FabSwingers.com forum: Putting on a Brave Face.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I lost my father very recently and although I am putting on a Brave face and attempting to get on with life, there is a void. He was my best friend, that I didn't even realise he was saddens me. I just wish I could have told him that...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that dude. Rest assured he will know what you thought...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I lost my father very recently and although I am putting on a Brave face and attempting to get on with life, there is a void. He was my best friend, that I didn't even realise he was saddens me. I just wish I could have told him that...

"
Been there myself and got very low ........ Only thing that helps is time I find and I can now look back with a smile and think what a lovely man I had as my dad and I will miss him until I die .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry to hear that. My dad died unexpectedly a few years back and he was only in his 60s, it was a huge shock and i hadnt seen him for a few weeks before he died and i had so many things left unsaid, such as how much i loved him.

To be honest i still sometimes get very low about that but i often spend time thinking about my dad and sending him lots of loving thoughts, sounds daft maybe but it helps me.

I hope you feel some relief from your sorrow and start to think of the good and happy times you had together xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all I know it's daft but I still feel he's here. It doesn't feel real.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear that dude. Rest assured he will know what you thought..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you all I know it's daft but I still feel he's here. It doesn't feel real."
Yes and that's lovely to feel him close I do too ....... just shows how much you loved him. xxx (((((((BIG HUGS)))))))) jo x

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

It's horrible. Stay strong.

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By *nn and PeterCouple
over a year ago

Stratford Upon Avon

Lost my dad 11 year this Boxing Day , there's not a day that I don't think of him in one way or another , also my mum passed away in March this year , but did not feel the same way when she died , because all she wanted was to be with my dad so I was more happy for her she got her wish , it feels strange so times I start to ring her and forget she's no longer there If only I could have one wish to see them both for 5 minutes just to tell them how much l loved them which I did say everytime I was at there house xx keep your head if and remember the great and bad times you had with your dad he's standing right beside you sometimes you will feel it pete

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear your pain.

If you felt he was your best friend I'm sure he would have felt it too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey so sorry for your loss nothing worse

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to read of your loss. I'm sure he knew he was your best friend., some things don't need saying. Take care x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive been dreaming about my parents who have been gone 18yrs x

its all too raw at the mo but you do learn to live with it x hugs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Your Dad knew how much you loved him. I lost my Dad as a child. I never got to tell him how much he meant to me and felt guilty about that for a long time. My Mum died more recently and she knew she was terminally ill, so we did have some deep chats. It's probably doesn't help much now, but time really is the biggest healer. One day you'll be able to look back and think of all the happy memories. He must have been a great Dad for you to miss him so much. Your Dad wouldn't want you to feel sad, but what you're feeling is all perfectly normal. x

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

asking for help and support is a strength not a weakness, if you continue to struggle speak to your GP or a Bereavement Counselling Service as Christmas will be a tough one for your family.

good luck and all the best

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Your dad lives on through you and your actions .. Just live so he would be proud of you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Than you thank you thank you all, I have so many different emotions going through my body n mind at this present moment. It's surreal.

You are all beautiful thoughtful amazing people

R x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi, so sorry to hear about your Dad, I lost mine at the age of 93, two years ago in January. It was horrible he had an aortic anurism (dont know if its spelt correctly) we were told he would die quickly, but it took 3 days. During that time, I held his hand and told him I loved him, I dont know if he was able to hear me but I would like to think so. I miss him dreadfully and when I goto the house he shared with my mum, I expect to see him there.......these days I think of all the good times and it helps....but I can find myself bursting into tears too, dont be afraid to cry.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxa big hug to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the same situation....but a few years back, and really, time does heal to some extent.

Listen to "in the living years" by Mike and Mechanics.....so true!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had the same this year with my mother. The void is quite incredible, I also cannot get closure due to an ongoing investigation into a family member which makes it even worse. I for one like to put a lid on things, in this case I'm bit being allowed to, horrible 8 months with no end in sight.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You don't know how much all these wonderful words mean thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You don't know how much all these wonderful words mean thank you x"

I lost my darling dad seven years ago in January next year and at my lowest points still find great comfort in the following poem which I read at his memorial service. For all those who have lost someone close I hope you may find some comfort in the words too xx

Remember Me

You can shed tears that he is gone

Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him

Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he is gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Time is a great healer. Cherish and remember the good moments and those valuable lesson and lets his legacy live on through you as he would have wanted.

Stay strong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You don't know how much all these wonderful words mean thank you x

Remember Me

You can shed tears that he is gone

Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him

Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he is gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on "

It's a lovely poem. A reminder that those we've lost wouldn't want us to be unhappy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear about your loss it's allways devastating to loose a loved one no matter when but you can take comfort in the fact your dad loved you and knew how much you loved him i know you feel that you should have said it more often and you would like to tell him now but there realy is no need your dad would have known, i know it's a cliché but time will heal and take the sting out of your pain and there will allways be a part of your dad close to your heart hold it tight.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I apologise if I offended anyone by putting this post on the forum... apparently I have no respect and this is a safe sex site and not an obituary column.... I just wish I could delete it...

Thanks for all the lovely private messages and there is always 1 bad egg which apparently me.....

R x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I apologise if I offended anyone by putting this post on the forum... apparently I have no respect and this is a safe sex site and not an obituary column.... I just wish I could delete it...

Thanks for all the lovely private messages and there is always 1 bad egg which apparently me.....

R x"

It's not all about sex on here !!

Some friends and friendships are made!

At this hectic time of the year sometimes a thread like yours stops us all and give us all thoughts of those we have lost

To some this will bring bad memories for others happy thoughts of the good times we spent with them !

To those who don't agree with your post on site ! why read it ? But don't try too have a go !!!

Think of good times spent ! And hopefully a smile will come on your face! As I'm sure that's the way they always remembered you ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I apologise if I offended anyone by putting this post on the forum... apparently I have no respect and this is a safe sex site and not an obituary column.... I just wish I could delete it...

Thanks for all the lovely private messages and there is always 1 bad egg which apparently me.....

R x"

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for and don't take to heart the miserable comments of those who feel the need to kick you when you are down. It says far more about them than it will ever say about you.

Fortunately, most people who use the forums understand their purpose and the sense of "community" that can grow thro using them regularly - why shouldn't you seek comfort and strength from other people at such an awful time. Anyone who is narrow minded or miserable enough not to appreciate that is not worth a moment of your time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cannot believe anyone could possibly make a complaint about this thread

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By *at69driveMan
over a year ago

Hertford

"
. Sorry to hear and my sympathies. Best to think of the good times you had with your father , but also accept that life moves on. He would want you to be happy and not too overcome with grief.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's tough, it not nice but you need to move on!

Well that's what everyone says isn't it!

Op, losing one of the most important people in your life can be difficult! Some take years to recover.

There is no shame in feeling grief for lost ones.

Generally Mum and Dad is always going to be difficult.

You don't move on but with time it gets easier.

Try to think positive! They would like to see you happy

Hope you are ok?

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By *ancblue28Man
over a year ago

manchester

I lost my dad when I was young.My mums is amazing so I missed him but not as much as I thought I would have,I think it was down to my mum being a mum.But looking back over the years I realize I have missed my dad a lot more than I figured.

Chin up mate

This life stuff ain't easy but your dad would have known you and him were bezzies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My thoughts are with you mate at the very difficult time, he will be now looking over you as he was in real life.

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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago

Midlothian

Rocker, sorry for your loss, sounds like your Dad was a good man. Unfortunately you have to go through the grief process, which I'm sure feels like your heart has been ripped out. Talking about your loss will help. If you get stuck in the process then contact CRUSE, they have a help line called Day2Day. You can speak to a bereavement counsellor on an ad hock basis over the phone when ever you need their help. Next time you feel your Dads presence, tell him the things you want him to know. I'm sure he will talk back to you & you will get the answers you want from him. Hope this helps mate (Dan)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Rocker, sorry for your loss, sounds like your Dad was a good man. Unfortunately you have to go through the grief process, which I'm sure feels like your heart has been ripped out. Talking about your loss will help. If you get stuck in the process then contact CRUSE, they have a help line called Day2Day. You can speak to a bereavement counsellor on an ad hock basis over the phone when ever you need their help. Next time you feel your Dads presence, tell him the things you want him to know. I'm sure he will talk back to you & you will get the answers you want from him. Hope this helps mate (Dan)"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lost my dad 12 years ago...when i think about him now,which is quite often....makes me smile, not sad...thats just time..im sorry for your loss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I apologise if I offended anyone by putting this post on the forum... apparently I have no respect and this is a safe sex site and not an obituary column.... I just wish I could delete it...

Thanks for all the lovely private messages and there is always 1 bad egg which apparently me.....

R x"
o-

It's horrible your dad has passed away. Mine did 16 years ago and I never really grieved properly as my mum was in a bad way and my kids were young, so I had to be strong. Just grieve for him and if you need to have a damn good cry, don't bottle it up like me. Hug

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By *--Cinders---Couple
over a year ago

a place near Blackpool

I am sorry to hear of u losing your dad and Christmas is always a time for remembering lost ones, I think any way.. Your dad would know how u felt about him, is your mum still alive, do you have siblings, aunts, uncles etc?, it might be good to talk to them..

I lost my parents in 1996 and my son in December 2007 so I know exactly how u are feeling and I do hope that you have family and friends who are there for you..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my Grandfather in the run up to Christmas in 2006. He was my best friend I spent time with him and talked to him everyday (even when I was too sick to get out of bed I would call him to say goodnight) until he ended up in a nursing home six months before he died.

The morning he died I was going to do some Christmas shopping, decided against it and spent 3 hours with him instead. Unfortunately I was young he spent most of the time on the phone as he slept. We had only left the hospital half an hour when he took a turn and within 2/3 hours he was gone. It took a long time to forgive myself for being more focused on the phone that morning. And blamed myself for being so stubborn the only time we had a fight and didn't talk for 2 weeks.

I felt I failed him because just before he ended up in the nursing home he asked me if I'd miss him if he was gone. I'm not saying this as counselling but at 15 the only way I could grieve was to direct it inward I believed he didn't know how much I loved him. But I know he did, and in hindsight the memories that hurt so much while I grieved now actually make me smile. The time we fought, it killed us both to be so stubborn but stubborn we were. It took me a long time to realise he wasn't asking if I loved him when he asked if I'd miss him, he was asking if it was ok to let go.

My point is your father was your best friend, you may never have told him that, there may have been countless words left unspoken, but that doesn't mean he didnt know you cared. Try not to turn your grief inward it exacerbates an already difficult time, when u do think of him try to focus on all the good memories, but most of all give yourself time and don't expect too much of yourself, your human you need time to grieve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing you put on here re losing your Father is 'sad' in the pathetic sense. Losing someone so close is one of the worst things we go through as humans

For what it's worth, my advice would be to seek some bereavement counselling via Cruise and DONT be afraid to speak to your GP if you're understandably feeling low. I expect you might be a little depressed for a while and I think it's especially hard for us guys to admit that we struggle & have feelings sometimes, but we are only human too!

Keep thinking & talking about (& to) your Dad. Just cos he's not physically with you don't think you shouldn't chat to him, you won't be going mad!

The 1st year after any close loss is the hardest so expect it will take time to come to terms with how you feel

. Only time & talking & GP/family/friends support will lessen the pain in time.

Take care of yourself in the meantime & don't be scared to be upset or show your emotions. Real men cry! All the best.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all for the support and kind words x x x You are all beautiful people x x x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feeling that way about your father I am sure made him feel the same way about you too..... Parents have a way of knowing what their children mean without words saying so , no matter what age they may be.. So remember the good times , as his lovely memories will stay in your heart forever , and smile when you think of him, he would have wanted that too !!!! Hope your sadness gets easier and the good times you had together come flooding back x

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

All life gets lived out in real time on fabs. . report then block the troll .. Let's hope they never need support

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"All life gets lived out in real time on fabs. . report then block the troll .. Let's hope they never need support "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i put on a "brave Face" 50 years ago when my mother killed herself , as a result have had problems ever since, so my advice is to talk to somebody you trust about your feelings it helps

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

My dad died two years ago new years day. I can honestly say I don't know what I would of done without the support I got on these forums. I'm still overwhelmed now thinking about it.

I hope you find comfort in which ever way you can xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A great relationship is best remembered by best memories, any time you're feeling down just try to clutch onto those. That time you shared with your dad, that memory that makes you laugh out loud, that time he bollocked you and took you years to laugh about it, a time he helped you out and guided you, a time you learnt without realising, all that kind of stuff....just remember that you will never lose those memories and experiences.

Stay strong mate, it's a big loss but you will carry the torch of that relationship forever.

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