FabSwingers.com forum: Advice re: couple

By *ayp8602 OP Man
over a year ago

Bristol

Hi folks

After some advice from couples.

I've met this couple 3 times now, they're married and we've had some great times together, I'm not new to playing with couples and keep it strictly as fun.

recently the female has been messaging me, from what I can only assume - without the fella knowing so. She's asked to meet up just the two of us. I said I'm not comfortable with that, unless Mr. Says it's ok, she said it is but won't get him to say so. I get on well with him and we go out for beers every now and again.

I'm not planning to meet them anymore due to this, and now he's asking me why im not up for meeting them next week. I'm in a bit of a moral predicament, do I tell him she's asked to meet up alone, or should I make excuses and just disappear?? Never been in this situation before and not sure what to do.

I guess my question to couples - would you want to know if your partner was asking to meet the playmate behind your back?

Any advice greatly appreciated !

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

Personally, yes I would want to know.

We talk about everything though so he would tell me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also consider that maybe he knew and it was a test x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd keep my mouth shut if I was you. No point in causing trouble.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Swinging is all about open, honest communication, if it's bothering you, talk about it between the 3 of you, if you want to do it, talk about it between the 3 of you, if that's not how you would play with them, talk about it between the 3 of you.

If you have a secret, you will never be able to fully explore and enjoy the relationship dynamic between you. If you are all open and honest, there is no limit to the possibilities for all of you.

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By *allipygousMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"Hi folks

After some advice from couples.

I've met this couple 3 times now, they're married and we've had some great times together, I'm not new to playing with couples and keep it strictly as fun.

I guess my question to couples - would you want to know if your partner was asking to meet the playmate behind your back?

Any advice greatly appreciated !"

Tell him the truth. At the very least it'll prevent the male of the couple starting a thread about how difficult it is to find single men to regularly play with him and his wife.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd want to know and maybe he would too. I think just disappearing wouldn't be a good idea whichever you do. If you're comfortable with it, tell him.

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

Tell him the truth, he deserves that in my opinion (him) regardless of the outcome, wasn't part of the original agreement I'm guessing? Tbh if I were in their position and one of us strayed, not saying anyone has here but to be in the know for me would be paramount, secrets of this nature can be highly damaging. Could be a test, maybe not but in the set up presented here I'd say he should at the very least be in the know. Good luck, tough position to be in.

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By *ill4cherMan
over a year ago

Bristol

Tell her you're going to check with the mr. After all, you say you're on drinking terms with him. If she asks you not to, then she's cheating on him. If she says ok then ask him what he would think if you met her alone you alone.

And what does your other half think about it? And would you be happy for your other half to go with him alone?

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By *ill4cherMan
over a year ago

Bristol

"And what does your other half think about it? And would you be happy for your other half to go with him alone?"

Ignore that bit, you're a single guy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she is messaging you on here then he knows, Its not Rocket science, If Shes using text or whatever its a Bunny boiler so do her up the Dirtbox n video it for security

Gimp

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By *he Hobbit And MeCouple
over a year ago

southampton

It`s a dangerous situation to be in! do you tell him? This is something you have to figure out yourself as no amount of advice will help you battle your conscience

It could be a test from the husband or may not be and this could be a marriage breaker!! we treat sex as a game for pleasure! we always state in our profile we only play as a couple and we have spoken that if either of us felt the urge to do this secretly or started to became emotionally attched to a person then we would both walk away as our long marriage is not worth losing because of sex. Sorry i could not be much help ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I'd just say thanks for the good times and move on.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Tell them both that it's the end of the road and tell her the choice of telling him or not is hers.

If he knows and its a test they're playing games and not being honest with you.

If he knows and he gets off on her doing this they're playing games and not being totally honest with you.

If he doesn't know she's playing games and not being totally honest with either of you.

Walk away quickly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she said he already knows then I can't see how she could have a problem if you spoke to him about it? Call her bluff!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell her you're going to check with the mr. After all, you say you're on drinking terms with him. If she asks you not to, then she's cheating on him. If she says ok then ask him what he would think if you met her alone"

This

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By *eithoWoman
over a year ago

Chatham

I wouldn't hesitate to tell him. I've been in the reverse situation myself and I'd always be honest about it.

I'm not on here to keep people's dodgy secrets or be dragged into any dramas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't hesitate to tell him. I've been in the reverse situation myself and I'd always be honest about it.

I'm not on here to keep people's dodgy secrets or be dragged into any dramas. "

But you'd mostly likely be wading right into one.

I can't see the sense in all the second guessing and conspiracy, just walk away.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I wouldn't hesitate to tell him. I've been in the reverse situation myself and I'd always be honest about it.

I'm not on here to keep people's dodgy secrets or be dragged into any dramas.

But you'd mostly likely be wading right into one.

I can't see the sense in all the second guessing and conspiracy, just walk away.

I agree, there's only one person who knows what's really going on here, possibly two but I doubt it.

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By *andy_tomMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

Keep your mouth shut , enjoy it wile it lasts,

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By *lactontogMan
over a year ago

Clacton on Sea

Keep quite and move on mate, i have come across similar myself & just move on if people become clingy or develop feelings.

Kim knows all what i do as there are no secrets & i would tell her anyway, don't get mixed up in the politics of this couple so make a simple excuse & don't see them anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id definatly tell him.. Swinging is about trust and fun and by asking you to meet alone she has put you in an awful position! Youre clearly a moralistic person so if I were you id say, also it may be a bit of a game/test between them and if, like you say, you occasionally go for a beer or two with the fella then I would.. I know id certainly like to know.. Wouldnt you?

Mrs xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would not tell husband but I certainly would make it very clear to her that if she wants 1on 1 with you, it has to be agreed by all three of you openly and honestly...

I agree with others on here that say it could be very damaging to the dynamic if not honest, especially as it sounds like there would be friendships destroyed too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would want to know, and Marc would want to know. If it were up to me I would tell him. As others have said, honesty is key here. Maybe she is being honest and he does know, in which case you would be losing a couple you seem to have good rapport with just because you ::think:: something is going on that might not be. I would just ask the guy and move on if it turns out he was unaware. But it's up to you in the end...

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

say no and tell him

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

For us swinging is entirely about sharing and we would never swing alone. You, on the other hand, have found yourself in a very awkward situation. If you value your relationship with both if them than our advice would be not to approach him directly, but tell her that unless you get personal approval from him you will not meet her alone, and if you don't get this approval you will have to explain to him why you will not meet. It might be a test of you or a sign their relationship is breaking down. Either way it isn't healthy and you should proceed with caution.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would not tell husband but I certainly would make it very clear to her that if she wants 1on 1 with you, it has to be agreed by all three of you openly and honestly...

I agree with others on here that say it could be very damaging to the dynamic if not honest, especially as it sounds like there would be friendships destroyed too.

telling the husband *could* destroy their marriage. Maybe its wrong on her part, could just be a momentary lapse on her part (a little crush or whatever) but is it worth potentially wrecking what they have? Is it your place to do that?

As above, tell her that you'll ONLY do 1 on 1 with express permission. If she refuses then it's up to you if you want to meet them as a couple or not.

I'm sure you can think of a plausible reason why not to meet if uncomfortable that doesn't potentially ruin his life!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi folks

After some advice from couples.

I've met this couple 3 times now, they're married and we've had some great times together, I'm not new to playing with couples and keep it strictly as fun.

I guess my question to couples - would you want to know if your partner was asking to meet the playmate behind your back?

Any advice greatly appreciated !"

Why not just ask him if at some point in the future it would be ok if you two could get together ?

Use an excuse that you need a lady to take to a function ? If he says no then the chances of him letting you play are zip !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I'd just say thanks for the good times and move on."

Sound advice. I've had this happen a few times from both the m and the f of different couples. Nightmare. Do you want to get embroiled in the middle of an argument? In the end they'll look for someone else to blame and my bet is that it'll be you. Walk the other way and let them think of you what they will.

Personally, I think it's shocking for anyone else to put you in that position.

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By *ayp8602 OP Man
over a year ago

Bristol

Thanks for the replies all.

The couple don't use this site, I've known them for a while. the messages from her are via text.

why can't you all choose 1 way or the other and make my life easier !?

Mixed bag of replies!

Shit situation I'm in, we all agreed from the start it was purely fun, nothing else - they haven't played with others before me, and I think this could be why it's got to this.

I've decided to be honest and say to fella. If I was in the same boat as him and this happened to me, I'd want the other person to be honest. At the end of the day I've done nothing wrong nor have I asked to be in this situation, I guess she has bought this on herself.

Perhaps them swinging isn't the best idea after all if she's looking for an excuse to meet other guys alone.

I'm heading out for the usual Wednesday beers with fella tomorrow and will broach the subject then, we get on well and I'm pretty sure he'll see sense, but at the same time I hope they work this out and re think twice about bringing a 3rd person into the bedroom anytime soon.

Nothing has happened between me and the wife seperately, so hopefully they'll both see it as a lesson in playing with others.

Thanks all for your advice and suggestions, I'll keep you posted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some good folk on here! hope all goes well and be ready for a treat if it was a test, you could be in for more than a beer my son!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did it go?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Thanks for the replies all.

The couple don't use this site, I've known them for a while. the messages from her are via text.

why can't you all choose 1 way or the other and make my life easier !?

Mixed bag of replies!

Shit situation I'm in, we all agreed from the start it was purely fun, nothing else - they haven't played with others before me, and I think this could be why it's got to this.

Perhaps them swinging isn't the best idea after all if she's looking for an excuse to meet other guys alone.

Nothing has happened between me and the wife seperately, so hopefully they'll both see it as a lesson in playing with others.

Thanks all for your advice and suggestions, I'll keep you posted

Suggest they join Fab.

Not only can they then explore life with more than one other guy - thus preventing any issues where she gets too close to anyone in particular - but he might get some extra female fun too.

And once they're verified they can leave you one too!

Everyone's a winner baby!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No keep it private with her as extra fun, no need for him to know, just be more discreet with the meetings with her.

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By *allipygousMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"No keep it private with her as extra fun, no need for him to know, just be more discreet with the meetings with her."

Lol I hope your mates know never to leave you alone with their other halves!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No keep it private with her as extra fun, no need for him to know, just be more discreet with the meetings with her."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let the guy know and cease meetings with them, they have stuff to sort out clearly before they carry on with this lifestyle, as your established within the swinging scene I'm sure there are other women/couples you can play with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If she said he already knows then I can't see how she could have a problem if you spoke to him about it? Call her bluff!"

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