FabSwingers.com forum: Depression and loss of libido

By *g99 OP Couple
over a year ago

so I had a few drinks with a good friend last night, and we got talking and she was telling me how she's totally lost her libido,

Due to the fact her and her husband have been having infertility problems she has had a long bout of depression, and the fact that every month there having sex and well she isn't getting the outcome she wants, which is to get pregnant.

She says she's tried forgetting about it but can't, tried making things different I.e spicing things up in the bedroom etc but that again still hasn't worked.

I didn't really know what advice to give her, so was wondering if any ladies or couple am have been through the same on here? And what the outcome was?

She's always been quite a sexual person and open about it, so it's sad to see her like this

Thanks in advance for any help x

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By *SweetVioletxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

It's no help at all for the moment but it will pass - she just has to give herself time and space.

Putting additional pressure onto herself and her partner will make things worse.

They just need to be kind to themselves and to allow each other to work through it together and individually. x

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Sometimes people don't need advice, they just need a friend to listen. We can't fix things for everyone but we can listen.

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By *g99 OP Couple
over a year ago

She said he's been great, I think it's had an effect on him too, but he doesn't pester her, or moan at her about it. So I guess that helps. Just feel sorry for her. I don't think it will break her relationship

I'm sure they'll both come out the other end happy and with what's they are hoping for

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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago

Midlothian

I read something the other day....

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.

I found this really good. I am very much aware that someone suffering depression can't just change their attitude. However,recognising what we can and can't control in our lives, helps manage expectation. Good luck to your friends, I hope they get the baby they so much desire

(Dan)

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

A factor to consider is whether she is taking any medication. Some medications can completely mess up your sexual functioning and reduce libido.

Mine was non-existent when I took them and sexual functioning was completely different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We were in the same boat. Given pretty much zero chance of ever having kids even with IVF. We got a loan and found a clinic that specialised in it and ended up with twins.

That destroyed our sex life for about five years and then my husband got me on Fab in desperation. I am still permanently knackered and it's hard to fit meets in but sex life is good again.

Seriously, get her on the website called fertility friends. There is an amazing forum on there with a wealth of knowledge.

Good luck to her..

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Difficult one. Sometimes people don't want advice but just need a friendly ear and a shoulder to lean on.

We weren't actively trying for a baby but like most things, I imagine that stress would play a big factor just aa much as any other reason - Focus too much on it, raise your blood pressure, let it get to you and affect your mood, I imagine your body would find it hard to conceive.

My advice would always be relax, try not to make it the only reason to have sex, take up a hobby to take your mind off things, go away together and try and rediscover yourselves, have fun, fuck like rabbits and hopefully, when the time is right, it'll happen.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Easier said than done but it sounds like they have forgotten what its like to have sex with each other without the added pressure of trying to conceive.

I really feel for those desperate to have children and its just not happening x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know a couple having same thing and NHS will not give ivf until one more stone and half off and she has taken 4 off , Poor girl she is really upset don't feel much like sex .. I was reading about acupuncture for infidelity on the net and found her a person local to go too I hope that helps .. All I know is you need to feel relaxed and happy to make babies .

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Just be there for her as an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on because apart from that nothing else you can do will help or at least it didn't for me but my fantastic friends got me through the hardest ever times and out the other end of the tunnel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A factor to consider is whether she is taking any medication. Some medications can completely mess up your sexual functioning and reduce libido.

Mine was non-existent when I took them and sexual functioning was completely different."

Yup. SSRI's at a guess...? I am still messed up, now. Different.. mm..

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

When you can't do something that nature dictates you should be doing it destroys you. We may decide when we would like to have children,but for most it's within us to have to reproduce it's part of our makeup. I know what I went through,I had many many days when I felt the only way to stop feeling the way I do was to not be here...

Just be there for her that's all you can do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My libido is very low and hardly got no desire for sex, cos my heavy training in the gym taxes my system.. been like that for years

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By *CoastFunMan
over a year ago

Southampron

"My libido is very low and hardly got no desire for sex, cos my heavy training in the gym taxes my system.. been like that for years

Shag surely it should be the other way if you're doing it right

'lifting' is meant to increase the release of testosterone if anything, unless you're cheating that is

As with most head things it is a time thing and if that isn't working I assume maybe some form or counselling?

I'm in a strange place at the moment where I'm not constantly horny like I used to be due to my current situation. It takes something special or interesting to bring it back out these days.

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By *entadreadMan
over a year ago

Essex

"Easier said than done but it sounds like they have forgotten what its like to have sex with each other without the added pressure of trying to conceive.

I really feel for those desperate to have children and its just not happening x"

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