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sub and dom

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi guy the wife wants me to start being dom and her sub but where do we start so I don't go to far and mabe hurt and put her off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What kind of stuff does she like?

Name calling, pain, being told what to do, or other stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to have a sit down and talk about it with them both and see what is expected and set some boundries

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton


"Hi guy the wife wants me to start being dom and her sub but where do we start so I don't go to far and mabe hurt and put her off "

Talk - FFS!!

You are married? then you have one huge advantage. (one would hope.)

You say she wants you to Dom, and you to be her sub.. is she wanting both roles from you?? or...

(just to clarify)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

No sorry me dom and her sub

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Then talk to her about it,she must know what she wants ? we dont know what she wants

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton


"No sorry me dom and her sub "

So talk..

You don;t have to rush into a full on D/s this weekend.

How does she feel having her ass spanked? (lightly at first)...

maybe set her a SMALL task.. like arranging her to serve you for 15 minutes one evening.. you can make the task anything you like, but not demeaning.

like, maybe, bring you a beer while she is naked, then do a dance for you while she is naked and the curtains are open. if she pleases you, you reward her, if she displeases you, you punish her. *lightly!*

Then talk later about that scenario.. and see how you both feel,

ok theres a million things you can do, thats just the first thought that came to mind to get you both involved, and started, at least. she may hate it, after all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do people just decide this and do it?.....surely it's something within you? I have never felt remotely sub or dom so it has never crossed my mind to even attempt to play either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How do people just decide this and do it?.....surely it's something within you? I have never felt remotely sub or dom so it has never crossed my mind to even attempt to play either."
it's a wonderful world of whips and chains!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How do people just decide this and do it?.....surely it's something within you? I have never felt remotely sub or dom so it has never crossed my mind to even attempt to play either."

People have to start somewhere and not everyone knows till they try. Its not like being straight or gay, where you just know. Its more like having a favourite food. How do you know its your favourite or even like it until you taste it? And yes some people know before they try but its never exactly how you expect. Maybe you should be more openmided.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How do people just decide this and do it?.....surely it's something within you? I have never felt remotely sub or dom so it has never crossed my mind to even attempt to play either."

I feel i'm naturally dominant, but had a submissive boyfriend who wanted me to humiliate him. It came up when we talked about sex and fantasies, what we liked etc. I wasn't comfortable with it at first but eventually loved it after some practice.

I can do vanilla sex as well and enjoy that, but i couldn't give up being dominant completely. If it's not for then that's normal too and you don't need to try it if you don't want to. Tbh i can't do this stuff with someone i hardly know anyway so don't know how you'd do it at all if it's not something that appeals to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree I can only speak from personal experience but being sub is something that's always been there for me rather than something I saw or heard about and decided to try .

But perhaps others can come across it and try and decide it's for them.

Either way research together and talk about what type of dom she wants you to be it varies a lot !

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field


"How do people just decide this and do it?.....surely it's something within you? I have never felt remotely sub or dom so it has never crossed my mind to even attempt to play either."

I didn't think about Domination until I started playing with a friend who is submissive.

Jump forward five years and I've gone from being nervous about hurting her while spanking her to having someone in a choke hold last week, pulling their head back by their hair while gently kissing the side of her neck and whispering in her ear to tell her what a dirty little slut she was- to say she was a little turned on was an understatement- but without the initial introduction to D/s play, the lightbulb may never have been switched on

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton


"How do people just decide this and do it?.....surely it's something within you? I have never felt remotely sub or dom so it has never crossed my mind to even attempt to play either.

I didn't think about Domination until I started playing with a friend who is submissive.

Jump forward five years and I've gone from being nervous about hurting her while spanking her to having someone in a choke hold last week, pulling their head back by their hair while gently kissing the side of her neck and whispering in her ear to tell her what a dirty little slut she was- to say she was a little turned on was an understatement- but without the initial introduction to D/s play, the lightbulb may never have been switched on "

And.. thats how it is for many people

So glad when people actually find that role while they can still enjoy it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A wonderful revelation and addition to your relationship and being a married couple is perfect. Write lists, both of you of your wants, desires, the definitive "No's" read them and discuss to come up with a happy play medium...then enjoy. A forever evolving 'game' and being open and discussing these changes always make it a happy, fun, sexy playground. With reference to the above comment....I was married for 17 years and was always the 'instigator' to our sex life....One day being with someone new 2 years after I divorced said twit, I discovered I loved being sub! So there you go revelation to me! Have fun guys x Look forward to seeing the photos x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How do people just decide this and do it?.....surely it's something within you? I have never felt remotely sub or dom so it has never crossed my mind to even attempt to play either.

I didn't think about Domination until I started playing with a friend who is submissive.

Jump forward five years and I've gone from being nervous about hurting her while spanking her to having someone in a choke hold last week, pulling their head back by their hair while gently kissing the side of her neck and whispering in her ear to tell her what a dirty little slut she was- to say she was a little turned on was an understatement- but without the initial introduction to D/s play, the lightbulb may never have been switched on

And.. thats how it is for many people

So glad when people actually find that role while they can still enjoy it "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank u guys for all your help we will take on board all the advice and start from there

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge


"How do people just decide this and do it?.....surely it's something within you? I have never felt remotely sub or dom so it has never crossed my mind to even attempt to play either."
because they have seen that god awfull film or read those god awfull books and now they want to play at being the greys or in some cases it's a long held wish to be submissive/dominant and now with maturity and it seen as less deviant less wrong a little more mainstream so they are attempting to full fill that need . Got to say well done to the op for having the sence to ask for advice before going hell for leather and potentially injuring his wife . To the op there are no right ways and no wrong ways for the two of you to interact as Dom & sub just your way it's your dynamic do it how it suits you both and how you both enjoy it above all talk it through and listen before and after you do anything

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By *ncutgemMan
over a year ago

Bath ish

Come for some training and practical workshops

If your really serious you need proper help but I suspect she only want you to stop being clueless in bed

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By *ncutgemMan
over a year ago

Bath ish

and take the lead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/04/15 11:14:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How do people just decide this and do it?.....surely it's something within you? I have never felt remotely sub or dom so it has never crossed my mind to even attempt to play either.

People have to start somewhere and not everyone knows till they try. Its not like being straight or gay, where you just know. Its more like having a favourite food. How do you know its your favourite or even like it until you taste it? And yes some people know before they try but its never exactly how you expect. Maybe you should be more openmided. "
just because it's never appealed to me doesn't mean I'm not open minded thank you!!! I would have thought that because I'm showing a curiosity by asking that shows I'm very open minded.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before even talking... Is it something that comes naturally or even interests you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Before even talking... Is it something that comes naturally or even interests you?

Hi yes the thought is a big turn on but the thought of may be hurting her is what will put me off

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

please make sure to research what it is you'd like to try and go slowly. we hear about too many people getting hurt in our bdsm scene.

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge


"please make sure to research what it is you'd like to try and go slowly. we hear about too many people getting hurt in our bdsm scene."
this

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"Hi guy the wife wants me to start being dom and her sub but where do we start so I don't go to far and mabe hurt and put her off "

Read. There are so many websites, guides and blogs about D/s. Why not both have a read about fetishes and various lifestyles and practises and see what takes both of your fancies.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We will do thank u guys

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By *octor DeleriumMan
over a year ago

Wellingborough


"Read. There are so many websites, guides and blogs about D/s. Why not both have a read about fetishes and various lifestyles and practises and see what takes both of your fancies. "

I'll PM some of the more useful book titles.

Whatever you do, make sure that it is consensual, safe and sane.

I've come across some people that think that sticking hat pins through a breast is acceptable.

Dr Nasty

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London


"We will do thank u guys "
Talk through what it is you both like and find out what elements appeal to you most. Don't jump in to it, take you time but above all have fun!

Have you some dom tendencies or is it something that you don't feel too comfortable with and likewise has you wife some strong sub tendencies, or perhaps it's 50's shades that is bringing this interest now? J

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