FabSwingers.com forum: Dilemma

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've been chatting to a lovely guy off here for a while, he's been honest and up front all the time that he's married, which makes me feel a little bit guilty, but at the same time we've had some lovely chats on phone/Skype etc and it's got to the point where we want to meet. He's a hit older than me but in really nice shape, but as he's married should I avoid?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been chatting to a lovely guy off here for a while, he's been honest and up front all the time that he's married, which makes me feel a little bit guilty, but at the same time we've had some lovely chats on phone/Skype etc and it's got to the point where we want to meet. He's a hit older than me but in really nice shape, but as he's married should I avoid? "

He may be all things lovely but he's cheating on his wife. Do you want that whole heap of shit on you if she finds out?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's obviously the worry, I'm not sure how she would find out though unless he's very careless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always say to married guys when I feel unworthy enough to be your bit on the side I may get back to you but until then there are loads of genuinely single guys to choose from

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Avoid if u were you,no good will come of it.

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By *randmrsminxyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Its your life and how you choose to live it ,is your own free choice . But just ask yourself one thing , how would you feel if your new partner in the future was on the site doing the same .If you want to have fun on here choose a single guy as it keeps it fun and you wont have a guy turn up on your doorstep when his wife finds out and gives him the boot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's obviously the worry, I'm not sure how she would find out though unless he's very careless. "

im not going to judge, but how would you feel if you was married and he was cheating om u?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its your choice,most people will tell you not to meet him but only you know how you feel. You've got to keep in mind he is basically a liar but on the other hand nobody truly knows what goes on behind closed doors. Good luck in whatever you decide xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know where you're coming from. Im thinking IT must be the 'forbidden fruit' that is appealing to me for some strange reason.

PS Jaqs, your tattoo is lovely on your foot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know where you're coming from. Im thinking IT must be the 'forbidden fruit' that is appealing to me for some strange reason.

PS Jaqs, your tattoo is lovely on your foot. "

aww thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women and their first world problems....

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By *utumnWoman
over a year ago

leeds

My mantra

If he's not good enough for his wife.....he's not good enough for me!

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

The choice is entirely yours.

But ask yourself one question -

How easily could you live with yourself should his wife find out? Could you shrug off her hurt and betrayal that you have knowingly help cause? Do they have kid? Is it really worth it for a shag?

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

I think if your looking for a real relationship then, unless he's talked about leaving his wife, you're probably best not getting too attached. If, on the other hand, you are both just looking for a little fun then I would not get yourself overly worked up about his private life, that's his problem, not yours.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If you wouldn't want a partner of yours to do it to you don't enable someone to do it to their partner.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"That's obviously the worry, I'm not sure how she would find out though unless he's very careless. "

Lol! People who live in close proximity notice small changes which raise suspicions, it is possible to keep things like this secret but his wife will know something is different. Still as I said if you feel ok about it happening to you, go ahead.

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple
over a year ago

near cardiff

"The choice is entirely yours.

But ask yourself one question -

How easily could you live with yourself should his wife find out? Could you shrug off her hurt and betrayal that you have knowingly help cause? Do they have kid? Is it really worth it for a shag?"

Or his wife is a complete,and utter cu#t who is abusive,and vile.

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By *lackbirdtimestwoWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

Are you getting into a relationship or just fucking him????

Are you emotionally attached to him??? In my mind cheating is less about the physical act,, less about fucking,,, if there is an emotional attachment, that's being unfaithful, that's cheating, that is wrong,,, of course this is only my opinion, only you can decide if you should meet or not,, good luck with that xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The choice is entirely yours.

But ask yourself one question -

How easily could you live with yourself should his wife find out? Could you shrug off her hurt and betrayal that you have knowingly help cause? Do they have kid? Is it really worth it for a shag?"
thats 4 questions!

op you dug a hole dont dig any deeper you cant get out!

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By *lackbirdtimestwoWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

"I think if your looking for a real relationship then, unless he's talked about leaving his wife, you're probably best not getting too attached. If, on the other hand, you are both just looking for a little fun then I would not get yourself overly worked up about his private life, that's his problem, not yours."

Yep I'd agree with this opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The choice is down to you and your morals. As for me, I will always stand by what my mother told me "never go with anyone else's man as you wouldn't want someone to go with yours".

I'd never go with anybody who was in a relationship unless I genuinely didn't know.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"The choice is entirely yours.

But ask yourself one question -

How easily could you live with yourself should his wife find out? Could you shrug off her hurt and betrayal that you have knowingly help cause? Do they have kid? Is it really worth it for a shag?

Or his wife is a complete,and utter cu#t who is abusive,and vile."

Yes she could be but since he is a lovely, honest man I'm sure he will have told the op.

I honestly don't care what people do until they seek to justify or get permission for something they themselves clearly consider wrong.

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By *iwife81Couple
over a year ago

Bolton

If you wouldn't want a partner of yours to do it to you don't enable someone to do it to their partner.

Wise words indeed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always say to married guys when I feel unworthy enough to be your bit on the side I may get back to you but until then there are loads of genuinely single guys to choose from

This ^^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is nothing more painful in a relationship or marriage than being cheated on. It shreds your heart in two. Personally I would never knowingly be party to any scenario that the potential to do that to another person.

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"That's obviously the worry, I'm not sure how she would find out though unless he's very careless. "

ask yourself how would you feel if you were his wife!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let those among you who have not sinned cast the first stone. I wonder if the OP will get the same advise if its the other way round - imagine a guy coming up here and saying; he's torn between meeting a married woman and seeking the public opinion, ehn!

OP, my advise would be, meet with him if u like him, don't let anyone tell u what they think, they can keep their opinions to themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say no without question but as others have said the choice is down to you at the end of the day

Just think, what would you do if you were married and your partner decided to play away without your consent?

You're a bi-curious young women so your choice on Fab is not limited between the huge amount of single men on here and couples looking for a bi-curious female you have a large selection to pick from.

Hex

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Let those among you who have not sinned cast the first stone. I wonder if the OP will get the same advise if its the other way round - imagine a guy coming up here and saying; he's torn between meeting a married woman and seeking the public opinion, ehn!

OP, my advise would be, meet with him if u like him, don't let anyone tell u what they think, they can keep their opinions to themselves. "

She asked for opinions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, my advise would be, meet with him if u like him, don't let anyone tell u what they think, they can keep their opinions to themselves. "

the OP asked for opinions...only your conscience can decide for you, but maybe bear in mind that despite how he may come across, he is neither 'honest' or 'lovely' if he is a cheat.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"The choice is down to you and your morals. As for me, I will always stand by what my mother told me "never go with anyone else's man as you wouldn't want someone to go with yours".

I'd never go with anybody who was in a relationship unless I genuinely didn't know.

Except that no man belongs to any woman any more than any woman is the properly of any man. I really think in these days of enlightened thinking we should stop talking about the relationships between men and women as if one owned or was the property of the other.

I would no more ever consider myself as some woman's man than I would consider any woman mine. We are all equal, free and responsible adults answerable primarily to ourselves not others.

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By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago

Newcastle

There are many people on here with varying opinions and each of them are formed from their own experiences.

There are also many men (and women) on here who claim to be single but aren't...and just as many people who play at parties and clubs and don't check others' marital status before playing.

Whether you meet this guy or not is totally up to you. I assume that during your chats he has explained why he's on the site and you have been happy to message him thus far.

As has been said before there is a big difference between meeting for nsa fun and meeting where feelings/emotions are involved. If it's the second then you're on the road to lots of heartache.

Whichever you decide I wish you well. Take care and always put yourself first, he is clearly doing the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The choice is down to you and your morals. As for me, I will always stand by what my mother told me "never go with anyone else's man as you wouldn't want someone to go with yours".

I'd never go with anybody who was in a relationship unless I genuinely didn't know.

I would no more ever consider myself as some woman's man than I would consider any woman mine. We are all equal, free and responsible adults answerable primarily to ourselves not others."

Really? I wonder what the children of those relationships will think when their home is torn apart and their mother/father is destroyed by a " bit of fun"?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are many people on here with varying opinions and each of them are formed from their own experiences.

There are also many men (and women) on here who claim to be single but aren't...and just as many people who play at parties and clubs and don't check others' marital status before playing.

Whether you meet this guy or not is totally up to you. I assume that during your chats he has explained why he's on the site and you have been happy to message him thus far.

As has been said before there is a big difference between meeting for nsa fun and meeting where feelings/emotions are involved. If it's the second then you're on the road to lots of heartache.

Whichever you decide I wish you well. Take care and always put yourself first, he is clearly doing the same."

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"The choice is down to you and your morals. As for me, I will always stand by what my mother told me "never go with anyone else's man as you wouldn't want someone to go with yours".

I'd never go with anybody who was in a relationship unless I genuinely didn't know.

I would no more ever consider myself as some woman's man than I would consider any woman mine. We are all equal, free and responsible adults answerable primarily to ourselves not others."

I agree that nobody owns another person but in a relationship I believe that you have a responsibility to be honest to yourself and your partner and dishonesty towards someone else always involves a little dishonesty to yourself.

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By *atinaBabeCouple
over a year ago

casa caliente

Go for it is just a shag the guy told you he's married so just looking for sex , I think cos u single what u really want is a serious relationship so you shouldn't be on a swing site lady lol if he's wife find out is he's pbm not YOURS

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By *atinaBabeCouple
over a year ago

casa caliente

"There are many people on here with varying opinions and each of them are formed from their own experiences.

There are also many men (and women) on here who claim to be single but aren't...and just as many people who play at parties and clubs and don't check others' marital status before playing.

Whether you meet this guy or not is totally up to you. I assume that during your chats he has explained why he's on the site and you have been happy to message him thus far.

As has been said before there is a big difference between meeting for nsa fun and meeting where feelings/emotions are involved. If it's the second then you're on the road to lots of heartache.

Whichever you decide I wish you well. Take care and always put yourself first, he is clearly doing the same."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's obviously the worry, I'm not sure how she would find out though unless he's very careless. "

Some are careless! I once got a text back from a guy's wife. He'd left his phone around without locking it!

I still see married guys but try to judge which are careful enough!

Use kik to message, don't meet in home town, they have a job that allows time and place flexibility etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's obviously the worry, I'm not sure how she would find out though unless he's very careless.

Some are careless! I once got a text back from a guy's wife. He'd left his phone around without locking it!

I still see married guys but try to judge which are careful enough!

Use kik to message, don't meet in home town, they have a job that allows time and place flexibility etc.

PS downside is I did meet a guy a fair few times that I started to fall for. Knew there was nowhere to go so had to stop that.

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By *ngie1962Couple
over a year ago

Bedford

"That's obviously the worry, I'm not sure how she would find out though unless he's very careless. "
ask yourself how would you feel if you was married and it was your husband playing away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're not comfortable with it, (and it sounds like you're not since you're asking), then don't do it.

All the questions about what if his wife finds out, would you like it if it were you, etc. seem wholly irrelevant to me.

It's about making your own decision and being happy with your own actions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Married guys are a bit different from attached guys in that you could be named in divorce proceedings.

I personally wouldn't touch anyone who made a legally binding contract with someone else.

Up to you though. It could be fun, and he might get away with it. I wasn't married but when my ex was cheating on me i knew, and i managed to get all the details about it as well. And she was married so i told her husband, don't give a shit.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"The choice is down to you and your morals. As for me, I will always stand by what my mother told me "never go with anyone else's man as you wouldn't want someone to go with yours".

I'd never go with anybody who was in a relationship unless I genuinely didn't know.

I would no more ever consider myself as some woman's man than I would consider any woman mine. We are all equal, free and responsible adults answerable primarily to ourselves not others.

Really? I wonder what the children of those relationships will think when their home is torn apart and their mother/father is destroyed by a " bit of fun"?"

I would wonder that the children of that relationship already know that it is fundamentally broken in some way and I'd also wonder that the relationship may not have children at all.

The reality is that I can wonder all I like about lots of things but, unless I know the facts, it's best not to judge or to try to sort out other peoples private relationships for them. People living in the relationship are in the best position to judge what is best for them, not you or I.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"The choice is down to you and your morals. As for me, I will always stand by what my mother told me "never go with anyone else's man as you wouldn't want someone to go with yours".

I'd never go with anybody who was in a relationship unless I genuinely didn't know.

I would no more ever consider myself as some woman's man than I would consider any woman mine. We are all equal, free and responsible adults answerable primarily to ourselves not others.

I'd agree with that statement to. I think my maim objection to some of the comments being made is the language of ownership being used. It almost sounds like they are talking about men as if they were property only aloud do what they want with the permission of their owners. I would not accept that kind of talk from a man about a woman and find it equally disturbing from a woman about a man. No person owns or is the property of another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many on here are doing it without their partner knowing. If you are a guy, its 'terrible'. A lady? 'just a bit of fun'! ANY cheating in a relationship is not right. If things are that bad then sort it out!

I know of a lady on here at the moment who's family are just about to find out about her 'extra life' on here. Kids involved (one doing final year gcse!). Family will be affected (already has for various reasons). But the men who have been with her I am sure will not stand by her and help. Nooo just have fun and go. It's easy to say 'not my problem' but when families are affected (or could be) is anyone really so cold hearted as to not care? Doesn't matter if its a lady or a gent cheating.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I don't understand questions like these: you're an adult, get on with it, what do you want from a group of strangers?

Knock yourself out!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So many on here are doing it without their partner knowing. If you are a guy, its 'terrible'. A lady? 'just a bit of fun'! ANY cheating in a relationship is not right. If things are that bad then sort it out!

Of course the men that have been with her from here won't 'help' or 'stand by her' and neither should they. Seems a bizarre thing to ever expect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Of course the men that have been with her from here won't 'help' or 'stand by her' and neither should they. Seems a bizarre thing to ever expect. "

Not expected but perhaps it should be remembered. Be sure of the consequences of what you do before doing it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Of course the men that have been with her from here won't 'help' or 'stand by her' and neither should they. Seems a bizarre thing to ever expect.

Not expected but perhaps it should be remembered. Be sure of the consequences of what you do before doing it! "

I'm here without my husband. Any man who meets me owes me and my relationship nothing, and should anything ever happen it's on me, not on them. They're almost irrelevant to the situation. There are no 'consequences' for them - they're not the ones in my relationship, so why would there be.

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By *onestjohn1962Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

"I don't understand questions like these: you're an adult, get on with it, what do you want from a group of strangers?

Knock yourself out!

Go for it girl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm here without my husband. Any man who meets me owes me and my relationship nothing, and should anything ever happen it's on me, not on them. They're almost irrelevant to the situation. There are no 'consequences' for them - they're not the ones in my relationship, so why would there be. "

Thats fine. you understand its all down to you. some seem to forget that.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"Of course the men that have been with her from here won't 'help' or 'stand by her' and neither should they. Seems a bizarre thing to ever expect.

Not expected but perhaps it should be remembered. Be sure of the consequences of what you do before doing it!

I could not have put it better myself.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I tend to go by the do as you would be done by philosophy so can't agree with the opinion that the single person in the equation has nothing to do with it.

I'm not making any judgements on other people's actions though as said above we're all adults with freedom and responsibility.

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

I thought this was a swinging site not a dating site.

honestly thought if you are ever uncomfortable the safest thing would be not to go through with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A question you are asking here means you arent entirely happy with the situation.

Only you know how you feel and if you like him enough to meet.

Its your choice not ours at the end of the day x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just come in from work and checked this! Oh my god what have I started!

Firstly, I'm not looking for a relationship, if that was the case I wouldn't be on this site, and be on a dating site. I've been in a semi long term relationship in the past and realised I missed out on a lot because of a jealous and over protecting partner

I'm under no illusions that he will leave his wife, nor do I want him to, yes he does have children. He is in a sexless marriage as such.

On here and on Skype etc we have such a laugh and a giggle, but it is getting to that point where we both want to meet. Yes the fact he is married is concerning, but I don't want to split them up and can't see how we could be found out, we do live a little distance from each other.

Maybe a coffee with him might be the answer?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Just come in from work and checked this! Oh my god what have I started!

I'm under no illusions that he will leave his wife, nor do I want him to, yes he does have children. He is in a sexless marriage as such.

Maybe a coffee with him might be the answer?

The answer to what?

He's told you he's in a sexless marriage......hmmmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The wife dont understand me line will be soon

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No coffee I meant as in meet up to get to know each other

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"No coffee I meant as in meet up to get to know each other"

You must do as you wish. I hope everything turns out well for all involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No coffee I meant as in meet up to get to know each other"

Coffee is always a good choice, but after that, when there are so many options (ie men!) why do anything you are remotely uncomfortable with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If i was uncomfortable with things after coffee, then I wouldn't go further. If I was comfortable with things then yes I'd probably let it go further.

I think I've just answered my own question there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If i was uncomfortable with things after coffee, then I wouldn't go further. If I was comfortable with things then yes I'd probably let it go further.

I think I've just answered my own question there "

Good luck. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally i wouldnt do it for a couple of reasons.

1. Put yourself in her shoes how would it feel to have someone cheat on you

2 there are so many men on here you can have fun with out the complications of married or attached people

3 when she finds out the shit could really hit the fan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you've been chatting and the conversation has reached a point where your ready to meet, I think you've already made up your mind, and he's already cheated in his

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think it's because you get to know someone better, and get along with them well, and it's natural to want to progress things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging is about partners being in the know about what each are up to..and enjoying the trust however outrageous the scenarious...so be carefull if someones hiding something from their better half!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think it's because you get to know someone better, and get along with them well, and it's natural to want to progress things. "

Genuine question with no hidden agenda. Why did you ask if it was a good idea to meet him?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Quite simple really, I've never met a married man before, but also know there is a certain stigma of it too.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Quite simple really, I've never met a married man before, but also know there is a certain stigma of it too."

I see.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think about this one point- is it you who is doing the cheating or him?

Therefore its his problem not yours.

you are single and free to fuck as you please.

Its really all about your own personal moral compas.

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By *qua vitaeWoman
over a year ago

Shropshire/Midlands

It's your decision whether you decide to go with a married man or not and I will not judge you on your decision (as no one is without sin!), but be very very careful. He may not be as careful and if his wife ever found out, not only will she take it out on him and you could be named on divorce proceedings, but she may want to take revenge on you by ruining your life.

I once went out with a guy who had said he had broken up with his girlfriend, only for her to be on my doorstep assaulting me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the end of the day its your decision but some questions if I may? I take it he has a solo account and us it verified? Although he's won you over with his "honesty" ultimately he has a partner who he's being/been dishonest to unless she knows and doesn't care. By that I mean he's told her what he gets up to and she dont mind. Your single and there are plenty of guys out there to meet who wouldn't give you this dilemma.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes it's a solo account, and yes he is verified.

No his wife doesn't know he's on here, but with having sex only twice in the last year with her I can understand why, as I am fairly highly sexed too.

I know about what you mean about genuinely single guys but how do I know they are not with someone or married and are in here, I honestly think he is genuine, I'm not looking for a relationship, and certainly don't want him to leave his wife.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes it's a solo account, and yes he is verified.

No his wife doesn't know he's on here, but with having sex only twice in the last year with her I can understand why, as I am fairly highly sexed too.

Why not just do it and see what happens after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best answer.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Yes it's a solo account, and yes he is verified.

No his wife doesn't know he's on here, but with having sex only twice in the last year with her I can understand why, as I am fairly highly sexed too.

I know that you've made your decision already and I am not being patronising but do you really think he is telling you the truth? Men have been spinning that line since time immemorial. By all means go ahead but do so with your eyes wide open.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you, yes I will go in eyes wide open.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Avoid he shouldn't be doing it !! I would hate to be a marriage wrecker is would you like it done to you !!'n

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you have already made your decision op.

but only you can decide if it's right or wrong.

We can all tell you that you shouldn't.

But ultimately the decision is one that you will have to live with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also all couples on here who are married. I'm assuming your vows included something along the lines of forsaking all others. Even if you are both swinging together you are technically breaking that vow.

I appreciate it's a completely different kettle of fish but also remember everyone has their reasons to swing or cheat if you want to put it that way.

The op has been provided these reasons it seems. With that in mind and reading those reasons in her position I'd go ahead with it. Judge us as you will but that's a fact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's a serial cheat in other words and probably good at saying the right things. He might be in a sexless marriage but instead of devoting his time to satisfy those urges he could be using the time to spend with his wife trying to "fix" it. However if you're just doing this for fun go for it but just make sure you both take proper precautions so that if he's caught it dont come back to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He's a serial cheat in other words and probably good at saying the right things. He might be in a sexless marriage but instead of devoting his time to satisfy those urges he could be using the time to spend with his wife trying to "fix" it. However if you're just doing this for fun go for it but just make sure you both take proper precautions so that if he's caught it dont come back to you"

If he just wants sex and isn't promising anything more, and the OP just wants sex and doesn't want anything more, I don't see how he is "saying all the right things".

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By *oconut2Woman
over a year ago

Nether regions of the back of beyond

Fuck it !! Just shag him and be done with it lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'll probably get shit down for this, but decided I am going to meet and see how it goes.

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By *oconut2Woman
over a year ago

Nether regions of the back of beyond

"I'll probably get shit down for this, but decided I am going to meet and see how it goes."

Go for it, life's too short

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Also all couples on here who are married. I'm assuming your vows included something along the lines of forsaking all others. Even if you are both swinging together you are technically breaking that vow.

I appreciate it's a completely different kettle of fish but also remember everyone has their reasons to swing or cheat if you want to put it that way.

The op has been provided these reasons it seems. With that in mind and reading those reasons in her position I'd go ahead with it. Judge us as you will but that's a fact."

the op asked if she should avoid, I am giving her my opinion. I'm passing no judgement on you.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

If he just wants sex and isn't promising anything more, and the OP just wants sex and doesn't want anything more, I don't see how he is "saying all the right things".

is it really saying all the right things... or is it case of telling them what they want to hear... i.e the sexless marriage, only have sex twice in the year ect....

maybe the way i have looked at this has changed over time... did i play with people in the position when i started.... yep... being honest

would i now... probably not by as you always say everyones circumstance is different

what changed.... a few things that highlighted that "it's not harm/they will never find out " thing to be not quite as true as some would have you believe...

if you could imagine the worst thing that could even happen as a result of what you do... and you can say "i can live with that"... then you have your answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If he just wants sex and isn't promising anything more, and the OP just wants sex and doesn't want anything more, I don't see how he is "saying all the right things".

For all the OP knows he could have a healthy sex life with his wife and she'll have to take him at his word. Or his wife's not interested in sex because she's suffering from depression and needs her husbands support instead of being out with other women

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

if you could imagine the worst thing that could even happen as a result of what you do... and you can say "i can live with that"... then you have your answer"

this last bit was for the OP.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I do believe him, but I can only take his word for it. I'm not questioning that he is married as I know that he is, he didn't have to tell me he was married and I would have been none the wiser, hence why I take his word about other stuff.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I do believe him, but I can only take his word for it. I'm not questioning that he is married as I know that he is, he didn't have to tell me he was married and I would have been none the wiser, hence why I take his word about other stuff."

My concern is for you but since I have a daughter only a couple of years older than you my response to you is probably coloured by that. You're an adult, you have clearly thought about this, asked advice and made your decision.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you nice couple.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thank you nice couple. "

Just don't do anything daft

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/03/15 17:48:45]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I won't, I'll let you know how it goes x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I won't, I'll let you know how it goes x"

Oh Lord! The times I heard that from my daughter

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I'll probably get shit down for this, but decided I am going to meet and see how it goes."

Why are you making a song and dance out of this? Why don't you just get on with it.

If a man had started this thread...

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

The only person who can decide is you. Other people's opinions are irrelevant.

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By *onestjohn1962Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

"I'll probably get shit down for this, but decided I am going to meet and see how it goes.

Why are you making a song and dance out of this? Why don't you just get on with it.

If a man had started this thread...

hahahha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you are the only person to make the decision. You know what you are getting involved in, you manage your expectations. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks, meeting up on Tuesday x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I won't, I'll let you know how it goes x

Oh Lord! The times I heard that from my daughter

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I won't, I'll let you know how it goes x

Oh Lord! The times I heard that from my daughter

I meant when I told my daughter not to do anything daft, she said "I won't" then proceeded to be very daft.

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

Who you meet is your business .You alone are responsible for making that decision and for any consequences coming from that. Don't be nieve to think this won't get found out or people won't get hurt if it did. Sadly there are MANY adulterers that were SO sure their actions were untraceable , yet takes one tiny slip .Plenty have had irate , inconsolable or devastated partners texting,phoning or turning up face to face ! Also it don't even have to be fully confirmed they are cheating .I mean how many people don't have the proof but know things aren't adding up or their partners not themselves etc? His wife could already be at home knowing somethings off and not sure exactly what. So caught or not his and your actions will already causing ripples at home.

Also you say how honest he is ... He is lying AND cheating on the one person who's meant

to be the closest person to him and the one he shares a life with !Do you honestly think he'd have any qualms of lying to a person he's just spoke to on line and never met?? Or is he may be just telling you what it takes to get what he wants??

As for others comments about anytning not being your problem as your single .....what selfish tosh ! If you knowingly meet and play with a married person then you equally shoulder the responsibility of any fall out from it . You can't muddy the waters and then cry innocence if it goes sour.

If you're going in then you need to do it eyes wide open

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Who you meet is your business .You alone are responsible for making that decision and for any consequences coming from that. Don't be nieve to think this won't get found out or people won't get hurt if it did. Sadly there are MANY adulterers that were SO sure their actions were untraceable , yet takes one tiny slip .Plenty have had irate , inconsolable or devastated partners texting,phoning or turning up face to face ! Also it don't even have to be fully confirmed they are cheating .I mean how many people don't have the proof but know things aren't adding up or their partners not themselves etc? His wife could already be at home knowing somethings off and not sure exactly what. So caught or not his and your actions will already causing ripples at home.

Also you say how honest he is ... He is lying AND cheating on the one person who's meant

If you're going in then you need to do it eyes wide open

Equally responsible as the person IN the relationship? Really?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I live by one simple rule "if you have to ask yourself more than once if it's right or wrong then it's usually wrong"

Good luck x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" Who you meet is your business .You alone are responsible for making that decision and for any consequences coming from that. Don't be nieve to think this won't get found out or people won't get hurt if it did. Sadly there are MANY adulterers that were SO sure their actions were untraceable , yet takes one tiny slip .Plenty have had irate , inconsolable or devastated partners texting,phoning or turning up face to face ! Also it don't even have to be fully confirmed they are cheating .I mean how many people don't have the proof but know things aren't adding up or their partners not themselves etc? His wife could already be at home knowing pOosomethings off and not sure exactly what. So caught or not his and your actions will already causing ripples at home.

Also you say how honest he is ... He is lying AND cheating on the one person who's meant

If you're going in then you need to do it eyes wide open

Equally responsible as the person IN the relationship? Really?

I think if you go into a situation such as this in the knowledge that the person is married you are as responsible as them for any fall out. All the sexless marriage stuff is just so much window dressing, people kid themselves so that they can face themselves when they look in the mirror.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

If he just wants sex and isn't promising anything more, and the OP just wants sex and doesn't want anything more, I don't see how he is "saying all the right things".

is it really saying all the right things... or is it case of telling them what they want to hear... i.e the sexless marriage, only have sex twice in the year ect....

maybe the way i have looked at this has changed over time... did i play with people in the position when i started.... yep... being honest

would i now... probably not by as you always say everyones circumstance is different

what changed.... a few things that highlighted that "it's not harm/they will never find out " thing to be not quite as true as some would have you believe...

if you could imagine the worst thing that could even happen as a result of what you do... and you can say "i can live with that"... then you have your answer"

If we all thought about the worst thing that could happen every time before we had sec with someone most of us would never have sex at all.

I can think if a lot worse things than an overly possessive partner finding out and taking umbrage.

For a start STD's, some of which are still deadly and incurable. Then there is the unstable bunny boiler. A failed condom and possible results. Etc, etc.

The reality is, when ever you have sex with someone you are talking all sorts of risks what ever precautions you take. An over possessive and controlling partner is probably the least.

Take appropriate precautions for the likely risks and then, on the balance of probabilities of likely outcomes, do what you think is right and best for YOU.

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By *arkwolf66Woman
over a year ago

Horsham,

It really depends on what you would like to get out of it and if you meet and it all goes well are you willing to compromise yourself, because any relationship with any married person will always have its limits which can be very hard on the other person, when push comes to shove you are always going to be the 'other' woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

can't wait for tuesdays update

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Be sure of the consequences of what you do before doing it!"

Wow! I really feal for that lady. It sounds like a particularly spiteful and vindictive person is going to deliberately bring maximum hurt not just to her, but her family and her children, presumably out of petty jealousy. It is a shame such people feel the need to interfere in other people's lives.

OP, I can't say it better than Anna:

"If you're not comfortable with it, (and it sounds like you're not since you're asking), then don't do it.

All the questions about what if his wife finds out, would you like it if it were you, etc. seem wholly irrelevant to me.

It's about making your own decision and being happy with your own actions."

Best of luck whichever your choice.

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Who you meet is your business .You alone are responsible for making that decision and for any consequences coming from that. Don't be nieve to think this won't get found out or people won't get hurt if it did. Sadly there are MANY adulterers that were SO sure their actions were untraceable , yet takes one tiny slip .Plenty have had irate , inconsolable or devastated partners texting,phoning or turning up face to face ! Also it don't even have to be fully confirmed they are cheating .I mean how many people don't have the proof but know things aren't adding up or their partners not themselves etc? His wife could already be at home knowing pOosomethings off and not sure exactly what. So caught or not his and your actions will already causing ripples at home.

Also you say how honest he is ... He is lying AND cheating on the one person who's meant

If you're going in then you need to do it eyes wide open

Equally responsible as the person IN the relationship? Really?

Yes but EQUALLY? Really? I'm sorry I can never agree with this. If someone is married and is here, they have made a conscious decision to be here. They haven't been lured away by some wanton harlot trying to seduce someone else's man. Put bluntly, if it wasn't the OP, he'd be trying to fuck someone else. I can completely understand people not wishing to take part in someone else's infidelity but to me suggesting equal responsibility by both parties smacks of those women who will blame the other woman rather than their own partner, and that's rather pathetic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Who you meet is your business .You alone are responsible for making that decision and for any consequences coming from that. Don't be nieve to think this won't get found out or people won't get hurt if it did. Sadly there are MANY adulterers that were SO sure their actions were untraceable , yet takes one tiny slip .Plenty have had irate , inconsolable or devastated partners texting,phoning or turning up face to face ! Also it don't even have to be fully confirmed they are cheating .I mean how many people don't have the proof but know things aren't adding up or their partners not themselves etc? His wife could already be at home knowing pOosomethings off and not sure exactly what. So caught or not his and your actions will already causing ripples at home.

Also you say how honest he is ... He is lying AND cheating on the one person who's meant

If you're going in then you need to do it eyes wide open

Equally responsible as the person IN the relationship? Really?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" Who you meet is your business .You alone are responsible for making that decision and for any consequences coming from that. Don't be nieve to think this won't get found out or people won't get hurt if it did. Sadly there are MANY adulterers that were SO sure their actions were untraceable , yet takes one tiny slip .Plenty have had irate , inconsolable or devastated partners texting,phoning or turning up face to face ! Also it don't even have to be fully confirmed they are cheating .I mean how many people don't have the proof but know things aren't adding up or their partners not themselves etc? His wife could already be at home knowing pOosomethings off and not sure exactly what. So caught or not his and your actions will already causing ripples at home.

Also you say how honest he is ... He is lying AND cheating on the one person who's meant

If you're going in then you need to do it eyes wide open

Equally responsible as the person IN the relationship? Really?

Firstly there is no need to apologise for disagreeing with my opinion.

but you do sound rather annoyed that I disagree with yours.

I wouldn't blame "the other woman" if I found myself in such a position and find people who assume that their partner has been lured away are usually very unhappy and at some level aware that responsibility lies with them too. I just think that if an adult enters into something knowing all the facts that they must shoulder equal responsibility for the outcome. If I know my clinically obese friend is on a strict diet and I buy her cake if she asks me for it, then unwrap it and feed it to her it's just as much my fault when she gains a pound.

Your implication that I'm pathetic made me laugh though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Who you meet is your business .You alone are responsible for making that decision and for any consequences coming from that. Don't be nieve to think this won't get found out or people won't get hurt if it did. Sadly there are MANY adulterers that were SO sure their actions were untraceable , yet takes one tiny slip .Plenty have had irate , inconsolable or devastated partners texting,phoning or turning up face to face ! Also it don't even have to be fully confirmed they are cheating .I mean how many people don't have the proof but know things aren't adding up or their partners not themselves etc? His wife could already be at home knowing pOosomethings off and not sure exactly what. So caught or not his and your actions will already causing ripples at home.

Also you say how honest he is ... He is lying AND cheating on the one person who's meant

If you're going in then you need to do it eyes wide open

Equally responsible as the person IN the relationship? Really?

Firstly there is no need to apologise for disagreeing with my opinion.

but you do sound rather annoyed that I disagree with yours.

Your implication that I'm pathetic made me laugh though

I'm not annoyed, this is just what I always sound like

I wasn't trying to imply you were pathetic. I was trying to say that people who blame the other man or other woman instead of the cheating partner are pathetic. The way I think of it is if your clinically obese friend was in a cake shop at the point of buying a large gateau with her own money, and bumped into a stranger who she told she was on a diet but for various reasons she wanted the cake, and that stranger paid for it - it's still her responsibility. You could say the other person has an enabling role, but ultimately it's your friend who has gone to the shop, chosen what she wanted, put it in her mouth and swallowed, and it's she who should bear the consequences of eating that cake.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" Who you meet is your business .You alone are responsible for making that decision and for any consequences coming from that. Don't be nieve to think this won't get found out or people won't get hurt if it did. Sadly there are MANY adulterers that were SO sure their actions were untraceable , yet takes one tiny slip .Plenty have had irate , inconsolable or devastated partners texting,phoning or turning up face to face ! Also it don't even have to be fully confirmed they are cheating .I mean how many people don't have the proof but know things aren't adding up or their partners not themselves etc? His wife could already be at home knowing pOosomethings off and not sure exactly what. So caught or not his and your actions will already causing ripples at home.

Also you say how honest he is ... He is lying AND cheating on the one person who's meant

If you're going in then you need to do it eyes wide open

Equally responsible as the person IN the relationship? Really?

Firstly there is no need to apologise for disagreeing with my opinion.

but you do sound rather annoyed that I disagree with yours.

Your implication that I'm pathetic made me laugh though

I'm not annoyed, this is just what I always sound like

Ok. I'm talking in general terms now, not the ops situation. I'm quite a strong believer in personal accountability which can be a pain and while I think that deceit within a relationship is often a symptom of larger ills rather than the actual disease itself and meeting a person once for no strings sex won't be the only cause of a marriage breakdown I do believe that the single person in the equation bears equal responsibility for the outcome of THAT action. That isn't to say that i think they are home wreckers etc and responsible for children growing up in broken homes and all the other melodramatic stuff just that whatever happens to either of them or the "innocent partner"as a result of their liaison is their responsibility. Otherwise I feel we step into the territory of innocent woman and vile reducer. I haven't explained that very well and my cake analogies have failed me

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

And that children as we all know should have been "vile seducer". It's my clinically obese friend and the cake again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we've agreed to disagree on this one before. I'm a big believer in personal responsibility too, which is what drives me to my opposing view, but I appreciate that I'm seeing it from the perspective of my own situation.

I liked the cake analogy....but could definitely fancy a slice now (not a euphemism)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think we've agreed to disagree on this one before. I'm a big believer in personal responsibility too, which is what drives me to my opposing view, but I appreciate that I'm seeing it from the perspective of my own situation.

I liked the cake analogy....but could definitely fancy a slice now (not a euphemism)

Yes we might well have done

and I do respect your opinion not least for being consistent.

I'm going out to lunch but I think a slice of Victoria sponge with jam and buttercream wouldn't go amiss at three.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it amazes me how many messages that I get saying they would like to meet and then say "I will be honest you I am married..."

so my reply is "how come you want to be honest with me, someone you have never met, so that you can potentially get a meet and fuck out it... but you can't be honest to your wife??"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Didn't want this to turn into an argument between people.

I'm meeting at 2pm today, wish me luck!!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Didn't want this to turn into an argument between people.

I'm meeting at 2pm today, wish me luck!!"

I wish you wisdom and clear vision.

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"Didn't want this to turn into an argument between people.

I'm meeting at 2pm today, wish me luck!!"

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Didn't want this to turn into an argument between people.

I'm meeting at 2pm today, wish me luck!!"

Good luck xxx

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By *rs and Mr BondCouple
over a year ago

Sussex

"Didn't want this to turn into an argument between people.

I'm meeting at 2pm today, wish me luck!!"

Good Luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Didn't want this to turn into an argument between people.

I'm meeting at 2pm today, wish me luck!!"

I hope it goes well and doesn't get complicated for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i hope he has a limp dick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Didn't want this to turn into an argument between people.

I'm meeting at 2pm today, wish me luck!!"

I love a good argument!

I hope it goes ok and you do what's best for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Didn't want this to turn into an argument between people.

I'm meeting at 2pm today, wish me luck!!

I hope it goes well and doesn't get complicated for you "

allready is i feel

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks guys xxx

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"Thanks guys xxx"

Is/was it tea or coffee?

Hope it goes/went well for you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It did thanks, had a really nice time, he was/is a nice guy. Glad I met up with him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It did thanks, had a really nice time, he was/is a nice guy. Glad I met up with him. "

Honestly now if you were in a relationship with that guy and he was cheating behind your back fucking all kinds of women what would you feel like.... What would be your first reaction if you saw a woman he was cheating on you with? I just wanna know thats all...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm not in that position though am I, I went into this knowing fine well he was married, and know more of his reasonings now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Karma bites us all in the arse...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not in that position though am I, I went into this knowing fine well he was married, and know more of his reasonings now."

You know his version, may not be entirely objective. I really feel for his wife, having been married to a man who told dozens of women he never had sex(lie) we weren't even living together properly (lie), blah blah blah all to get women to meet him and feel sorry for him enough to drop their knickers. If this man is similar you will not come out unscathed, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not in that position though am I, I went into this knowing fine well he was married, and know more of his reasonings now.

And why would the OP be the one taking the brunt of this scorn, not the man in the relationship?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not in that position though am I, I went into this knowing fine well he was married, and know more of his reasonings now.

And why would the OP be the one taking the brunt of this scorn, not the man in the relationship? "

I'm sure he will but it takes two and knowing a man is married, may have children and carrying on regardless will incur some of that wrath. Knowingly assisting someone to destroy their spouse's life and possibly children's lives isn't a blameless pursuit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not in that position though am I, I went into this knowing fine well he was married, and know more of his reasonings now.

And why would the OP be the one taking the brunt of this scorn, not the man in the relationship?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh that devilishly tasty forbidden fruit!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not in that position though am I, I went into this knowing fine well he was married, and know more of his reasonings now.

And why would the OP be the one taking the brunt of this scorn, not the man in the relationship?

If I found out my husband was cheating on me I would focus all of my condemnation on him, not some person I had never met who owes me absolutely no loyalty whatsoever because they are a stranger to me. "
its not about loyalty. Its about knowing the facts, that someone is in a relationship, that he is lying to her and possibly to his children and going along with it, entirely regardless of the hurt that's caused. There are many, many men who are not attached, there is no excuse to target someone who is. I'm not espousing the virtues of sticking to single men, Im Just pointing out that it would be morally reprehensible in many eyes to collude in adultery and the destruction of a family. You may not and that's your choice to do so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not in that position though am I, I went into this knowing fine well he was married, and know more of his reasonings now.

And why would the OP be the one taking the brunt of this scorn, not the man in the relationship?

If I found out my husband was cheating on me I would focus all of my condemnation on him, not some person I had never met who owes me absolutely no loyalty whatsoever because they are a stranger to me. its not about loyalty. Its about knowing the facts, that someone is in a relationship, that he is lying to her and possibly to his children and going along with it, entirely regardless of the hurt that's caused. There are many, many men who are not attached, there is no excuse to target someone who is. I'm not espousing the virtues of sticking to single men, Im Just pointing out that it would be morally reprehensible in many eyes to collude in adultery and the destruction of a family. You may not and that's your choice to do so."

I think I object to the notion that every one must "targetting" a married man. It takes responsibility away from the married person and puts the blame on another person. Generally we're talking about women blaming other women here, rather than the other way round, as if it's not possible for a man to have made a decision without having been lured away by an evil temptress. See David Beckham and Rebecca Loos for a celebrity case in point.

But I'm rehashing a debate I've already had further up so i'll step down off my soapbox now.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

I think if there is anything in this karma BS it's far more likely to affect those wishing bad tidings on others rather than a person who is taking someone as she finds them.

No relationship ends because someone cheats. The cheating is the result of the relationship already having broken down.

No partner has the right to deny the other happiness or fulfilment. If one is not happy with what the other has to offer who is really to blame? I'd say which ever one won't listen or possibly both. I definitely don't believe it's the fault of someone who's helping to fulfill the needs or wants of one of them.

Non of us know what this guys partner is like or what she may ot may not have done. To judge on just your own experiences is to judge without the facts. Someone once said judge not lest you be judged.

I'm constantly amazed by the amount of self-righteous, judgmental people who feel not just that they have the right to comment, as asked, but to scold and lecture the OP for not conforming to their view of how others should behave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"..

If I found out my husband was cheating on me I would focus all of my condemnation on him, not some person I had never met who owes me absolutely no loyalty whatsoever because they are a stranger to me. its not about loyalty. Its about knowing the facts, that someone is in a relationship, that he is lying to her and possibly to his children and going along with it, entirely regardless of the hurt that's caused. There are many, many men who are not attached, there is no excuse to target someone who is. I'm not espousing the virtues of sticking to single men, Im Just pointing out that it would be morally reprehensible in many eyes to collude in adultery and the destruction of a family. You may not and that's your choice to do so."

We are all guilty for something

I hardly feel anyone should be victimised and that a man should be vindicated like this when woman are just as guilty and hardly ever get tarred with the same brush for any crime a man commits

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think if there is anything in this karma BS it's far more likely to affect those wishing bad tidings on others rather than a person who is taking someone as she finds them.

No relationship ends because someone cheats. The cheating is the result of the relationship already having broken down.

I don't have the facts,neither does the OP, she only has his version. Cheating is not always a result of a relationship breaking down but it will always be the cause except for a few very lucky people. Some people get bored, think what the heck, forget how much they love their partner,forget how much the relationship means, distracted, they are flattered by the attention of others and maybe go too far

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"It did thanks, had a really nice time, he was/is a nice guy. Glad I met up with him. "

Glad it went well OP, and well done for being brave enough to say so.

I hope he bought* you cake

*for anyone else reading this, feel free to insert 'went dutch' or 'made you pay for your own cake' as appropriate. I'd hate to inadvertently open a new can of worms...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the op was always going to meet the guy and just started this thread to get at least one person to say it was her choice and thereby make her feel better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the op was always going to meet the guy and just started this thread to get at least one person to say it was her choice and thereby make her feel better."

Quotes and people like you are the reason this thread was and will always be tainted by i pinioned about you rather than about the OP

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think the op was always going to meet the guy and just started this thread to get at least one person to say it was her choice and thereby make her feel better.

Quotes and people like you are the reason this thread was and will always be tainted by i pinioned about you rather than about the OP"

All opinions are informed by people's experiences and you just made your opinion very personal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few weeks ago a woman put up a thread about her sister being cheated on with another girl up to 20 years older than her man, guess what her sister did... She threw him out the house!!... Now OP imagine the same thing happened to him that he got thrown out... I wonder if you'd still stay with him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"entirely objective. I really feel for his wife, having been married to a man who told dozens of women he never had sex(lie) we weren't even living together properly (lie), blah blah blah all to get women to meet him and feel sorry for him enough to drop their knickers. If this man is similar you will not come out unscathed, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Good luck.

And why would the OP be the one taking the brunt of this scorn, not the man in the relationship?

So are you saying what shes doing is ok?...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So are you saying what shes doing is ok?..."

Yes.

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By *edsBonkingMan
over a year ago

Near MK

Do what you feel is right for you now. Us married men take extra care. If it's just a bit of fun you want go for it. If it's a relationship. Think carefully. We are not all bad. Most of the do gooders will advise against it thou.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"Do what you feel is right for you now. Us married men take extra care. If it's just a bit of fun you want go for it. If it's a relationship. Think carefully. We are not all bad. Most of the do gooders will advise against it thou. "

agree with cheaters and meet them = open mined

disagree with cheating and refuse to meet them= do good er.

Well thanks for clearing that up. ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her "

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about."

It's a chick in the side, bit like a bit on the side

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about.

It's a chick in the side, bit like a bit on the side

But how is this a question...the one he's not married to is the chick on the side, obviously

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about.

It's a chick in the side, bit like a bit on the side

But how is this a question...the one he's not married to is the chick on the side, obviously

You know I was joking.....right? It isn't a thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about.

It's a chick in the side, bit like a bit on the side

But how is this a question...the one he's not married to is the chick on the side, obviously

You know I was joking.....right? It isn't a thing

Oops

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about.

It's a chick in the side, bit like a bit on the side

But how is this a question...the one he's not married to is the chick on the side, obviously

You know I was joking.....right? It isn't a thing

Oops

Lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about.

It's a chick in the side, bit like a bit on the side

But how is this a question...the one he's not married to is the chick on the side, obviously

You know I was joking.....right? It isn't a thing

Oops

Lol.

So what's he on about then?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about.

It's a chick in the side, bit like a bit on the side

But how is this a question...the one he's not married to is the chick on the side, obviously

You know I was joking.....right? It isn't a thing

Oops

Lol.

So what's he on about then?

No idea!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/03/15 21:25:44]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about.

It's a chick in the side, bit like a bit on the side

But how is this a question...the one he's not married to is the chick on the side, obviously

You know I was joking.....right? It isn't a thing

Oops

Lol.

So what's he on about then?

Being a sidechick is not a good thing like most single women say they wouldnt meet a married guy because they'd feel unworthy so a sidechick is like a side dish, in a meal you can take a side dish or leave it its not needed it could go in the thrash or be given to the dogs or whatever "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about.

It's a chick in the side, bit like a bit on the side

But how is this a question...the one he's not married to is the chick on the side, obviously

You know I was joking.....right? It isn't a thing

Oops

Lol.

So what's he on about then?

I think you're confusing women who are just looking for casual sex with women who are looking for a relationship. If I meet a married man it's for sex and, at a push, friendship. Of course I'm the "sidechick" (I think

) - it doesn't make me feel the slightest bit unworthy. Sorry to disagree with "most women".

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about.

It's a chick in the side, bit like a bit on the side

But how is this a question...the one he's not married to is the chick on the side, obviously

You know I was joking.....right? It isn't a thing

Oops

Lol.

So what's he on about then?

But she is treating him in the same way. This lady is going into this with her eyes open, some of us have told her that what he says about his marriage is probably mostly bull shit she isn't a wronged woman at the mercy of a vile cad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyway now thats all sorted out, are you now looking for "single" older guys op ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yea I guess so I give up easily.....

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"A few weeks ago a woman put up a thread about her sister being cheated on with another girl up to 20 years older than her man, guess what her sister did... She threw him out the house!!... Now OP imagine the same thing happened to him that he got thrown out... I wonder if you'd still stay with him"

She's not planning on staying with him.any more than you plan on staying with someone you might meet at a swingers club. And if you are looking for a relationship that involves staying with that person then it is you who is on the wrong site, not her, and you who is being deceitful to the people you may meet on here.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

And why would the OP be the one taking the brunt of this scorn, not the man in the relationship?

So are you saying what shes doing is ok?..."

YES. Who are you to judge otherwise?

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her "

That would only be relevant if she was looking to have a relationship with him. Currently she is not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/03/15 21:44:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant think of anything else to say so here 's pancake recipe

100g plain flour

Pinch of salt

1 egg

300 ml milk

1 tablsp. melted butter or sunflower oil

To Cook

Sift the flour and salt into a mixing bowl and make a well in the centre. Crack the egg into the well; add the melted butter or oil and half the milk. Gradually draw the flour into the liquid by stirring all the time with a wooden spoon until all the flour has been incorporated and then beat well to make a smooth batter. Stir in the remaining milk. Alternatively, beat all the ingredients together for 1 minute in a blender or food processor. Leave to stand for about 30 minutes, stir again before using.

To make the pancakes, heat a small heavy-based frying until very hot and then turn the heat down to medium. Lightly grease with oil and then ladle in enough batter to coat the base of the pan thinly (about 2 tablsp.), tilting the pan so the mixture spreads evenly. Cook over a moderate heat for 1-2 minutes or until the batter looks dry on the top and begins to brown at the edges. Flip the pancake over with a palette knife or fish slice and cook the second side.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"One person has to be the sidechick you or her... But obviously you know who the sidechick is between you or her

I'm sorry I don't know what a sidechick is or in fact what you're talking about.

It's a chick in the side, bit like a bit on the side

But how is this a question...the one he's not married to is the chick on the side, obviously

You know I was joking.....right? It isn't a thing

Oops

Lol.

So what's he on about then?

) - it doesn't make me feel the slightest bit unworthy. Sorry to disagree with "most women". "

If a woman or man is looking for a relationship they should not be using this site to find it. This is not a dating site after all. This site is meant to be about consenting adults having fun with each other. If he consents and she consents who is anybody here to say that it's more or less wrong than anything they do with the consent of the people they do it with?

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By *eithoWoman
over a year ago

Chatham

Many years ago I was seeing a married man. He's told me it was a sexless marriage and he was only staying for the daughter. His wife soon got suspicious and started checking his computer (we used to chat online). She never found anything incriminating as he was very sneaky but at a posh dinner with all her husbands colleagues and their friends she burst into tears and had to leave. In short, she KNEW what was going on - the changes in him, his time away and online etc. and it devastated her.

I had become so keen on him I'd failed to recognise the impact on her. He'd painted her as a cold, selfish woman who didn't want him. The truth was he'd cheated before and with each betrayal her walls had gone up and he'd made no attempt to remedy them, only carried on cheating.

I was such a fool to get involved and it's not something I'd never, ever do again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh my goodness!

As I said at the beginning, I know he's married and I don't see myself as anybody's bit on the side, it would be different if I was looking for a relationship and made him choose between his wife or me, but I'm not.

I met him because we get along extremely well and chat regularly, and I'm glad I did, I know more of his reasons for this, yes it's one sided but he could have easily lied about being married so I have no reason to disbelieve him.

Was a great time, and we're going to meet up again.

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