FabSwingers.com forum: Jealousy!!!!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you deal with your jealous side??? Ok ok I know some of you will say this isn't the place for the insecure but I disagree .....it's just knowing how to handle it !!

I have two sides a very naughty horny side ...but occasionally I can get jealous aarrgghhhh

My hubby turns his jealousy into horniness ...we discuss it loads and I have no reason to be jel ....I trust him 100% but it's my own demons I guess ...

Watching him fuck another woman is fine ...it's the fact he may find her funnier ...more interesting I find I struggle with ....surely this is normal emotions when you are a newbie????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just remember this is one of the first times, if not the first time, he will have met this woman...he may be laughing at her jokes out of nervousness...and anyone new is always more interesting for the short term. This sparkle you see between him and this woman is simply the fusion that occurs when you glisten up against something new and forbidden and intriguing. Anybody would be the same.

But none of this is lasting. When the novelty fades she is just another woman, like yourself. What you are feeling jealousy about is a fiction which exists in the short term but is not real

The electric sparkle between you and new strangers is tickly, fun, and exciting...but it is not the deep, wholesome and nourishing log fire that burns at the center of your relationship

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"How do you deal with your jealous side??? Ok ok I know some of you will say this isn't the place for the insecure but I disagree .....it's just knowing how to handle it !!

I have two sides a very naughty horny side ...but occasionally I can get jealous aarrgghhhh

My hubby turns his jealousy into horniness ...we discuss it loads and I have no reason to be jel ....I trust him 100% but it's my own demons I guess ...

Watching him fuck another woman is fine ...it's the fact he may find her funnier ...more interesting I find I struggle with ....surely this is normal emotions when you are a newbie????

no it isn't normal in my opinion. You need to be 100% secure in your relationship and if you worry that he might find someone else funnier or more interesting indicates that you have doubts about yourself or him. You really do need to work on that as a couple, talk it through again and again and again, your relationship is too important to jeopardise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can honestly say that I've never felt jealous nor has Luke since we've been meeting others, I've watched him with other women and the only thing I feel is horny and a sense of pride!

I've never once thought that he may find someone else funnier ect.

Perhaps only stick to the sort of playing that you know that you'll feel ok with.

Carry on with the communication as that is key.

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By *dventuroususCouple
over a year ago

sunderland

Nope, if theres jealousy, somethings not right.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

Emotions are different for everybody.

There are people out there who argue with their partners, in what are proper shouting matches and feel that other people can not have a real relationship if they never argue.

Yet me and the Mrs have never shouted at each other in 18 years now.

There is a difference between jealousy and paranoia. Some cucks live off the jealousy, it's their thing that keeps them going back for more.

Some people like pain others don't.

Some people are 100% certain about life, they feel in control and that nothing is outside of that, so they are 100% confident that their partner will never find another better than them or more appealing than them.

On the other hand there are people who would never ever feel secure about their partner no matter who it was or how committed they are, even in a vanilla relationship with no messing about.

In between are the rest of us. Most days I am 100% about our relationship, other days for no particular reason it dawns on me how great my wife is and how damn lucky I am to have her and that it is pure madness that she does not want anyone better than me.

This is entirely unrelated to swinging. In fact when swinging I've never had a jealous moment, but I have no doubt that it's a possibility. But the moment are fleeting and never an issue.

People think all kinds of crazy stuff in their own head, people stand on the end of cliffs and think for a second what it would be like to jump off. They don't do it and don't have suicidal tendencies, but the brain will always ask questions. I would say only be concerned if you take those insecurities and start acting on them or letting them be more than fleeting moments of thought and become how you manage your world and relate to your partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would be proud to see Gimp with another woman and horny.

As for the laughing ect, I would rather see him doing that, then sitting there like a stuffed miserable dummy.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what If he/she is funnier or more interesting?..its what u do when ur not swinging that counts, with each other..sex with other people is sex.

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford

I think, put simply it's that sex is sex, you've probably discussed it numerous times, have it all settled in your head.

This, like many other things in swinging can be a bit if curve ball. We all react differently, so don't beat yourself up over it - talk. I'm sure he'll reassure you what you already know, as I do with kate, that no matter what anyone else does, says or laugh about with him, will be anything more than part of the good time you went into this for.

You can plan for how you'll react emotionally to an unknown scenario - we've had a few and they took the wind out of our sails. Talk it through and be honest

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jealousy shouldn't really come into it if everything has been discussed beforehand. When we started as a couple Mo wasn't sure she could cope seeing me with another woman so we simply didn't play with women, however as time has moved on so have we. We know our own and each other's limmits and bounderies and never push it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what If he/she is funnier or more interesting?..its what u do when ur not swinging that counts, with each other..sex with other people is sex."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someone who plays with couples, this is would, and has been, an absolute nightmare for me. For my own peace of mind, I need to be sure that the couple are both on the same wavelength and are in a loving, secure relationship. As a result, I tend to be more cautious, and less likely, to play with new couples.

If there's any doubt, for the sake of us thirds, please have a long think and discussion before you involved others. It is meant to be fun, and fun only, for all involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As someone who plays with couples, this is would, and has been, an absolute nightmare for me. For my own peace of mind, I need to be sure that the couple are both on the same wavelength and are in a loving, secure relationship. As a result, I tend to be more cautious, and less likely, to play with new couples.

If there's any doubt, for the sake of us thirds, please have a long think and discussion before you involved others. It is meant to be fun, and fun only, for all involved."

wanna join me and my blowupGF?...she is dying to meet u and we never argue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there's any doubt, for the sake of us thirds, please have a long think and discussion before you involved others. It is meant to be fun, and fun only, for all involved."

This is why I wonder why there's not more of a scene for erotic play rather than sex between people. It just strikes me as a much better way to test the waters and get a feel for things just to roll around, have some giggles, and get a bit turned on...than to rush into deep waters and find you can't swim.

Is it that a single person joining a couple would not be interested unless there is sex on offer?

It seems to me that there are a million and one ways to be erotic but not so many ways to have sex...so why isn't there more of a scene in just being a bit erotic with strangers? Not saying anything...just puzzled really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there's any doubt, for the sake of us thirds, please have a long think and discussion before you involved others. It is meant to be fun, and fun only, for all involved.

wanna join me and my blowupGF?...she is dying to meet u and we never argue"

I'm a smoker so I hope you've got a puncture repair kit!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there's any doubt, for the sake of us thirds, please have a long think and discussion before you involved others. It is meant to be fun, and fun only, for all involved.

wanna join me and my blowupGF?...she is dying to meet u and we never argue

I'm a smoker so I hope you've got a puncture repair kit!

well we can burn her n dump the body...its u I want anyway..shhhhh xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I ask my partner the same, what ifs and what abouts but in the long haul I dont think anyone could ever put up with his annoyingness! Thankfully hes got no worries cause hes about the same, its the long haul we think about the forst spark is fine and its all good and horny

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By *ecretly seductiveWoman
over a year ago

Palookaville

"Just remember this is one of the first times, if not the first time, he will have met this woman...he may be laughing at her jokes out of nervousness...and anyone new is always more interesting for the short term. This sparkle you see between him and this woman is simply the fusion that occurs when you glisten up against something new and forbidden and intriguing. Anybody would be the same.

But none of this is lasting. When the novelty fades she is just another woman, like yourself. What you are feeling jealousy about is a fiction which exists in the short term but is not real

The electric sparkle between you and new strangers is tickly, fun, and exciting...but it is not the deep, wholesome and nourishing log fire that burns at the center of your relationship

Excellent advice tbh.... and true for both people often. ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never done this myself, I think I'd be insecure too... But just remember that YOU'RE his wife and they are just sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks guys.....i guessed I would have mixed views !!! We communicate loads and he knows this is a real concern for me .....

This kind of stuff is not for the faint hearted and I can see if it's done wrong I run the risk of losing the man I love !! Hence why I am looking at every issue that may pop up !!!

It is a shame that you can get a taster session...as opposed to diving in straight the way !!! It seems to be all or nothing on here .

Thanks again xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks guys.....i guessed I would have mixed views !!! We communicate loads and he knows this is a real concern for me .....

This kind of stuff is not for the faint hearted and I can see if it's done wrong I run the risk of losing the man I love !! Hence why I am looking at every issue that may pop up !!!

It is a shame that you can get a taster session...as opposed to diving in straight the way !!! It seems to be all or nothing on here .

Thanks again xxxx"

Could you maybe go to a club or a party ? Sit and watch to start ? See how you go ?

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"I can honestly say that I've never felt jealous nor has Luke since we've been meeting others, I've watched him with other women and the only thing I feel is horny and a sense of pride!

I've never once thought that he may find someone else funnier ect.

Perhaps only stick to the sort of playing that you know that you'll feel ok with.

Carry on with the communication as that is key. "

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"Thanks guys.....i guessed I would have mixed views !!! We communicate loads and he knows this is a real concern for me .....

This kind of stuff is not for the faint hearted and I can see if it's done wrong I run the risk of losing the man I love !! Hence why I am looking at every issue that may pop up !!!

It is a shame that you can get a taster session...as opposed to diving in straight the way !!! It seems to be all or nothing on here .

Thanks again xxxx"

You can ease yourself in as slowly as you like. Maybe like someone said go to a club and just watch or play together at first. If that goes ok then try soft swap? You can stop whenever you want. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks guys.....i guessed I would have mixed views !!! We communicate loads and he knows this is a real concern for me .....

This kind of stuff is not for the faint hearted and I can see if it's done wrong I run the risk of losing the man I love !! Hence why I am looking at every issue that may pop up !!!

It is a shame that you can get a taster session...as opposed to diving in straight the way !!! It seems to be all or nothing on here .

Thanks again xxxx"

This may sound harsh so don't take it the wrong way.

If you feel that your OH is going to run off with someone or you think it may damage your relationship then I can't see that swinging is for you, it's not just about the 2 of you but the people that you meet and maybe play with, if we met a couple and felt that there was insecurities on their side then we wouldn't play as it's not worth putting ourselves in a potential situation that could cause friction.

All of this is meant to be fun!

I would suggest going to a club and see how you feel when watching others play. But I wouldn't join in until you have your insecurities sorted out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks guys.....i guessed I would have mixed views !!! We communicate loads and he knows this is a real concern for me .....

This kind of stuff is not for the faint hearted and I can see if it's done wrong I run the risk of losing the man I love !! Hence why I am looking at every issue that may pop up !!!

It is a shame that you can get a taster session...as opposed to diving in straight the way !!! It seems to be all or nothing on here .

Thanks again xxxx

You can ease yourself in as slowly as you like. Maybe like someone said go to a club and just watch or play together at first. If that goes ok then try soft swap? You can stop whenever you want. X"

It's is most definitely not all or nothing here or on the scene at all, you do things you want at your pace. Clubs are a fantastic way to start, we have been going to clubs as a couple for about 3 years and up until our last visit we had only played with each other, soft swap is also a great way to get into things. Never feel you have to do something your not sure or happy about!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thanks guys.....i guessed I would have mixed views !!! We communicate loads and he knows this is a real concern for me .....

This kind of stuff is not for the faint hearted and I can see if it's done wrong I run the risk of losing the man I love !! Hence why I am looking at every issue that may pop up !!!

It is a shame that you can get a taster session...as opposed to diving in straight the way !!! It seems to be all or nothing on here .

Thanks again xxxx"

I don't mean this harshly either but you said you aren't concerned about your man having sex with someone so a taster session isn't going to achieve a great deal because he stands the same chance of finding the woman next to him in the bus queue more interesting and funnier than you. If your real issue is that you're concerned that he will come across someone who is better at sex than you that's what you need to address. Good luck with it all, do go at your own pace and if it isn't for you fantasy can be a wonderful thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel if its goes more then meeting up for a casual bit of fun to, planning meets without your knowledge or secrecy, then its no longer swinging and you have a right to be jealous.

You have to set solid rules before anyone even starts to swing. Its not fun if you're not 100 happy with what's going on.

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