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Meeting without partner questions

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We are fairly new to this. We've met up with a few couples socially and had out first MFF threesome together just recently which is where these questions are coming from.

So, last weekend, we met a lovely young lady who ended up at the house and we had some fun.

She lives VERY close. As in...I can go stand in the middle of the street outside my house and see her house.

Anyway, she has said she'd like some girl only time. Being that before this past weekend, I (female) hadn't been with a woman since college in 2000, I think this would be great...I could get back into being comfortable with my skills with women without feeling like I am being scrutinized because it has been so long and I am just getting comfortable again.

I asked my partner if he was okay with that and got, "Whatever you want, love."

I have to talk to him a bit more because of a comfort issue on my part.

In my mind, I think it's okay for me to meet singly with a woman just as it would be okay for him to meet singly with a man if he were so inclined. I would never do it without his knowledge and consent each and every time.

However, I am not comfortable with meeting men without my partner and I am not comfortable with him meeting women without me.

I see where this can be seen as unfair because he is not bi and has no desire to meet alone with men. So, I get a chance to meet alone and he doesn't. On the other hand...if he wanted to meet a man...I'd have no issue with that.

So, my questions are (and I expect different opinions from people)...

1. Do you think it is unfair for me to meet singly with women if I am not okay with him meeting singly with women?

2. Do any of you have the agreement with your partner that you can meet alone with the same gender, but not the opposite?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We are fairly new to this. We've met up with a few couples socially and had out first MFF threesome together just recently which is where these questions are coming from.

So, last weekend, we met a lovely young lady who ended up at the house and we had some fun.

She lives VERY close. As in...I can go stand in the middle of the street outside my house and see her house.

Anyway, she has said she'd like some girl only time. Being that before this past weekend, I (female) hadn't been with a woman since college in 2000, I think this would be great...I could get back into being comfortable with my skills with women without feeling like I am being scrutinized because it has been so long and I am just getting comfortable again.

I asked my partner if he was okay with that and got, "Whatever you want, love."

I have to talk to him a bit more because of a comfort issue on my part.

In my mind, I think it's okay for me to meet singly with a woman just as it would be okay for him to meet singly with a man if he were so inclined. I would never do it without his knowledge and consent each and every time.

However, I am not comfortable with meeting men without my partner and I am not comfortable with him meeting women without me.

I see where this can be seen as unfair because he is not bi and has no desire to meet alone with men. So, I get a chance to meet alone and he doesn't. On the other hand...if he wanted to meet a man...I'd have no issue with that.

So, my questions are (and I expect different opinions from people)...

1. Do you think it is unfair for me to meet singly with women if I am not okay with him meeting singly with women?

2. Do any of you have the agreement with your partner that you can meet alone with the same gender, but not the opposite? "

I feel the same way you do. Reggie would be fine with me meeting women alone but I am not comfortable with him doing it. I wouldn't mind him meeting guys although he probably never would.

At the end of the day, whether some see it as unfair or not, that's the way you feel; you cant change that and nor do you have to justify it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for your response. I'm not trying to justify anything. I am just trying to see how it is viewed by others. In the end, I will go with what he and I discuss and agree to and that is that...but I wanted to see if anyone was on the same wavelength as me (and you are).

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

All sounds good to me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what you think. It is what you feel comfortable with as a couple. I meet alone, and hubby wants to know all about it. If he meets alone, I don't want to know any details. It works for us. You have to work out what works for you and communicate all the way through. We have a rule: the only one. If one of us isn't happy, it doesn't happen. And that applies to anything at any time.

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham


"

I feel the same way you do. Reggie would be fine with me meeting women alone but I am not comfortable with him doing it. I wouldn't mind him meeting guys although he probably never would.

At the end of the day, whether some see it as unfair or not, that's the way you feel; you cant change that and nor do you have to justify it! "

I'd feel exactly the same so you're not alone. Meeting the same sex for the kind of fun you can't get from your partner isn't the same as meeting the opposite sex alone (my opinion). You should only do what you both feel comfortable with and not play according to some mythical swinging rule-book.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for your response. I'm not trying to justify anything. I am just trying to see how it is viewed by others. In the end, I will go with what he and I discuss and agree to and that is that...but I wanted to see if anyone was on the same wavelength as me (and you are)."

I just meant that if anyone were to tell you its unfair then you may have felt like you had to justify the way you felt... which you don't

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you all for your responses. It's nice to read what works for other people. I agree 100% with the comment about if either of you aren't happy with it...it doesn't happen...which is why I need to discuss it with him some more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you all for your responses. It's nice to read what works for other people. I agree 100% with the comment about if either of you aren't happy with it...it doesn't happen...which is why I need to discuss it with him some more. "

it's pretty much the only rule we work with....good luck

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By *irtyAndCh33kyCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

We both meet people of the same sex on our own....everything else we do together.

It works for us

Mrs Dirty

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

Do what works for you both. If you're happy and both agree to it, then alls good.

I'm lucky, I meet males and females - with the knowledge of my non-fab partner (he is happy to talk on the phone to set minds at ease if required)

we have the rule, its never unplanned, and never a secret - and he can meet too if he so desires. Works for us, and ifs its not broke...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We are fairly new to this. We've met up with a few couples socially and had out first MFF threesome together just recently which is where these questions are coming from.

So, last weekend, we met a lovely young lady who ended up at the house and we had some fun.

She lives VERY close. As in...I can go stand in the middle of the street outside my house and see her house.

Anyway, she has said she'd like some girl only time. Being that before this past weekend, I (female) hadn't been with a woman since college in 2000, I think this would be great...I could get back into being comfortable with my skills with women without feeling like I am being scrutinized because it has been so long and I am just getting comfortable again.

I asked my partner if he was okay with that and got, "Whatever you want, love."

I have to talk to him a bit more because of a comfort issue on my part.

In my mind, I think it's okay for me to meet singly with a woman just as it would be okay for him to meet singly with a man if he were so inclined. I would never do it without his knowledge and consent each and every time.

However, I am not comfortable with meeting men without my partner and I am not comfortable with him meeting women without me.

I see where this can be seen as unfair because he is not bi and has no desire to meet alone with men. So, I get a chance to meet alone and he doesn't. On the other hand...if he wanted to meet a man...I'd have no issue with that.

So, my questions are (and I expect different opinions from people)...

1. Do you think it is unfair for me to meet singly with women if I am not okay with him meeting singly with women?

2. Do any of you have the agreement with your partner that you can meet alone with the same gender, but not the opposite? "

I'm the end, you're in this together. It doesn't matter one iota what we think, only what your partner thinks and feels. One or other of you may feel differently at some point in the future and if you have good levels of trust, honesty and communication, talking about this without blame and any recrimination when and if you want to change things is what works for us as a couple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm just gonna be honest and say it doesn't sound fair to me.

Firstly I don't think you've really thought through this issue of your man being bi-sexual. Are you absolutely certain that you'd be happy with your man going off and having sex with other men? I'm just a bit suspicious that you're ok with it in principle...but would freak out if it became a reality. I'm not gonna go into the details of anal passages etc...but if you spend a minute thinking about it honestly to yourself you'll either know if it's really ok by you...or you're probably just saying it's ok when it wouldn't really be.

I would say the real balance is this...you are going to have sex with someone you want to have sex with in private. That's what he should get in return. The fact that it's a woman, imo, makes absolutely no difference... that's just a rationalisation. If you can't handle that then you shouldn't impose what you're doing upon him because...the chances are...he might be a little uncomfortable with it himself.

I would be wary of anything that takes your swinging equilibrium out of balance. Instead I would urge you to consider that...if you do go through with this...you probably owe him one. Otherwise this whole situation could get out of balance real easy and end up fucking things up in quite a major way.

Think about it this way...you're getting a wonderful emotional and sexual experience without him...he deserves the same back. In this sense it's everything to do with the experience and nothing to do with the practicalities of the who what where.

Just my 2p...I hope everything works out for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm just gonna be honest and say it doesn't sound fair to me.

Firstly I don't think you've really thought through this issue of your man being bi-sexual. Are you absolutely certain that you'd be happy with your man going off and having sex with other men? I'm just a bit suspicious that you're ok with it in principle...but would freak out if it became a reality. I'm not gonna go into the details of anal passages etc...but if you spend a minute thinking about it honestly to yourself you'll either know if it's really ok by you...or you're probably just saying it's ok when it wouldn't really be.

I would say the real balance is this...you are going to have sex with someone you want to have sex with in private. That's what he should get in return. The fact that it's a woman, imo, makes absolutely no difference... that's just a rationalisation. If you can't handle that then you shouldn't impose what you're doing upon him because...the chances are...he might be a little uncomfortable with it himself.

I would be wary of anything that takes your swinging equilibrium out of balance. Instead I would urge you to consider that...if you do go through with this...you probably owe him one. Otherwise this whole situation could get out of balance real easy and end up fucking things up in quite a major way.

Think about it this way...you're getting a wonderful emotional and sexual experience without him...he deserves the same back. In this sense it's everything to do with the experience and nothing to do with the practicalities of the who what where.

Just my 2p...I hope everything works out for you "

Couldn't put it better myself

her

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

People's opinions seem to be split 50/50. Interesting. I have had a talk with him about it. He really is good with it. I questioned him like crazy. His rational was "I was involved in your first meet with this girl. It's okay with me, Babe."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bullshit.

OP, do what YOU both decide works for you. Don't do anything you're not happy with. Your relationship is more important than anything or anyone. I agree with all the earlier posts - especially ScarletSeduction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what you think. It is what you feel comfortable with as a couple. I meet alone, and hubby wants to know all about it. If he meets alone, I don't want to know any details. It works for us. You have to work out what works for you and communicate all the way through. We have a rule: the only one. If one of us isn't happy, it doesn't happen. And that applies to anything at any time."

This.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thx joXXnick

I was just gonna add that we also have this philosophy between us of...if you thought it up or you want to do it most then the other partner gets to do it first. For example I'd love to have wild and gorgeous safe sex with another woman...that's one of my BIG fantasies lol ...but, as my wife is currently against the idea, before my dreams come true my wife gets to have herself a gorgeous fuck first.

This safe guards against double standards, prevents things from going out of balance, and means that, when it comes to your turn, your partner knows it's owed you...which should help them feel a little better about it.

I would therefore go one step further and suggest that before you meet up with this woman in private you let your partner meet up in private with whoever he wants. That might sound a bit extreme to some people...but I think you'll find it's the safest way to keep things in check for you both Remember...it works both ways...so anything he wants to do you get to do first too...or veto and prevent him from doing it until he can find you a big enough carrot to finally let him get his way

So, rather than bully my wife into letting me sleep with other women, it's my duty to find her such a gorgeous hunk of man that she finally succumbs to the temptation herself ...and then wooppeeee hoooo!!! it's my turn

Naughty naughty boy

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Exactly what I said. I am more than happy to let him have an adventure with someone with a penis.

You're saying have him do the same thing first...okay. The same thing is for him to have some fun with someone of the same gender as himself. Already said, I am A-OK with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People's opinions seem to be split 50/50. Interesting. I have had a talk with him about it. He really is good with it. I questioned him like crazy. His rational was "I was involved in your first meet with this girl. It's okay with me, Babe.""

Every couple is different...I was only ever being honest about how we'd approach it. Lord knows there are some wonky relationships on here...I had one couple wanting regular daily sex and romantic meals out, all without the male's involvement...and he was only too pleased to try and set it up for her As others have said...only you know what works for you. I just can't see it working for us..that's all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Exactly what I said. I am more than happy to let him have an adventure with someone with a penis.

You're saying have him do the same thing first...okay. The same thing is for him to have some fun with someone of the same gender as himself. Already said, I am A-OK with that."

You're still getting hung up on the gender thing...when it's the private thing that matters..and you're not OK with that. But he is...so there you go...problem solved I personally would've expected the same thing in return...but that's us and how we see things...no better...no worse...just different

Ultimately I'd say she's created the problem by wanting to meet alone. If it was a man wanting to meet you alone everyone would be suspicious of his intentions. Why isn't this any different? Do gay people not run off with married people?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Exactly what I said. I am more than happy to let him have an adventure with someone with a penis.

You're saying have him do the same thing first...okay. The same thing is for him to have some fun with someone of the same gender as himself. Already said, I am A-OK with that.

You're still getting hung up on the gender thing...when it's the private thing that matters..and you're not OK with that. But he is...so there you go...problem solved I personally would've expected the same thing in return...but that's us and how we see things...no better...no worse...just different

Ultimately I'd say she's created the problem by wanting to meet alone. If it was a man wanting to meet you alone everyone would be suspicious of his intentions. Why isn't this any different? Do gay people not run off with married people?"

YOU say it's the private thing that matters. That is NOT the important factor to us. It IS a gender thing to us...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we personally think that what ever original rules were made at the start should be stuck to . its obviously worked so far wouldnt start messing things up

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"we personally think that what ever original rules were made at the start should be stuck to . its obviously worked so far wouldnt start messing things up "

Thanks! However, we are pretty new to this, and the only REAL rule has been, discuss it and if either of us isn't okay with it...it doesn't happen. That's where all this has come up...it's just about the discussion...and our discussions are about EVERY meet.

If this exact scenario were to involve another women (besides this one), it would be discussed again...really, even if this girl wanted to have a girls only time again after this time, it would be discussed again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we personally think that what ever original rules were made at the start should be stuck to . its obviously worked so far wouldnt start messing things up

Thanks! However, we are pretty new to this, and the only REAL rule has been, discuss it and if either of us isn't okay with it...it doesn't happen. That's where all this has come up...it's just about the discussion...and our discussions are about EVERY meet.

If this exact scenario were to involve another women (besides this one), it would be discussed again...really, even if this girl wanted to have a girls only time again after this time, it would be discussed again."

we are sure you will both work it all out once thought and chatted about it good luck with whatever you choose to do

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

we are sure you will both work it all out once thought and chatted about it good luck with whatever you choose to do "

I'm sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"YOU say it's the private thing that matters. That is NOT the important factor to us. It IS a gender thing to us..."

Yes you're right the important factor for us is the private thing. imo the important factor is ALWAYS the thing you're not OK with

I know you'd like to square this but I'm only being honest. How would you feel if he blew a load of money on a gold plated fleshlight and then said "it's ok you get to spend a bomb on your very own gold plated fleshlight too". Obviously you have no use for a fleshlight and would much rather have a fancy new magic wand. But no it's gotta be a fleshlight or nothing

imo you're getting something...he deserves something back...anything...but something...imo Obviously he might actually get a kick from knowing you meet up with some sexy babe in private...and that might be what he gets back from it. Only you know the answer to that one.

Please don't feel I'm judging you. I'm only talking about the morals and theory of it all from my own view point. You go do what the heck you like...it's your life...you're different from me...and that's what makes this world beautiful...so you go be different and beautiful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we are sure you will both work it all out once thought and chatted about it good luck with whatever you choose to do "

this

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By *moSexGeeksCouple
over a year ago

Warwick

Going to be honest. Is the proposal you made fair? Not at all, not by a long shot, personally I think you already know this, why else would you need to ask. Should it really matter is the real question you both need to ask your selves.

Why is it not fair?

You get something you like and offer him something he doesn't like in return. Because it's about Sex or gender doesn't change anything! Imagine I had a bowl of grapes, and my other half had a bowl of raspberries and a bowl of blueberries. I don't like raspberries but I like blueberries. So my other half wants a grape and offers me a raspberry, which I don't like and refuses to offer the blueberry. So I say fuck it and give her the grape for free. It's not fair. For it to be fair I would have the blueberry. So I took one for the team... Just like your man will have to with the rules you set.

Why should it matter?

Does your man care if you do it? No apparently not. He doesn't care that it's not fair. Everyone sets rules and if he said he was uncomfortable it would be understandable because it's not fair and nothing should happen. However you set the rule that you can meet females alone and everyone's cool then who cares. No one gets hurt.

As for you saying he can play with a man... I the idea is good on paper... But when it happens... It won't be the same, what if he decided he likes guys better, what if you didn't like the fact a guy would be inside your man...

That's not for me to decide but I wouldn't be cool with that.

Hope this reply helped

Stay safe, play sexy!

S

x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm enjoying seeing the different views on this. It's pretty cool that everyone's relationships are so different.

And I don't NEED to ask. Nothing anyone has said or will say in this forum will change anything that he and I decide to do. I was just thinking about it and wondered what other people thought about it.

I do that with a lot of things. I am very much my own person...but I like to know where others stand on things too...just to see other viewpoints.

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

Fuck 'fair'... go with what's comfortable and 'right' for you BOTH. We aren't a bunch of children sharing out marbles in the playground here - relationships are at stake and if you're not happy with your partner playing with the opposite gender without you but he's happy for you to enjoy some girl on girl fun alone then go with that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Fair probably wasn't my best word choice...or maybe it is. I have a poster in my classroom that says, "Fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same thing. Fair means everyone gets what they need."

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham


"Fair probably wasn't my best word choice...or maybe it is. I have a poster in my classroom that says, "Fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same thing. Fair means everyone gets what they need.""

You've just summed it up beautifully right there

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fair probably wasn't my best word choice...or maybe it is. I have a poster in my classroom that says, "Fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same thing. Fair means everyone gets what they need."

You've just summed it up beautifully right there "

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By *moothies.Couple
over a year ago

Woodthorpe


"

You get something you like and offer him something he doesn't like in return. Because it's about Sex or gender doesn't change anything! Imagine I had a bowl of grapes, and my other half had a bowl of raspberries and a bowl of blueberries. I don't like raspberries but I like blueberries. So my other half wants a grape and offers me a raspberry, which I don't like and refuses to offer the blueberry. So I say fuck it and give her the grape for free. It's not fair. For it to be fair I would have the blueberry. So I took one for the team... Just like your man will have to with the rules you set.

"

I was thinking along these lines.... that offering a straight person a same sex fab meet is like offering someone allergic to something that item. You know they won't want it.... But it's the thought that counts?????

If Mr told me he wanted to meet a guy alone, but it was OK..... I could meet a woman, I'd tell him where to get off and to let me have what I enjoy if he's getting what he enjoys.

Luckily we love playing together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fuck 'fair'... go with what's comfortable and 'right' for you BOTH. We aren't a bunch of children sharing out marbles in the playground here - relationships are at stake and if you're not happy with your partner playing with the opposite gender without you but he's happy for you to enjoy some girl on girl fun alone then go with that.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fair probably wasn't my best word choice...or maybe it is. I have a poster in my classroom that says, "Fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same thing. Fair means everyone gets what they need."

You've just summed it up beautifully right there "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many couples only meet one gender- for example, they may only meet men who the wife plays with and the husband watches. The couple don't both 'swap'. It works for them. They aren't playing some childish tit for tat game where each partner has to fuck someone before the other is allowed to!

Everyone is different. It's disrespectful to look down on how other people play.

OP as you say, lots of communication is the way to go.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"I'm just gonna be honest and say it doesn't sound fair to me.

Firstly I don't think you've really thought through this issue of your man being bi-sexual. Are you absolutely certain that you'd be happy with your man going off and having sex with other men? I'm just a bit suspicious that you're ok with it in principle...but would freak out if it became a reality. I'm not gonna go into the details of anal passages etc...but if you spend a minute thinking about it honestly to yourself you'll either know if it's really ok by you...or you're probably just saying it's ok when it wouldn't really be.

I would say the real balance is this...you are going to have sex with someone you want to have sex with in private. That's what he should get in return. The fact that it's a woman, imo, makes absolutely no difference... that's just a rationalisation. If you can't handle that then you shouldn't impose what you're doing upon him because...the chances are...he might be a little uncomfortable with it himself.

I would be wary of anything that takes your swinging equilibrium out of balance. Instead I would urge you to consider that...if you do go through with this...you probably owe him one. Otherwise this whole situation could get out of balance real easy and end up fucking things up in quite a major way.

Think about it this way...you're getting a wonderful emotional and sexual experience without him...he deserves the same back. In this sense it's everything to do with the experience and nothing to do with the practicalities of the who what where.

Just my 2p...I hope everything works out for you "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are about to let the female in our relationship meet her first single guy this weekend, I'm OK with it so far, I'm excited and worried in the same quantities, but its more because we havent done it before rather than any trust issues, I wouldn't meet single women on my own unless my partner arranged it and that's not going to happen, but its not about you shagged him so I'm owed a female shag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's good to put restrictions up when you are swinging it should be a pleasurable open experience both enjoying what they like, you like cock and pussy he likes pussy why not both enjoy either together or separate if one gets to enjoy by oneself other should too regardless of what sex it is

At the end of the day the most important thing is trust and openness I've met a couple of males without the partner last year that had secret meetings it was all very hush as they was not allowed to meet women alone so keep that in mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you should be careful of having someone within shouting distance of your house as a meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fair probably wasn't my best word choice...or maybe it is. I have a poster in my classroom that says, "Fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same thing. Fair means everyone gets what they need.""

Lol Ironically you've pretty much summed up what us lot have been saying

"Fair doesn't mean everyone gets to meet a same sex partner in private. Fair means everyone gets what they need"

There are lots of lovely wonderful relationships on here...but be wary of advice that sends you too far out of your comfort zone because Fab is also something of a relationship graveyard, with many wrecked ships smashed on its shores. What I have detailed in my posts is what I would consider to be one of the safer ways of swinging. I'm sure that many would find them overly safe...but that's where we're at at this point.

Personally I suspect you posted this because you already know the answer but were hoping to be convinced otherwise. Only you know what is right and what is wrong in your own relationship. Whatever you both feel good with is the right way forward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We are fairly new to this. We've met up with a few couples socially and had out first MFF threesome together just recently which is where these questions are coming from.

So, last weekend, we met a lovely young lady who ended up at the house and we had some fun.

She lives VERY close. As in...I can go stand in the middle of the street outside my house and see her house.

Anyway, she has said she'd like some girl only time. Being that before this past weekend, I (female) hadn't been with a woman since college in 2000, I think this would be great...I could get back into being comfortable with my skills with women without feeling like I am being scrutinized because it has been so long and I am just getting comfortable again.

I asked my partner if he was okay with that and got, "Whatever you want, love."

I have to talk to him a bit more because of a comfort issue on my part.

In my mind, I think it's okay for me to meet singly with a woman just as it would be okay for him to meet singly with a man if he were so inclined. I would never do it without his knowledge and consent each and every time.

However, I am not comfortable with meeting men without my partner and I am not comfortable with him meeting women without me.

I see where this can be seen as unfair because he is not bi and has no desire to meet alone with men. So, I get a chance to meet alone and he doesn't. On the other hand...if he wanted to meet a man...I'd have no issue with that.

So, my questions are (and I expect different opinions from people)...

1. Do you think it is unfair for me to meet singly with women if I am not okay with him meeting singly with women?

2. Do any of you have the agreement with your partner that you can meet alone with the same gender, but not the opposite? "

I get exactly where you're coming from but we're both bi so that agreement is not a problem at all for us and we feel no guilt over it at all. But you can't change how you feel about it any more than you can change your man's sexuality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And also I think people on Feb tend to want others to play by their rules too... OP, fairness is about what you and your partner agree. If you and he decide that its okay for you to play with women on your own, then that's all that matters. There will always be people that disagree, but its you two that the agreement directly affects, so it's you two that have to be happy with it.

Hope it all works out for you!

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think you should be careful of having someone within shouting distance of your house as a meet.

"

This is spot on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

So, my questions are (and I expect different opinions from people)...

1. Do you think it is unfair for me to meet singly with women if I am not okay with him meeting singly with women?

2. Do any of you have the agreement with your partner that you can meet alone with the same gender, but not the opposite? "

1 Yes

2 No

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford

I'm getting splinters with this one from sitting on the fence....

I agree - only you know what works for you as a couple.

Is it fair? Depends again on what he gets out of it. I love Kate meeting men alone, more so than I would meeting a woman alone, so I do get it, but you must be honest with each other.

The only other point I'd make is, if it was me, I'd be trying to work out why I was comfortable with my partner meeting only the same sex? If it was because it felt "safer" or less potential for something to spark up, then I'd forget everything else and be taking a look at that first.

Swinging seperately is not for everyone - when we started it was one of our golden Unbreakable rules, but now it's not an issue. We had it as a rule because neither of us really knew how things were going to go, so it was more comfortable to play within those rules. As you say, you are new to this - have it as a rule by all means, just have it for the right reasons.

Hope you find some mutual agreement in it

D

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By *ptimusDMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Fairness is very relative when it comes to swinging because it all depends on what you're both happy with.

And I think your husband will be the best person to answer your question.

If your husband is comfortable with you meeting women on your own, that's fine.

If he'll like to meet women on his own but doesn't because you're not comfortable with it, but doesn't mind you continuing to meet women on your own, there's nothing unfair about that.

You say you won't mind him meeting men. If he is bi and fancies it, great. If he's not bi, then you not minding will obviously be no good to him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Exactly what I said. I am more than happy to let him have an adventure with someone with a penis.

You're saying have him do the same thing first...okay. The same thing is for him to have some fun with someone of the same gender as himself. Already said, I am A-OK with that."

But are you only okay with that because he's straight and not interested in having sex with another man?

It's really easy to be okay with something that's never going to happen.

I read it and I have to say "having your cake and eating it" is the phrase that sprang to mind. If you get to play with someone on your own, your fella should too, regardless of gender.

Anyway, that's just my opinion and others have said just to what works for you both, however I do think you're being incredibly selfish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you thought about the possible chance that the woman might also want a one on one with your partner at a later date ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps this lady 's partner gets off on seeing or hearing about her playing with another girl?

If he's happy for her to play alone then how is she being unfair to him?

Saying she's selfish by not allowing him to do something she wouldn't be happy with is harsh in my opinion. Swinging is only fun if everyone involved is enjoying it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Perhaps this lady 's partner gets off on seeing or hearing about her playing with another girl?

If he's happy for her to play alone then how is she being unfair to him?

Saying she's selfish by not allowing him to do something she wouldn't be happy with is harsh in my opinion. Swinging is only fun if everyone involved is enjoying it.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The people that think she's being selfish... is it because she wants to meet alone?

If it was a 3some would you think that was ok? What if it was only ever a 3some with a guy and hubby was straight... would that be ok? (as hubby couldn't fuck anyone 'new')....?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The people that think she's being selfish... is it because she wants to meet alone?

If it was a 3some would you think that was ok? What if it was only ever a 3some with a guy and hubby was straight... would that be ok? (as hubby couldn't fuck anyone 'new')....?"

Yes it is she is bi he is straight she wants females as her extra playmates that will tick her boxes but his is limited

Going from a couple to 121 for a meet is fine if its what he loves her to do too, loads get off on that , but fairs fair he should have the same enjoyment too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't seen her post that he wants it though ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Perhaps this lady 's partner gets off on seeing or hearing about her playing with another girl?

If he's happy for her to play alone then how is she being unfair to him?

Saying she's selfish by not allowing him to do something she wouldn't be happy with is harsh in my opinion. Swinging is only fun if everyone involved is enjoying it.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do think that you are being unfair - surely what's good for the gander is good for the goose?

My wife and I have an agreement that we can meet others of the opposite sex alone. We have yet to carry this through. However, it was not that long ago that my wife was quite open about not wanting me to get up to naughties with another woman. She maintained that she would be too jealous. But now she has experienced another cock when we indulged in a threesome with a guy, she feels that I should have the same opportunity as her. I don't want to meet another man and likewise Nikki does not want to play with another woman. She does not want to watch me though, whereas I loved watching her being fucked. I still get hard thinking about it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for all of your replies. Some of your relationships would never work for us just as ours wouldn't work for some of you. Interesting how different people are.

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By *obbynickinhoustonCouple
over a year ago

Cincinnati

Hello, This is Bobby in the U.S.A. My lovely wife and I have been in the lifestyle now for almost 5 years. We enjoy clubs and house parties with our friends.

We have both agreed that we can meet with others without the other spouse but the spouse has to know where you are and who you are with. I guess for security reasons on her part. Nicki will not not meet with anyone we have not met/play with beforehand.

All couples should have an agreement before with the rules clearly mapped out. No surprises for either spouse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Exactly what I said. I am more than happy to let him have an adventure with someone with a penis.

You're saying have him do the same thing first...okay. The same thing is for him to have some fun with someone of the same gender as himself. Already said, I am A-OK with that.

But are you only okay with that because he's straight and not interested in having sex with another man?

It's really easy to be okay with something that's never going to happen.

I read it and I have to say "having your cake and eating it" is the phrase that sprang to mind. If you get to play with someone on your own, your fella should too, regardless of gender.

Anyway, that's just my opinion and others have said just to what works for you both, however I do think you're being incredibly selfish. "

But if he doesn't want to and is happy for her to do so in what way is it selfish? They are both happy with their boundaries that they have set together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do think that you are being unfair - surely what's good for the gander is good for the goose?

My wife and I have an agreement that we can meet others of the opposite sex alone. We have yet to carry this through. However, it was not that long ago that my wife was quite open about not wanting me to get up to naughties with another woman. She maintained that she would be too jealous. But now she has experienced another cock when we indulged in a threesome with a guy, she feels that I should have the same opportunity as her. I don't want to meet another man and likewise Nikki does not want to play with another woman. She does not want to watch me though, whereas I loved watching her being fucked. I still get hard thinking about it!

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By *moSexGeeksCouple
over a year ago

Warwick

[Removed by poster at 09/07/14 17:25:15]

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By *moSexGeeksCouple
over a year ago

Warwick


"Exactly what I said. I am more than happy to let him have an adventure with someone with a penis.

You're saying have him do the same thing first...okay. The same thing is for him to have some fun with someone of the same gender as himself. Already said, I am A-OK with that.

But are you only okay with that because he's straight and not interested in having sex with another man?

It's really easy to be okay with something that's never going to happen.

I read it and I have to say "having your cake and eating it" is the phrase that sprang to mind. If you get to play with someone on your own, your fella should too, regardless of gender.

Anyway, that's just my opinion and others have said just to what works for you both, however I do think you're being incredibly selfish.

But if he doesn't want to and is happy for her to do so in what way is it selfish? They are both happy with their boundaries that they have set together"

That's like saying someone at a buffet that takes most of the food isn't being selfish. Just because it's allowed doesn't mean she's being fair or not selfish. She's only saying she's okay for him to be with penis because she knows it will never happen. If he turned around one day and said he wanted to try things with a guy alone, I can't see this being alright with her. Clearly I sense the fact she wants her man for her self yet wants to get some on the side. Which is fine if he is cool with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

But if he doesn't want to and is happy for her to do so in what way is it selfish? They are both happy with their boundaries that they have set together"

The OP asks for opinions, I expressed mine. I think it is a selfish act in a relationship for one partner to be going off and meeting other people regardless of gender, if the other partners isn't also allowed to do the same. If it had been a guy posting this I'm guessing the responses would have been very different.

Just because he had the option if meeting others, doesn't mean he had to, but to completely not allow it....it's just wrong to me.

I stand by my original comment and still think the OP is being selfish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fairy snuff. We're all entitled to our opinion on this open forum.

OP; it looks like there is quite a split in opinion here. No fence sitting for a change. Some consider it very selfish. Some don't.

At the end of the day surely all that matters is how you and your guy see it. By asking what others think of your arrangement you open yourself up for criticism.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I would tend to say. If you can play alone (doesn't matter with what gender) Then so should he be allowed to. Just to keep balance and fairness.

That is, however, my opinion. And you know what? My opinion counts for nothing in your relationship. As long as you are both comfortable with your OWN arrangement, and SURE that it won't cause problems then go with it and stick to your guns.

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By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

luton

Funny that I would not like wife to meet fem alone, though o don't mind her having fem fun at club,tho I have let her meet some guys alone and vice versa,but it's been with people we have met previously,and we don't do it very often,we always discuss meets thoroughly, if either of us wasn't happy we would cancel meet,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you would feel different if he was attracted to men as well as women ....do I think it's unfair yes one person get what they want and the other person gets offered the same which they don't want ....say you like chocolate ice cream and he likes vanilla would you then go to adds and buy only chocolate ice cream?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally I would tend to say. If you can play alone (doesn't matter with what gender) Then so should he be allowed to. Just to keep balance and fairness.

That is, however, my opinion. And you know what? My opinion counts for nothing in your relationship. As long as you are both comfortable with your OWN arrangement, and SURE that it won't cause problems then go with it and stick to your guns."

Just wondering how anyone would suggest they measure the fairness...Some sort of chart? Little stickers?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally I would tend to say. If you can play alone (doesn't matter with what gender) Then so should he be allowed to. Just to keep balance and fairness.

That is, however, my opinion. And you know what? My opinion counts for nothing in your relationship. As long as you are both comfortable with your OWN arrangement, and SURE that it won't cause problems then go with it and stick to your guns.

Just wondering how anyone would suggest they measure the fairness...Some sort of chart? Little stickers? "

Little cock stickers.

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