she has made her own mind up already.

Just please don't come on here to tell us how it all blew up in your face, at least spare yourself the "I told you so's" lol.

I strongly suspect the OP craves any attention she can get. She'll be back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op I really struggle with your posts, I really shouldn't read them but it's like car crash tv.

Do you honestly not realise your capacity to hurt other people?? You've hurt your husband and now your going to hurt him again and an unsuspecting woman??

stop creating more drama in your life where there needn't be. Or maybe you thrive off it. Your posts make me think of a silly teenager fast forwarded 20 odd years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally not for me. I don't see cheating as having any place in swinging..... But that's just my opinion.

I would never, knowingly, play with someone who was cheating.

Best for me if their hubby knows then it is (a) No guilt. And (b) NSA as they already have a partner.

I have a couple of regulars who fall into this group. But I will admit to having played with cheating ladies...before I knew.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh well.

Reading the responses from the OP it's clear that she has made her own mind up already.

Just please don't come on here to tell us how it all blew up in your face, at least spare yourself the "I told you so's" lol.

I strongly suspect the OP craves any attention she can get. She'll be back."

I think you are correct!

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By *onyneMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

You have to make your own decisions in these things and try not to hurt anyone else...

Real feelings that involve a gnawing need to be with someone who is reciprocating and feels the same way are one thing...but a random passing fancy involving 'unfinished business' is another...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Jeez major head fuck this is op

Ur husband was unfaithful and ur on here with husbands consent

U didnt like the fact your husband cheated on you, yet u are willing to do this and maybe put his wife through what u went through

Jeeez i hate to be in your life "

He's never cheated, just met for a social behind my back

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

this is making me laugh now. It has to be a wind up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Jeez major head fuck this is op

Ur husband was unfaithful and ur on here with husbands consent

U didnt like the fact your husband cheated on you, yet u are willing to do this and maybe put his wife through what u went through

Jeeez i hate to be in your life

He's never cheated, just met for a social behind my back"

Erm intention was there

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh my.

Are you for real?

Seeing as you asked... get a grip ffs!

From this, and your other post I would suggest that you leave Fab, and concentrate on your relationship, before it all implodes and leaves you and your partner in a world of hurt.

DO NOT even consider adding others to the mix.... especially a married guy who has a kid ffs! "

The people who meet me would say I'm one of the most caring and honest people but I repeatedly cone across terribly. I will admit that I am self centred but I feel I have come under an excessive amount of fire from the forums. It's really hurt me but at the same time, I have to take a step back and ask, can so many people really be wrong? FAB has most likely over inflated my already large sense of self importance and that's never going to be a good thing. I am for now leaving Fab to concentrate on the things that are most important in life. Having attended a funeral today, it's something at the forefront of my mind. I have genuinely not meant any offence to anybody but have found it frustrating when people have clearly not read my posts fully. Thank you for your honest and frank opinions

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think that is possibly the best outcome here although I suspect it's only temporary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you should of all placed bets that she was gonna delete her account lol

she'll be backkk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stories and fantasties please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She will still shag him

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

I get the impression that the OP didn't appreciate not being taken seriously.

Oh well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

was it something we said? haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get the impression that the OP didn't appreciate not being taken seriously.

Oh well

Perhaps so. Spoilt and selfish. We all have to grow up and take a good look at ourselves at some point though . This could turn out to be a good thing for them both if she means what she says in her departing post. Good luck to them both.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

damn, there goes my daily soap fix.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aww hope the op returns one day.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Well the OP has left now, so not much point chipping in anymore than has been said. But I was surprised by the women who said they would like a married man because he's not going to get attached, but the down sides are the no perfume, no sratching etc. As this is a swingers site after all, wouldn't another option be to play with married men who have permission to play?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My husband is aware of everything

And how does he feel that his wife who makes do with him seems intent on starting a relationship with someone from her past that she _iew as having unfinished business with?

He's happy just with you? I thought he was meeting up with men and you didn't like it?

But regardless do you not think the fact he is less than enthusiastic is something you should consider?

you have a problem with your husband lying to you but no problem clearing up unfinished business with a man who is lying to his wife and lets be honest you too? "

And on the day of a funeral too

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"You will see him....."

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do others feel about knowingly seeing someone who is cheating? I'm sure they all have justifications that seem to make it seem more acceptable. However you look at it though, there's the potential that one or more people could be devastated and suffer huge emotional distress should the truth out, which happens so often. Even though it's not your responsibility, how do you feel knowing that you could possibly contribute to someone's pain? The reason I'm asking is because there's a man who I have a great connection with, we both want things to go further and we're both clear about where we stand. However, he's in an unhappy relationship but doesn't want his son to suffer any upheaval. I don't want a serious relationship with him but I'm not sure how I'll be able to cope with any guilt. Experiences please? X"

I couldn't cope with the guilt.

And my partners would all dump me if I knowingly slept with cheats.

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By *aynettaWoman
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Ha love all the politically correct B/S we all know lust takes over with most but fun to see who likes to maintain a political correct facade.

Most cheaters are lying cunts though you can't forget that and you can't trust a liar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ha love all the politically correct B/S we all know lust takes over with most but fun to see who likes to maintain a political correct facade.

Most cheaters are lying cunts though you can't forget that and you can't trust a liar. "

Do you even know what political correctness is?

Because it's certainly not relevant to this thread

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"Oh my.

Are you for real?

Seeing as you asked... get a grip ffs!

From this, and your other post I would suggest that you leave Fab, and concentrate on your relationship, before it all implodes and leaves you and your partner in a world of hurt.

DO NOT even consider adding others to the mix.... especially a married guy who has a kid ffs! "

Looks like she took your advice then.

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By *ussexsocialMan
over a year ago

Billingshurst

You sure the op wasn't a script writer for eastenders ? And trying out some new story lines on here ????

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By *orkieLassCouple
over a year ago

York

Meanwhile, on the Jeremy Kyle show......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its fab, feelings, emotions and conscience must be left at the door

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was just waiting for the bombshell that she had just found out at the funeral, that the other man was actually her brother.

Utter tosh, i have no interest in a relationship, i have unfinished business.

Bunny boiler.

End of.

Loved some of the comments though.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

"Oh my.

Are you for real?

Seeing as you asked... get a grip ffs!

From this, and your other post I would suggest that you leave Fab, and concentrate on your relationship, before it all implodes and leaves you and your partner in a world of hurt.

DO NOT even consider adding others to the mix.... especially a married guy who has a kid ffs!

Looks like she took your advice then."

Hells teeth.... That's a first lol

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

has she shagged him yet ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"has she shagged him yet ?"

She'd probably shagged him before she even posted. Nobody really wants the advice of internet strangers, they just want reassurance that other people agree with them.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"has she shagged him yet ?

She'd probably shagged him before she even posted. Nobody really wants the advice of internet strangers, they just want reassurance that other people agree with them."

very true

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"has she shagged him yet ?

She'd probably shagged him before she even posted. Nobody really wants the advice of internet strangers, they just want reassurance that other people agree with them."

Very true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stay classy fabsters!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seriously get to the samaritans, the other day you're husband was a make do.

Sort your life out, before some woman bangs on the door right in front of him.

Justify all you like, you may have to do it to your kids one day.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Seriously get to the samaritans, the other day you're husband was a make do.

Sort your life out, before some woman bangs on the door right in front of him.

Justify all you like, you may have to do it to your kids one day.

Her"

she didnt like that advice when we all said lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Seriously get to the samaritans, the other day you're husband was a make do.

Sort your life out, before some woman bangs on the door right in front of him.

Justify all you like, you may have to do it to your kids one day.

Her

she didnt like that advice when we all said lol"
Lol..no..the truth hurts..proberly still in denial.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I hope you get some proper therapy as I said last week. It's no good leaving the world knowing exactly he same as you did when you entered it. In all that you do, know thyself.

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