FabSwingers.com forum: To reply or not reply that is the question

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A plea to all Time wasters please leave the Site so that genuine swingers can go about what they are here for

This may have been aired before but every new user comes up against it .

When I came on this site I thought it was all about communication .

People ask others who then reply and hopefully a meet eventually takes place in the future .

From my observations there are two opposing sides to the debate .

(a) the askers ---ie --the have nothing

(b) the asked ---ie --- we have too much

The (a) feel they have to mail as many people as possible to ensure they get any replies given not many (b) seam to bother

The (b) feel they have to much mail so it is too much to expect them to reply

(b) say they want original and interesting mail but if it gets ignored why should (a) bother

If (b) is getting too much mail why not help themselves by putting filters on their mail so

they only get mail from those they most want

If [b] is overwhelmed with contacts they want to meet put a block on all except friends

If (b) replied with a NO or blocked individual (a) s then they should get less mail as (a) has got knowledge not to ask and should not send [b] any more mail

As a member of the [a] group I find its very disheartening to try and make contacts without getting the feeling I am being totally ignored .

Even if I think I have found someone who is interested it can still all fail . I have had several instances of people just disappearing in the middle of a chat when I want to arrange a meet , People who arrange to meet then give back-word at the last minute or worse just not turn up .

As I said earlier .communication is the key to understanding . If you do not tell me --how do I know how to react . Saying nothing means I have to guess and probably come to the wrong conclusion

On a personal note I reply to all my mail as I feel it is the polite way to behave . My Motto is “”“Do unto others as you would like them to do to you “”“

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can answer my 80 messages if you want? I can't be arsed. It says on my profile i'm not meeting, most of them are requests for meets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men always say I always reply because I'm polite!! Bollocks you reply because you may only get 10 messages max in a day. When meeting I'd get average of 3 per minutes, they came In quicker than I could reply. Yesterday I had 54 messages and look at my profile it's clear I'm not meeting. If they chose to not read or ignore my profile that's rude so why should I reply?

How do you block everyone but friends?

Please explain how filters are of any use. I'd want to meet tall, athletic men, that accommodate and are within 15 miles of me. I don't care about age, whether they are new or a site supporter or whether they choose not to display pics (as long as sent privately) and am happy to receive contact from women and couples. None of my requirements have a filter so how will that benefit me?

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

OP, the best analogy I have seen many times in the forums on this matter of answering messages is the one relating to the junk-mail you get through your letter box most days.

Do you reply to each one thanking them for their message and politely declining?

I thought not.

It's the same for messages here.

As many of the junk-mail senders, you consider your product (you) to be of some likely interest to the recipient, but the recipient gets so many of these that they are, for the most part, discarded unopened.

No reply= no thanks.

There's no need to stew and get agitated. That's how it works on here with such huge volumes of messages received..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, the best analogy I have seen many times in the forums on this matter of answering messages is the one relating to the junk-mail you get through your letter box most days.

Do you reply to each one thanking them for their message and politely declining?

I thought not.

It's the same for messages here.

No reply= no thanks.

There's no need to stew and get agitated. That's how it works on here with such huge volumes of messages received.. "

Perfect analogy. Also they sender has a choice who they decide to correspond with as the recipient are we just expected to respond to all regardless if we want to or not. So in other words we have no choice in who we chose to correspond with??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we get hammered wiv messages wen we put up a meet ..no way we are answerin em all ...like above post says no answer = not interested ....we dont take offence wen ppl dont respond to us jus see it as there loss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't bother replying unless bored so we are time wasters lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, sorry to be blunt but this is a site you have joined voluntarily. If you do not like the way it works, then you may also choose to leave.

It does work for some people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

81 messages now, they're going up and i have loads of filters on and not meeting...

I don't think you have to leave but be realistic in that many people aren't bored on here and have better things to do than reply to every single message they get. Many people don't know how to use filters either. Even with advice it took me a month to figure out what suited me best and i tweak them all the time to suit my inbox and how it's filling up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I looked at your profile and read what you say . . You communicated what you wanted and thats great . I would know not to bother you .

How do I know if you are so busy or uninterested or cannot be arsed or have not read what I said . If people cannot be arsed why do they bother with being on the site at all

I get mail from people who have not looked at my profile or understand where I live . Like you Im upt North not near the South east

Colin

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

[Removed by poster at 31/03/15 12:52:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel you might be over analysing and tying yourself up in knots over a complete none issue...

Relax and enjoy the site....works perfectly well for a lot of single guys....the common factor being, their attitude....

It's a great place if you let it be.....

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

How do I know if you are so busy or uninterested or cannot be arsed or have not read what I said . If people cannot be arsed why do they bother with being on the site at all

Why on earth should they leave the site if they can't be arsed to reply to your message?

You are demonstrating a very self-centred attitude on here OP

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By *itTVlondonTV/TS
over a year ago

London

Why on earth should they leave the site if they can't be arsed to reply to YOUR messages? You are demonstrating a very self-centred attitude on here OP

OP, your attitude is going to HAVE to change on this site.

Why would anyone HAVE to answer every message they get just to make YOU happy-who on earth do you think YOU are!!!! Get real Lake Lover! Get off your high horse and just swing along. This is all for fun after all

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By *dventuroususCouple
over a year ago

sunderland

"Hi

I looked at your profile and read what you say . . You communicated what you wanted and thats great . I would know not to bother you .

How do I know if you are so busy or uninterested or cannot be arsed or have not read what I said . If people cannot be arsed why do they bother with being on the site at all

I get mail from people who have not looked at my profile or understand where I live . Like you Im upt North not near the South east

Colin "

you should know/understand that they arent interested/are to busy by the fact they havent replied, no reply = not interested, simple as that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi

I looked at your profile and read what you say . . You communicated what you wanted and thats great . I would know not to bother you .

How do I know if you are so busy or uninterested or cannot be arsed or have not read what I said . If people cannot be arsed why do they bother with being on the site at all

I get mail from people who have not looked at my profile or understand where I live . Like you Im upt North not near the South east

Colin "

the reason y they have not replied is irrelevant, no reply=no interest.

I get about 15-20 messages a day, Im lucky if 1 is from somebody im interested in after reading message and profile. most could have saved themselves the bother by reading my profile 1st. so im not going to waste more time replying, and delete and block also means I don't get abuse for saying no thanks, nor do they message me again afew days/weeks later.

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By *oveSlutForUseCouple
over a year ago

Brighton

What is this shit?

From what I can make out of the OP's post, he's a single man whining about how people don't answer him and, in that case, anyone who doesn't answer him, is a timewaster?

good lord.

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By *oveSlutForUseCouple
over a year ago

Brighton

Quite honestly, you'd think someone who reached the age of 71 had a little more of a realistic expectation from people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quite honestly, you'd think someone who reached the age of 71 had a little more of a realistic expectation from people."

Some folk stay alive a long time....some folk live a long time....an ocean of difference there

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I have a headache now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This guy don't want a meet! He wants a fucking publishing deal!

Mate, your 71....

& that right there is all I have to say on the matter!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A message what are they then ?. Can I have some . Females only. All I can say it's a good job the message is not the price of a stamp. I'd be skint .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, the best analogy I have seen many times in the forums on this matter of answering messages is the one relating to the junk-mail you get through your letter box most days.

Do you reply to each one thanking them for their message and politely declining?

I thought not.

It's the same for messages here.

No reply= no thanks.

There's no need to stew and get agitated. That's how it works on here with such huge volumes of messages received.. "

no reply is a polite no, its better than wasting your time by making you read a messgage declining you, Ive been part of a couple profile on this site in the past and the mail box was full before any pics had even been uploaded

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP : read the FAQs on this site:-

"It's not rude not to reply.

Some ladies and couples get hundreds of messages a day so it simply isn't possible for them to reply to everyone. If you don't get a response, you should assume they aren't interested. If you're getting a lot of "no-replies" then you should consider your profile and the messages you send. Are they giving the right message? Are you standing out from the thousands of other guys on here?"

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By *dventuroususCouple
over a year ago

sunderland

"This guy don't want a meet! He wants a fucking publishing deal!

Mate, your 71....

& that right there is all I have to say on the matter!

no need to have a go at his age.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This guy don't want a meet! He wants a fucking publishing deal!

Mate, your 71....

& that right there is all I have to say on the matter!

no need to have a go at his age."

His age isn't an issue for me but surely you can't be oblivious, as he appears to be, that its quite a big factor in his complaint.

Let's not try & twist words now

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By *aderewskiMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I wish I had 10 messages in a day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a single guy, I dont get tons of messages, but if it is clear that the person has not read my profile or it appears to be a c+p message I wont reply, I'll just hit the delete button.

I think it is rude for people to not read the profile and if I delete the measage they should be thankful because if I reply it will be far from good mannered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wish I had 10 messages in a day

1 message a week and my mailbox self-combusts with confusion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, the best analogy I have seen many times in the forums on this matter of answering messages is the one relating to the junk-mail you get through your letter box most days.

Do you reply to each one thanking them for their message and politely declining?

I thought not.

It's the same for messages here.

No reply= no thanks.

There's no need to stew and get agitated. That's how it works on here with such huge volumes of messages received.. "

Very true,and obviously too sensible,so no doubt this will be ignored,messages will continue,and someone will start a thread tomorrow about rude people,manners cost nothing,blah blah blah blah blah,and so it continues

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't worry about it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP you may find it interesting to watch the following...

https://youtu.be/T704le1D1ag

You dont join a gym and expect to lose weight purely by being a member...you have to put the work in. Same with this site, rather than bemoaning the way the site works...look at what YOU can do differently to get the results you want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A plea to all Time wasters please leave the Site so that genuine swingers can go about what they are here for

This may have been aired before but every new user comes up against it .

When I came on this site I thought it was all about communication .

People ask others who then reply and hopefully a meet eventually takes place in the future .

From my observations there are two opposing sides to the debate .

(a) the askers ---ie --the have nothing

(b) the asked ---ie --- we have too much

The (a) feel they have to mail as many people as possible to ensure they get any replies given not many (b) seam to bother

The (b) feel they have to much mail so it is too much to expect them to reply

(b) say they want original and interesting mail but if it gets ignored why should (a) bother

If (b) is getting too much mail why not help themselves by putting filters on their mail so

they only get mail from those they most want

If [b] is overwhelmed with contacts they want to meet put a block on all except friends

If (b) replied with a NO or blocked individual (a) s then they should get less mail as (a) has got knowledge not to ask and should not send [b] any more mail

As a member of the [a] group I find its very disheartening to try and make contacts without getting the feeling I am being totally ignored .

As I said earlier .communication is the key to understanding . If you do not tell me --how do I know how to react . Saying nothing means I have to guess and probably come to the wrong conclusion

On a personal note I reply to all my mail as I feel it is the polite way to behave . My Motto is “”“Do unto others as you would like them to do to you “”“

You say that you are disheartened..Only you can change that,Its not for others to do.

Communication may be the Key but lets be honest here do you really expect others on a website who you havnt met and may never wish to to give a Toss about whether you understand or not,

My question is if your in a Pub or Tesco and walk up to a Female and start chatting away would you expect them all to have a conversation with you.

Gimp

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By *aderewskiMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Lol. Oops. Just got one. Spooky or what?

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

I might be wrong, but I think one of the points the OP was trying to get across, was that if the single men Didn't take the shotgun approach, sending messages to loads of people that they don't stand a chance with that the site might be better. Personally I don't think that he is Too wide of the mark.

Many people in this thread have been pissed off by people not reading their profiles. The OP is saying it would be better if they didn't contact if they haven't read it.

So if you were only contacted by people who met your criteria, then communications would be much more likely to result in a meet.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

" Saying nothing means I have to guess and probably come to the wrong conclusion

It normally means they don't want to meet/ reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If only some guys could put as much effort into messages as they do into complaining on the Forum.....

Most of us do reply nicely to nice messages, even if it's only to say "No thank you".

But we also get the great bundle of short, crude messages that wear us down, and which often bring foul abuse if we don't answer them favourably -

-- and they do wear you down - they do degrade you and make you feel either worthless or hard-skinned eventually...

Be honest - if a complete stranger, who you didn't fancy at all, came up to you in the street and said "Fancy a fuck?" - how would you respond?

Well, we get that every day on here - every single sodding day....

So please understand that there are times when we really don't feel like being polite any more...

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

[Removed by poster at 31/03/15 15:32:39]

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