FabSwingers.com forum: single guy advice

By *emmdave OP Man
over a year ago

Kent

I may well know the answer to this but would appreciate a balanced view from the great and good.

As a single guy who is polite, well groomed, semi intelligent, respectful and follow all the rules of engagement when contacting people why are so many people just rude and delete, ignore or block without provocation?

I am paranoid about being all of the above and don't pester. Whatever happened to manners?

I know some people will say oh we are inundated with requests etc and I get that but what does it take to say no thanks as it may cut down on traffic.

Discuss.

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

People have found that answering no brings further mail asking why not etc.

Just regard a no reply as a no and move on. They're not being ignorant, they just aren't interested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you've just got to accept that as a single guy you are one of many that outnumber the singles and couples. Stick with it. Good luck.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"People have found that answering no brings further mail asking why not etc.

Just regard a no reply as a no and move on. They're not being ignorant, they just aren't interested.

Yes i agree with this sometimes people can't accept a polite no thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I reply with a no thank you I know it will provoke at least one more message. I do try to reply but sometimes, like if I've uploaded a new picture, the messages arrive at a reduculous rate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I may well know the answer to this but would appreciate a balanced view from the great and good.

I am paranoid about being all of the above and don't pester. Whatever happened to manners?

I know some people will say oh we are inundated with requests etc and I get that but what does it take to say no thanks as it may cut down on traffic.

Discuss."

Don't be paranoid. If that's how rejection makes you feel, then I'd suggest that you may be in the wrong hobby as it's an inevitable part things.

I always ask the same question to people in your current position, would you really prefer an inbox full of rejection messages? Take a no reply or a deletion as a no thanks, they're obviously not interested in you for whatever reason and move on. Concentrate on your inbox and not your sent items because seriously, that way madness lies...

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

"I may well know the answer to this but would appreciate a balanced view from the great and good.

I am paranoid about being all of the above and don't pester. Whatever happened to manners?

I know some people will say oh we are inundated with requests etc and I get that but what does it take to say no thanks as it may cut down on traffic.

Discuss."

This question has been asked so many times and the best analogy I have read, more than once, is that of answering every junk-mail letter you receive explaining that you are not interested in the product on offer.

In spite of the letters being carefully composed and targeted to you, and the senders convinced that they have, in their opinion, exactly what you want...Are you really going to reply to each one? ....

Thought not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure most people who get lots of messages would agree with me when I say this:

It takes time to look at and read every message I get - replying to all of them with 'no thanks' would be a full time job! This is why I state in my profile that I will delete messages from those I have no interest in.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

I know that we are probably in the minority but we always answer every message....it's the polite thing to do in our view, and then see what happens and this ranges from idiots who obviously haven't read our profile through to really nice people who we now engage with on a regular basis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I reply with a no thank you I know it will provoke at least one more message. I do try to reply but sometimes, like if I've uploaded a new picture, the messages arrive at a reduculous rate. "

this

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By *eus19Man
over a year ago

Merthyr

"People have found that answering no brings further mail asking why not etc.

Just regard a no reply as a no and move on. They're not being ignorant, they just aren't interested.

Lots do block deletes and don't see your messege and then are like ' I didn't see you messeged before I would have definitely replied other wise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I may well know the answer to this but would appreciate a balanced view from the great and good.

As a single guy who is polite, well groomed, semi intelligent, respectful and follow all the rules of engagement when contacting people why are so many people just rude and delete,

ignore or block without provocation?

I am paranoid about being all of the above and don't pester. Whatever happened to manners?

I know some people will say oh we are inundated with requests etc and I get that but what does it take to say no thanks as it may cut down on traffic.

Discuss.

Don't be paranoid. If that's how rejection makes you feel, then I'd suggest that you may be in the wrong hobby as it's an inevitable part things.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

Ok....here's an example from just this minute....we get mailed from a guy who obviously hasn't read our profile but I've been polite and messaged back pointing this out. His response to this was "why did you message me back then?" I then went to point out that it's because we like to be polite but he has already blocked us...not a problem for us but it would seem for some that responding is not what they want at all...particularly if it's not going anywhere.....still won't stop us responding though....so it would appear that some like responses and some don't....guess not everyone will be happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes I get a nice reply and sometimes I don't. Even if the reply is just a 'thanks but no thanks' I know my first instinct is to reply with a 'well thanks for looking anyway'. However, messages are not a conversation so I do not send back what would be the usual pleasantries. Once you get you head round that the rest works just fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if i have a well worded message and the person isnt for me i will reply.

But i get messages with things like "sup"

"hi"

these will not get reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cos the ratio is 100 men to 1 woman and its better to accept fate, that not all will meet and have fun, its by luck mostly lol

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By *eithoWoman
over a year ago

Chatham

I sent a 'thanks but no thanks' message this morning and got back a list of attempts to persuade me otherwise. So ensued a convo with me trying to justify why he's not my type. Just gets too time consuming when you end up doing that over and over.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I sent a 'thanks but no thanks' message this morning and got back a list of attempts to persuade me otherwise. So ensued a convo with me trying to justify why he's not my type. Just gets too time consuming when you end up doing that over and over."

people think they can change our minds and its quite sad the lengths they try to go!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

by replying it also negates any blocks you may put up in relation to mailing preferences.....

so not replying actually keeps those

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"by replying it also negates any blocks you may put up in relation to mailing preferences.....

so not replying actually keeps those"

not at all

if they have messaged they have got through the filters and prefences

so them mailing once means they could mail again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op whilst we always try and reply however sometimes we just get bogged down in the sheer amount of messages that we receive on here.

And also some of the messages you get back off people are either that rude or ask whiney questions you wonder why you bothered replying in the first place.

Don't forget if the block you they are only doing you a favour anyway in the long run because it will stop you contacting them again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they don't reply it might mean no, block so they don't appear on your search and local updates and move to the next profile. Its just common sense

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By *oonlightWoman
over a year ago

Lytham St Annes

I do try to message back if I'm not too busy but it really doesn't seem to stop guys trying again, sometimes only hours later - that's when I refuse to reply and block instead lol x

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"I do try to message back if I'm not too busy but it really doesn't seem to stop guys trying again, sometimes only hours later - that's when I refuse to reply and block instead lol x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I may well know the answer to this but would appreciate a balanced view from the great and good.

I am paranoid about being all of the above and don't pester. Whatever happened to manners?

I know some people will say oh we are inundated with requests etc and I get that but what does it take to say no thanks as it may cut down on traffic.

Discuss."
blocking cuts down the traffic too, stops the 'but why not?' messages that follow a polite decline, and is listed in the faqs as a no thanks!

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By *ordic36Man
over a year ago

Manchester

"why are so many people just rude and delete, ignore or block without provocation?

Hi David.

this question has been answered over so many times in different threads so I'm not gonna bother and go straight to the point.

For a single guy to get a new meet you have to be physically out there. You look allright and you have 4 positive reviews from couples at Atlantis. Good job man and that's how it's gonna stay. Fab works the best as tool to meet up with people you have already met in clubs. On your pics look either smart or sporty. no casual "i just mowed my lawn" pics. and u already figured out that face beats cocks. Basically you hardly need any advice. Oh actually one more thing - why can't you accomodate?

this raises a red flag as MARRIED!

I live in houseshare and with paper thin wall between me and my live in landlady i'm gonna have problems, cuz though i can invite ppl over- really, who wants to stay quiet as a mouse all night? And besides - I quite like the noisy part of the play.

so what's your excuse? if you're not married- mention this separately and clearly why can't you accomodate, just to get this red flag off your profile.

Best of luck to you man!

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By *awkesWoman
over a year ago

Corwen

Always reply but I really don't get a gazillion messages other people seem to say they get! Maybe 5 to 10 new ones a day.

No right answer to this..by replying I'm laying a nail in my coffin cos then usually there are multiple messages back about how genuine and unique they are yada yada yada... or .. I get told I'm a time waster ..a barrage of abuse then a block...as if I were to stalk them anyway.??

Anyhoo..I haven't decided yet if I should just ignore mail to save me the hassle or keep replying anyway because I feel it's the right thing to do..

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

A non reply probably means no. Don't sweat it. Concentrate your energy positively and don't dwell on the negatives.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People have found that answering no brings further mail asking why not etc.

Just regard a no reply as a no and move on. They're not being ignorant, they just aren't interested.

Yes i agree with this sometimes people can't accept a polite no thanks."
i agree too x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just can't be bothered to reply, don't even need an excuse why i don't want to and have put it on my profile that i don't really reply to messages any more. If someone messages me then that's their problem and not mine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women are popular by default

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I block women every day some of them are pests too!

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

"Cos the ratio is 100 men to 1 woman and its better to accept fate, that not all will meet and have fun, its by luck mostly lol

Probably not about luck...more about the approach in our view.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cos the ratio is 100 men to 1 woman and its better to accept fate, that not all will meet and have fun, its by luck mostly lol

Probably not about luck...more about the approach in our view."
Yes and as well demographics, depends how far you wanna travel.

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By *emmdave OP Man
over a year ago

Kent

All thanks for the replies. All appreciated.

For the record, not feeling rejected so apologies if I came across like that and always positive. This is all meant to be fun so no intention of going mad or feeling lonely. Anyway the voices in my head won't let me.

Happy fabbing all

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