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A difficult situation

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I just need some advice on a difficult situation at work. One of the team I manage, he and his wife are swingers (I stumbled across their profile on another site), they have no idea that I know they swing nor do they know I do. But in recent weeks he has become less discreet about our lifestyle choices and I have over heard and been told that he has been talking about the parties that he has held and which a number of senior managers have attended (non of whom know he works at the same company). I am very discreet about swinging going so far as to not play locally as I feel that I don't want it to incroach on my work and family life. So what should I do, I can't approach the managers involved and I can't speak to him as he is the sort of person to deny it and then take himself of to HR. Any advice would be gratefully received

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ignore it, it has nothing to do with you. He doesn't talk about you, you don't go to the same parties, you don't meet the same people.

So your both swingers, so what, if one pigeon fancier or stamp collector says one thing, all the others up and down the country don't get involved.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I would keep out of it. Say nothing and hide your profile.

good luck, not a nice situation to be in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We would give the same advise as the others have so far, not everyone treats their swinging like a big secret and can be very open about what they do.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

same a the others have said. Best leave well alone. Should you say something then it will encroach on you, which from your post is the last thing you want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No need to hide your profile if you mix with different people x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd also do nothing - it's got nothing to do with you really, what they do in their private life is their business and if they don't mind people knowing that's their choice - not yours. If it isn't going to affect you directly then leave well alone! Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's non of your business UNLESS as his line manager you are concerned that his conversations or comments could be interpreted by any other team member as sexual harrasment. That seems a long shot from what you have said, but it really does matter if he is in any way 'soliciting' or urging anyone to attend his parties to have sex with him.

If this is not the case then your concerns would appear to me to be selfish ones, a fear of others finding out your lifestyle choices. Although lacking in discretion he obviously is not concerned and to be honest may probably be doing a little to break down the percieved swinging taboo that exists. If it didn't exist you wouldn't care......

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks, my concern is for the people he may be outing, I only wish I knew them through swinging and not just work then I may be able to say something. But thanks for the advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks, my concern is for the people he may be outing, I only wish I knew them through swinging and not just work then I may be able to say something. But thanks for the advice "

Mind your own business, to be blunt - why concern yourself?!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

tricky one,

can you ""OVERHEAR"" a conversation, and then tackle it as a "only looking after you line mangers conversation????"

as in talk how you like but take care, etc, etc.

you do have responsibility to manage him and the other staff....personal and professional rarely mix.

because one person may eventually complain / take exception...

just another swinging time-bomb kids..

tick, tick, BOOOOOOM !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speak to HR about it or have a word with him after you next hear something.

From a work point of _iew I think it's something that should be stopped. He's breaching other peoples expectations of discretion.

It might not be your problem but it could become yours if others are offended by what he's said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Problem is the op is the manager and people have come to him for advice

Difficult one...it is nothing to do with swinging but if you take out the overheard conversation piece and base it on somebody has worried about it in your team and mentioned it to you as a manager for resolution

Then it's a quiet word to tone it down as it is making members of your team uncomfortable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he is mentioning other people, then maybe have a quiet word with them just to let them know that they are being talked about.

That way you don't disclose what you are doing and they can either ignore the warning or tell the bloke to keep his mouth shut if he wants to keep getting invites to the parties.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

HR advice from me as I work in HR - I'd agree with Blackspice. I'd also advise you to continue to keep your distance from this couple swinging wise to ensure your paths don't cross. If other employees he is speaking to find the topic uncomfortable then that's the time to have a quiet word as it is no different to any other kind of topic (sex, race, religion etc) that people find offensive.

Feel free to private message me if you want any more advice. Good luck as it is a delicate situation x

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