FabSwingers.com forum: Divorce help

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm a fifty one year old married man whose wife wants a divorce. I'm not disagreeing. In all honesty we should have done it about three years ago instead of making each other miserable.She's the major breadwinner because we made the decision that one of us should be around for our daughters (2) getting back from school. I work pretty much full time but not great money because of the flexibility it gives. She wants me to move out the house. Does anyone have any reasonable advice on where I stand legally? I think I read once that you shouldn't move out of the marital home.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

[Removed by poster at 15/07/14 23:12:54]

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Speak to someone qualified in Divorce Law.

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

Don't move out

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for your obvious answer but the only people who come out happy in those situations are the lawyers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you for your obvious answer but the only people who come out happy in those situations are the lawyers"

I think you can get a solicitor for an hour free??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

stay put talk to lawyer get 1/2 hour free or you left marital home !!!

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

I'd say going and get proper legal advice from a solicitor. You are entitled to a free consultation so use it.

Bare in mind, if it goes to court a lawyer will gain about £8k out of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well what are you looking for from divorce?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not an expert. As Wyrdwoman said - best to seek legal advice.

If you're on the mortgage, you have equal rights to the property. Same if you are joint tenants on an assured shorthold tenancy.

Some solicitors will provide 1 hour of legal advice for free. find out all the information and then make a decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the woman stays in the house with the children I think she can defer payment of your half share of the house until the eldest child is 18.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Citizens advice?

I'd not make any decisions other than check with a lawyer, it's worth paying for one instead of losing out on potential thousands. And it sounds like you may have to move out, unless you can afford to live there / buy her out? And that's if she's agreeable too.

In short, get advice, from a trustworthy source?

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By *andm288Couple
over a year ago

oxford

don't move out full stop it is as much your house as it is hers granted whilst your wife may be the breadwinner paying the lion share of the bills you are still on the deeds of the house and any court would take your being their for the girls their are many divorce forums that offer free impartial advice several where solicitor's will answer reasonable questions free of charge

PM me for links

do not get shafted like so many of us men do !

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

My way of looking at it, if the man was the main bread winner, and the woman looking after the kids, and one day he wakes up and tells her to move out: what is she legally entitled to? Or does she move out with nothing and disappear into obscurity? I personally think not, but that's just my opinion AND I'm not a legal expert.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's ten years away!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have just as much rights as her legally, it's not all about the woman these days providing you support them or give the children a roof! How old are the kids? From the age of ten they can choose who they want to be with. Your both there parents and both have just as much rights as each other providing you support the children in what ever way rethier it's you with a house or the ex with a house. Last thing you want is walking out and letting the house get repossed because if neither of you have any where for the kids they will go into hostel Intill property is provided for them. My advice work together not against! Even tho your split your kids are priorities

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

I moved out, only 2 my parents a 2 min walk away, as I found out my mum had terminal cancer. Ours was only a council house but we had done a lot to it. My solicitor advised me to move back in as I was paying all the bills etc. The day I did that my ex hubby attacked me . I had my mobile in one hand speaking to my mum as she was on the way back from chemo? A coffee mug in my other hand. When my hubby started beating me I hit out cut his head with the mug. I phoned the police. I wasn't charged etc but advised to stay away. I lost everything because of that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"don't move out full stop it is as much your house as it is hers granted whilst your wife may be the breadwinner paying the lion share of the bills you are still on the deeds of the house and any court would take your being their for the girls their are many divorce forums that offer free impartial advice several where solicitor's will answer reasonable questions free of charge

PM me for links

do not get shafted like so many of us men do ! "

In the interest of fairness ! Not all women go out to shaft their ex's in divorces.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fuck knows to be honest. I think I'm still in a state of shock. All I know is at the moment I live with two lovely children whom I see every day of the week and own half a house mortgaged of course. I know I'll be in a situation where I'll never be able to buy anything else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need advice , it's a shock and you need to stand back from it and take stock.

Talk to your wife, communication is the key . If you resort to solicitors to do that they'll charge you per phone call and letter !

And in my view your children are the priority.

Look at all your options before deciding anything .

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

Honestly stay there but keep a diary for anything said. Get proof of paying towards things etc, dont ever get angry. I posted above about mine I lost due to the fact I moved out. I see myself as a winner as my daughter has seen what her dad's like and the lies he told in court. Hence im saying stay but be nice. Good luck.x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you. Good luck to you too

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

Lol mines over and done with it was 10 yrs ago, I just remember being told get back into the house etc. I had so much proof that my hubby and his tart had lied all along but couldn't use it. End of the day im the one who has a great relationship with our daughter and grandchildren. I don't have a posh house anymore their love is worth more than money could buy. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a guy who's been in a similar situation I can tell you she's fucked.

Er sorry. I'll start again.

You are the main Carer from what you said? So stay put. Tell her to leave. If you go you'll lose you advantage.

The court tends to try to maintain the status quo. If you're doing the school runs then the court will like to see it continue.

Get legal advice and hang onto your daughters. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes I do most of the schoolruns. Three out of five so only just

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do more. Keep as involved with them as you can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seek legal advice but also look into mediation. It will work out cheaper as you and ex sort out assets etc and division of that stuff. If on a low wage you may get this help free or reduced costs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fuck knows to be honest. I think I'm still in a state of shock. All I know is at the moment I live with two lovely children whom I see every day of the week and own half a house mortgaged of course. I know I'll be in a situation where I'll never be able to buy anything else"

Simples you own half house yer you can move out and ask your solicitor you acceptbthe divorse on the count the marital home is sold . She will then have to sell the house and legally give you your half or get a loan to buy you out .

Know this as it happened with my parents they both moved out at 250k home to a 60k home each even sold house privatly to avoid agent fees.

My parents at the time were at different addresses

Please seek advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely stay put, gives you much better leverage in negotiations. Plus if you are the main carer and you have custody of the kids, may end up with you getting the lions share of the assets. Be nice to see the cards dealt in the mans favour for once in a divorce.

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

PM me for links

do not get shafted like so many of us men do !

In the interest of fairness ! Not all women go out to shaft their ex's in divorces. "

To be fair he didn't suggest "all women" shafting men, he only said "many men", a vague but undeniable number.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do not move out, let her as she can afford it. You were after all looking after the kids and the rules have changed so the guy gets a better deal. Talk to a divorce solicitor.

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By *ingersnthumbsMan
over a year ago

London

Op i'm puzzled! (1) Why are you asking John doe's and Jane doe's on a swingers site? Unless one of us is a divorce lawyer? And can offer you the legal advice you need to know, (2) A five/ten minute phone call to a solicitors will tell you what you need to know. (3) If there's been bad feelings for the past three years between you, why have you not found out where you stand already? Just a thought. (4) Good luck anyway, Been there, Done that, Lost the lot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mediation is the way forward have mailed you direct last night.

Not all men get shafted if you understand what you would like out of it?

It's like playing a game of cards wait until what she wants out of it and then play your hand.

Talking with one another is the key, voice from experience and I'm enjoying my life now and have a great relationship with my kids. Plus me and my ex wife still talk a lot especially when it comes to the children. They are the priority

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been married and divorced 3 times. My best advice is

1. Seek legal advice immediately. Most solicitors offer a free initial consultation. Try to get a personal recommendation for a good family lawyer.

2. Try to stay amicable. This will save you £000's. Remember every time you call the solicitor, they will charge you £20. They will charge you £20 to read a letter and another £20 (at least) to reply. Divorce is expensive, staying amicable and keeping open communication with your wife will reduce this.

3. Ask your solicitor about moving out. I spoke to mine about this, and she logged that I was concerned about being under the same roof. She said it was unreasonable to expect to have to live under the same roof. unlike others stories on here, I did not lose anything by doing this.

4. Communicate whats happening to your children. Talk to your wife and decide what is going to be said and stick to it. My parents are divorced and I really wished they had done this for me.

My situation is different as I do not have children, and they do complicate divorces.

Good luck, you'll need a lot of emotional resilience over the coming months!

Ben

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By *azzaahhWoman
over a year ago

north wales / chester

Just be careful..I split very amicably and I mean amicably lasted few mths till new girl friend got involved then ended up in viscious custody battle..punches got thrown tillI had to move away

He was quiestest guy ever but omg Seen totally diff side to him after 14 years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put the kids first !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take it read that you'll stay the main Carer. Talk to your wife about it, explaining how you want things to be for the kids.

Don't move out.

Finally; be the proactive one. There is always one who's driving things. If you're the one just reacting to what's throw your way, you will lose out.

Decide what you want for your kids and you. Be fair and then set about making it happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You need advice , it's a shock and you need to stand back from it and take stock.

Talk to your wife, communication is the key . If you resort to solicitors to do that they'll charge you per phone call and letter !

And in my view your children are the priority.

Look at all your options before deciding anything . "

It aint a shock as o p says should have been done years ago so things clearly not right.

Without knowing all details re the o p did she know you were swinging because if she dies then adultery could be levelled at you.

We all on here have opinions but end of day only folk to help are experts.

Law has changed now i believe re legal aid making it harder for folk and aim is to get folk to takk via mediators to save using and costs of solicitors rather than be here my time would be spent exploring more relevant ways and means available

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

stay where you are if she wants you out then she has to go through a solicitor if you leave you make yourself ibtebrionaly homeless and councils and dwp will wash there handa of the situation

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By *it of fun cplCouple
over a year ago

village between York and Hull

As stated legal advice is paramount. Have you discussed with her what she actually wants in terms of the divorce. I was very fortunate in that my ex was very sensible, we sat and discussed with each other what we thought was fair. We put it down on paper, went to see a solicitor told them what we wanted, had to sign to say we ignored their advice and had it all done in a few weeks for less than £500. Much to their annoyance! Fortunately we still get on and it has had minimal impact on the kids. Hope it works out ok.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Actually I've never been swinging. We haven't had sex since Jan last night. This site was my sexual release. Fantasy only. Like many others on here I suspect. It was the old and probably misguided staying together for the children.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

i can only reiterate what everyone else has said and seek a divorce laywers advice...

with regards to who moves out.... whoever is the main "homecarer/looking after the children" would normally be the one to stay in the house and the other person would be the one asked to leave.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Actually I've never been swinging. We haven't had sex since Jan last night. This site was my sexual release. Fantasy only. Like many others on here I suspect. It was the old and probably misguided staying together for the children. "

Then maybe you should delete your profile anyway? It says maybe looking for me, so if found, could be used against you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have just as much rights as her legally, it's not all about the woman these days providing you support them or give the children a roof! How old are the kids? From the age of ten they can choose who they want to be with. Your both there parents and both have just as much rights as each other providing you support the children in what ever way rethier it's you with a house or the ex with a house. Last thing you want is walking out and letting the house get repossed because if neither of you have any where for the kids they will go into hostel Intill property is provided for them. My advice work together not against! Even tho your split your kids are priorities "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I meant to say Jan last year!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I meant to say Jan last year! "

Oh... and I meant to say 'looking for more' not looking for me, which you probably haven't been doing!

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