FabSwingers.com forum: Performance Anxiety

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Last night hubby and I met a hot woman. It was our first time. We all clicked nicely and decided to hook up. Well, it started off great, but hubby was so nervous, he couldn't manage anything more than a partial hard-on, and even that would go down soon as he was about to attempt sex with her.

Does anyone have any advice? We're really disappointed he couldn't join in the fun, and we just don't want this happening again. It was all so surprising bc its never happened....then again its been just the two of us since we were teenagers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really feel for guys sometimes. Us women do have it easier. This used to happen to an ex of mine. Definite performance anxiety. It was just too much pressure. No matter how hot the women (in fact the hotter they were the worse it got). Little blue pills helped but dicnt like relying on them. Hope you get it sorted x

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford

karmagra

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello. Sorry to hear about that. It seems that the nerves might have gotten the better of him maybe due to the excitement of the meet up and also as you have said, you've been together to quite a while. For the first time, it could go either way and maybe the next time, since you've kind of had a sort of first time, you'll be more calm.

I remember my first time during a meet, I too was nervous but decided to talk first until I felt more settled and composed. Good luck on your future meets and hope all goes well and you have a fantastic time.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

A lot of pleasure and that made things worse, reassure him it happens a lot more than he may think in the swinging world

Good luck for the future

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Pressure not pleasure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/05/14 18:55:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes the reality of swinging jars with the fantasy of it.

Swinging is not for everyone.

Mental barriers are a much bigger issue than physical ones and unfortunately they do have a massive effect on the physical.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Guys def have it harder. He's sooo bummed and embarressed. Esp since she decided not to see us again. I will def look into the blue pill. It didn't cross my mind since its not ED. Thanks!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last night hubby and I met a hot woman. It was our first time. We all clicked nicely and decided to hook up. Well, it started off great, but hubby was so nervous, he couldn't manage anything more than a partial hard-on, and even that would go down soon as he was about to attempt sex with her.

Dont worry this can be a natural reaction as everyone can be nervous first time.

If you meet more the problem will eventually go away.

Many ppl on here understand this and will be very understanding.

So be patient and assured that theres nothing abnormal with this and this will help you settle down and enjoy the experience. Happy Fabbing!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"karmagra

Whats that?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A lot of pleasure and that made things worse, reassure him it happens a lot more than he may think in the swinging world

Good luck for the future

Thank you!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sometimes the reality of swinging jars with the fantasy of it.

Swinging is not for everyone.

Mental barriers are a much bigger issue than physical ones and unfortunately they do have a massive effect on the physical."

I agree its not for everyone. I think once we get passed this, we'll be great.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Dont worry this can be a natural reaction as everyone can be nervous first time.

If you meet more the problem will eventually go away.

Many ppl on here understand this and will be very understanding.

So be patient and assured that theres nothing abnormal with this and this will help you settle down and enjoy the experience. Happy Fabbing!!"

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hello. Sorry to hear about that. It seems that the nerves might have gotten the better of him maybe due to the excitement of the meet up and also as you have said, you've been together to quite a while. For the first time, it could go either way and maybe the next time, since you've kind of had a sort of first time, you'll be more calm.

I hope so! Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you have a social first? That might help relax everyone. Whilst I've never had performance anxieties, I don't meet unless I've had a social with the person first. This way by the time we meet for play I've already fantasised about the meet and her and therefore and ready to go, so to speak.

Perhaps a few drinks beforehand? The problem is the more you think about it now the more tense he'll get and the more likely the same thing will keep happening.

Best of luck.

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

Kamagra/Viagra/sildenafil (all the same)

Once he's done it once or twice and the nerves go he probably won't need them anymore

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

next time agree that all he will do is watch, that will take the pressure off him and I bet he's as rampant as fuck in a very short time

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"next time agree that all he will do is watch, that will take the pressure off him and I bet he's as rampant as fuck in a very short time

This and use mouth and fingers....

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

"Kamagra/Viagra/sildenafil (all the same)

Once he's done it once or twice and the nerves go he probably won't need them anymore "

OK as long as he goes carefull with them and doesn`t have any history of cardiac problems in the family. A definate no-no if he`s on any nitrate based medicine. Otherwise he should be fine with them

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

"Kamagra/Viagra/sildenafil (all the same)

Once he's done it once or twice and the nerves go he probably won't need them anymore

OK as long as he goes carefull with them and doesn`t have any history of cardiac problems in the family. A definate no-no if he`s on any nitrate based medicine. Otherwise he should be fine with them"

If he is on nitrates see the doc about a prescription of Vardenafil (Levitra)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Guys def have it harder. He's sooo bummed and embarressed. Esp since she decided not to see us again. I will def look into the blue pill. It didn't cross my mind since its not ED. Thanks!"

How rude of her not to see you again because of this.

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

"A lot of pressure and that made things worse, reassure him it happens a lot more than he may think in the swinging world

Good luck for the future

This!! But with the typo corrected

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

How rude of her not to see you again because of this. "

You dont know its because of that

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Kamagra/Viagra/sildenafil (all the same)

Once he's done it once or twice and the nerves go he probably won't need them anymore

OK as long as he goes carefull with them and doesn`t have any history of cardiac problems in the family. A definate no-no if he`s on any nitrate based medicine. Otherwise he should be fine with them"

A bit off topic but after I had a heart attack last year I was given GTN spray to use if I had any chest pains. In conversation the cardiac doctor mentioned that if I didn't have a spray available I could take a Viagra and it would have the same effect, just slower. Obviously I had to see if it worked in reverse and I can definitely report that GTN spray doesn't give you a hard-on

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By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

bedford

It happened to me on our first attempt at swinging,tell him not to worry, just nerves I soon got over it on same night,it helped when wife got going with another guy later in the night,as soon as I seen her getting a good seeing to,I got so hard it took a while to get rid of it,and the women didn't complain

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

As others have said, it's not uncommon and it's nothing to be embarrassed about, though that's easier said than done.

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

I've had it a couple of times including my first club party. I try not to worry about is as there are plenty of other things I can be doing while waiting for the little fellah to warm up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most of us have had a touch of nerves and the male body reactes by taking the blood to the big muscles leaving none where you want.it.

Take the pressure of yourself by just sticking to foreplay and letting the ladies play together and with you stroking and caressing. Think fingers and tongues rather than penetrative sex. When I had a partner, I needed her reassurance and permission to play. Stick with it it will improve and don't get hung up on it.its normal and will pass.

final thing, are you wearing the right size condom? Too tight can be an issue. Try Mysize for custom size condoms if this is the case.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"karmagra

Whats that?"

its a different brand of viagra and works amazingly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Guys def have it harder. He's sooo bummed and embarressed. Esp since she decided not to see us again. I will def look into the blue pill. It didn't cross my mind since its not ED. Thanks!"

She doesn't sound very understanding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A mans worst fears it's happened to me couple of times not a shamed to admit it. The worse is fear of rejection afterwards as some woman don't understand that us blokes have a hard time excuse the punt. I find these herbal tablets help from the sex shop expensive but they are brill but be prepared to have a boner for 2 days ( worst is trying to piss grrrrr lol ) they are fantastic thou and are herbal no chemicals. Word of advise is to take a pint of water with them stop the pounding head ache. Don't be ashamed we're all not super studs even porn stars take and Viagra to last longer and Viagra to preform. You see a lot of people thing that just because it happends in the films I can preform like that yes you can if you you want a drug habit. Stay strong and most of all keep ya pecker up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that. Men need to be turned on and aroused just like women. The biggest sexual organ is the brain so if people are not relaxed and comfortable, it will have an effect on performance.

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By *ohnandLucyCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

[Removed by poster at 19/05/14 15:02:48]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Guys def have it harder. He's sooo bummed and embarressed. Esp since she decided not to see us again. I will def look into the blue pill. It didn't cross my mind since its not ED. Thanks!

How rude of her not to see you again because of this. "

No its not rude, you cant realy blame her can you.

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By *oom18Couple
over a year ago

Rotherham

Dont think ive been to a party we're at least one bloke ( usually fairly new to the scene to) has'nt suffered from a touch of Stage Fright me included.I found the best way for me was to just sit, relax, and just watch others for a while sort of a live porn film, till I got my mojo back and a little blue pill helps, just dont stress about it, it will happen.

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

"Kamagra/Viagra/sildenafil (all the same)

Once he's done it once or twice and the nerves go he probably won't need them anymore

OK as long as he goes carefull with them and doesn`t have any history of cardiac problems in the family. A definate no-no if he`s on any nitrate based medicine. Otherwise he should be fine with them

If you take the two together your blood pressure will drop to zero because the blood vessels open up so much!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Guys def have it harder. He's sooo bummed and embarressed. Esp since she decided not to see us again. I will def look into the blue pill. It didn't cross my mind since its not ED. Thanks!

How rude of her not to see you again because of this.

No its not rude, you cant realy blame her can you."

I'm sorry but if a man refused to meet a woman after she didn't feel relaxed enough for sex the first time he'd be branded a time waster/pig/male chauvinist.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It happens alot to us guys it happens to me on first times with new people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dont think ive been to a party we're at least one bloke ( usually fairly new to the scene to) has'nt suffered from a touch of Stage Fright me included.I found the best way for me was to just sit, relax, and just watch others for a while sort of a live porn film, till I got my mojo back and a little blue pill helps, just dont stress about it, it will happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get pissed

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Guys def have it harder. He's sooo bummed and embarressed. Esp since she decided not to see us again. I will def look into the blue pill. It didn't cross my mind since its not ED. Thanks!

How rude of her not to see you again because of this.

No its not rude, you cant realy blame her can you.

I'm sorry but if a man refused to meet a woman after she didn't feel relaxed enough for sex the first time he'd be branded a time waster/pig/male chauvinist. "

I don't think he would. If you met someone and thought they weren't sexually attracted to you then why would you want to meet them again?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Guys def have it harder. He's sooo bummed and embarressed. Esp since she decided not to see us again. I will def look into the blue pill. It didn't cross my mind since its not ED. Thanks!

How rude of her not to see you again because of this.

No its not rude, you cant realy blame her can you.

I'm sorry but if a man refused to meet a woman after she didn't feel relaxed enough for sex the first time he'd be branded a time waster/pig/male chauvinist. "

No because most men and women as well only want to meet someone once.

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

OK, I'll admit to struggling with this currently. It's a combination of not having had sex for a very long time until a while back and medication I took for some years.

I'm lucky in that I do meet someone from time to time and she is very understanding (I met her here, but she's no longer on site).

It's really horrible - you keep getting trapped in vicious circles. I love giving oral etc and she loves it too, but I often think - "this is amazing - but why am I not hard. What's wrong with me?" Once that kind of thought is in your head, you're in trouble - big time.

I also question whether being on a site like this is a good thing, so then it's a constant battle going on "I shouldn't be here, this is ridiculous" versus "you can't give in to this".

I know I have a problem with this and getting past it will be tricky. I tell myself I compensate by being utterly magnificent in other aspects of sex!

I thought twice about posting this, but thought it might help women and non-sufferers understand what can go on with blokes.

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

OK, I'll admit to struggling with this currently. It's a combination of not having had sex for a very long time until a while back and medication I took for some years.

I'm lucky in that I do meet someone from time to time and she is very understanding (I met her here, but she's no longer on site).

I also question whether being on a site like this is a good thing, so then it's a constant battle going on "I shouldn't be here, this is ridiculous" versus "you can't give in to this".

I know I have a problem with this and getting past it will be tricky. I tell myself I compensate by being utterly magnificent in other aspects of sex!

I thought twice about posting this, but thought it might help women and non-sufferers understand what can go on with blokes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OK, I'll admit to struggling with this currently. It's a combination of not having had sex for a very long time until a while back and medication I took for some years.

I'm lucky in that I do meet someone from time to time and she is very understanding (I met her here, but she's no longer on site).

I also question whether being on a site like this is a good thing, so then it's a constant battle going on "I shouldn't be here, this is ridiculous" versus "you can't give in to this".

I know I have a problem with this and getting past it will be tricky. I tell myself I compensate by being utterly magnificent in other aspects of sex!

I thought twice about posting this, but thought it might help women and non-sufferers understand what can go on with blokes."

I admire your honesty and its good to know about these things too.

I dont feel aroused all the time i am with someone so its the same thing.

I guess people worry too much after all its only sex and just having a bit of fun, i find the more men i meet and more often, the less nervous i get.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no doubt that for every male that has enough guts to start a thread about this topic, there are at least 100 of us who have dealt with the exact same problem, but we're just too embarrassed to talk about it.

In the end, we all need to know that nobody is at fault....neither party is doing something wrong. It's just a temporary problem that can happen because sex isn't an exact science.

-JD

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By *an and wifeyCouple
over a year ago

n lincs

We have been together over 20 years and I struggle with other women. It is very frustrating yet we have had the odd meet with single guys and not had a problem as I don't need to worry that I'm not gonna please the mrs. Think it's always the worry that the other woman would not be happy one way or another or your not doing some thing right. It's all in the head but hard to get round lol. But we still keep trying. Still having fun.

Sure you will get round it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take a half tablet of Viagra or Sildenafil (25mg) about an hour before. Then with just a little simulation it will get hard and stay hard.

I don't have ED at home but the pressure at a meet or in a club can get the better of you.

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