FabSwingers.com forum: Saying 'no' politely

By *mberandrew OP Couple
over a year ago

Manchester

Has anyone advice on how to say 'no' politely when you arrange a meet and they're not what you expected from their profile description and photo? On more than one occasion we have met people who have clearly lied about their age or physical description (the term 'athletic' seems to be used very loosely!)

Apart from just being very blunt, we'd appreciate any advice from other couples especially about getting out of the situation where there is no physical attraction to the guy you've arranged to meet. We now always arrange a social meet first, but this limits the meets we can arrange as it takes another evening out of busy schedules!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ambslass48Woman
over a year ago

Peterborough

Why I always have a social meet first had too many meets nothing like their profile

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estmidscoupleCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands

alas social meet first is the only way. a polite way of saying NO at the time will always be difficult but , after the social meet you can always play the "we didn't feel any chemistry or connection" card

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Restrict social meets to no longer than half an hour. If you don't have any spark after that it aint gonna happen. Just be honest 'you're not for me. Nice meeting you and leave' Direct and to the point. Dont believe in false hope. If people can't take rejection they should not be part of this lifestyle.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Restrict social meets to no longer than half an hour. If you don't have any spark after that it aint gonna happen. Just be honest 'you're not for me. Nice meeting you and leave' Direct and to the point. Dont believe in false hope. If people can't take rejection they should not be part of this lifestyle."

Succinctly put!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its always difficult and an awkward situation. Unfortunately, at times it is necessary. Most of us will not want to get intimate with someone we have no chemistry with, so you just have to be firm and as polite as possible. We enjoyed meeting you but will not be taking it any further. Yes, it is difficult but it is better than running out the back door.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Well I think looking at your profile, there is enough of Amber, but nothing of Andrew. I'm sure once you get closer to meeting but you mention about people not being as described. Try to make sure you ask for enough photos in advance to be able to make a decision about the value of the social. That should help. It's easier to say No on here than in real life.

Also what we tend to do is "social with the hope of play" so a social near where you can play, yours or theirs. So you can get to know them first and as someone else mentioned above, if you don't click in 30 minutes you won't. But if you do click, then you can play. That way if it all goes well it's 1 night taken up, rather than 2.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester

"Well I think looking at your profile, there is enough of Amber, but nothing of Andrew. I'm sure once you get closer to meeting but you mention about people not being as described. Try to make sure you ask for enough photos in advance to be able to make a decision about the value of the social. That should help. It's easier to say No on here than in real life.

This is why we almost always meet in clubs - which however makes this an interesting question to which we would like to see more answers than just social meet first (if one of us was meeting one other person it's more likely we would start with a separate social meet).

Him

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Definately agree about social meets and you can tell them afterwards you didnt gel etc.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Has anyone advice on how to say 'no' politely when you arrange a meet and they're not what you expected from their profile description and photo? On more than one occasion we have met people who have clearly lied about their age or physical description (the term 'athletic' seems to be used very loosely!)

Very difficult but tactful honesty is the only way. We opt for social only meets first for a couple of reasons mainly because I would be too nervous otherwise but also because you can never tell if you are going to gel until you're in somebody's company.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not arrange a social meet at a club instead or if attending a club regularly you may find someone there to play with

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Social meet first and specify that it is just a social meet. That way if you don't want to take things further you can respond with a message on here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

After viewing photos and reading profiles and arranging to meet - make sure you say THIS before meeting.

You look right from your pics but NO one can tell until they meet and talk. Let's meet for one drink/coffee/what ever. If we haven't contacted you the next day then we didn't feel we were suited.

Saves face for all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

or you haven't contacted us ..... ( makes it their responsibility too )

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After viewing photos and reading profiles and arranging to meet - make sure you say THIS before meeting.

You look right from your pics but NO one can tell until they meet and talk. Let's meet for one drink/coffee/what ever. If we haven't contacted you the next day then we didn't feel we were suited.

Saves face for all."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"After viewing photos and reading profiles and arranging to meet - make sure you say THIS before meeting.

You look right from your pics but NO one can tell until they meet and talk. Let's meet for one drink/coffee/what ever. If we haven't contacted you the next day then we didn't feel we were suited.

Saves face for all."

No more needs to be said! Excellent strategy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

I always have a social meet first, then will arrange another time to play. It might take a while to meet up again due to schedules, but if they're keen they'll wait

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"After viewing photos and reading profiles and arranging to meet - make sure you say THIS before meeting.

You look right from your pics but NO one can tell until they meet and talk. Let's meet for one drink/coffee/what ever. If we haven't contacted you the next day then we didn't feel we were suited.

Saves face for all."

Pretty much what we do.

Though now we tend to have less and less private meets from here with people we have never met before.

Most of our private meets come from couples we've met in clubs previously.

It does happen every now and again though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/04/15 22:52:43]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have lived this totally and have also opted for social first only due to people basically having almost fake profiles with pics from years before or 3 stone lighter or seemingly someone elses body parts!! We actually left the sight because of it and since rejoining we have had social meets first that have all been fab!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no polite way of saying NO.

If its a social meet, no one should be expecting anything anyhow, if theres chemistry "happy days!" if theirs's not, everyone only turned up for a chat and a drink anyhow!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Saying it straight but politely and with no personal comments is the way to go. Stating that you don't feel the spark or chemistry or lust is something that can't be argued with and they can't try to persuade you to let them change your mind.

I always do this in a busy cafe, they're far less likely to make a scene in a public place.

I tried waiting till I got home to send a polite no thanks message but arrived home to an inbox full of "I'm so looking forward to when we play" messages.

It is a bite the bullet moment since it's not something we are used to saying so baldly, but meeting someone and shagging them less than 30 mins after saying hello is not something most do either!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always happy to meet socially first. Can't think of any that haven't then been followed up by a further "meet". Often the social develops further any way. For many couples/ladies it's the best way to go.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *athylacyTV/TS
over a year ago

Maidstone

Saying 'no thank you' with a smile has never seemed to offend anyone that approached me at a club...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

I think I've said this before on here but we once met a couple who's nick was xxxxxxcouples40s. We stupidly assumed that they were in their 40s (borne out by the pics they sent) but I think it actually meant they were born in the forties

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread