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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I would like to hear from anyone who has been where I am or who has any insight. I will try to keep this brief. I am separated and heading for Divorce. Was married once before. My current Wife has no interest in sex. She puts up with it once in a while. She is 55 years old and tells me that after Menopause Women don't care about sex. Is that true ? I am a very young 53. I am and have always been an athelete, I am not willing to retire my sex life. We have been married for 24 years. I want my Sex life back. Any advice is appreciated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only tell you my personal experience...I am 57 in August and am post menopause, I have been married for 23 years and we have a fantastic sex life. I have had more sex so far in my 50's than I had for the whole of my 40's .our children have all left home now too, which I am sure helps as no worry about getting caught or heard..but i'm sure we are all different, try taking sex out of the equasion and enjoy being together, dating and having fun, she may be feeling pressured to have sex, which unless it's a sex game is one of the biggest turn offs there is. I hope you get it sorted , it's sad to hear that a couple are divorcing after such a long time. Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Menopause? No interest in sex x I'm the opposite x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can only tell you my personal experience...I am 57 in August and am post menopause, I have been married for 23 years and we have a fantastic sex life. I have had more sex so far in my 50's than I had for the whole of my 40's .our children have all left home now too, which I am sure helps as no worry about getting caught or heard..but i'm sure we are all different, try taking sex out of the equasion and enjoy being together, dating and having fun, she may be feeling pressured to have sex, which unless it's a sex game is one of the biggest turn offs there is. I hope you get it sorted , it's sad to hear that a couple are divorcing after such a long time. Good luck xx "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you. She is a good wife, friend,and business partner. If there were some way I could help her awake her sexual side we could both be very happy. I would love her to swing with me. Nothing would turn me on more than to see her pleasured by anyone she likes . I mean whatever she wants, I would be happy to watch and participate. She is 180 degrees the other way. Soooo Vanilla.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well thank you at least I know there is hope. I am doing all I can to fix this but I am getting tired. Honestly I need a human touch besides myself. I have to have sex on a regular basis with someone who is INTERESTED. I might be 53 but my sex drive is still in the 30's.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

By the way you are really HOT !!!

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Unless there are other reasons aside from sex - that is a long amount of time to step away from. I'd sit and have an open and honest conversation - maybe get a dr appointment to discuss it. After that, maybe approach the subject of swinging/other partners? But timing, language and rational steps are key I'd say.

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By *onestjohn1962Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

I am sorry for you man! I know how it is - I am 51 years old and married for 27 years - wife has no interest in sex and I confess it has driven me to sex sites to find sex partners. I don't want to change my life - and I don't want to divorce my wife. I guess I am hoping that she comes out of the other side of menopause wanting sex more often. To suggest swinging to my wife would be like telling her I am leaving.

She won't talk about it and certainly would not go to the doctor. So I wait.

Good luck to you. John

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I certainly hope that both of you and your wives get back in the bed rattling game, you have both been married for too long to walk away now... I wish you both the best if luck...give them lots of cuddles guys .xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of women at menopause have body confidence issues so maybe thats part of the problem?

She thinks she doesnt look sexy so therefore doesnt feel sexy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From the other side and I'm sorry you are having a rough time. me and my husband haven't had sex for years well until a d*unken fumble last October. not good. I'm 50, no menopause or sign of he will be 55 this year.! I hope you both get sorted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm 47 finished my menopause two and a half years ago, and I have never felt better in myself, I gained a few pounds but that's it.

And can honestly say I I have always loved sex, but my sex life now is better than ever.

Sounds corny but true, and I have also been taught a different way, all down to my better half.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would like to hear from anyone who has been where I am or who has any insight. I will try to keep this brief. I am separated and heading for Divorce. Was married once before. My current Wife has no interest in sex. She puts up with it once in a while. She is 55 years old and tells me that after Menopause Women don't care about sex. Is that true ? I am a very young 53. I am and have always been an athelete, I am not willing to retire my sex life. We have been married for 24 years. I want my Sex life back. Any advice is appreciated."

She puts up with it once in a while?

Maybe she just doesn't want to have sex. Some women really aren't all that bothered.

Bit crap being coerced into doing something she doesn't want to....!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not all women lose interest after the change, I know I haven't. Like a few on here have said, if anything its gets better. I must say though, if I never had sex again I'd still want to be with my husband. Him or sex~no contest.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you for your insight John. Sounds like we have A LOT in common. I feel like i'm playing with fire but I have no choice if I want to make things better either way. She has agreed to see a Dr. and try to work things out. I am grateful for that. If I were in your shoes I would insist that she see ( and you ) a Therapist and or a Marriage councilor. I am being advised by a psychologist who helps me advocate for my needs as well as hers. My Psych. helps me see both sides like you folks do. It is a real asset in creating a solution, but it is still very hard.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Unless there are other reasons aside from sex - that is a long amount of time to step away from. I'd sit and have an open and honest conversation - maybe get a dr appointment to discuss it. After that, maybe approach the subject of swinging/other partners? But timing, language and rational steps are key I'd say.

Thank you very much for your well reasoned and logical response. I have begun to take the tack that you have suggested. There are other reasons too of course ( concerning her own anger issues etc..) that are beyond my control. I will help any way I can . You are right. timing is everything

"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you ... working on it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I would like to have that kind of arrangement if all else were to fail. How do you negotiate such a thing? If you can't or don't want to tell me I understand.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I would like to hear from anyone who has been where I am or who has any insight. I will try to keep this brief. I am separated and heading for Divorce. Was married once before. My current Wife has no interest in sex. She puts up with it once in a while. She is 55 years old and tells me that after Menopause Women don't care about sex. Is that true ? I am a very young 53. I am and have always been an athelete, I am not willing to retire my sex life. We have been married for 24 years. I want my Sex life back. Any advice is appreciated.

She puts up with it once in a while?

Maybe she just doesn't want to have sex. Some women really aren't all that bothered.

Bit crap being coerced into doing something she doesn't want to....!!"
When I do get her in the bed ,which has been rare lately, I always give her multiple orgasms and she drenches the bed. How can she not be into it ? What would you do if you were me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to get off here and go talk to your wife.

She needs to look at ways to get help, maybe your doctor?

This issue affects both of you, but shopping for someone to have sex with whilst "asking" for help is a bit low

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not all women lose interest after the change, I know I haven't. Like a few on here have said, if anything its gets better. I must say though, if I never had sex again I'd still want to be with my husband. Him or sex~no contest. "
I understand your loyalty and Love. That's why I didn't leave this relationship a long time ago. Does it get better due to circumstances or is sex literally better ?

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By *entleman JackMan
over a year ago

Loughborough

In your particular case I would say stay together with your wife. Enjoy all of the good things you have together, and be grateful for them.

But where sex is concerned try to find yourself a local "fuck buddy" a lady you can meet up with from time to time so that you enjoy the sex together, and get your share of fun.

That way you can enjoy a happy stable home life without feeling resentful of your wife not having sex with you.

Win - win!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I hope I'm not screwing up this thread. I might not have submitted my replies properly. I try to respond to everyone because I really appreciate the advice. I want to sincerely thank everyone for their kind words and encouragement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I hope I'm not screwing up this thread. I might not have submitted my replies properly. I try to respond to everyone because I really appreciate the advice. I want to sincerely thank everyone for their kind words and encouragement "

Click on the 'reply & quote' button and it shows who you are replying to.

Hope you can work it out between you. Definitely talk to her. Don't just make it all about sex though. If you still like her as a person, treat her as a person and not just as a sex object. (I don't mean that to sound harsh. Hope you know what I mean.)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You need to get off here and go talk to your wife.

She needs to look at ways to get help, maybe your doctor?

This issue affects both of you, but shopping for someone to have sex with whilst "asking" for help is a bit low "
I am not acting on any "shopping" offers yet. I have already backed away from at least two. I have been preparing all of the options and they are all on the table. If need be I will tell her that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would like to hear from anyone who has been where I am or who has any insight. I will try to keep this brief. I am separated and heading for Divorce. Was married once before. My current Wife has no interest in sex. She puts up with it once in a while. She is 55 years old and tells me that after Menopause Women don't care about sex. Is that true ? I am a very young 53. I am and have always been an athelete, I am not willing to retire my sex life. We have been married for 24 years. I want my Sex life back. Any advice is appreciated.

She puts up with it once in a while?

Maybe she just doesn't want to have sex. Some women really aren't all that bothered.

Bit crap being coerced into doing something she doesn't want to....!! When I do get her in the bed ,which has been rare lately, I always give her multiple orgasms and she drenches the bed. How can she not be into it ? What would you do if you were me? "

You sound like a caring and considerate man who still has strong feelings for his wife so I hope you can get thro this. It may just be a poor choice of words on your part but you do make sex with your wife sound like an "expected right". Do you take her out and woo her, compliment her, spoil her and make her feel special and could you do this without expecting "getting her into bed" as the outcome. She obviously still gets stimulated sexually or she would not orgasm so maybe she would respond better if the decision to have sex was hers and not something she feels obliged to do.

I am only basing this on what you have written in this and earlier posts so forgive me if I have misunderstood the situation. Many women need to feel cared about, need affection, sex is an emotional experience - they don't want to be made to feel that sex is just one more chore at the end of the day!

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By *cottishsexgoddessWoman
over a year ago

Glenrothes

I've gone through menopause and if anything, I enjoy and want sex even more than before.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In your particular case I would say stay together with your wife. Enjoy all of the good things you have together, and be grateful for them.

But where sex is concerned try to find yourself a local "fuck buddy" a lady you can meet up with from time to time so that you enjoy the sex together, and get your share of fun.

That way you can enjoy a happy stable home life without feeling resentful of your wife not having sex with you.

Win - win! "
That is an option I am considering. Thank you

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

my wife hit menopause and developed a thyroid problem, doctor said when she started taking the thyroxin tablets, she would be swinging from the chandalier.

this has not happened and we very rarely have sex and have stopped meeting.

since then, we have had her mother move in with us, she has alzheimers and has made things even more difficult.

all this has not changed my feelings towards my wife, i love her just as much and even though she has said to go have fun, its not something i, personally want to do, the only fun i want (clubs, meets etc) i want to enjoy them with her.

guess what i'm trying to say here is this, although sex is a major part of a loving relationship, for me at least, its not the B all and end all of being in love.

sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You sound like a caring and considerate man who still has strong feelings for his wife so I hope you can get thro this. It may just be a poor choice of words on your part but you do make sex with your wife sound like an "expected right". Do you take her out and woo her, compliment her, spoil her and make her feel special and could you do this without expecting "getting her into bed" as the outcome. She obviously still gets stimulated sexually or she would not orgasm so maybe she would respond better if the decision to have sex was hers and not something she feels obliged to do.

I am only basing this on what you have written in this and earlier posts so forgive me if I have misunderstood the situation. Many women need to feel cared about, need affection, sex is an emotional experience - they don't want to be made to feel that sex is just one more chore at the end of the day"

I agree with the above. If your wife is not really enthusiastic about the idea of sex, why on earth do you think she'd jump at the thought of swinging of all things?! Sorry, but that's a typical bloke fantasy. Don't put the emphasis on sex sec; touch, cuddle, snuggle... Above all - communicate. Make her feel wanted and needed. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I did abbreviate a lot of the details so as to not bore anyone to sleep. She has a lot of emotional issues that are beyond my control. I have been and will help her work on these by being patient. You make excellent points about her emotional needs etc.. she is very thick skinned and doesn't express a lot of affection. I have always been the romantic sensitive one and she would admit that.I will keep her needs in mind as I work toward a solution. Thank you so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Poor lady....i would have died for my wife when we were together. Just have a wank ffs

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I am learning a lot on here, Thankyou.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You sound like a caring and considerate man who still has strong feelings for his wife so I hope you can get thro this. It may just be a poor choice of words on your part but you do make sex with your wife sound like an "expected right". Do you take her out and woo her, compliment her, spoil her and make her feel special and could you do this without expecting "getting her into bed" as the outcome. She obviously still gets stimulated sexually or she would not orgasm so maybe she would respond better if the decision to have sex was hers and not something she feels obliged to do.

I am only basing this on what you have written in this and earlier posts so forgive me if I have misunderstood the situation. Many women need to feel cared about, need affection, sex is an emotional experience - they don't want to be made to feel that sex is just one more chore at the end of the day

I agree with the above. If your wife is not really enthusiastic about the idea of sex, why on earth do you think she'd jump at the thought of swinging of all things?! Sorry, but that's a typical bloke fantasy. Don't put the emphasis on sex sec; touch, cuddle, snuggle... Above all - communicate. Make her feel wanted and needed. Good luck "
Right now the Swing thing is a fantasy I will try to get into sooner or later. It's where i've wanted to be as soon as I could f**k. I am the cuddler and snuggler. She generally rejects that due to her own issues that I can't control ( anger, resentments, bitterness ) that do not involve me. She admits that. I am doing the best I can.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Wow ! I feel for you my friend that sounds very difficult. Your situation helps me put things in a better perspective. I really hope that things get better for you and your wife. It sounds like you are both under a lot of stress and that could be more than enough to stifle your Wife's libido. Being a Care giver is very hard work. Do you think you could get some Prof. help ? Another Dr. ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I would die for mine now. As a matter of fact I think I have been.

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts


"Wow ! I feel for you my friend that sounds very difficult. Your situation helps me put things in a better perspective. I really hope that things get better for you and your wife. It sounds like you are both under a lot of stress and that could be more than enough to stifle your Wife's libido. Being a Care giver is very hard work. Do you think you could get some Prof. help ? Another Dr. ? "

if this was meant for me (you really need to use the quote button when replying lol) we have tried for help, we tried to explain it to a doctor but, doctors seem to just throw tablets at you which dont help.

one wanted to send us to marriage guidance we really dont need guidance lol.

so we just take each day as it comes but love each other unconditianally.

i seem a right wimp lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Wow ! I feel for you my friend that sounds very difficult. Your situation helps me put things in a better perspective. I really hope that things get better for you and your wife. It sounds like you are both under a lot of stress and that could be more than enough to stifle your Wife's libido. Being a Care giver is very hard work. Do you think you could get some Prof. help ? Another Dr. ?

if this was meant for me (you really need to use the quote button when replying lol) we have tried for help, we tried to explain it to a doctor but, doctors seem to just throw tablets at you which dont help.

one wanted to send us to marriage guidance we really dont need guidance lol.

so we just take each day as it comes but love each other unconditianally.

i seem a right wimp lol "
You are not a wimp. I feel the same way you do in a lot of ways. That message was meant for you. If I were you I would exhaust every option including Marriage Guidance. Thats what I am doing. It is hard to see your dilema when you are standing in the middle of it. Did I post this correctly ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wow ! I feel for you my friend that sounds very difficult. Your situation helps me put things in a better perspective. I really hope that things get better for you and your wife. It sounds like you are both under a lot of stress and that could be more than enough to stifle your Wife's libido. Being a Care giver is very hard work. Do you think you could get some Prof. help ? Another Dr. ?

if this was meant for me (you really need to use the quote button when replying lol) we have tried for help, we tried to explain it to a doctor but, doctors seem to just throw tablets at you which dont help.

one wanted to send us to marriage guidance we really dont need guidance lol.

so we just take each day as it comes but love each other unconditianally.

i seem a right wimp lol "

On the contrary I think you are quite the opposite. A far cry from all the "I'm here because my wife doesn't want sex" brigade who use it as their justification for cheating. (OP I do not include you in this reference!). I think your wife is a very lucky lady to have a man who clearly thinks the world of her - don't every change

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You sound like a caring and considerate man who still has strong feelings for his wife so I hope you can get thro this. It may just be a poor choice of words on your part but you do make sex with your wife sound like an "expected right". Do you take her out and woo her, compliment her, spoil her and make her feel special and could you do this without expecting "getting her into bed" as the outcome. She obviously still gets stimulated sexually or she would not orgasm so maybe she would respond better if the decision to have sex was hers and not something she feels obliged to do.

I am only basing this on what you have written in this and earlier posts so forgive me if I have misunderstood the situation. Many women need to feel cared about, need affection, sex is an emotional experience - they don't want to be made to feel that sex is just one more chore at the end of the day

I agree with the above. If your wife is not really enthusiastic about the idea of sex, why on earth do you think she'd jump at the thought of swinging of all things?! Sorry, but that's a typical bloke fantasy. Don't put the emphasis on sex sec; touch, cuddle, snuggle... Above all - communicate. Make her feel wanted and needed. Good luck Right now the Swing thing is a fantasy I will try to get into sooner or later. It's where i've wanted to be as soon as I could f**k. I am the cuddler and snuggler. She generally rejects that due to her own issues that I can't control ( anger, resentments, bitterness ) that do not involve me. She admits that. I am doing the best I can. "

Is your wife also receiving counselling of any kind to help with the issues you mention. You certainly sound as tho you have her best interests at heart and its good to hear how supportive you are in spite of the rejection you feel, I applaud you for that. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment for better for worse, its so easy to forget those vows when things go wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive heard this from several places that the hormones go astray during the menopause and can dip the urge but no reason for it to come back once its all over - im almost 52 and no sign yet of the big M - and id say the urge definately not in the dip

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You sound like a caring and considerate man who still has strong feelings for his wife so I hope you can get thro this. It may just be a poor choice of words on your part but you do make sex with your wife sound like an "expected right". Do you take her out and woo her, compliment her, spoil her and make her feel special and could you do this without expecting "getting her into bed" as the outcome. She obviously still gets stimulated sexually or she would not orgasm so maybe she would respond better if the decision to have sex was hers and not something she feels obliged to do.

I am only basing this on what you have written in this and earlier posts so forgive me if I have misunderstood the situation. Many women need to feel cared about, need affection, sex is an emotional experience - they don't want to be made to feel that sex is just one more chore at the end of the day

I agree with the above. If your wife is not really enthusiastic about the idea of sex, why on earth do you think she'd jump at the thought of swinging of all things?! Sorry, but that's a typical bloke fantasy. Don't put the emphasis on sex sec; touch, cuddle, snuggle... Above all - communicate. Make her feel wanted and needed. Good luck Right now the Swing thing is a fantasy I will try to get into sooner or later. It's where i've wanted to be as soon as I could f**k. I am the cuddler and snuggler. She generally rejects that due to her own issues that I can't control ( anger, resentments, bitterness ) that do not involve me. She admits that. I am doing the best I can.

Is your wife also receiving counselling of any kind to help with the issues you mention. You certainly sound as tho you have her best interests at heart and its good to hear how supportive you are in spite of the rejection you feel, I applaud you for that. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment for better for worse, its so easy to forget those vows when things go wrong."
She has agreed to see a Therapist to work on her issues. She is working on not being so verbally abusive and angry but there is a long way to go I think. I am trying to hang in there but a lot of damage has been done.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"ive heard this from several places that the hormones go astray during the menopause and can dip the urge but no reason for it to come back once its all over - im almost 52 and no sign yet of the big M - and id say the urge definately not in the dip "
From your photos you are very young looking ( and attractive I might add ). The Hormones really effect EVERYTHING. Hopefully you won't have a dramatic drop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is your wife also receiving counselling of any kind to help with the issues you mention. You certainly sound as tho you have her best interests at heart and its good to hear how supportive you are in spite of the rejection you feel, I applaud you for that. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment for better for worse, its so easy to forget those vows when things go wrong.

She has agreed to see a Therapist to work on her issues. She is working on not being so verbally abusive and angry but there is a long way to go I think. I am trying to hang in there but a lot of damage has been done."

I can relate to that having been in an abusive marriage, I stayed to keep a roof over my children's head until I realised what it was doing to them and ended it.

At least your wife has acknowledged that she has problems and is trying to address them too so that is a positive move, whether you are able to save your marriage or not you will both hopefully be better/stronger for having sought help.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Is your wife also receiving counselling of any kind to help with the issues you mention. You certainly sound as tho you have her best interests at heart and its good to hear how supportive you are in spite of the rejection you feel, I applaud you for that. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment for better for worse, its so easy to forget those vows when things go wrong.

She has agreed to see a Therapist to work on her issues. She is working on not being so verbally abusive and angry but there is a long way to go I think. I am trying to hang in there but a lot of damage has been done.

I can relate to that having been in an abusive marriage, I stayed to keep a roof over my children's head until I realised what it was doing to them and ended it.

At least your wife has acknowledged that she has problems and is trying to address them too so that is a positive move, whether you are able to save your marriage or not you will both hopefully be better/stronger for having sought help.

"
Thank you you are very kind and your feedback is much appreciated. Also you have very tasteful and attractive pics. on your profile

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