FabSwingers.com forum: Agony Hel's help page...

By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

Thought this may be kind a fun where I offer my advice to anyone in need.

Any subject covered and feel free to message me if you want o keep it private.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My neighbour has some pampass grass in her back garden. Does this make it OK to invite her around for a swinging session? And what do we do about her 35 stone ex-prisoner husband. It is a bit of a dilemna.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I can help with this one.

The grass is a sure give away.

Your need to by a large box of donuts and leave then chained to the garden fence, this will keep said husband happy for hours, A trying to unchain the Donuts and B eating the donuts.

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

"My neighbour has some pampass grass in her back garden. Does this make it OK to invite her around for a swinging session? And what do we do about her 35 stone ex-prisoner husband. It is a bit of a dilemna."

Well from your ages I can guess that you began your swinging in the late 70's early 80's.

Things have somewhat progressed since then and I would not assume that the signs you are use to are quite relevant today. So maybe you should just ask them.

With regards to the husband, who knows, prison is about reform and rehabilitation so he may actually have changed his path in life and you should at least give the guy a second chance in life and not right him off.

thanks x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well from your ages I can guess that you began your swinging in the late 70's early 80's.

Things have somewhat progressed since then and I would not assume that the signs you are use to are quite relevant today. So maybe you should just ask them.

thanks x"

Cheeky. We are not past it yet. Think we may ignore the helpful advice on the basis that the neighbours have just bought a Rottweiler called "Snarler." Its not that we don't like dogs but the postman lost his fingers posting them a letter yesterday. Oh, any advice on reattaching severed fingers?

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

maybe a private hospital as by the time you get into an nhs one they would have tuned rotten x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"maybe a private hospital as by the time you get into an nhs one they would have tuned rotten x"

On a completely separate note, any idea how to extract a postman's fingers from inside a Rottweiler's stomach?

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

laxative!

now please can you let people use this how I intended.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just buy some sausages to go with the donuts your be fine

What's a finger tip between friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"laxative!

now please can you let people use this how I intended.

OK. I will shut my gob. You really did say "Any subject" though.

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

yes but, really!! it was humorous but I would like this to be a place of help not a place where people will be ridiculed.

thanks for understanding x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thought this may be kind a fun where I offer my advice to anyone in need.

Any subject covered and feel free to message me if you want o keep it private.

Like Hants smiles I thought this was a fun cheeky not serious thread, as in thought this would be kind of fun!

Bows head and walks off

xx"

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

clearly it was made up x

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By *lan43sumMan
over a year ago

Leicester

I should think the OP can offer help and do it with a smile. I know there's that old maxim that your smiles are reflected in the faces of people you meet. It even works in the supermarket checkouts (and no not the self service ones where they tell you your bag has an unexpected area or something like that.

I wonder if anyone has PM'd her...obviously she shouldn't say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have two current lady "friends". Both are local and on fab.

One is single and I spend many Saturday/Sunday weekends with her in her caravan. She says she does not want a relationship but has asked if I will marry her in 7 years if she is still single by 50.

The other is married...but in a fairly sexless marriage. She comes to see me most Friday's.

They both know each other and about each other. They both say they are fine with things but do tend to make catty comments to me about the other.

2 questions.....

do you think there is jealousy there and if so do I do anything about it?

I don't get much time to see other people...unless I have a party which inevitably means letting one or both of them down. How do I balance things?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/01/15 16:13:39]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would I be likely to get more fabs if I asked for them a couple of times within my profile or should I just rely on being smokin hot?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

pop corn anyone

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

well as confident as you seem to be im sure you have no problem.

have fun xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"pop corn anyone"

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

"I have two current lady "friends". Both are local and on fab.

One is single and I spend many Saturday/Sunday weekends with her in her caravan. She says she does not want a relationship but has asked if I will marry her in 7 years if she is still single by 50.

The other is married...but in a fairly sexless marriage. She comes to see me most Friday's.

They both know each other and about each other. They both say they are fine with things but do tend to make catty comments to me about the other.

2 questions.....

do you think there is jealousy there and if so do I do anything about it?

I don't get much time to see other people...unless I have a party which inevitably means letting one or both of them down. How do I balance things?"

many people enter agreements with friend to marry if at a certain age they do not find the one!

I do not see that this kind of agreement will cause any issue for either of you as during the time of friendship the trust and fondness for each other will have grown. it will be formalising an already successful relationship.

the catty comments I assume are made to you by the ladies about the other lady whilst with you.

laddies are a little bit funny, they will often claim they are very happy when indeed they are not.

I am sure they will have some resentment against each other, for me this maybe is a sense of insecurity that they have with themselves.

you may want to meet them both together and explain that you are happy with the relationship with both of them.

explain that you do as mush as you can to give them equal amount of your time and commitment.

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

I do find it strange that people are willing to post in topics that they clearly have no interest in adding to the conversation or use it purely as a way to make someone feel belittled.

please if you cannot respect thoughts of others please leave the topic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"well as confident as you seem to be im sure you have no problem.

have fun xx"

Thank you.

Rachael wiggles and gives a sultry pout over her shoulder as she exits forum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for your answer Hel....and for not being judgemental. The sex with both of them is great....so I would like to keep both going for as long as possible.

And to fit a bit of new fun in between lol! If you reckon that's OK?

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By *aymackCouple
over a year ago

manchester

"Hi

Would I be likely to get more fabs if I asked for them a couple of times within my profile or should I just rely on being smokin hot?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thought this may be kind a fun where I offer my advice to anyone in need.

Any subject covered and feel free to message me if you want o keep it private.

xx"

I've got a permanent hard on since I've peeved your pics, advice please (be kind)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perved ffs

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

well I am very glad that my pics have helped make you hard.

I would advise not looking at them but then how would you get your relief..... so feel free to keep on perving on me and feel free to wank away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi we are going to a seriously sexy party at the weekend which will be couples and singles including some unicorns! Our question would be what sort of things would you recommend to get the party "started"?

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

Having had a look at your profile and pictures I am sure the party will go well.

With regards to the Unicorns you must make them feel at ease. it can be quite hard attending an event as a single bi female and they will be worried that the wives will be a little protective of the man.

as with most social events you will need an ice breaker, this may work for you.

THE BIG GAME OF SEDUCTION

Have the men blindfold sitted (or laid down on a mattress if you can) in a row

The ladies are numbered 1-2-3...etc etc

Starting with the first male, lady #1 has a minute to kiss, caress, breast-feed, lick, blowin his neck or ear, etc (nothing going on below the belt).

when time's over, she moves to the next guy as lady #2 takes over the first guy. When all have perform their seduction thing, the men have to vote. Same for the opposite sex.

Winner gets ether a full body massage or a slow dance with two of the participant of his/her choice.

this should be fun and make everyone relaxed.

what happens next is up to thiose involved.

have fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hi can you tell me how to post a message on the chat site, also I don't seem to have PM, poke, block under my name any advice please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi

Having had a look at your profile and pictures I am sure the party will go well.

as with most social events you will need an ice breaker, this may work for you.

THE BIG GAME OF SEDUCTION

Have the men blindfold sitted (or laid down on a mattress if you can) in a row

The ladies are numbered 1-2-3...etc etc

Starting with the first male, lady #1 has a minute to kiss, caress, breast-feed, lick, blowin his neck or ear, etc (nothing going on below the belt).

when time's over, she moves to the next guy as lady #2 takes over the first guy. When all have perform their seduction thing, the men have to vote. Same for the opposite sex.

Winner gets ether a full body massage or a slow dance with two of the participant of his/her choice.

this should be fun and make everyone relaxed.

what happens next is up to thiose involved.

have fun

xx"

Many thanks.

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

you may want to contact admin for that x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Aunty Hels,

The majority of the time I play nicely in the forums, a little cheeky banter, a few words of wisdom, even offering my services for charity.

Every now and again I find myself letting loose with an incendiary thread that is normally brought on as a protest against the actions of others on the site.

I don't post hastily, I take my time to phrase the thread.

Any advice on how I can learn to play nicely and become more tolerant?

Yours

A deflated Marmite

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

Find yourself a lady to discipline you when you have such naughty feelings.

we all like to be naughty but also need to know when to play nice!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Find yourself a lady to discipline you when you have such naughty feelings.

we all like to be naughty but also need to know when to play nice!!

xx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thought this may be kind a fun where I offer my advice to anyone in need.

Any subject covered and feel free to message me if you want o keep it private.

Stockings and suspenders, panties over or under the suspenders ?

Is it personal choice, whats best ?

xxxc

for serious problems wow do I have a few but thats not a one liner

xx"

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

"Thought this may be kind a fun where I offer my advice to anyone in need.

Any subject covered and feel free to message me if you want o keep it private.

Stockings and suspenders, panties over or under the suspenders ?

Is it personal choice, whats best ?

xxxc

for serious problems wow do I have a few but thats not a one liner

xx"

a TV friend of mine told me panties under as it helps keep everything in place..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I just say. I've confided in Helen and she is brilliant. Caring sweet and sexy too.

Thanks Hels x

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

"Can I just say. I've confided in Helen and she is brilliant. Caring sweet and sexy too.

Thanks Hels x"

Thanks, so glad I could help xx

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

hello, please keep your questions coming. im here to help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I can help with this one.

The grass is a sure give away.

Your need to by a large box of donuts and leave then chained to the garden fence, this will keep said husband happy for hours, A trying to unchain the Donuts and B eating the donuts."

wow, thread jacker

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

indeed, loving the emails, hope i am helping x

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

a shameless bump xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Helen ALWAYS answers and is a wonderful listener.

A really lovely. (and very sexy) woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi Helen

Me and the wife have been married for 29 years and want to enter the swinging scene . We are both virgins and have never been naked in front of each other. Would this be a good idea for us as we have heard there is a lot of pervs out there plus we don't want to be in the tabloyds . Wait with anticipation for your reply .

XXXX

Ps should I plant some pompass grass so swingers know we are interested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi Helen,

I have a terrible itch that really needs scratching. I've been to my GP but she says she can't help as she'll be struck-off for touching me inappropriately.

Please help!

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

you are not the first to be an idiot... well done xx

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

oh that sounds painful. get some canestan. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh that sounds painful. get some canestan. x"

It's not THAT kind of itch, Hels!

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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago

bristol

A shameless bump and still here to help x

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By *lan43sumMan
over a year ago

Leicester

There's no shame in bumping -especially as H has the gift of sound advice. Give her a try!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's in the back garden it normally means enter from the rear

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