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Rules in swinging

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If u and yr partner have agreed to only ever to play together not seperatly, but one of them does would you consider this cheating? Breaching trust and breaking rules, how would you get passed it? Split? Revenge sex? Or get over it cos it's not like u don't sleep with other people anyway?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

If I had such an arrangement, I'd be pretty pissed off but probably not for very long.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If u and yr partner have agreed to only ever to play together not seperatly, but one of them does would you consider this cheating? Breaching trust and breaking rules, how would you get passed it? Split? Revenge sex? Or get over it cos it's not like u don't sleep with other people anyway? "

I hate deceit so that's what would drive me mad it wouldn't be the sexual act itself, it would be that fact that the person I loved tried to get one over on me. I'd feel disrespected but I'm only going by my feelings in the past, can't really comment on this situation. Only the person involved knows how and what to do about it. Really wouldn't suggest revenge sex though because it's not a game it's people's feelings, and much as the person might think it will make them feel better, it won't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd consider it cheating and it would be the betrayal of trust that would hurt the most.

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

I would consider it cheating as the arrangement was to swing together and not individually.

It is a huge betrayal of trust which in my view is very hard to repair

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yes it's a huge betrayal of trust, when yr a swinging couple I don't understand why the need to cheat. Totally un necessary.

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford


"If u and yr partner have agreed to only ever to play together not seperatly, but one of them does would you consider this cheating? Breaching trust and breaking rules, how would you get passed it? Split? Revenge sex? Or get over it cos it's not like u don't sleep with other people anyway? "

It's cheating. The key point isn't that you sleep with other people anyway it's, as others have said, a beach of trust.

The sex part is mostly irrelevant really, I think most vanilla and swinging couples have been for a meal with another couple - all perfectly normal, however I'm pretty sure most would be pissed off if they then found out their partner had been for a meal alone with someone else! It's rarely the "act" but the deceit that causes the issue.

D

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If u and yr partner have agreed to only ever to play together not seperatly, but one of them does would you consider this cheating? Breaching trust and breaking rules, how would you get passed it? Split? Revenge sex? Or get over it cos it's not like u don't sleep with other people anyway? "

It's a betrayal of trust...the way forward would depend completely on many other aspects of the relationship and whether or not, you can talk openly without descending into blame and recrimination...re-establishing boundaries is hard after that kind of breaking of trust and maybe taking a step back from swinging would be a good idea to concentrate on the relationship outside of it...swinging can only work if there is absolute trust on both sides...

Revenge sex never works and just makes a bad situation worse...and just getting over it is impossible unless those boundaries are re-established, mistrust will always colour every other part of a relationship and destroy it like a cancer...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's cheating, swinging is based on honesty if your partner was sleeping with someone else behind your back there is no other way to look at it. I've recently been there and we've split over it, the other woman involved who is a regular person on here was telling me it's just swinging and nothing else, however she wasn't bothered as she's cheating on her husband. She knew about me from day 1 and had spent time messaging me telling me how much he loves me etc... She just didn't want our split to be on her conscious. Love includes trust, he lied to me, cheated on me, if there is no trust there is relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If u and yr partner have agreed to only ever to play together not seperatly, but one of them does would you consider this cheating? Breaching trust and breaking rules, how would you get passed it? Split? Revenge sex? Or get over it cos it's not like u don't sleep with other people anyway? "

That is most certainly cheating and I don't know how you can get past the deceit in a relationship where despite it being a swinging relationship one of you has such little respect for the other that they have needed to go behind the others back to meet someone in secret

That has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with selfishness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rules of swinging? I assumed the linesman and refs decisions were final.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If something is done behinh your back without your partners full knowledge or consent then it's a breech of trust and we would consider it cheating.

Take a break from swinging and re evaluate your situation would be the advise we would give.

Our relationship is far more important to us than swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheating.

How you get past it only you can decide. Revenge sex isn't the way unless you want to start a downward spiral though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If u and yr partner have agreed to only ever to play together not seperatly, but one of them does would you consider this cheating? Breaching trust and breaking rules, how would you get passed it? Split? Revenge sex? Or get over it cos it's not like u don't sleep with other people anyway?

That is most certainly cheating and I don't know how you can get past the deceit in a relationship where despite it being a swinging relationship one of you has such little respect for the other that they have needed to go behind the others back to meet someone in secret

That has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with selfishness"

Sarah x

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By *icefellatwoMan
over a year ago

hastings


"If u and yr partner have agreed to only ever to play together not seperatly, but one of them does would you consider this cheating? Breaching trust and breaking rules, how would you get passed it? Split? Revenge sex? Or get over it cos it's not like u don't sleep with other people anyway? "

You will never change the fact that the

grass always appears greener on the other side

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey


"If u and yr partner have agreed to only ever to play together not seperatly, but one of them does would you consider this cheating? Breaching trust and breaking rules, how would you get passed it? Split? Revenge sex? Or get over it cos it's not like u don't sleep with other people anyway? "

Yes I would consider it cheating and a huge breach of my trust. The sex I could get over but not the deceit.

How would I get passed it, I honestly don't know if I could. Trust and honesty is a big thing for me and I don't think swinging as a couple works without it.

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By *unwithus2.Couple
over a year ago

south kent


"If u and yr partner have agreed to only ever to play together not seperatly, but one of them does would you consider this cheating? Breaching trust and breaking rules, how would you get passed it? Split? Revenge sex? Or get over it cos it's not like u don't sleep with other people anyway?

That is most certainly cheating and I don't know how you can get past the deceit in a relationship where despite it being a swinging relationship one of you has such little respect for the other that they have needed to go behind the others back to meet someone in secret

That has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with selfishness"

we totally Agree

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

Greater London

What does the word agreement mean? Therefore if broken, disrespectful behaviour has been displayed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally wrong , many see a couple who get together to swing together as different to a vanilla relationship But if you both agree to rules , whatever they are , and one ignores them it's no different to the world outside swinging . It's totally irrelevant that you are having sex with others anyway .

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By *iccardaTV/TS
over a year ago

Wallasey

i would say it's a breech of trust, people seem to make out that relationships are something really different but the fact is if you agree something and then You break that agreement You have broken a trust and this will always lead to some negative come back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say cheating

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By *rnortholtMan
over a year ago

Waveney Valley

Cheating, I reckon. And I don't think it would be any less painful, from what I've seen, because you're a swinger.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks everyone very helpfull

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's actually worse as singers due to the Trust levels but Im betting it happens a lot more than you'd think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oops swingers not singers pmsl

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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

Agreed, it's all about the trust. Whatever you do, and whatever rules you agreee to live your relationship by (whether that's monogamy or swinging even as separates but agreed and open), it's the breach of those rules that's a breach in trust, and that's toxic.

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