FabSwingers.com forum: single problem

By *indmill and weetabix OP Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

I don't think you even need to say that she is 'your' wife and 'not his'. Touching ANYONE without permission is simply not on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

defo needs telling

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Just because you swing doesn't mean normal behaviour goes out of the window. If you are not comfotabkecwith it just tell him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In no uncertain terms........ is he a total newbie?or just a total twat?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

We wouldn't even consider playing with someone again who had so little regard for her boundaries...Note I said hers, not yours...she needs to assert herself with him and tell him she finds it unacceptable...If he doesn't get the message, then cut him out...essentially, he is sexually assaulting her...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's absolutely bang out of order. Put him straight the next time you see him. Just because you have played in the past does not give him the right to touch your partner without permission.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

Well said.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

Absolutely agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah... You guys should simply set him straight... Regardless of whether you've played in the past or not/ intend to play again or not. It's uncalled for.

And sorry if I'm missing something but.... How's this a "single problem"?

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By *earboynottinghamMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In no uncertain terms........ is he a total newbie?or just a total twat?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.

No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.

That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.

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By *earboynottinghamMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.

No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.

That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true."

Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.

Not trying to defend this person at all but for it to be sexual assault it has to be shown thay there was no consent and that the 'touching' was intentional and of a sexual nature, in other words a nightmare to prove one way or the other.

Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.

He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would you even ask this question?

Have you no respect for your wife,your marriage,yourself?

No one has the right to molest anyone,and call it by any other name you want,it's still molesting.

You are swingers,which means you enjoy sex with others,it doesn't mean it's a free for all with anyone or everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

"
do you want me to tell him?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try going down the polite route first just say not tonight.. then if he doesnt take the hint then tell him outright. That way you have tried to be nice to start with.

If he still doesn't take the hint .. ask him to pick a window because he is leaving lol.. (if nothing else it will make you smile) ..

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.

No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.

That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.

Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.

Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.

He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.

The paragraph were you stated they have previously played so irs a grey area is quite disturbing.

By that logic any one of my exes can therefore come and shag me coz theyve had permission before and that would make it ok then? No its not ok! or a husband cant rape his wife she married him so thats his permission is it? No its not his right just because he put a ring on it!

In the eyes of the law any form of unwanted physical attention is assult that can even be something as simple as holding hands without permission.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try going down the polite route first just say not tonight.. then if he doesnt take the hint then tell him outright. That way you have tried to be nice to start with.

If he still doesn't take the hint .. ask him to pick a window because he is leaving lol.. (if nothing else it will make you smile) .. "
im more pro active but THIS

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

In regards to the OP just politely take the guy to one side and explain how uncomfortable that his assumption to just grad your mrs when he likes makes her and that previous play isnt an invitation to have her when he likes. If he doesnt act respectfully after that kick him to the kerb

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By *earboynottinghamMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.

No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.

That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.

Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.

Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.

He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.

The paragraph were you stated they have previously played so irs a grey area is quite disturbing.

In the eyes of the law any form of unwanted physical attention is assult that can even be something as simple as holding hands without permission."

That's the justice system we have, disturbing it might be but I was just trying to offer a realistic insight into that system.

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By *ipsTeaserCouple
over a year ago

here and there, thereabouts

"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.

No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.

That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.

Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.

Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.

He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.

Previously playing does not make this a grey area.

Consent can be withdrawn, and just because once was given does not give carte blanche rights nor infer that they may do as they please in the future.

I hope you are never unfortunate enough to experience someone taking your freedom of choice away.

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By *earboynottinghamMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.

No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.

That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.

Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.

Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.

He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.

Previously playing does not make this a grey area.

Consent can be withdrawn, and just because once was given does not give carte blanche rights nor infer that they may do as they please in the future.

I hope you are never unfortunate enough to experience someone taking your freedom of choice away."

In reality that is true but I was talking from a legal standpoint, what happens in court and in a police interview is totally different from the judgements we make as individuals.

Not attempting to defend this guy at all and I agree with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd definitely put him in his place. He should only touch your wife with her permission. Just because it is in a swinging club, it doesn't make it right or normal. He needs to know the boundaries.

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By *andRCouple
over a year ago

Telford

Consent should no be inferred from any previous contact.

Neither myself or my other half would even consider touching someone at a later date regardless of the situation without seeking permission again.

Perhaps he is under the mistaken impression that he has found a new girlfried and he should be informed of some ground rules. Such as keep your hands to yourself and get some manners

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By *andRCouple
over a year ago

Telford

Girlfriend* .. bloody tablet

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By *ipsTeaserCouple
over a year ago

here and there, thereabouts

"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.

No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.

That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.

Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.

Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.

He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.

Previously playing does not make this a grey area.

Consent can be withdrawn, and just because once was given does not give carte blanche rights nor infer that they may do as they please in the future.

I hope you are never unfortunate enough to experience someone taking your freedom of choice away.

In reality that is true but I was talking from a legal standpoint, what happens in court and in a police interview is totally different from the judgements we make as individuals.

Not attempting to defend this guy at all and I agree with you."

Committing an offence and being convicted of it are two different things. As you seem aware,our justice system seems rather flawed on occasion.

Your post implies he was not committing an offence.

It may not be easy to prove all the points in court(without knowing all the facts,it seems there was an assault,possibly sexual-balance of probability in the swinging environment they were in seems also there was sexual nature there ) but it doesn't mean it didnt happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

Well said.

Defo well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be fair this expands past single guys . In my single guy days . Some ladies would assume that if we had played before, they could touch anytime . This is just down to etiquette really . We always treat things on a play by play basis .. In these circles you can never assume , it is just rude

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By *earboynottinghamMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but..."

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality."

While i agree solving violence with violence doesnt help. Are you seriously saying youd do nothing if you saw a guy unappropriately touching a woman (especially one you cared for) in an unwanted nature? and that the single guy in question was justified? As thats how its coming across.

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By *earboynottinghamMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

There are more than two options available, it isn't a straight choice between doing nothing and breaking a persons hand or jaw. You seem to be putting words in my mouth.

From what the OP described there would be zero justification for attacking them physically.

Very possible to intervene without anyone getting injured.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He may very well be reading this and if that is the case problem solved unless he is the type that needs pictures and flip cards.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

There are more than two options available, it isn't a straight choice between doing nothing and breaking a persons hand or jaw. You seem to be putting words in my mouth.

From what the OP described there would be zero justification for attacking them physically.

Very possible to intervene without anyone getting injured.

I did agree violence on the issue wouldnt help matters. Why not suggest advice to the OP on how you would handle the situation (as i have also done) since thats why they started the thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would ask him could I have a word a minute and take him to the side. Then I would explain when he is invited to play it's acceptable to touch my mrs but when we are out and no play plans arranged then he is to keep his hands to himself unless he is given the go ahead. Explain you think hes a good guy and don't want things to escalate further and hope this will solve the issue but if not then your prepared to take things to the next level. Like tell him upstairs lol (joke) lol

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By *earboynottinghamMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

There are more than two options available, it isn't a straight choice between doing nothing and breaking a persons hand or jaw. You seem to be putting words in my mouth.

From what the OP described there would be zero justification for attacking them physically.

Very possible to intervene without anyone getting injured.

I did agree violence on the issue wouldnt help matters. Why not suggest advice to the OP on how you would handle the situation (as i have also done) since thats why they started the thread. "

I already have.

He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.

Was what I said earlier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well if that is how my sensible advice is received (silence) then back to the usual crap it will be .

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

I could have read it wrong, but why is Louise letting him touch her if you have a problem with it?

Has she not told him to keep his paws to himself?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

There are more than two options available, it isn't a straight choice between doing nothing and breaking a persons hand or jaw. You seem to be putting words in my mouth.

From what the OP described there would be zero justification for attacking them physically.

Very possible to intervene without anyone getting injured.

I did agree violence on the issue wouldnt help matters. Why not suggest advice to the OP on how you would handle the situation (as i have also done) since thats why they started the thread.

I already have.

He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.

Was what I said earlier.

Now now people,don't be letting my aggressive response start a fight betwixt the two of ya's..and although I stand by my earlier metaphorical assault of the man sexually assaulting my metaphorical wife,i did apologise for it at the same time

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

There are more than two options available, it isn't a straight choice between doing nothing and breaking a persons hand or jaw. You seem to be putting words in my mouth.

From what the OP described there would be zero justification for attacking them physically.

Very possible to intervene without anyone getting injured.

I did agree violence on the issue wouldnt help matters. Why not suggest advice to the OP on how you would handle the situation (as i have also done) since thats why they started the thread.

I already have.

He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.

Was what I said earlier.

Yes you did apologise and you were just being honest, i think most would say they would take the moral high ground and have a quiet word when in reality its straight to fists flying instead.

As to the other gent i re-read the thread and apologise i missed your advice about having a quiet word with the guy. I still fail to see how you would only say its 'considered' to be sexual assault/harrassment when it quite clearly is that in my eyes and I sharnt apologise for my opinion on that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but..."

What a pleasant chap you are...

Violence really wouldn't help at all in this situation (or most situations).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

What a pleasant chap you are...

Violence really wouldn't help at all in this situation (or most situations)."

Never claimed to be a pleasant chap love but if you have another option for dealing with a man sexually assaulting your wife feel free to use it by all means..besides I do believe I used the words unfortunately and sorry while describing my actions,surely that counts as half pleasant..but don't worry if I ever see you being assaulted i'll have a quite word in his ear,wouldn't want to offend your sensibilities..

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By *earboynottinghamMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I could have read it wrong, but why is Louise letting him touch her if you have a problem with it?

Has she not told him to keep his paws to himself?"

I did actually wonder about that.

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By *indmill and weetabix OP Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

Thanks everyone for the response.

Louise did move away at the time as we were in conversation with another couple.

And later she said I'm not feeling it tonight when he tried again.

We were only really asking if this was normal behaviour from single guys after you have played with them once as a mmf meet is something louise wants to experience but not at the cost of constant unwanted attention afterwards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

What a pleasant chap you are...

Violence really wouldn't help at all in this situation (or most situations).

Well, if I was being sexually assaulted and for some reason the person was not listening to me asking the person to stop, I'd really appreciate it if someone said to me 'are you ok?' and if I say 'no, he's assaulting me' I'd like you to say 'ok, I will go and get the owner for you'.

Rather than, you know, attempting to defend my honour with your fists or something.

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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester

"Thanks everyone for the response.

Louise did move away at the time as we were in conversation with another couple.

And later she said I'm not feeling it tonight when he tried again.

I don't think it is at all normal. We enjoy an MMF on occasion and the guys that have joined us have all been gentlemen before, during and after, including in social settings on later occasions.

Him

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By *ordic36Man
over a year ago

Manchester

That was your cue to step up and say your man part to that guy as soon as she showed signs of uncomfort. Right then and there. But instead of putting an end to it here you are, asking around what should you do?

Dude, no one knows what's in this guys head but if he needs to be told to back off then that was your cue.

Are you really a couple?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but..."

And ironically while trying to present yourself as a hero you actually come across as just as undesirable as the man refered to in the opening post

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By *-elleWoman
over a year ago

Romford

Your girlfriend needs to assert herself and say no, otherwise this will repeat.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

How does Louise feel about this and how are the two of you approaching the problem? How can you possibly like a man, either of you, who is doing this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Windmill you know the guy just ask him if he knew it upset you. You have a lovely partner he probably thinks now you have played he would like some more and may feel as no one has approached him to say otherwise, he can! A horny guy doesnt think with his brain im sure if you express your feelings more directly, you will find answers and it wont be a problem. Good luck

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Windmill you know the guy just ask him if he knew it upset you. You have a lovely partner he probably thinks now you have played he would like some more and may feel as no one has approached him to say otherwise, he can! A horny guy doesnt think with his brain im sure if you express your feelings more directly, you will find answers and it wont be a problem. Good luck

erm what about Louise?

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.

No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.

That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.

Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.

Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.

He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.

Absolute tosh. It's consent everytime. The consent given in the past is irrespective now. No consent at that point in time = sexual assault. There's no grey area.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

erm what about Louise?

"
Im pressuming she is already involved but was directing hubby sorry for any misunderstanding it is for both. Id love to hear her side if it now you have highlighted her. Many questions un-answered. I was only offering a non confrontational approach he could think about, for him and his wife.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would ask him could I have a word a minute and take him to the side. Then I would explain when he is invited to play it's acceptable to touch my mrs but when we are out and no play plans arranged then he is to keep his hands to himself unless he is given the go ahead. Explain you think hes a good guy and don't want things to escalate further and hope this will solve the issue but if not then your prepared to take things to the next level. Like tell him upstairs lol (joke) lol"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks everyone for the response.

Louise did move away at the time as we were in conversation with another couple.

And later she said I'm not feeling it tonight when he tried again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The ones with no social beleive because your wife is in a sex club " she is up for anything" protect her when she needs it.

Trust me not nice when your alone dealing with it.

Her

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think that everyone needs to realise that if you don't like something it's ok in fact it's a good thing to put a stop to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that everyone needs to realise that if you don't like something it's ok in fact it's a good thing to put a stop to it."

Good point. I think sometimes we (people) are too worried about hurting other people's feelings, when in fact we should be protecting our own feelings more so. And speaking up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks everyone for the response.

Louise did move away at the time as we were in conversation with another couple.

And later she said I'm not feeling it tonight when he tried again.

No, it's not acceptable behaviour. Why you would contemplate actually entertaining his attention again is utterly beyond me. Find someone else for your mmf who understands the dynamic of not only playing with a couple, but respecting your partner as a human being and not a piece of meat...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think that everyone needs to realise that if you don't like something it's ok in fact it's a good thing to put a stop to it.

Good point. I think sometimes we (people) are too worried about hurting other people's feelings, when in fact we should be protecting our own feelings more so. And speaking up. "

Yes this is the thin end of a wedge that leads to people having sex when they really don't want to or with people they don't want to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

What a pleasant chap you are...

Violence really wouldn't help at all in this situation (or most situations).

Rather than, you know, attempting to defend my honour with your fists or something."

Your more than likely right,in a perfect situation that's probably what I should do but like I said,unfortunately my gut reaction would be to intervene myself.

It's basic human nature,to protect your loved ones and those in danger. Some try and think a way out and some react, some plan for the future, some act on the now.

An example of which would have been in my answering your message, i should have taken my breath and been more rational and polite, i reacted without thinking and was maybe more rude and sarcastic than I should have been, for which I am sorry..

I honestly meant no offence to you or anyone else and I'm hoping that if we can't agree on me being half pleasant can we try going for a quarter,bit less, bit more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality."

Not in my opinion!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

My number one bugbear with swinging are people who think because I have played with them once the next time they see me its a given I will play again or they feel they now have the right to not follow simple swinging etiquette rules, is ask before you touch, I've had women do this too its not just men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!"

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

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By *earboynottinghamMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

Ok you were just white knighting?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

I don't think you even need to say that she is 'your' wife and 'not his'. Touching ANYONE without permission is simply not on."

Absolutely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?

"
all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up

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By *hattyman80Man
over a year ago

stockport

Just because you've met before and had fun that doesn't give him a 24/7 full access pass. As a single guy id never just assume I can touch anyone anytime I want even if ive met them before.

Just mention it in conversation and I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem backing off a bit.

Things like this only become real problems when all that happens is you bottle it up and magnify it in your own mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And as for sexual assault, unless SHE is clearly saying no then he hasn't committed a criminal offence

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?

all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up

No! All this could be avoided if he kept his blooming hands to himself in the first place. Men becoming aggressive over women is usually a problem with men considering they own a woman's body in some way not women not being "strong enough".

The bloke needs telling, she told him it's HIS problem.

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By *hattyman80Man
over a year ago

stockport

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?

all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up

The bloke needs telling, she told him it's HIS problem."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?

all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up

The bloke needs telling, she told him it's HIS problem."
did she tell him? Sorry I missed that. Then yes you're quite right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And as for sexual assault, unless SHE is clearly saying no then he hasn't committed a criminal offence"

Really!?

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"And as for sexual assault, unless SHE is clearly saying no then he hasn't committed a criminal offence"

In the eyes of the law She doesnt have to physically say the word no, eords to that effect suffice also body language and other factors are taken into consideration. If you read the whole thread The female of this couple as told the guy "shes not feeling it" and made excuses to leave, thats her saying No is it not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And as for sexual assault, unless SHE is clearly saying no then he hasn't committed a criminal offence

Really!?

"
welll obviously...he maybe an obnoxious prick who needs telling by HER.... But from a legal viewpoint yes

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?

all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up

The bloke needs telling, she told him it's HIS problem.did she tell him? Sorry I missed that. Then yes you're quite right"

Yep, she told him "she wasn't feeling it tonight".I do agree with you that some women could be clearer and stronger in telling these men to keep their sleazy, entitled hands to themselves but I'm not keen on any scenario where a man is doing something to a woman that he shouldn't be and the woman is blamed for the outcome. It's seriously time that men learned that there's a fine line between love and ownership......Women too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I've just seen that.... Right I'll scurry off.... Forget I said anything....

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Yes I've just seen that.... Right I'll scurry off.... Forget I said anything....

Lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why would you even ask this question?

Have you no respect for your wife,your marriage,yourself?

No one has the right to molest anyone,and call it by any other name you want,it's still molesting.

You are swingers,which means you enjoy sex with others,it doesn't mean it's a free for all with anyone or everyone."

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By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area

The important legal precident some people are missing here is the "Weatherspoons Princple" Would his behaviour have been acceptable in your local Weatherspoons on a Sat night for example, if the answer is no then the offending idiot is bang out of order and deserves all that comes his way

That m'lud concludes the case for the prosecution. No further questions Your Honour

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

Greater London

"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.

No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.

That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true."

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I have seen couples where it's accepted that a guy can touch the woman if they have an on going arrangement. Before putting my hanging hat on I would want to know much more including

How the lady feels about it because it seems to be about hurt men's feelings.

If any discussion around giving her strategies and support to deal with unwanted attention has taken place.

If the man in question has any reason to think that his attentions might be acceptable.

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By *ipsTeaserCouple
over a year ago

here and there, thereabouts

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?

all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up

With respect, unnecessary force in your eyes. This male was clearly not great as listening/ reading cues and if 'hands on 'is used to protect the woman, the force used must be proportionate...clearly beating the crap out of him in this case would not have been, but exerting pressure on a hand.....

There is so much wrong with your statement about 'woman' up.HeadingDown a slippery slope saying women are at fault for any sexual assault that takes place... Goodness me.i am really shocked by this.

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By *ipsTeaserCouple
over a year ago

here and there, thereabouts

"And as for sexual assault, unless SHE is clearly saying no then he hasn't committed a criminal offence"

No expert, but I am fairly certain that is not the case! always willing to educate myself if you are correct though!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?

all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up

There is so much wrong with your statement about 'woman' up.HeadingDown a slippery slope saying women are at fault for any sexual assault that takes place... Goodness me.i am really shocked by this. "
you're misinterpreting what I said.... I've made it clear I missed the bit where she said no.... Maybe the op should of made it clear at the start..... Obviously if a woman says no then it means no.... Only a idiot would say otherwise

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

You gotta love it when a bunch of legally untrained people decide what the law is.

Just open your mouth and tell him no.

Nuff said.

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By *ipsTeaserCouple
over a year ago

here and there, thereabouts

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?

all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up

There is so much wrong with your statement about 'woman' up.HeadingDown a slippery slope saying women are at fault for any sexual assault that takes place... Goodness me.i am really shocked by this. you're misinterpreting what I said.... I've made it clear I missed the bit where she said no.... Maybe the op should of made it clear at the start..... Obviously if a woman says no then it means no.... Only a idiot would say otherwise"

I am not sure I did, we can agree to differ there though.

there was no implied consent from her giving him no grounds to be touching her.

Whether she said no or not, your comment appeared to shift blame onto a victim rather that the person doing wrong- you called it a 'classic case' that could have been avoided if she had acted differently.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"You gotta love it when a bunch of legally untrained people decide what the law is.

Just open your mouth and tell him no.

Nuff said."

How do you know who is legally trained or isnt? are you yourself trained or merely an hypocrite?

FYI she did say No!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

OMFG... He defo needs telling!!!

How would he feel if people he didn't approve of touching him, just leapt in there. Makes my skin crawl these people that think its a free for all coz its in the swinging world!!!

Tell him loud n clear, also have a word with the staff at the club, he maybe doing this to others, plz make them aware.

Awww, hope this is sorted out, its horrible not feeling comfortable xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?

Yes chum,i still would've resorted to force,you may deem it unnecessary all you wish, that's your opinion,nothing more and nothing less. Now If when confronted with any situation you feel the need to go and tell on someone or ask for help to deal with it, that's fine, I on the other hand prefer to deal with things myself. Is it right or wrong, who am I to judge, I'm online looking for strangers to touch my dangley bits my morals are long gone but if yours are still intact feel free to judge away.

Look at that poor child from Bristol, I'm sure her loved ones would have appreciated anyone who went to get help as much as they would anyone who stepped in too help..

All I can say is that yet again I did point out my actions would have been unfortunate and I was sorry for that right from the start

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

Ok you were just white knighting?

Yeah, kinda like someone throwing that in to save the poor folks on the forums here too, probably shoulda called me a troll to go with it

It was an over exaggeration chum;

That sun's blinding me.

I'm starving.

I can't wait till the weekend.

I'm gonna kill that Damn dog,but ya don't, you put it out and you get on your hands and knees to clean the mess..

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"And as for sexual assault, unless SHE is clearly saying no then he hasn't committed a criminal offence"

that may be the case in ireland.... that certainly is not the case in the uk...

in fact its almost the complete opposite....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...

Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.

Not in my opinion!

It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way

So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?

Look at that poor child from Bristol, I'm sure her loved ones would have appreciated anyone who went to get help as much as they would anyone who stepped in too help..

All I can say is that yet again I did point out my actions would have been unfortunate and I was sorry for that right from the start

Wow. Are you really bringing the murder of a schoolgirl in to this? And without knowing the citmrcumstances of het death suggesting that her poor parents would have been glad to have someone lime you around to protect her?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If i am at a club ad get touched and not said ok i will look at them in the eye and say "NO thanks dont touch me i didn't invite you to"

You have a mouth so use it say No

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 04/03/15 11:41:35]

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

"You gotta love it when a bunch of legally untrained people decide what the law is.

Just open your mouth and tell him no.

Nuff said.

How do you know who is legally trained or isnt? are you yourself trained or merely an hypocrite?

FYI she did say No! "

Can't be a forum of lawyers...

Think you need to look up how to use the word hypocrite too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" ***Edited to save space but as per above***

Did I reference a horrific act that's happened in our very own backyards, yes I did. If that offends you then I am sorry,it's in no way my intention. You also might want to avoid the number of forums actually discussing this very subject if you're that worried about what folks have to say on the matter..

None of this is actually relevant to the OP!s post anymore which probably ended up above somewhere (which I do hope you get resolved)..Sorry where did we get to, oh yeah, judging my character..climb down off the high horse chum,never worry about me and you and yours have a nice day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone

Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants

is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??

We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.

Sadly sometimes people forget common courtesies and need reminding - so tell him.

If continues tell them in loud voice TO STOP and then leave well alone as showing no respect.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"You gotta love it when a bunch of legally untrained people decide what the law is.

Just open your mouth and tell him no.

Nuff said.

How do you know who is legally trained or isnt? are you yourself trained or merely an hypocrite?

FYI she did say No!

Can't be a forum of lawyers...

Think you need to look up how to use the word hypocrite too."

If you dont know the law you cant say what is or isnt legal anymore than any other person unqualified to do so either so yes its hypocritical

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.

No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.

That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true."

You are technically correct but, in law, if he believes he has consent then no crime may have been committed. I think it's important that the OP (her) makes it totally clear to him that she is not consensual to his attentions any longer. That way there can be absolutely no ambiguity about it.