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how do I cope letting my partner go with another woman?

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By *ench and Dusty OP   Couple
over a year ago

Peterborough

Please give me some advice I have a new partner who wants to explore. He is vanilla as I'm not but I have always done this alone and never let a woman go with my man who I'm in a relationship with! He says it will make the relationship stronger and we have made rules. But will it mess up my head! I can cope with me going with another man as I know it wil mean nothing as it's my feelings. I want to do this but how?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you just clarify; is this new partner not the one on your profile?

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

If you feel like this don't do it... It needs to be both of you wanting it. More communication and I would think currently its not a good idea for you both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you feel like this don't do it... It needs to be both of you wanting it. More communication and I would think currently its not a good idea for you both."

Totally agree. In a couple you have to be jointly comfortable with the boundaries you set & agree too

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By *iss_Samantha_LovecockTV/TS
over a year ago

bmth /poole sometimes blandford

if your having to ask then i dont think its for you ..dont get pushed into doing something your not 100% comfortable with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess this kinda challenges the old saying 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all seriousness, it can be a destructive lifestyle if both partners are not fully committed to it at any one time.

I think you both need to have some more reasoned discussions about it.

Cards on table time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have first hand experience of a situation similar. I arranged a meeting with a couple and they were to come to my house. We exchanged pictures and talked on the phone. I normally meet in a neutral environment to enable all to be satisfied that we are who we say we are and there is that all important attraction. On this occasion we dispensed with the pre meet.

The couple turned up and we chatted and it soon became apparent to me that the lady was the instigator of this escapade and the chap was going along with it as it was what she wanted to do by way of experimentation.

To cut a very long story short there was nothing going to happen as in my opinion "fun" has to be engaged and all participants "up for it"

I spent the rest of the night making tea and providing marriage counselling for the couple who have since left the site.

\my final piece of advice to them was if in doubt...................don't!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Please give me some advice I have a new partner who wants to explore. He is vanilla as I'm not but I have always done this alone and never let a woman go with my man who I'm in a relationship with! He says it will make the relationship stronger and we have made rules. But will it mess up my head! I can cope with me going with another man as I know it wil mean nothing as it's my feelings. I want to do this but how? "

If you don't allow him to go with other women but still go with other men then frankly that's not ok!! Unless the other partner really is just happy letting you have fun with others without doing the same - then you either need to let him play with others too - or just have sex with him and not others. Your call hun. Good luck with it though. Hope it works out ok. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Follow your gut feelings - every time!

If you don't feel right, then you're not ready to take this step and you need to really talk it out!

You may be in doubt now, but if you don't feel that it's right, then the jealousy and other feelings will really tear you apart when it's actually happening - believe me!

It can work sometimes for only one partner to swing - but you must, must, must talk and talk again and get every last feeling out in the open...

Good luck with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Please give me some advice I have a new partner who wants to explore. He is vanilla as I'm not but I have always done this alone and never let a woman go with my man who I'm in a relationship with! He says it will make the relationship stronger and we have made rules. But will it mess up my head! I can cope with me going with another man as I know it wil mean nothing as it's my feelings. I want to do this but how?

If you don't allow him to go with other women but still go with other men then frankly that's not ok!! Unless the other partner really is just happy letting you have fun with others without doing the same - then you either need to let him play with others too - or just have sex with him and not others. Your call hun. Good luck with it though. Hope it works out ok. Xxx"

I thought this too. Hypocritical came to mind. The OP (she) is ok with her playing with other guys...but not if he plays with other women.....sorry but that will never work. Both or neither...unless he is just voyeur or cuck. Neither of those seem to be the case. He wants to play to. He wants what she is getting which seems fair to me. IMHO the OP wants her cake and eat it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you not trust your new partner enough to believe him when he says it will make your relationship stronger? The very fact you have had to ask this question would have alarm bells ringing in my head. Why not try just being a couple before you fuck other people? So its ok for you to play but not him. Doesn't sound like you have thought it through. You need to talk to each other. Good luck.

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By *andACouple
over a year ago

glasgow

I've got to admit, if I was in a new relationship then swinging would probably be the furthest thing from my mind. Everything should be very new and exciting between you both so just take the time to enjoy that.

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By *SweetVioletxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

If you have to ask then it's a no go.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Please give me some advice I have a new partner who wants to explore. He is vanilla as I'm not but I have always done this alone and never let a woman go with my man who I'm in a relationship with! He says it will make the relationship stronger and we have made rules. But will it mess up my head! I can cope with me going with another man as I know it wil mean nothing as it's my feelings. I want to do this but how? "

Relationship already in trouble if you can fill your boots as you can deal with swinging while he can't indulge as he wants as you've decided he can't!

Does that really seem like a joint decision?!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Open communication. Never hide feelings

and never lie. If one lie about a meeting it will be found out , and cannot be repaired. That is all that can be said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you told him about your worries ?

If not you are acting out of selfish interests.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Please give me some advice I have a new partner who wants to explore. He is vanilla as I'm not but I have always done this alone and never let a woman go with my man who I'm in a relationship with! He says it will make the relationship stronger and we have made rules. But will it mess up my head! I can cope with me going with another man as I know it wil mean nothing as it's my feelings. I want to do this but how?

If you don't allow him to go with other women but still go with other men then frankly that's not ok!! Unless the other partner really is just happy letting you have fun with others without doing the same - then you either need to let him play with others too - or just have sex with him and not others. Your call hun. Good luck with it though. Hope it works out ok. Xxx"

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Please give me some advice I have a new partner who wants to explore. He is vanilla as I'm not but I have always done this alone and never let a woman go with my man who I'm in a relationship with! He says it will make the relationship stronger and we have made rules. But will it mess up my head! I can cope with me going with another man as I know it wil mean nothing as it's my feelings. I want to do this but how?

If you don't allow him to go with other women but still go with other men then frankly that's not ok!! Unless the other partner really is just happy letting you have fun with others without doing the same - then you either need to let him play with others too - or just have sex with him and not others. Your call hun. Good luck with it though. Hope it works out ok. Xxx

I thought this too. Hypocritical came to mind. The OP (she) is ok with her playing with other guys...but not if he plays with other women.....sorry but that will never work. Both or neither...unless he is just voyeur or cuck. Neither of those seem to be the case. He wants to play to. He wants what she is getting which seems fair to me. IMHO the OP wants her cake and eat it!"

Exactly! And if a man had started this thread world war three would have broken out by now!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been in the same situation, 2 of my past partners(proper relationships via fab), have not liked the idea of me shagging other women...while they enjoyed other men.I had no issues with them having sex with others(we would have been together for the meets of course)..but I'm no cuckhold...I'm a participant for the physical side of things, which means equal play status.

you either play together with others or dont play at all with others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

New vanilla partner but has a couples profile, interesting, may I suggest that you give fab a break whilst you sort your relatshionship out,

To swing as a couple takes trust and cmunication!

Have you thought that if you may not be happy seeing him with another woman, he may not be happy with you filling filling your boots!

Take a step back and get your relatshionship off the ground first, plenty of time for swinging afterwards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How is is hypocritical for only one partner in a couple to fuck other people? Loads of couples play that way. So they aren't real swingers?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Please give me some advice I have a new partner who wants to explore. He is vanilla as I'm not but I have always done this alone and never let a woman go with my man who I'm in a relationship with! He says it will make the relationship stronger and we have made rules. But will it mess up my head! I can cope with me going with another man as I know it wil mean nothing as it's my feelings. I want to do this but how? "

Don't do it. Figure it out in your own head. If you still can't do it, don't feel bad. It's not for everyone. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How is is hypocritical for only one partner in a couple to fuck other people? Loads of couples play that way. So they aren't real swingers?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How is is hypocritical for only one partner in a couple to fuck other people? Loads of couples play that way. So they aren't real swingers?"

That's not what I was saying hun. It's fine if both partners are genuinelly happy with that arrangement as I said - and clearly some are - but it's clearly not ok if the other partner would like to swing - as in the case of the op - but is 'not allowed'to. As another contributor said - it's then a case of 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander'! Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How is is hypocritical for only one partner in a couple to fuck other people? Loads of couples play that way. So they aren't real swingers?

That's not what I was saying hun. It's fine if both partners are genuinelly happy with that arrangement as I said - and clearly some are - but it's clearly not ok if the other partner would like to swing - as in the case of the op - but is 'not allowed'to. As another contributor said - it's then a case of 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander'! Xx"

Agree... in that case neither should be doing it. Both people should be happy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've heard it all now, I feel sorry for the single lady or the couple you two end up meeting you'll be watching his every move all night.

If you can't trust him or your simply jealous why are you bothering.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask yourself does it feel right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've heard it all now, I feel sorry for the single lady or the couple you two end up meeting you'll be watching his every move all night.

If you can't trust him or your simply jealous why are you bothering."

nothing worse than couples incapable of knowing how to swing...they tend to almost ruin other peoples fun too!-until they leave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it comes across as selfish as in its ok for you to have extra fun but not him - that might be what you both agreed but now maybe thats changed ? if it doesnt feel right dont even go there as others have said - i wouldnt be surprised if he turned and said either ok you stop playing or hes going to do it anyway - he may do it behind your back even - a lot to think and talk to him about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you feel like this don't do it... It needs to be both of you wanting it. More communication and I would think currently its not a good idea for you both."

Absolutely true. Everyone needs to be in agreement and fully understanding of the implications. Any doubt should be no thank you. At least for now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have first hand experience of a situation similar. I arranged a meeting with a couple and they were to come to my house. We exchanged pictures and talked on the phone. I normally meet in a neutral environment to enable all to be satisfied that we are who we say we are and there is that all important attraction. On this occasion we dispensed with the pre meet.

The couple turned up and we chatted and it soon became apparent to me that the lady was the instigator of this escapade and the chap was going along with it as it was what she wanted to do by way of experimentation.

To cut a very long story short there was nothing going to happen as in my opinion "fun" has to be engaged and all participants "up for it"

I spent the rest of the night making tea and providing marriage counselling for the couple who have since left the site.

\my final piece of advice to them was if in doubt...................don't!"

^ This! It's awful to be with a couple who obviously haven't talked things through, or where one is doing it for the other. In fact, it's a real shitty thing to do to someone else. When you invite someone into your equation, then it might good to consider them too.

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By *ench and Dusty OP   Couple
over a year ago

Peterborough

Thank you all for some good and some judgemental advice there! No it's not the joint profile party.. I have been swinging as a single but clubs only as I don't take it away from that! It is a new relationship but I have never done it where I have let them have sex with another woman! He has said its ok for me to sleep with other men so it's not what's good for the goose is good for the gander! I have been there and done that I'm just giving him the opportunity to do these things maybe it will build a new stronger relationship as he is very should I say inexperienced and younger than me! He may not like the fact of another guy touching me in reality but we shall see we are going to my reg club sat and im meeting friends who know me so this won't be a shock and they won't be disappointed. I just wanted to see if anyone else had felt the situation x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

pardon the pun but its a suck it and see situation - but still feel if there are doubts you shouldnt even go there - people werent judging just going off the info given and giving their opinions -

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By *ench and Dusty OP   Couple
over a year ago

Peterborough


"pardon the pun but its a suck it and see situation - but still feel if there are doubts you shouldnt even go there - people werent judging just going off the info given and giving their opinions - "

Think wil have a go and suck and see im sure I will be fine if not then carry on as a single fem and maybe a relationship Is not for me yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think about how you feel when you're with another man. If it's just sexual and there are no feelings involved imagine him feeling the same. He gets the same enjoyment from another woman that you get from another man

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By *ench and Dusty OP   Couple
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Think about how you feel when you're with another man. If it's just sexual and there are no feelings involved imagine him feeling the same. He gets the same enjoyment from another woman that you get from another man "

Yeah I think your right best comment so far. He says its me he is going home with.. I'm guessing I'm thinking of th experiences I have had with attached men not always straight forward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Think about how you feel when you're with another man. If it's just sexual and there are no feelings involved imagine him feeling the same. He gets the same enjoyment from another woman that you get from another man "

i had to do this but the other way round - i got my head round a fem playing with us but found it difficult to want anything but soft play from a bloke - he was enough and still is but we are having more fun now we full swap both ways - even played with a straight couple - its all about talking to each other and it sitting right with all parties

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you have to ask then it's a no go."

Exactly this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I guess this kinda challenges the old saying 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander' "

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We've been in a relationship for years now and only started swinging 15 months ago. For us it started as a fantasy of Melv to see Beth with another guy. We then spent ages getting comfortable with fucking in front of other people and really started to enjoy it (very different from making love, or fucking each other outside of clubs and not a replacement, but really hot).

We have now started to play with others, starting with Beth with other guys and I've found (although worrying about it before) that I'm cool with her sucking, wanking or fucking another guy, it is different, but very erotic and always done together. I may one day end up with another woman, as may Beth (in a club or hotel), but we've taken our time and got comfortable and step away if we don't want something (just one of us has to feel this way).

So for us, its about taking your time, being honest with each other and realising that you can be happy to do something one day and not the next, depending on mood, etc. just don't rush it, so far we have always had a great time and feel even more for each other than when we started!

Enjoy

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By *andsomeLondonerMan
over a year ago

London

Jealousy jealousy jealousy . That's what this is about.

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By *ench and Dusty OP   Couple
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Jealousy jealousy jealousy . That's what this is about. "

Yeah possibly a bit I have to admit but I'm

Thinking I need this In my life what will be will be and make or break it you only live once and if it's not for me I will move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Jealousy jealousy jealousy . That's what this is about. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Strange as you don't mind you going with other men but you mind him going with other women... very selfish...

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By *riendly FiresCouple
over a year ago

Beverley


"Please give me some advice I have a new partner who wants to explore. He is vanilla as I'm not but I have always done this alone and never let a woman go with my man who I'm in a relationship with! He says it will make the relationship stronger and we have made rules. But will it mess up my head! I can cope with me going with another man as I know it wil mean

nothing as it's my feelings. I want to do this but how?

If you don't allow him to go with other women but still go with other men then frankly that's not ok!! Unless the other partner really is just happy letting you have fun with others without doing the same - then you either need to let him play with others too - or just have sex with him and not others. Your call hun. Good luck with it though. Hope it works out ok. Xxx

I thought this too. Hypocritical came to mind. The OP (she) is ok with her playing with other guys...but not if he plays with other women.....sorry but that will never work. Both or neither...unless he is just voyeur or cuck. Neither of those seem to be the case. He wants to play to. He wants what she is getting which seems fair to me. IMHO the OP wants her cake and eat it!"
this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seeing my oh with some one is a big turn on thats why we do it.

If u doubt it now You probably wont enjoy it.

Do u enjoy watching other ppl?

Has he watched you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Please give me some advice I have a new partner who wants to explore. He is vanilla as I'm not but I have always done this alone and never let a woman go with my man who I'm in a relationship with! He says it will make the relationship stronger and we have made rules. But will it mess up my head! I can cope with me going with another man as I know it wil mean nothing as it's my feelings. I want to do this but how? "

I couldn't do any of this at the moment. I'd be too jealous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Seeing my oh with some one is a big turn on thats why we do it.

If u doubt it now You probably wont enjoy it.

Do u enjoy watching other ppl?

Has he watched you? "

He wouldn't enjoy watching me with her, people keep telling me I'm an ugly fucker ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Seeing my oh with some one is a big turn on thats why we do it.

If u doubt it now You probably wont enjoy it.

Do u enjoy watching other ppl?

Has he watched you?

He wouldn't enjoy watching me with her, people keep telling me I'm an ugly fucker ? "

Are we fishing dear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn't do any of this at the moment. I'd be too jealous

We seem to think alike

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm quite happy to watch Bella play on her own as playing with another woman isn't really what does it for me.

The difference is Bella always try to encourage me to play and would watch me as well...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you all for some good and some judgemental advice there! No it's not the joint profile party.. I have been swinging as a single but clubs only as I don't take it away from that! It is a new relationship but I have never done it where I have let them have sex with another woman! He has said its ok for me to sleep with other men so it's not what's good for the goose is good for the gander! I have been there and done that I'm just giving him the opportunity to do these things maybe it will build a new stronger relationship as he is very should I say inexperienced and younger than me! He may not like the fact of another guy touching me in reality but we shall see we are going to my reg club sat and im meeting friends who know me so this won't be a shock and they won't be disappointed. I just wanted to see if anyone else had felt the situation x"

Sounds like you need a new profile to go with the new relationship too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you are asking this then you are on wrong site..... Swinging works both ways. To expect to play yourself but not let him is wring in so many ways. No room for any kind of jealousy or hypocrisy in swinging!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Jealousy jealousy jealousy . That's what this is about.

Yeah possibly a bit I have to admit but I'm

Thinking I need this In my life what will be will be and make or break it you only live once and if it's not for me I will move on "

Reading your replies/comments you seem to be describing a fuck buddy rather than a relationship ?

Maybe I have misunderstood but I have the impression that he goes before swinging does, that's not a relationship ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Please give me some advice I have a new partner who wants to explore. He is vanilla as I'm not but I have always done this alone and never let a woman go with my man who I'm in a relationship with! He says it will make the relationship stronger and we have made rules. But will it mess up my head! I can cope with me going with another man as I know it wil mean nothing as it's my feelings. I want to do this but how? "

I know it may not seem fair as you like swinging with other men but if you cant cope with him bei g with another woman you need to tell him. There are plenty of (swinging / cuckold) relationships on here where its only her who swings, depends whether he can handle that. What if you tell him how you feel than he wants you not to have sex with other men? Think carefully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rather than heaping the judgement on you, I totally feel your pain. At the start of our 'other' life, I felt it was only fair that he had the same freedoms that I did. The first few times I went out was difficult for him but he actually found that he gets a kick out of it. He was seeing a girl and when that escalated I freaked so he's not seen anyone since, just taken part in MMFs with me. I continue to see men on my own and with him. We're hoping to find a couple and slowly work towards a swop but he says he's perfectly happy with the way things are. I still feel like i'm being unfair to him and it can't work like this long term. He says as long as we're both happy then what's the problem. Tricky. So no advice as such but just to let you know I understand your mixed emotions. xxx

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By *D40Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Please give me some advice I have a new partner who wants to explore. He is vanilla as I'm not but I have always done this alone and never let a woman go with my man who I'm in a relationship with! He says it will make the relationship stronger and we have made rules. But will it mess up my head! I can cope with me going with another man as I know it wil mean nothing as it's my feelings. I want to do this but how? "

So what you're asking is can you fuck other people but not him?

Or is it your thinking of packing in swinging because it would be selfish to deny your new partner what you enjoy doing?

Mrs _d40

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really understand why you're asking the question when you already know deep down what the answer is?!

No one can say anything that makes you accept your partner having sex with another, only you can do that and you've stated that you cannot.

To me there's nothing else to discuss.

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By *ilthygorgeous1Couple
over a year ago

Oxford


"How is is hypocritical for only one partner in a couple to fuck other people? Loads of couples play that way. So they aren't real swingers?"

Agreed but have said couples not set the ground rules already?? People do enjoy cuckold relationships but I think the problem here is both want to have their cake but she's doesn't feel comfortable letting him eat his slice.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my simple and humble opinion, if the op is to swing with her partner, your communication must be top notch, and fair.

The way I've always looked at it, and explained it to friends that have been curious about how it all works is that the person you are in a relationship with is the one you have a connection with. A connection that is stronger than anyone else can offer and that will be as strong when you leave the club at the end of the night as it was when you walked through the door at the start. Anyone else you have fun with, it's just sex.

That connection is your strength and if it's to work without jealousy being a problem, then it must be looked after and cared for like any other couple would.

Make sure the boundaries on both sides are crystal clear before you go and stay respected and you'll be fine.

Good luck, and I hope you can have fun together without worrying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you feel like this don't do it... It needs to be both of you wanting it. More communication and I would think currently its not a good idea for you both. Totally agree. In a couple you have to be jointly comfortable with the boundaries you set & agree too"
Make it clear to him your not happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

seems there are many opinions on this subject. it all depends on the couple and what works for them, i am happy with sue fucking another guy. she is not happy me doing the same. suits me fine.i make love to her other guys fuck her thats the way we play. i can play finger and tongue another female. but no further,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your asking that question, your not ready for this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wasn't sure how I'd feel either but as soon as I played with another man I could see how completely different my feelings are so instantly new I wanted him to be with other Women too x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you don't allow him to go with other women but still go with other men then frankly that's not ok!"
No, you are wrong! That's a playground mentality and does not work in swinging. It is well more complex than "I lend you my toy now give me yours", a lot more complex!

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By *IANnG1Couple
over a year ago

local

This happened last night. Got chatting to a lovely sng lady at a club first experience there . After chatting for a while , She didn't find any of the sng males attractive knew she fancied G so asked Her if she wanted to borrow him she said yes , so we all went into a private room and I watched as she woznt Bi in any way throughly enjoyed now I know how he feels when he watches me ... Horny

so as long as you know your boundries and stick together everything will work out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading this thread seems interesting, but if this relationship is a new one you may want to concider coming off the scene to let the relaionship grow. The scene isnt for everyone and learning to disconnect feelings is an art.. Not everyone can do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Reading this thread seems interesting, but if this relationship is a new one you may want to concider coming off the scene to let the relaionship grow. The scene isnt for everyone and learning to disconnect feelings is an art.. Not everyone can do it."

Wise words.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you have to consider how important your relationship is to you. He has been very honest with you so is seeking your trust. Trust is the big thing in any relationship.

If he has done things in past that have eroded your trust in him then you need to chat and tell him about why it made you unhappy and that if you are going to bring another female, albeit briefly into your relationship then you need to make sure he knows how it may make you feel and that it is not entirely comfortable.

I do not necessarily subscribe to the Oh don't do it brigade if not comfortable. We all sometimes have to make sacrifices and compromise to keep our partner happy and as long as you can trust him and can chat openly about things then you should be OK.

Good luck.

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