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following mutual desires v analyzing preferences

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I wonder if I am better off joining in with other peoples sexy play when I am lucky enough to find mutually attractive play partners or whether I should try to arrange the scenario that I want beforehand? The 'go with the flow' approach comes easy to me as it suits my submissive-ness....but just because its easier doesn't mean I always get what I want! Arranging other people to fulfill my fantasy seems very dominant behavior - how on earth does that work for someone who likes to feel dominated! I can ask my husband nicely and he understands what I need.....but that is after sharing many years together! Ideas anyone?

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

A submissive can still talk about their fantasies and the things they enjoy and still remain submissive?

Does you husband not also get involved with the discussions before a meet about things you both like and have yet to try?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you submissive in everyday life? If you don't ask for what you want how will others be able to find you? There's nothing wrong in stating your preferences and then seeing who comes along.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A submissive can still talk about their fantasies and the things they enjoy and still remain submissive?

Does you husband not also get involved with the discussions before a meet about things you both like and have yet to try?"

Yes we talk to each other but we don't know how to broach the subject in a social meet or club situation. Getting from conversation to action is so tricky. We have only had 3 swinging experiences so far. Guess we are in for a lot of learning by trial and error!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Are you submissive in everyday life? If you don't ask for what you want how will others be able to find you? There's nothing wrong in stating your preferences and then seeing who comes along. "

Yes I am shy to just come right out and say what I want - will have to overcome my inhibitions - it's strange because I am not inhibited about straight forward sex - it's the kinky desires that I have hidden for so long!

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple
over a year ago

near cardiff


"Are you submissive in everyday life? If you don't ask for what you want how will others be able to find you? There's nothing wrong in stating your preferences and then seeing who comes along.

Yes I am shy to just come right out and say what I want - will have to overcome my inhibitions - it's strange because I am not inhibited about straight forward sex - it's the kinky desires that I have hidden for so long! "

What is this kinky desire?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are you submissive in everyday life? If you don't ask for what you want how will others be able to find you? There's nothing wrong in stating your preferences and then seeing who comes along.

Yes I am shy to just come right out and say what I want - will have to overcome my inhibitions - it's strange because I am not inhibited about straight forward sex - it's the kinky desires that I have hidden for so long! "

Some things are easier to write than discuss, so perhaps your profile might be the perfect place to let others know what it is you're looking for. Be careful though, there are many dumb doms out there who are clueless! Choose wisely!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Are you submissive in everyday life? If you don't ask for what you want how will others be able to find you? There's nothing wrong in stating your preferences and then seeing who comes along.

Yes I am shy to just come right out and say what I want - will have to overcome my inhibitions - it's strange because I am not inhibited about straight forward sex - it's the kinky desires that I have hidden for so long!

What is this kinky desire? "

One persons kinkiness is another persons vanilla I know but it still feels incredibly taboo to even be talking about such stuff .....for example - I had a fantastic turn on when my husband tied me up and spanked me and teased me ...I now am totally turned on by the thought of being the centre of attention of several men including my husband....and of course during the evenings activities I would be tied, teased, spanked then untied and told what to do, when and to whom. Oh wow!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Are you submissive in everyday life? If you don't ask for what you want how will others be able to find you? There's nothing wrong in stating your preferences and then seeing who comes along.

Yes I am shy to just come right out and say what I want - will have to overcome my inhibitions - it's strange because I am not inhibited about straight forward sex - it's the kinky desires that I have hidden for so long!

Some things are easier to write than discuss, so perhaps your profile might be the perfect place to let others know what it is you're looking for. Be careful though, there are many dumb doms out there who are clueless! Choose wisely!!"

Yes, wise words. We have been disappointed once and was too polite to say so! Had a bit of a frustrating time but at least my hubbie and I learnt something that time!

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"A submissive can still talk about their fantasies and the things they enjoy and still remain submissive?

Does you husband not also get involved with the discussions before a meet about things you both like and have yet to try?

Yes we talk to each other but we don't know how to broach the subject in a social meet or club situation. Getting from conversation to action is so tricky. We have only had 3 swinging experiences so far. Guess we are in for a lot of learning by trial and error! "

Ahhh I see. It is more challenging in a social or club meet because you only just met the people.

In our case I would usually take the lead because D is very similar to yourself in that respect. It is hard though and to be honest to find something like that in a club I think you'll be very lucky to hit it just right.

Those sorts of things do work much better when you have had a reasonable amount of time to chat and banter and talk about fantasies beforehand.

Now..... What are these fantasies?

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

I see you've already answered some while I was typing lol.

Chuck a magic wand into that mix whilst tied and teased, it'll and an extra ziiiing...

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

In what way we're you disappointed?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In what way we're you disappointed? "

Disappointed because what I thought was going to happen didn't! Yes I know I should have suggested a few things, changed the mood, offered some other ideas but I just couldn't bring myself to be assertive I have had some good advice now so hopefully next time it will go better.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"In what way we're you disappointed?

Disappointed because what I thought was going to happen didn't! Yes I know I should have suggested a few things, changed the mood, offered some other ideas but I just couldn't bring myself to be assertive I have had some good advice now so hopefully next time it will go better. "

What is do you go to we'll keep an eye out lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In what way we're you disappointed?

Disappointed because what I thought was going to happen didn't! Yes I know I should have suggested a few things, changed the mood, offered some other ideas but I just couldn't bring myself to be assertive I have had some good advice now so hopefully next time it will go better.

What is do you go to we'll keep an eye out lol"

We go to Cupids once a month-ish, usually a wednesday on couples night. We would like to go to a sauna/spa place but not tried that yet.

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