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Poly relationships

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By *ananaPie OP   Couple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Hey guys,

One of my friends is currently at the start of a new relationship whist already in one. They are not swingers. She has been in a relationship for 4 years and has fallen for another guy. She loves them both the same but is confused at the moment about what going on. I've heard this being called a poly relationship before. If anyone here is in one, or knows some one who is it would be grate to speak to you to find out more so I can support her.

She is not cheating. Both guys know about it. She doesn't want to lose her current BF. She is in love with them both but not sure how to work it out. Any advice will be amazing

Thanks x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not 100% up on this, in my book its called "having your cake and eating it"

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"Not 100% up on this, in my book its called "having your cake and eating it"

"

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By *ananaPie OP   Couple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Constructive comments would be helpful. If both guys are happy with it and it can work then it doesn't matter surly. Just wanting advice from people that know about them or have an idea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Constructive comments would be helpful. If both guys are happy with it and it can work then it doesn't matter surly. Just wanting advice from people that know about them or have an idea."

Never said "it mattered" its still having cake and eating it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been in an open relationship for years. What happens is this -

Eventually one person becomes less able to pull and gets jealous. It won't end well. What if she wants kids? Who gets to be the dad?

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By *ananaPie OP   Couple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"I've been in an open relationship for years. What happens is this -

Eventually one person becomes less able to pull and gets jealous. It won't end well. What if she wants kids? Who gets to be the dad?"

That's what I'm worried about as well. Having more of a chat with her later on. Are you still in one? Happy to PM if that's better x

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By *ananaPie OP   Couple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Constructive comments would be helpful. If both guys are happy with it and it can work then it doesn't matter surly. Just wanting advice from people that know about them or have an idea.

Never said "it mattered" its still having cake and eating it "

Fair enough lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/09/14 17:21:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you say 'your friend', do you actually mean 'your friend' or...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say she can't really love the first if she has allowed herself to fall someone else.

K

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By *ananaPie OP   Couple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"When you say 'your friend', do you actually mean 'your friend' or...?"
I do mean one of my friends yes, but then again, if I didn't then I would say that anyway.... Up to you really. Don't care either way who you think it is. I'm after some advice from someone who might have been there them selfs or knows about it x

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn


"I would say she can't really love the first if she has allowed herself to fall someone else.

K

"

I agree. If the person they loved first was enough their heart wouldn't wander at all.

Cake and eat it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's possible to love two people at the same time.

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By *oxy-blonde-vixenWoman
over a year ago

Peterborough

They can and do work

I'm in one have been for a while

We're even all going away together soon

D x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/09/14 17:53:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry should engage brain before mouth.

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By *oxy-blonde-vixenWoman
over a year ago

Peterborough

Yes they do I have a couples profile with one of them

And the other is also on here

We have no secrets between any of us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes they do I have a couples profile with one of them

And the other is also on here

We have no secrets between any of us "

Ok I am an idiot, it's official

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By *ovely CummingsWoman
over a year ago

Peaky Nipples


"I would say she can't really love the first if she has allowed herself to fall someone else.

K

"

So when a second or subsequent children come along, you stop loving the first? Or never really loved them and that's why you had more kisds?

Sorry, as some one that doesn't believe in monogamy I don't believe in the fallacy that you can only love one person at a time. Love isn't an emotion that works like that, it grows and expands, family, friends, lovers. All love, just different types

As for having a poly relationship, it takes lots of communication, lots. The more open and honest everyone involved is the better

Read The Ethical Slut as a good guide to having non monogamous relationships

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By *oxy-blonde-vixenWoman
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Yes they do I have a couples profile with one of them

And the other is also on here

We have no secrets between any of us

Ok I am an idiot, it's official"

Hehe no comment lol

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By *hrissie1961Woman
over a year ago

dumfries and galloway


"I would say she can't really love the first if she has allowed herself to fall someone else.

K

I agree. If the person they loved first was enough their heart wouldn't wander at all.

Cake and eat it "

I don't see the logic in this.....humans have the capacity to love in many ways, none of them are all consuming nor worth less than the other.

If you have. More than one child, you love them all, equally. Just because you adore and love the first one, doesn't mean you won't love anymore that come along.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes they do work, as long as there is no jealousy involved.

It would be spending time with one person and then the other, the mormans have poly marriages and they work, everyone working together to do things.

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By *oxy-blonde-vixenWoman
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Yes they do work, as long as there is no jealousy involved.

It would be spending time with one person and then the other, the mormans have poly marriages and they work, everyone working together to do things."

We spend a lot of time together the three of us

Even go to clubs and stuff together

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By *ovely CummingsWoman
over a year ago

Peaky Nipples


"I would say she can't really love the first if she has allowed herself to fall someone else.

K

I agree. If the person they loved first was enough their heart wouldn't wander at all.

Cake and eat it

I don't see the logic in this.....humans have the capacity to love in many ways, none of them are all consuming nor worth less than the other.

If you have. More than one child, you love them all, equally. Just because you adore and love the first one, doesn't mean you won't love anymore that come along."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The love for a child is not the kind of love you have for a life partner.. If you are in a chosen relationship with your partner it is nothing like a life you bring in to this world.. what a ridiculous comparison.. the love you have for your children is totally uncondional it's not with a your partner..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Scientists claim that monogomy is an unnatural state for humans. So poly is the way to go.

Especially for woman, they are genetically predisposed to enhance their choice of DNA for their offspring and so need to be promiscuous for the sake of our race.

Just saying what we have heard that's all.

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By *hrissie1961Woman
over a year ago

dumfries and galloway


"The love for a child is not the kind of love you have for a life partner.. If you are in a chosen relationship with your partner it is nothing like a life you bring in to this world.. what a ridiculous comparison.. the love you have for your children is totally uncondional it's not with a your partner.."

Unfortunately it isn't for everyone....and people adopt, foster, take on relatives.

My niece and nephew are as much loved as my son.....by me...I would do anything for all three

Just because some people put all their love eggs into one basket, doesn't mean it's right for everyone.....as in most things.....life is never black and white

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By *ananaPie OP   Couple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Thanks for all of the replies guys. It's nice to hear that it has worked out for people. As I thought, it is just about being honest with everyone. She has defiantly got a lot to discuss with them both! Will mention everything I can to her like kids, housing, future and all sorts to make sure she is thinking about everything and is still happy with it. If she's happy then all is good

Thanks guys x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Non-monogamy works if all parties communicate openly.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn


"The love for a child is not the kind of love you have for a life partner.. If you are in a chosen relationship with your partner it is nothing like a life you bring in to this world.. what a ridiculous comparison.. the love you have for your children is totally uncondional it's not with a your partner.."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would love to have my cake and eat it.

If it works for them all, good luck

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By *sThunderThighsWoman
over a year ago

Toy Land


"I would love to have my cake and eat it.

If it works for them all, good luck "

Ditto

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

This is something we don't know about or understand.

So we make judgements if others.

Have your cake and eat it....? Why not!.... If you can!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Constructive comments would be helpful. If both guys are happy with it and it can work then it doesn't matter surly. Just wanting advice from people that know about them or have an idea."

Lol x anyone can comment x it worked for .... Mick n maraid...

I'm quite happy with mine but it depends on the living arrangements surely?

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By *rivate roomMan
over a year ago

Bracknell

amazing

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