FabSwingers.com forum: hiv!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Met someone recently. We have a laugh flirt a lot usual stuff .

she told me today she has hiv. She understands if I don't want to play but she says and has been advised u can still play but got to be ultra careful. Would you? Even if it's like soft play??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

personally no probably not. I wouldn't be able to put it out of my mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The important thing is she has told you right from the outset. I suggest you consult the professionals for advice and then make an informed decision based on that advice.

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By *urvybrunette91Woman
over a year ago

tidworth

Personally not... I would only do it, even if extremely cautiously, if I planned to spend the rest of my life with that person. Not worth the risk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this a question 'too far' for the forum?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes but would avoid anal sex and instead use condom for the pussey.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

No. I'd be too scared. The fear may be irrational if it's just soft play but I couldn't. It really WOULD be soft play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So she's saying the virus is not detectable.?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

go on the terence higgins website and find out some facts...and ask them any questions you have..you will get informed, non-judgemental advice...and yes,she is quite right...

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

For a long term partner who was the love of my life - Id look into it all properly and then make a decision

For a NSA shag - no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is this a question 'too far' for the forum? "

Why should it be.?

We're not living in Disney world.

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By *ougnrueCouple
over a year ago

Dumfries

wouldnt even consider it at all

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By *tillup4funMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Best thing to do is get more info from your own GP see what they say

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why should play mean intercourse? There's all types of fun to be had without intercourse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why should play mean intercourse? There's all types of fun to be had without intercourse"

Yeah spanking is hot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"wouldnt even consider it at all"

Sorry we wouldn't consider it either. Not with a casual thing

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Is this a question 'too far' for the forum?

Why should it be.?

We're not living in Disney world."

I've seen some Mickey Mouse answers on here lately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is this a question 'too far' for the forum?

Why should it be.?

We're not living in Disney world.

I've seen some Mickey Mouse answers on here lately."

Its a genuine concern for all sexually active people and should be discussed , not discussing it = ignorance

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"For a long term partner who was the love of my life - Id look into it all properly and then make a decision

For a NSA shag - no"

I would agree with this. The Sex Positive answer is to say Yes, HIV positive deserve NSA sex too if they want it. But when it comes to something as Life changing as HIV, I would have to decline

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For a long term partner who was the love of my life - Id look into it all properly and then make a decision

For a NSA shag - no"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At least she knows....how many people don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"At least she knows....how many people don't."

Quite a lot according to the posters around my Borough.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"For a long term partner who was the love of my life - Id look into it all properly and then make a decision

For a NSA shag - no"

This!!

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By *issy NickersWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

Since I started swinging I've avoided bare back and still have STI and HIV tests that have all come back negative. I wonder how many get tested for both. I think this lady is great for being honest but i wouldn't want to play with someone HIV positive in the swinging world. If I developed a solid relationship then I'd play with condoms but know the risk. Evaluate the risk OP

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

Not a problem....I think we should all assume that everyone is hiv positive..So many things you can do..

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

"Is this a question 'too far' for the forum?

Why should it be.?

We're not living in Disney world.

I've seen some Mickey Mouse answers on here lately.

Its a genuine concern for all sexually active people and should be discussed , not discussing it = ignorance "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For a swinging meet...just a shag...no way hose!

For a long terms partner? That's a tricky!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Working in the medical environment and learning more about the subject I can say: if the persons hiv viral load is undetectable AND they are in Antiretroviral medication they are very unliekly to pass on the virus through unprotected sex (less than 1%). Soft play should be ok as long as there are no small cuts or ulcers to the skin and no visible blood. However for intercourse, a condom is always the best way to protect from hiv.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Working in the medical environment and learning more about the subject I can say: if the persons hiv viral load is undetectable AND they are in Antiretroviral medication they are very unliekly to pass on the virus through unprotected sex (less than 1%). Soft play should be ok as long as there are no small cuts or ulcers to the skin and no visible blood. However for intercourse, a condom is always the best way to protect from hiv.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Met someone recently. We have a laugh flirt a lot usual stuff .

she told me today she has hiv. She understands if I don't want to play but she says and has been advised u can still play but got to be ultra careful. Would you? Even if it's like soft play??"

Yes, I'd be ok with that. There are supressent drugs and so forth that people take nowadays that mean minimal risk.

You should probably be more worried about those who don't get tested who might be carrying it and *not* taking drugs.

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By *--Cinders---Couple
over a year ago

a place near Blackpool

No, I wouldn't..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Working in the medical environment and learning more about the subject I can say: if tinformation andons hiv viral load is undetectable AND they are in Antiretroviral medication they are very unliekly to pass on the virus through unprotected sex (less than 1%). Soft play should be ok as long as there are no small cuts or ulcers to the skin and no visible blood. However for intercourse, a condom is always the best way to protect from hiv.

ahhh now having read this I know u are educated on the subject. She told me aboutviral load information. I must admit I knew nothing about this before (from reading comments above lots of dabbers don't as well)

I am glad I posted this even if to raise awareness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No worries,

we need to get away from the fear of being aroynd hiv individuals. Otherwise the problem of stigma and spread of disease will always exist. Everyone has the right to have sex and enjoy the pleasures of sexual contact. Taking the right precaution on intercourse is important with hiv. It is unfortunate that people go as far as not wanting to touch or kiss someone with hiv....this is NOT the route of spread. If it was, then the whole world's population would now have hiv!!

Its important to be knowledgeable - not ignorant.. After all it is probably ignorance that has cause the spread of this illness.

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By *at69driveMan
over a year ago

Hertford

"Met someone recently. We have a laugh flirt a lot usual stuff .

she told me today she has hiv. She understands if I don't want to play but she says and has been advised u can still play but got to be ultra careful. Would you? Even if it's like soft play??"
. At least she had the honesty to tell you which is admirable . How many people may have it and do not know because they so not bother to get tested . These people are probably just as riskey .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely not I'm afraid however nice. But I have total admiration for her honesty, what a nice person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If i loved them i would do it, i'd risk anything for someone i loved. But for a fling or NSA i wouldn't do it.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Yes but would avoid anal sex and instead use condom for the pussey."

Shag, you really should read up about these things.

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By *L RogueMan
over a year ago

London

Thank you for bringing this up and her for being honest. It really depends on your connection with her. For me, the fact you put this up must mean you really like her, at least enough to try and get advice and views.

We all say we wouldn't but what's to say we haven't already...

This is part of the lifestyle whether we like it or not.

Makes you ask the question: when's the last time you had a check up or do you assume a condom is sex equivalent of a bullet-proof vest?

Thanks again OP and good luck to you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Two things really stood out from reading the comments

A) lots have said they admire her honesty but if one has this I think it is only natural they would warn others. If I were infected I certainly would.

B) lots of people jumped up said No! Even though I had no intention of penetrative or oral sex . Yet how many of these people have had both with people who have just said"yeah I got tested last month"

Swinging is a risky game and I hope this post awakens awareness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought after i posted that i wouldn't know if anyone i'm fucking has got it.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Makes you ask the question: when's the last time you had a check up or do you assume a condom is sex equivalent of a bullet-proof vest?

Thanks again OP and good luck to you.

Actually if you about bullet proof vests the analogy is quite good. Bullet proof vests are great.... as long as you are shot with the right kind of bullet (rifle vs pistol) in the right place (vests for rifle bullets protect approximately as much as an A4 piece of paper front and back) and you are not shot too much (the ceramic plates break with each successive shot) and you are not shot anywhere else (arms, legs,neck, head etc.)

Don't get me wrong, if I'm getting shot at, I want a vest, and if I'm fucking I want a condom, but neither of them are 100% guaranteed to keep you safe.

OP thanks for bringing up this in the forums, it helps to raise awareness of important issues

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends what soft play would be ivolved, and I'd def do a lot or research, it's not like a cold that you can shake off, it's a disease that will stay with you for you're life and you can pass on.

Having said that there are lots of similar diseases that are never mentioned and we take risks with every time we play with someone.

Sexual health always seems a taboo subject but it shouldn't be, if you have something it isn't a sign of being dirty or unclean as it's been perceived in the past.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry, but barge poll and wouldn't touch come to mind! If you are diagnosed something like this,my out should take yourself off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It depends what soft play would be ivolved, and I'd def do a lot or research, it's not like a cold that you can shake off, it's a disease that will stay with you for you're life and you can pass on.

Having said that there are lots of similar diseases that are never mentioned and we take risks with every time we play with someone.

Sexual health always seems a taboo subject but it shouldn't be, if you have something it isn't a sign of being dirty or unclean as it's been perceived in the past. "

So many people have stuff and don't show any symptoms, and even testing isn't 100% able to pick up on everything either. I've been looking into it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope never in a million years. I'd stay far far far away

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By *ricerMan
over a year ago

Stockton-on-Tees

My best friends ex husband had an affair with a girl who was hiv positive - which she had caught from a dogging session - it had been deliberately passed on to her and obviously had pretty much destroyed her life!

My friends ex just carried on when he was told and now has to take the suppressant tablets. Obviously this put my friend at risk when he came home for his leg over - and he never even mentioned it to her.

Eventually it came out what had happened, and hence he is now her ex. my friend was in pieces and got tested - she has been lucky and has not caught anything!!

Makes you think though - those who are not careful or risk bareback - just a few minutes of pleasure can change your life forever, but not only that it can have a chain effect, and affect people who are completely innocent - just be careful out there!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My best friends ex husband had an affair with a girl who was hiv positive - which she had caught from a dogging session - it had been deliberately passed on to her and obviously had pretty much destroyed her life!

Eventually it came out what had happened, and hence he is now her ex. my friend was in pieces and got tested - she has been lucky and has not caught anything!!

Deliberately passed on to her ? How so ?

And how does she know she got it from a dogging session ? Was this the only sex she was having , and did the person who deliberately gave it to her confess ?

Can I just say at this point that dogging doesn't have to involve unprotected sex , and people aren't in the habit of giving hiv deliberately on dogging sessions .

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By *ricerMan
over a year ago

Stockton-on-Tees

I understand what your saying, but that's what happened - a guy who had hiv deliberately passed it on to her! It all came out in the end and obviously police got involved so it became apparent what went on.

He isn't the first to have done this sort of thing and obviously won't be the last!!

It's sad how there's always someone somewhere who spoils it for others but in this case goes way beyond that because it's peoples lives that are being messed with

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