FabSwingers.com forum: Female Friend Advice

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all

Just after a bit of advice about a friend (girl) who I really would like to get more physical with if you know what I mean and am finding it hard to read signals.

We don't see each other that often but when we do we talk for a long time about stuff and sometimes quite suggestive once we're both relaxed a bit. One thing I do notice is that she'll be round mine and we'll both be on the sofa and she gets quite close to me sometimes to show me stuff on her phone but I can't get eye contact with her to see if anything can happen! When she does get close like that, she just seems to be lingering longer than is absolutely necessary but I find it hard to judge what she's thinking?

When we say goodbye and hug etc, she tends to hold me for a long time then seems a bit shy afterwards and again with difficult eye contact.

Maybe I'm just reading into things too much and getting carried away with a fantasy but I would love for things to 'develop' for us physically but obviously don't want to offend her? Whenever I have asked her about her love life she always says it confusing and I genuinely get the impression she isn't keen on anything long term as she will often complain about her two previous relationships etc.

Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated unless you think I should just forget it?!

Confused...

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ayCouple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire

OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How can you be so certain? How can I take control with what I've described?

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Just lean in and kiss her. If she's interested (and it sounds like she is) that ought to do it!

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton

invite her round for a meal and a bottle of wine for gods sake! lol

just come out with it and tell her (after the meal hehe) say - look... (deep breath) i really like you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

OK thanks for your encouraging words, trouble is it's genuinely difficult to find time we're both free so haven't seen her for long time. We keep saying we'll meet up but don't due to business...

Stupid question but how can I lean in if we're not looking at each other? I'm probably overthinking aren't I?

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Take the hand holding the phone as if you can't see it properly at that angle. When she adjusts and moves closer, kiss her. Or at the end of one of those lingering hugs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As silly as it sounds, I'm concerned about her reaction particularly if she's not keen (rejection)?

I also often think if she is expecting me to do something (make a move) as we both often say how 'it'll be great to catch up...' etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Next time you hug goodbye, brush back her hair with your hand & move it gently down over her cheek, then using both hands cup her face, look into her eyes and go for the kiss.....

Be brave!!

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ayCouple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire

The time when someone looks at you is when your having a discussion about what ever! When shes chatting take your opportunity, I think shes trying so hard to get your attention but because you are both friends she will be feeling exactly the same as you! Go for it! xx

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

Sounds like she's a bit shy and waiting for you to make the move

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good comments and advice. Do what you feel comfortable doing. Pick bits from a few comments and of all else fails just try and kiss her and see if she kisses you back.

Good Luck x

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By *s_bettyboopWoman
over a year ago

-3

Make that move and kiss her..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Follow the good advice given here and go for it. Don't be the one to wonder what could of been.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all

Just after a bit of advice about a friend (girl) who I really would like to get more physical with if you know what I mean and am finding it hard to read signals.

When we say goodbye and hug etc, she tends to hold me for a long time then seems a bit shy afterwards and again with difficult eye contact.

Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated unless you think I should just forget it?!stop pissing about and ask her out you only have one life live it

Confused..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Follow the good advice given here and go for it. Don't be the one to wonder what could of been.

Good luck

Exactly! I don't believe you would like to run into her a few years later to find out she is married and have her tell you "Oh, I sure wish you would have kissed me back then." It is better to find out now how she feels, not years later when it might be too late; opportunity missed!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

OK thanks everyone for these suggestions, this is such a great way to get advice.

I think shyness with both of us is holding things back as well as waiting for the other one to do something, which clearly will have to be me!

I have just moved and house and she keeps telling me she can't wait to see it but we both find it hard to find a mutually convenient time to meet as we have quite different lifestyles.

I will as you say 'be brave and go for it'!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OK thanks everyone for these suggestions, this is such a great way to get advice.

I think shyness with both of us is holding things back as well as waiting for the other one to do something, which clearly will have to be me!

I have just moved and house and she keeps telling me she can't wait to see it but we both find it hard to find a mutually convenient time to meet as we have quite different lifestyles.

I will as you say 'be brave and go for it'!"

Good luck and don't forget to let us know how you get on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think shyness with both of us is holding things back as well as waiting for the other one to do something, which clearly will have to be me!

I will as you say 'be brave and go for it'!"

Find out when she's next free & make yourself free then! Like others said, invite her round for a meal & just go for it.

I had someone tell me recently that he fancied me when we worked together 15 years ago but the timing was never right to tell me! It was reciprocated, but neither of us told each other. Now the timing is wrong again, so don't lose your chance. Go for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get A Grip Man!

Literally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're both already finding it difficult to meet up because of different life styles and other commitments - what's the point of changing how you are together ?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

One phrase struck me "I find it hard to judge what she's thinking"

I think talking is your first step, good friendships are hard to come by and can be seriously compromised by a misunderstood kiss.

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman
over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

"One phrase struck me "I find it hard to judge what she's thinking"

I think talking is your first step, good friendships are hard to come by and can be seriously compromised by a misunderstood kiss."

I agree completely with this...

There are three ways of doing this:-

1) Take the plunge and go for a kiss at the risk of being rejected

2) Sit and talk to her about how you're feeling so there's no confusion and maybe you'll hear what you want

3) Just be happy being friends

If you can't do number 3 then you must do what you feel is best! Take into consideration how she is or has been with other men in regards to the shyness...and also how much you value your friendship...if you're reading the signals wrong it's much easier to forget a conversation and carry on being friends than it is forgetting a friends actions of forcing a kiss on you...trust me, I know! Do what feels natural for you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

I gave the same advice to a friend of mine and he went ahead and told her he fancied the pants off her. He got rebuffed and was so embarrased. Apparently she was like that with him because she trusted him as a friend.

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman
over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

"OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

It's easy to give and follow that advice with strangers or someone you've not known for long but with friends it's a completely different ball game!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Next time you hug goodbye, brush back her hair with your hand & move it gently down over her cheek, then using both hands cup her face, look into her eyes and go for the kiss.....

Be brave!!"

This... It works

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

It's easy to give and follow that advice with strangers or someone you've not known for long but with friends it's a completely different ball game!

I was picking up the same vibes as he was. Last time I will presume something like that

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ayCouple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire

You have to remember we are going to give you all our thoughts of how we would deal with this situation, good, bad or awkward! Really at the end of the day you have to read the signs, and deal with it in your own way is it worth taking the risk?? Well decide for yourself & good luck with your decision mate!

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman
over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

[Removed by poster at 12/07/14 12:44:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All of the above but why not just ask her. good luck

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman
over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

"You have to remember we are going to give you all our thoughts of how we would deal with this situation, good, bad or awkward! Really at the end of the day you have to read the signs, and deal with it in your own way is it worth taking the risk?? Well decide for yourself & good luck with your decision mate!

Best bit of advice on the thread (after mine of course haha!) follow it and you'll be fine, it's your decision...good luck!

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman
over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

"OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

It's easy to give and follow that advice with strangers or someone you've not known for long but with friends it's a completely different ball game!

I was picking up the same vibes as he was. Last time I will presume something like that

It's difficult though isn't it, people have so many different ways of showing emotions...with some the vibes are easy read, some not so easy and some near impossible, it's just the way us complex humans work! Just out of curiosity would you have followed the same advice you gave to your friend if you were in his position?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

It's easy to give and follow that advice with strangers or someone you've not known for long but with friends it's a completely different ball game!

I was picking up the same vibes as he was. Last time I will presume something like that

Yes I believe I would have. Fiends can only help and give advice on the situation at that time. And I believed I was right. They laugh about it now and are still good friends

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman
over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

"OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

It's easy to give and follow that advice with strangers or someone you've not known for long but with friends it's a completely different ball game!

I was picking up the same vibes as he was. Last time I will presume something like that

Yes I believe I would have. Fiends can only help and give advice on the situation at that time. And I believed I was right. They laugh about it now and are still good friends

Well then I'd say you are a damn good friend, giving out advice is easy but the best advice given is what you would follow yourself...it's good they're still friends as these situations can get very messy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

It's easy to give and follow that advice with strangers or someone you've not known for long but with friends it's a completely different ball game!

I was picking up the same vibes as he was. Last time I will presume something like that

Yes I believe I would have. Fiends can only help and give advice on the situation at that time. And I believed I was right. They laugh about it now and are still good friends

I suppose so but my saying is.. If you don't ask, you don't get. And how on earth are people supposed to know if they don't talk about things

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By *iss Chievous1Woman
over a year ago

my world

Communication is key !!!! Personally I would not jump right in with a kiss ! But talk to her , tell her how much you like her, ask how she feels about your relationship, how you would like more but how much your friendship means to you and you would not want to compromise that ! If you find it awkward to look her in the eye as you have this convo then a good place to have it is in the car when driving, then neither of you have to make eye contact ! And if its at the end of an evening then you also have the chance to end it with a quick good bye and no awkward moments after, or with any luck a good night snog

good luck OP ..... Please let us know how things go, I love a happy ending

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say what you're looking for here is a really quality moment of eye contact. Perhaps when she's showing you stuff on the phone make a real effort to keep looking back at her face. Hopefully she'll recognise that you're looking to connect with her and eventually she will also look at you. When you find yourselves looking at each other just reach over to the nearest clock and....stop...time.

Just look kindly and lovingly at her. Look at her lips. Look at her beautiful eyes. Let the conversation dry up. Smile. Move ever so slightly closer. Talk with your eyes.

Her response to this will speak volumes. She'll either be there with you or she'll pull away or back off shyly. If she even remotely remains engaged with you...close to you...just lean half way in...give her the chance to lean in a little herself...and kiss

Awwwww it's soooo romantic

Good luck

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By *not69Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

You can't do much over the phone so the first thing you need to do is get face to face with her. So next time you speak just an her what she's doing next weekend or the weekend after as you want her to come round. Then take it from there. Good luvk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just talk to her about it?

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman
over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

"OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

It's easy to give and follow that advice with strangers or someone you've not known for long but with friends it's a completely different ball game!

I was picking up the same vibes as he was. Last time I will presume something like that

Yes I believe I would have. Fiends can only help and give advice on the situation at that time. And I believed I was right. They laugh about it now and are still good friends

I suppose so but my saying is.. If you don't ask, you don't get. And how on earth are people supposed to know if they don't talk about things

Exactly the reason why going straight in for a kiss would be a bad idea as it's a forced situation to be in...talking about it and questioning the other persons feelings gives them a choice rather than be put in a position...I'm a geek, I still ask at meets if I can kiss the woman...this is usually after having dinner and going up to the room giving them ample opportunity to say whether or not they want to stick to a social or have fun...guess I just have a fear of rejection or am too polite! They don't get asked after the first meet though, haha, they have no choice!! Does anyone else do that? Ask before doing something in the heat of the moment? Not just ask about a kiss but anything else?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Exactly the reason why going straight in for a kiss would be a bad idea as it's a forced situation to be in...talking about it and questioning the other persons feelings gives them a choice rather than be put in a position"

I'm not a big fan of this approach, although I have done it before (fucking disastrous lol) ... it's just so passionless and cerebral "would you like me to kiss you?" kinda opens the doors to a no when, if you'd let the moment carry you both away, it might've been a yes.

I think passionate/sensitive eye contact can speak volumes. Subtle body language, like leaning forward a little, also sends out clear signs. You don't need to grab her and kiss her. But you don't need to sit on the sofa and have an intellectual debate about the benefits of kissing each other either. Just warm up your body language, connect with her, move closer...and if she mirrors you in any way...or even if she just lingers around and doesn't pull away...then you're probably on the right path towards a kiss. If you do it this way, taking it slowly, and keeping looking to her for signs, it gives her ample room to let you know whether she's interested or not before you finally kiss...or not

And if she pulls away...nothing really ever happened...nothing was ever said...and you can deny everything

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By *entadreadMan
over a year ago

Essex

"Next time you hug goodbye, brush back her hair with your hand & move it gently down over her cheek, then using both hands cup her face, look into her eyes and go for the kiss.....

Be brave!!"

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman
over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

And if she pulls away...nothing really ever happened...nothing was ever said...and you can deny everything

I get what you mean but I don't have a intellectual debate or ruin the moment by asking, it's usually as I'm leaning in for a kiss, it's just a quiet can I? Think it's a personal thing for me just to make sure she's 100% comfortable and sometimes cos I can't believe my luck! Haha...I only do it on meets though cos as much as I communicate etc beforehand, I still don't 'know' the person and I'm shite at reading signals, even if all the signals are green and I know I'm in for a damn good night, I still ask...sometimes it breaks the ice and makes em laugh cos there is a little bit of innocence amongst the filth and at other times it's great cos I get the 'just bloody kiss me will you' and get pulled in for a kiss response...so far it's worked for me but isn't something I do purposely, it's just my approach...we all have our own way of approaching people don't we! Think it's a confidence thing but don't usually admit to that! Haha!

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman
over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

The same with clothes/lingerie...some people prefer keeping things on so I wouldn't dream of tearing them off unless it was pre planned, I usually ask if I can, again not spoiling the moment, stopping what I'm already doing, sitting up and asking 'so can I pull your knickers off with my teeth?' Haha! More of a suggestion made and then a 'can I/may I'...I'm a bit of a hypocrite though cos I prefer not to be asked and for it just to be done...oh well!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey Sexysofia I can definitely see your approach working on a meet

I think this guy isn't really in that situation though...he's just looking to take this friendship further...who knows where it will go...maybe marriage

So it's not really a meet...more like a romantic moment between two people who might be on the cusp of dating

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman
over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

"Hey Sexysofia I can definitely see your approach working on a meet

I think this guy isn't really in that situation though...he's just looking to take this friendship further...who knows where it will go...maybe marriage

So it's not really a meet...more like a romantic moment between two people who might be on the cusp of dating

I know, I commented on his situation and then went off on a tangent and related it to a meet! Regularly go off on a tangent oops!

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By *omethingSoGoodAboutSofiaWoman
over a year ago

Blackburn/Preston

"Hey Sexysofia I can definitely see your approach working on a meet

I think this guy isn't really in that situation though...he's just looking to take this friendship further...who knows where it will go...maybe marriage

So it's not really a meet...more like a romantic moment between two people who might be on the cusp of dating

Glad you agree with my approach though, was starting to think I was a bit strange with my questions! Haha!

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By *ackandkateCouple
over a year ago

Truro

Bet she thinks you're a poofter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

It's easy to give and follow that advice with strangers or someone you've not known for long but with friends it's a completely different ball game!

I was picking up the same vibes as he was. Last time I will presume something like that

Yes I believe I would have. Fiends can only help and give advice on the situation at that time. And I believed I was right. They laugh about it now and are still good friends

I suppose so but my saying is.. If you don't ask, you don't get. And how on earth are people supposed to know if they don't talk about things

Where on the comment 'take control' did it mean kiss her

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi me again

We still haven't met up yet but hoping to soon so will try to put your advice into practice.

In the meantime, can anyone suggest how to get a little more suggestive with her in text messages as that might help as well? I'll often ask her what she's up to if we text late at night and she'll often just say watching TV or something equally unexciting!

Any ideas welcome so I can possibly move things forward this way?

Thanks again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you thought about sending her some flowers then texting her a few days later to ask if she liked them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

I've had this. I'd say tread carefully, sorry. Pay close attention to what she's saying. Is she interested in your love life? Have you ever told her you're going in a date and how did she react?

What is she showing you on her phone? Usual family stuff or pics or herself looking hot (and even asking you to comment?)

Not being negative, just in my experience it can be difficult to differentiate a close friendship from attraction but if you look closely, the signs will be there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can be hard to read...... I have a "friend" who I met on here. She had a solo profile (met men on her own) and also a couple profile with a FB.

We did play a few times and she lives very locally (same road)

We have since become very close friends...but not playing as such. Spent most Saturday eves together...sometimes going out...other times just on her sofa. I even turned down meets to spend time with her as sometimes I preferred that.

A few weeks back her ex FB came round to see her and basically, from what she said, seemed to tell her a pack of lies about me.....she went off on one and told me she never wanted me to speak to her or contact her again..... Difficult as we have a few mutual friends...so we had actually spoken...on very business like terms and briefly over the past few weeks.

We should have gone to see Jools together last week. She went with a clients daughter...I went with a friend from fab. She also saw me with another fab member on Sunday.

She sent me a jokey text calling me a whore... And later that evening shouted me across the road and spent 30 mins sitting on the outside of her widow ledge in a very revealing bikini while we spoke. She seemed jealous?

She invited me to go walking her dog on Malvern Hills on Wed. Told me about her new caravan in Newent were she aims to stay on Thursday and Saturday nights as she is working over that way on those days.

Now she had invited me to go and stay the night on Saturday..... So a similar dilemma to the OP....what should I expect...not sure how I will react either tbh....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OMG! She fancies the pants off you! Jesus man, take control or she might think your not into her!

I've had this. I'd say tread carefully, sorry. Pay close attention to what she's saying. Is she interested in your love life? Have you ever told her you're going in a date and how did she react?

What is she showing you on her phone? Usual family stuff or pics or herself looking hot (and even asking you to comment?)

Not being negative, just in my experience it can be difficult to differentiate a close friendship from attraction but if you look closely, the signs will be there. "

I have mentioned to her before about going on a date with another girl and she seems somewhat subdued and wasn't exactly excited for me! I've also mentioned to her about wanting to have a girlfriend and be in a relationship and again, she didn't say anything encouraging that I'll find someone one day etc but just seemed quite quiet so god only knows what she was actually thinking??

I'm just curious if I should try to break the ice a bit more in a sexual way through text message first or maybe drop a hint or two?

Or I could just ask her if she fancies doing something else apart from chatting and drinking when we next meet??? Or will that ruin it all??

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By *a-ra-ra-boom-de-ayCouple
over a year ago

Wish it was the Algarve! Aberdeenshire

Your just going round in circles, you need to make the choice for yourself, only you can read the signals if you are right great, a result if not I'm sure you can patch things up with her if it all goes pete tong.. again good luck!

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