FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swinging Support and Advice

Saying no

Jump to newest
 

By *ouble C OP   Couple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

Is it ever too late to say 'No' in a swinging situation?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's never too late to say 'no' in ANY situation.

Unless you've already jumped from the plane on a skydive..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a word, no! Why do something you're not comfortable with? If it pisses off the other person then so be it, I'd rather piss someone off than do something I don't want to do but having said that, if the other person is half decent, they'll understand.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ouble C OP   Couple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria


"In a word, no! Why do something you're not comfortable with? If it pisses off the other person then so be it, I'd rather piss someone off than do something I don't want to do but having said that, if the other person is half decent, they'll understand. "

Thanks. Had a situation on Saturday night. My fella was very good about it but he did say he felt very very awkward going back in the room and saying I wasn't in to it. But I did express beforehand that I didn't like the guy as much. He was too pushy and kept groping me while we were talking. And I excused myself from the situation when they came in the room. I thought he might pick up the signals.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would have told the guy to his face to get his hands off me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i would have told the guy to his face to get his hands off me "

Exactly. You're in this for your pleasure, not someone else's. No one has the right to do something you say no to, if they do its assault

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ouble C OP   Couple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria


"i would have told the guy to his face to get his hands off me "

I kept moving his hand and shaking my head. The thing that made me cross was i was talking to the guy who arranged the party and the guy kept pulling me away. And another couple we were talking to saw this and asked if I was OK and told him to back off.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i would have told the guy to his face to get his hands off me

I kept moving his hand and shaking my head. The thing that made me cross was i was talking to the guy who arranged the party and the guy kept pulling me away. And another couple we were talking to saw this and asked if I was OK and told him to back off. "

I'd have just left. Once a certain vibe starts, the situation won't improve.

I have no qualms about just leaving, and have done - twice.

There's no need for long drawn out explanations or apologies either.

Just make your stance clear in a calm but no-nonsense way and make your exit

S x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I think in these situations sometimes subtle isn't great. Moving his hand away and shaking your head you'd think would be good enough for someone to get the hint but if you are just blunt from the outset there can be no excuse for them to carry on.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ouble C OP   Couple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

Thanks everyone. After it happened my fella and I had lots of fun with others but I didn't think about future parties where this couple may attend too. Oh well, glad I stuck to my guns. If I had carried on I wud have felt worse than I already do.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we were in a similar situation - not as full on but a guy kept pushing himself closer to me - i move away - he moved closer - put his hand on my leg i took it off - W asked me loudly if i was ok and gave the guy a look - to which he said out loud oh my hes protective - damn right he is and obviously needs to be if guys like him dont take no -

if we were at a party and a guy got that way - to the point others were noticing as well- then i think the host should say something or tell him to leave - we wouldnt be comfy if that was allowed to go on - isnt allowed at clubs no means no and all that -

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago

so near and yet so far....


"It's never too late to say 'no' in ANY situation.

Unless you've already jumped from the plane on a skydive.."

Ha ha

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had similar when on a meet with my partner. We had been invited to the couples home after meeting the previous week socially where we all got on so well. When we arrived the woman was so d*unk she was slurring and immediately tried to undo my partners flies as soon as we walked in. Was horrible situation as we were in their home. I had to be assertive though as the whole thing could have been a disaster. Put my coat straight back on and grabbed partners hand, swift exit followed by the bloke of the couple screaming abuse at us as we walked up the street back to the car. Never, ever again have we /I agreed to go to someone's home . So no, its NEVER too late to say no.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should be asking your fella, what was he doing and why he was not looking after you???

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"You should be asking your fella, what was he doing and why he was not looking after you???"

I think being more obvious and telling the guy involved to stop what he was doing from the outset would probably of done the trick. Being blunt when people make unwelcome advances is the best way to go!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You should be asking your fella, what was he doing and why he was not looking after you???"

this

W always always looks out for me - he would be able to tell from my face if we were across a room if i wasnt happy/comfy -

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

V here. I used to find it soooo difficult to say no especially when I was on my own. These days, if someone is pestering, I just say "I won't be playing with you this evening" quite bluntly and firmly. And I won't enter into a discussion about it. If I'm grabbed and I don't want to be I try to sidestep it to avoid it but if it persists I will make it quite clear the behaviour needs to stop. I once had a guy unceremoniously ejected from a club for his persistent unwelcome advances.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"You should be asking your fella, what was he doing and why he was not looking after you???

this

W always always looks out for me - he would be able to tell from my face if we were across a room if i wasnt happy/comfy - "

A looks out for me and I do for him however we are both aware that the other isn't going to be able to pick up all signals and we need to be assertive on our own behalf.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had similar when on a meet with my partner. We had been invited to the couples home after meeting the previous week socially where we all got on so well. When we arrived the woman was so d*unk she was slurring and immediately tried to undo my partners flies as soon as we walked in. Was horrible situation as we were in their home. I had to be assertive though as the whole thing could have been a disaster. Put my coat straight back on and grabbed partners hand, swift exit followed by the bloke of the couple screaming abuse at us as we walked up the street back to the car. Never, ever again have we /I agreed to go to someone's home . So no, its NEVER too late to say no."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You should be asking your fella, what was he doing and why he was not looking after you???

this

W always always looks out for me - he would be able to tell from my face if we were across a room if i wasnt happy/comfy -

A looks out for me and I do for him however we are both aware that the other isn't going to be able to pick up all signals and we need to be assertive on our own behalf. "

yes - this as well

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ouble C OP   Couple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria


"You should be asking your fella, what was he doing and why he was not looking after you???

this

W always always looks out for me - he would be able to tell from my face if we were across a room if i wasnt happy/comfy -

A looks out for me and I do for him however we are both aware that the other isn't going to be able to pick up all signals and we need to be assertive on our own behalf.

yes - this as well "

He knew I was unhappy but I had told him he cud stay and play if he wanted. But the guy was adamant it wasn't gonna happen. To be fair he and I were playing with each other so he was a bit distracted. He didn't see them come in to the room.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"In a word, no! Why do something you're not comfortable with? If it pisses off the other person then so be it, I'd rather piss someone off than do something I don't want to do but having said that, if the other person is half decent, they'll understand. "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You should be asking your fella, what was he doing and why he was not looking after you???

this

W always always looks out for me - he would be able to tell from my face if we were across a room if i wasnt happy/comfy -

A looks out for me and I do for him however we are both aware that the other isn't going to be able to pick up all signals and we need to be assertive on our own behalf.

yes - this as well

He knew I was unhappy but I had told him he cud stay and play if he wanted. But the guy was adamant it wasn't gonna happen. To be fair he and I were playing with each other so he was a bit distracted. He didn't see them come in to the room. "

am i reading this wrong - he knew you were unhappy but carried on because you said it was ok - two things here - im surprised he would even consider carrying on knowing you were not comfortable the other is why would you even say that -

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"You should be asking your fella, what was he doing and why he was not looking after you???

this

W always always looks out for me - he would be able to tell from my face if we were across a room if i wasnt happy/comfy -

A looks out for me and I do for him however we are both aware that the other isn't going to be able to pick up all signals and we need to be assertive on our own behalf.

yes - this as well

He knew I was unhappy but I had told him he cud stay and play if he wanted. But the guy was adamant it wasn't gonna happen. To be fair he and I were playing with each other so he was a bit distracted. He didn't see them come in to the room.

am i reading this wrong - he knew you were unhappy but carried on because you said it was ok - two things here - im surprised he would even consider carrying on knowing you were not comfortable the other is why would you even say that -

"

This is where people, women particularly, need to be very clear that what comes out if their mouth us the same as what their body language is saying.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reammypussyWoman
over a year ago

Perran

I've stopped play a few time's the men involved where ok about it...but misunderstood I don't do anal with anyone outside a relationship. .?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Safety first no matter what. My job requires me to be a tiny bit violent sometimes so though I'm not advocating it, I'm telling you Your Safety First above all else. Your "fella" should be mindful of you at all times even if playing with others...

Also there's nothing wrong with raising your voice and making it known you are saying No! Some men can be and many are less than a common ass when they go to clubs. They think a woman becomes "their right" so please be careful

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it ever too late to say 'No' in a swinging situation? "

Absolutely not. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in club last night and had a guy playing with me which i didnt mind...he tried to put his dick inside me....i said no....he wanted me to play with him i said no for my own reasons....i bent over to give hubby a BJ and the guy rammed his dick in me....myself and hubby are soft swingers and havent had anyone apart from hubby inside me for over 20yrs....how many times do you have to say no.....im gutted and heart broken.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago


"I was in club last night and had a guy playing with me which i didnt mind...he tried to put his dick inside me....i said no....he wanted me to play with him i said no for my own reasons....i bent over to give hubby a BJ and the guy rammed his dick in me....myself and hubby are soft swingers and havent had anyone apart from hubby inside me for over 20yrs....how many times do you have to say no.....im gutted and heart broken."

That is shocking! What did you do?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I was in club last night and had a guy playing with me which i didnt mind...he tried to put his dick inside me....i said no....he wanted me to play with him i said no for my own reasons....i bent over to give hubby a BJ and the guy rammed his dick in me....myself and hubby are soft swingers and havent had anyone apart from hubby inside me for over 20yrs....how many times do you have to say no.....im gutted and heart broken."

That's rape. You only have to say no once.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was in club last night and had a guy playing with me which i didnt mind...he tried to put his dick inside me....i said no....he wanted me to play with him i said no for my own reasons....i bent over to give hubby a BJ and the guy rammed his dick in me....myself and hubby are soft swingers and havent had anyone apart from hubby inside me for over 20yrs....how many times do you have to say no.....im gutted and heart broken."

Did you report to management? That's rape

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was in club last night and had a guy playing with me which i didnt mind...he tried to put his dick inside me....i said no....he wanted me to play with him i said no for my own reasons....i bent over to give hubby a BJ and the guy rammed his dick in me....myself and hubby are soft swingers and havent had anyone apart from hubby inside me for over 20yrs....how many times do you have to say no.....im gutted and heart broken."

I've messaged you hun xxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey


"You should be asking your fella, what was he doing and why he was not looking after you???

this

W always always looks out for me - he would be able to tell from my face if we were across a room if i wasnt happy/comfy -

A looks out for me and I do for him however we are both aware that the other isn't going to be able to pick up all signals and we need to be assertive on our own behalf. "

Exactly this

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reported him to club and they gave him word in his ear....i really love this club.....i came back and scrubbed ever inch of me as clean as i could....hubby couldnt see him as it was to dark....feel shit today...in bits....never ever wanted anyone apart from hubby inside me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey


"Is it ever too late to say 'No' in a swinging situation? "

No it's not...

Anyone can and should stop anything at all that they aren't happy with. Doesn't matter if it's before play, during or after.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I reported him to club and they gave him word in his ear....i really love this club.....i came back and scrubbed ever inch of me as clean as i could....hubby couldnt see him as it was to dark....feel shit today...in bits....never ever wanted anyone apart from hubby inside me."

Take it to the police hun, if you don't you'll regret and you don't know how many other women he's done it to or will do it to if you don't speak up x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I reported him to club and they gave him word in his ear....i really love this club.....i came back and scrubbed ever inch of me as clean as i could....hubby couldnt see him as it was to dark....feel shit today...in bits....never ever wanted anyone apart from hubby inside me."

Not sure if a word in his ear is sufficient

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should have fought him off. And I mean to the point of kicking or beating the shit out of him.

This is really starting to piss me off because in other scenarios he won't be allowed to walk around breathing.

I know my words don't mean much but I apologise on behalf of men as a species. Not all of us are scum. Please accept my sincere apology in our behalf.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And people ask why I wont play in open rooms. It can be bad enough when there's someone to watch your back, on your own you're an easy target for fuckwits like this.

Report him to the police. The club should be ashamed for not taking stronger action.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You should have fought him off. And I mean to the point of kicking or beating the shit out of him.

This is really starting to piss me off because in other scenarios he won't be allowed to walk around breathing.

I know my words don't mean much but I apologise on behalf of men as a species. Not all of us are scum. Please accept my sincere apology in our behalf. "

Its easy to say how people should react, but she didn't and its distressing enough without any blame being pushed onto the victim

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *anatee175Couple
over a year ago

Sunderland


"I was in club last night and had a guy playing with me which i didnt mind...he tried to put his dick inside me....i said no....he wanted me to play with him i said no for my own reasons....i bent over to give hubby a BJ and the guy rammed his dick in me....myself and hubby are soft swingers and havent had anyone apart from hubby inside me for over 20yrs....how many times do you have to say no.....im gutted and heart broken."

Aw I'm really sorry this has happened to you.

Claire

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not her fault at all ... Please don't misunderstand or misquote me to which you seemingly have.

yes I know it's easy to say things because "we" weren't there but I have sisters and each day I make sure they are safe... I make my sister who's 30 tell me where she's going and with whom when she's dating. I make her give me all the info she has just in case something bad happens. And I do the same if I'm meeting someone for the first time. Safety is paramount!!

It's happened and this woman ISNT to blame. However steps need to be take to make sure it doesn't happen to her again or anyone else.

That's all I'm saying. Her trust was violated by a dastard.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would like to see se clubs reinforce the "no means no" policy with a slightly tougher hand. Perhaps a call to the club that "had a word" to ask them to ban him or something?

Just because my arse is in the air at a sex club does NOT give anyone the right to touch me without my express permission.

These guys aren't swingers (or whatever the word is for singles looking for nsa sex fun). They are sex pests and perhaps worse and it should be "1 strike you're out" club rule.

Go back to the club, demand action. Or shame them on the club reviews. if I knew that a club didn't respond effectively to that sort I wouldn't ever visit or recommend it.

So sorry you had that happen to you. I'd have kicked him in the face! But that doesn't help you now. Take care.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would like to see se clubs reinforce the "no means no" policy with a slightly tougher hand. Perhaps a call to the club that "had a word" to ask them to ban him or something?

Just because my arse is in the air at a sex club does NOT give anyone the right to touch me without my express permission.

These guys aren't swingers (or whatever the word is for singles looking for nsa sex fun). They are sex pests and perhaps worse and it should be "1 strike you're out" club rule.

Go back to the club, demand action. Or shame them on the club reviews. if I knew that a club didn't respond effectively to that sort I wouldn't ever visit or recommend it.

So sorry you had that happen to you. I'd have kicked him in the face! But that doesn't help you now. Take care.

"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would like to see se clubs reinforce the "no means no" policy with a slightly tougher hand. Perhaps a call to the club that "had a word" to ask them to ban him or something?

Just because my arse is in the air at a sex club does NOT give anyone the right to touch me without my express permission.

These guys aren't swingers (or whatever the word is for singles looking for nsa sex fun). They are sex pests and perhaps worse and it should be "1 strike you're out" club rule.

Go back to the club, demand action. Or shame them on the club reviews. if I knew that a club didn't respond effectively to that sort I wouldn't ever visit or recommend it.

So sorry you had that happen to you. I'd have kicked him in the face! But that doesn't help you now. Take care.

To be fair I don't think she said it was a single guy it could of been the male half of a couple. As for the club and I don't know which one it was, do they have a vested interest in reporting it ?

"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittle Pocket PerveWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I'm often told I'm tactless and very blunt, but it's gotten me out of a few very sticky situations...

I've learnt the hard way, never again will I do something I don't want to do

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ouble C OP   Couple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

All sorted now. Not a big deal. Not a reflection on the party or anyone else. Just wanted some advice as felt bad about it. That's all. Miss C

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would like to see se clubs reinforce the "no means no" policy with a slightly tougher hand. Perhaps a call to the club that "had a word" to ask them to ban him or something?

Just because my arse is in the air at a sex club does NOT give anyone the right to touch me without my express permission.

These guys aren't swingers (or whatever the word is for singles looking for nsa sex fun). They are sex pests and perhaps worse and it should be "1 strike you're out" club rule.

Go back to the club, demand action. Or shame them on the club reviews. if I knew that a club didn't respond effectively to that sort I wouldn't ever visit or recommend it.

So sorry you had that happen to you. I'd have kicked him in the face! But that doesn't help you now. Take care.

To be fair I don't think she said it was a single guy it could of been the male half of a couple. As for the club and I don't know which one it was, do they have a vested interest in reporting it ?

"

Yes my apologies. It could have been a male half of a couple... Sentiment is the same.

Yes I think these things should be reported. If "a word in the ear" happened then the club know who it is. Clubs who do not control adherence to the rules should be named so others can make a decision to avoid them. Club goers who do not behave according to the rules should be banned. We should all have an expectation that clubs protect their customers. And men and women should feel safe. If clubs get a rep for tolerance of bad behaviour then they will lose business.

It's of no comfort to previous victims but our club fees should give us all a right to demand to feel safe.

V xxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i would have told the guy to his face to get his hands off me

I kept moving his hand and shaking my head. The thing that made me cross was i was talking to the guy who arranged the party and the guy kept pulling me away. And another couple we were talking to saw this and asked if I was OK and told him to back off.

I'd have just left. Once a certain vibe starts, the situation won't improve.

I have no qualms about just leaving, and have done - twice.

There's no need for long drawn out explanations or apologies either.

Just make your stance clear in a calm but no-nonsense way and make your exit

S x"

I can't handle things like that so I just get up and leave if they won't take no for an answer.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I reported him to club and they gave him word in his ear....i really love this club.....i came back and scrubbed ever inch of me as clean as i could....hubby couldnt see him as it was to dark....feel shit today...in bits....never ever wanted anyone apart from hubby inside me.

Take it to the police hun, if you don't you'll regret and you don't know how many other women he's done it to or will do it to if you don't speak up x"

This. You need to speak to someone. Hugs xxxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I reported him to club and they gave him word in his ear....i really love this club.....i came back and scrubbed ever inch of me as clean as i could....hubby couldnt see him as it was to dark....feel shit today...in bits....never ever wanted anyone apart from hubby inside me."

That's not good enough the club should have called the police in my opinion. That is rape and the guy should get banged up.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it ever too late to say 'No' in a swinging situation? "

Even if you're having a sex act, if you feel uncomfortable, then saying No and stopping is your right.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think we have come across this couple (or one very like) at party. She is a bit of a cold fish...he has taken a couple of Viagra so assumes he has a right not to waste them.

Talk to him about fishing lol!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would like to see se clubs reinforce the "no means no" policy with a slightly tougher hand. Perhaps a call to the club that "had a word" to ask them to ban him or something? I'm

Just because my arse is in the air at a sex club does NOT give anyone the right to touch me without my express permission.

These guys aren't swingers (or whatever the word is for singles looking for nsa sex fun). They are sex pests and perhaps worse and it should be "1 strike you're out" club rule.

Go back to the club, demand action. Or shame them on the club reviews. if I knew that a club didn't respond effectively to that sort I wouldn't ever visit or recommend it.

So sorry you had that happen to you. I'd have kicked him in the face! But that doesn't help you now. Take care.

To be fair I don't think she said it was a single guy it could of been the male half of a couple. As for the club and I don't know which one it was, do they have a vested interest in reporting it ?

Yes my apologies. It could have been a male half of a couple... Sentiment is the same.

Yes I think these things should be reported. If "a word in the ear" happened then the club know who it is. Clubs who do not control adherence to the rules should be named so others can make a decision to avoid them. Club goers who do not behave according to the rules should be banned. We should all have an expectation that clubs protect their customers. And men and women should feel safe. If clubs get a rep for tolerance of bad behaviour then they will lose business.

It's of no comfort to previous victims but our club fees should give us all a right to demand to feel safe.

V xxx

"

Spot on this it's a disgrace that a word in his ear is all he got for that night.He should be banned for life and charged with rape. this has boiled my piss that I'm biting my tongue so much the club involved should be ashamed.... Rant over....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it's not, and that's the line that should never be crossed. Unfortunately I suspect that there are many who would

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks


"In a word, no! Why do something you're not comfortable with? If it pisses off the other person then so be it, I'd rather piss someone off than do something I don't want to do but having said that, if the other person is half decent, they'll understand. "
I couldn't agree with you more.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andomfodCouple
over a year ago

walsall


"I reported him to club and they gave him word in his ear....i really love this club.....i came back and scrubbed ever inch of me as clean as i could....hubby couldnt see him as it was to dark....feel shit today...in bits....never ever wanted anyone apart from hubby inside me.

Not sure if a word in his ear is sufficient "

Agreed. Any club worth their salt that should be an ejection and a ban. Poor example to set

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *arkedMan
over a year ago

Trim


"Is it ever too late to say 'No' in a swinging situation? "

Absolutely NOT

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope you get over this awful ordeal soon.

Jack is always very thoughtful and would always ask if I'm ok if a third person/couple is involved. Hence reason we would do same room swap.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

Greater London


"You should be asking your fella, what was he doing and why he was not looking after you???

I think being more obvious and telling the guy involved to stop what he was doing from the outset would probably of done the trick. Being blunt when people make unwelcome advances is the best way to go! "

Most definitely. Assertive and calm.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I reported him to club and they gave him word in his ear....i really love this club.....i came back and scrubbed ever inch of me as clean as i could....hubby couldnt see him as it was to dark....feel shit today...in bits....never ever wanted anyone apart from hubby inside me."

does hubby know - ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It pisses me off how woman are looked at because they are in a sex club " up for anything"

No means no, i am up for what i am up for and not what they are, the attitude your in here so you must be.

If i see any woman being manhandled i wouldnt look pretty.

Hope you are ok OP x

Her

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otswoldMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"...I once had a guy unceremoniously ejected from a club for his persistent unwelcome advances. "

It usually is worth while to let the club management know if someone gets out of hand. On one occasion at Chameleons, having just come out of the Jacuzzi, my partner wanted a dry towel. When I got back with it, the joker had jokingly locked the lockable room. The management made no bones about banning that guy for life.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *layfulpairsxCouple
over a year ago

Southend

Spot on. If men behaved in a nightclub in the same way as they think they can in a swinging situation they would get either chinned or arrested for indecebt assault.
"It pisses me off how woman are looked at because they are in a sex club " up for anything"

No means no, i am up for what i am up for and not what they are, the attitude your in here so you must be.

If i see any woman being manhandled i wouldnt look pretty.

Hope you are ok OP x

Her"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a voluntary job which sometimes involved responding quickly and correctly in a stressful situation. Because it was voluntary I never got enough practice to be excellent at it and often made what I thought afterwards were inadequate responses. I can well understand the OPs inability to cope as well as our hindsight suggests she could have. A victim like this should never be criticised, even inadvertently. The club's inadequate response was disgraceful. I think authorities that fail to respond properly, in all walks of life (politics, police, NHS, Social Services, etc), commit a worse crime than the original offender because their lethargy and denial encourage further misbehaviour. Sorry, rant over! My sympathy and best wishes to you OP.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was in club last night and had a guy playing with me which i didnt mind...he tried to put his dick inside me....i said no....he wanted me to play with him i said no for my own reasons....i bent over to give hubby a BJ and the guy rammed his dick in me....myself and hubby are soft swingers and havent had anyone apart from hubby inside me for over 20yrs....how many times do you have to say no.....im gutted and heart broken."

I'm so sad to hear about your unhappy experience. As others have said, the club should have taken stronger action at the time. Please think about reporting this to the police ... Just because we are swingers doesn't mean that men can rape us with impugnity. x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was in club last night and had a guy playing with me which i didnt mind...he tried to put his dick inside me....i said no....he wanted me to play with him i said no for my own reasons....i bent over to give hubby a BJ and the guy rammed his dick in me....myself and hubby are soft swingers and havent had anyone apart from hubby inside me for over 20yrs....how many times do you have to say no.....im gutted and heart broken."

Holy shit, I hope the police were called or at least the guy had seven shades of shit knocked out of him that is literal and unmistakable rape.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm supposed go be going to a club soon with my fella. These where the exact reasons I never went all this time. Of course I'm never scared to say NO as all this time, I've only met at mine. I've had instances where I threw out the guy. even called the police. But in a club it's difference I guess. Who ever is gonna try on me when I say NO would bound get a good knock from my man. That's a defo. But DONT want that to happen on our first club outing. Making me think again Should I stay or should I go.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No...and should be adhered to by who ever it is directed at

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm supposed go be going to a club soon with my fella. These where the exact reasons I never went all this time. Of course I'm never scared to say NO as all this time, I've only met at mine. I've had instances where I threw out the guy. even called the police. But in a club it's difference I guess. Who ever is gonna try on me when I say NO would bound get a good knock from my man. That's a defo. But DONT want that to happen on our first club outing. Making me think again Should I stay or should I go. "

you should go, most people in clubs are respectful, Ive been numerous times and never witnessed any thing bad

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester


"I'm supposed go be going to a club soon with my fella. These where the exact reasons I never went all this time. Of course I'm never scared to say NO as all this time, I've only met at mine. I've had instances where I threw out the guy. even called the police. But in a club it's difference I guess. Who ever is gonna try on me when I say NO would bound get a good knock from my man. That's a defo. But DONT want that to happen on our first club outing. Making me think again Should I stay or should I go.

you should go, most people in clubs are respectful, Ive been numerous times and never witnessed any thing bad"

+1

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with all the other posters, never ever too late to say No! Being part of a couple, you do tend to feel safe with your partner in a club or even a small party. I am sure all couples will agree we all know just from a look or body language if our other halves are uncomfortable or not. The Mr gets very pissed off at disrespectful guys who think it is their right!

I started off on the swinging scene as a single woman who went to clubs, I learnt very very quickly to find my voice and say no. As women we do hold the power, however in any walk of life there will always be those dickheads, who don't respect that.

I have read on this post some horrible situations, I suspect there are a number of us with similar stories. I certainly have a few myself. However I have learnt to never blame myself and to always learn from the situation. Not always an easy thing to do but I always try. (The Mrs) xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"However I have learnt to never blame myself".

Well said - a victim should never blame themselves, or be blamed.

Crimes like this are hopefully very rare, and shouldn't deter anyone from going to clubs.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All boundries should always be respected. No is no if one persons says no during a meet then we all stop playing. We are here to swing and be comfy . Just our point of view

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any ideas i had of going to a club just evaporated!!! Never will i go on my own im shocked really shocked!

I honestly thought clubs were a safe place to swing but after reading these, NEVER!!!! On top of that id never be able to tell a woman she would be safe!! my word what a disgrace i am really shocked .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any ideas i had of going to a club just evaporated!!! Never will i go on my own im shocked really shocked!

I honestly thought clubs were a safe place to swing but after reading these, NEVER!!!! On top of that id never be able to tell a woman she would be safe!! my word what a disgrace i am really shocked ."

Then more fool you, I've never seen anything unsafe in hundreds of times I've been attending clubs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any ideas i had of going to a club just evaporated!!! Never will i go on my own im shocked really shocked!

I honestly thought clubs were a safe place to swing but after reading these, NEVER!!!! On top of that id never be able to tell a woman she would be safe!! my word what a disgrace i am really shocked .

Then more fool you, I've never seen anything unsafe in hundreds of times I've been attending clubs"
im no fool keep your clubs lots of tales that have'nt been told not safe end of!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just for the record: i am outraged at a man putting his cock in a woman who has said NO! That is RAPE i dnt give a shit how many clubs you have been to and that isnt a "club" i want to go to thank you very much!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Any ideas i had of going to a club just evaporated!!! Never will i go on my own im shocked really shocked!

I honestly thought clubs were a safe place to swing but after reading these, NEVER!!!! On top of that id never be able to tell a woman she would be safe!! my word what a disgrace i am really shocked ."

In any environment where there's lots of men there will usually be one man who thinks that because a woman smiles at him, dresses in a certain way, looks as if she's up for it or even is just in his presence that she is available for him to be sexual with. Put this same man in a club situation with sexual activity going on and he will go into full "she's begging for it" mode and truly believe that he can do as he pleases. Fortunately these men are a tiny minority but the effect they have on women far outweighs this.

Don't be put off going to clubs and don't despair of the human race, the majority are good.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any ideas i had of going to a club just evaporated!!! Never will i go on my own im shocked really shocked!

I honestly thought clubs were a safe place to swing but after reading these, NEVER!!!! On top of that id never be able to tell a woman she would be safe!! my word what a disgrace i am really shocked .

Then more fool you, I've never seen anything unsafe in hundreds of times I've been attending clubsim no fool keep your clubs lots of tales that have'nt been told not safe end of!"

To be honest I've been to many clubs seen a few arguments d*unk people but a lot less than I have seen in vanilla clubs and pubs, but your argument about not going somewhere because of this doesn't really hold water you could say the same thing about hotels shops your local town centre crimes are committed in all of these places does it stop you going to them ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I feel from some of the comments made by men that they have no idea of the casual sexual harassment that women are subject to on an almost daily basis.

I think it would be interesting if it were possible for men to live as women for a month.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *atelotmanMan
over a year ago

Chatham

I went to a private party a couple of years ago with a very good lady friend,party was going great well apart from one guy who was slowly getting d*unk an being a pest around the ladies.When he tried to grab my friend,she told him no an to leave her alone.He wouldn't leave it at that an go away.It just seem to make him worse.Things turn very nasty an ended up me punching his lights out.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel from some of the comments made by men that they have no idea of the casual sexual harassment that women are subject to on an almost daily basis.

I think it would be interesting if it were possible for men to live as women for a month."
i have a good idea about men i can assure you. And i know what lowlife some are one killed my 18yr old sister when she was 8mths pregnant.

I find it shocking that some men are getting away with rape!

I understand many will never have encountered a "problem guy" in clubland but this has changed my perception and not for the better.

The last time i considered attending a club it was couples who contacted me and told me not to go as single guys far out numbered women. Now i have read this i will not be attending any clubs for the foreseable future, or telling women i think they are safe places to go!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I feel from some of the comments made by men that they have no idea of the casual sexual harassment that women are subject to on an almost daily basis.

I think it would be interesting if it were possible for men to live as women for a month.i have a good idea about men i can assure you. And i know what lowlife some are one killed my 18yr old sister when she was 8mths pregnant.

I find it shocking that some men are getting away with rape!

I understand many will never have encountered a "problem guy" in clubland but this has changed my perception and not for the better.

The last time i considered attending a club it was couples who contacted me and told me not to go as single guys far out numbered women. Now i have read this i will not be attending any clubs for the foreseable future, or telling women i think they are safe places to go!

"

I wasn't referring just to you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel from some of the comments made by men that they have no idea of the casual sexual harassment that women are subject to on an almost daily basis.

I think it would be interesting if it were possible for men to live as women for a month.i have a good idea about men i can assure you. And i know what lowlife some are one killed my 18yr old sister when she was 8mths pregnant.

I find it shocking that some men are getting away with rape!

I understand many will never have encountered a "problem guy" in clubland but this has changed my perception and not for the better.

The last time i considered attending a club it was couples who contacted me and told me not to go as single guys far out numbered women. Now i have read this i will not be attending any clubs for the foreseable future, or telling women i think they are safe places to go!

"

To be honest I think a club is a far safer place for a single lady to meet than almost anywhere else

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I went to a private party a couple of years ago with a very good lady friend,party was going great well apart from one guy who was slowly getting d*unk an being a pest around the ladies.When he tried to grab my friend,she told him no an to leave her alone.He wouldn't leave it at that an go away.It just seem to make him worse.Things turn very nasty an ended up me punching his lights out."
i fully understand your reaction some won't. If i had been at the club where a guy put his cock into a woman without invite or permission, well the mind boggles!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am too emotional on this topic i will leave it. I apologise to the ladies who have had bad experiences and hope ive not offended anybody. Happy Easter!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel from some of the comments made by men that they have no idea of the casual sexual harassment that women are subject to on an almost daily basis.

I think it would be interesting if it were possible for men to live as women for a month.i have a good idea about men i can assure you. And i know what lowlife some are one killed my 18yr old sister when she was 8mths pregnant.

I find it shocking that some men are getting away with rape!

I understand many will never have encountered a "problem guy" in clubland but this has changed my perception and not for the better.

The last time i considered attending a club it was couples who contacted me and told me not to go as single guys far out numbered women. Now i have read this i will not be attending any clubs for the foreseable future, or telling women i think they are safe places to go!

To be honest I think a club is a far safer place for a single lady to meet than almost anywhere else "

Exactly this, at least if worse was to happen a woman can get help and fast, can she get that same help in hers or his house

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any ideas i had of going to a club just evaporated!!! Never will i go on my own im shocked really shocked!

I honestly thought clubs were a safe place to swing but after reading these, NEVER!!!! On top of that id never be able to tell a woman she would be safe!! my word what a disgrace i am really shocked .

Then more fool you, I've never seen anything unsafe in hundreds of times I've been attending clubs"

Been to lots of different clubs and parties. Only once had hassle and they soon backed down.

As others have said, there are idiots out there but mostly people are respectful.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ODNEY999Man
over a year ago

Stockport

I have not been to a club YET... but I do know that respect for other people us paramount, as everyone has a right to have fun without being harassed, groped or abused.....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *isexmistressWoman
over a year ago

Prestwich


"In a word, no! Why do something you're not comfortable with? If it pisses off the other person then so be it, I'd rather piss someone off than do something I don't want to do but having said that, if the other person is half decent, they'll understand.

Thanks. Had a situation on Saturday night. My fella was very good about it but he did say he felt very very awkward going back in the room and saying I wasn't in to it. But I did express beforehand that I didn't like the guy as much. He was too pushy and kept groping me while we were talking. And I excused myself from the situation when they came in the room. I thought he might pick up the signals. "

These guys are the worst..They are one step away from being rapists ( imagine a huge party,loads going on,you too d*unk to have your wits about you)

Tbh, once youve past the point of politely declining,rude is fine..Just say NO THANKS...Or have your fella do it..

The guy keeping on pushing ,so as to wear you down,embarrese you and have you give in so as not to cause a scene,just isnt on .EVER....I would have given his wandering hands an intro to my cigarette butt..

Might I suggest you work out how you and your partner handle this eventuality in advance of future meets..You wanna be able to relax and enjoy peoples company after all

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"It's never too late to say 'no' in ANY situation.

Unless you've already jumped from the plane on a skydive.."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I attend clubs alone & have no issue at all in telling people no, whether it is vocally or physically........ I have a two strike policy a polite no, followed by a far less polite no which involves the promise of physical harm, only the once have i had to use my less polite version & was given a pat on the back after the guy tried to complain to the management

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have said no in the past when swinging with my partner, during a 5 some whilst basically so d*unk and tired after a big party that i was falling asleep, a real dampener too any fun and too my mood, i cant say all parties were impressed but they all accepted the situation and we moved on, No should always be an acceptable response no matter who says it. If someone isn't enjoying themselves they shouldn't feel that they should do something for someone else for the sake of it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top