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loss of confidence

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Have you or your partner ever had a complete loss of confidence?

From a loss of confidence in thier appearance, attractivness (is that a word?), ability to speak in large groups to confidence in thier sexual ability and swinging?

what happened and why? what steps were taken?

Feel this could be a good thread for those who could be doubting themselves as it would defo be good advice etc xxx

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By *ishful.thinkingWoman
over a year ago

east london

In my case I'd have to say just the opposite has happened I've gained confidence in so many different ways. Being able/allowed to express myself and explore those thing that interest me without judgment has been incredibly liberating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suffered from a lack of confidence from the very start. I was never at ease around the opposite sex, and it got worse the more I fancied a girl. I did have a wide circle of friends, probably because I was known for being someone they could trust, and because I have a natural curiosity which led me to befriend all kinds of people regardless of reputation, unfortunately I never got past the 'friend' stage with females.

Things changed when I was paid a compliment in a changing room about my cock, by a guy, which made me feel a bit uncomfortable, and normally I would assumed he was taking the piss, bt there was something about the way he said which made me believe him. So I started using sex contact mags (this was before the internet boom), where I'd reply to adverts and send a picture of my cock (which was not easy then since I had to send films to be developed), I started getting good responses about my cock, and that was when my confidence started to grow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My confidence took a battering when my husband walked out of our marriage after 26yrs! It was briefly restored by an 18 month relationship and then dipped to an all time low when that relationship came to an end early last year! A very special guy on this site (although I didn't know about the site at the time) helped me back on the road to building my confidence up again. Now with the help of lots of brilliant friends I have made on the site and in everyday life I think I can honestly say I'm on an all time confidence high! I'm very mindful that its the warmth and friendship of others that have got me to where I am today, and for that I can't thank everyone enough xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

happens to me a lot the wee insecurities get you but with a little work they go!

remember there is always someone worse than yourself xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we all go true moments like that and i am the first to put myself down before some one says anything about me. it a defense mechinism i have to stop people hurting me. but it still hurts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we all have insecure moments, i have them a lot and stupid things can trigger them off, i am quite a insecure person in general to be honest, i have very low self confidance, i hate meeting new people, its thrilling in a way but i always go thro the...oh god what if they dont like me phrase, before every meet, im not very good at talking to new people and that can sometimes come over as arrogance, tho im not, far from it infact, if people take the time to get to know me im ok, just most peeople dont as the first meet tends to put them off lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we all go true moments like that and i am the first to put myself down before some one says anything about me. it a defense mechinism i have to stop people hurting me. but it still hurts"

OMG you so sound like me, i fully understand what you mean, its almost like if i call myself fat its take it away from others as they wont say it if they think it wont hurt you, make a joke about your inperfections just so everyone knows you know you have them, i put my self down all the time, im always pointing out my saggy and flabby bits, but i do it in a jokey way, not in a ....oh feel sorry for me way.... thing is its the biggest thing that puts people off you, i tell myself oh he didnt like me cause im fat, or cause im ugly etc but truth is its lack of confidance people find the biggest turn off, i cant take compliments either i just laugh them off or tell them to stop being daft, and i think thats a put off too

I think its just how we see outselves, when you look at yourself and see an unatractive person, its very hard to believe that other do see you as attractive, because you think everyone views you and you view yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well it hard when you see the good looking meets you have leave the sight within a few days of meeting you and playing with you. were they doing a simpthy shag or was it just that they had their wish come true wanted the older woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lose more confidence the longer I try on these places

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"we all go true moments like that and i am the first to put myself down before some one says anything about me. it a defense mechinism i have to stop people hurting me. but it still hurts

OMG you so sound like me, i fully understand what you mean, its almost like if i call myself fat its take it away from others as they wont say it if they think it wont hurt you, make a joke about your inperfections just so everyone knows you know you have them, i put my self down all the time, im always pointing out my saggy and flabby bits, but i do it in a jokey way, not in a ....oh feel sorry for me way.... thing is its the biggest thing that puts people off you, i tell myself oh he didnt like me cause im fat, or cause im ugly etc but truth is its lack of confidance people find the biggest turn off, i cant take compliments either i just laugh them off or tell them to stop being daft, and i think thats a put off too

I think its just how we see outselves, when you look at yourself and see an unatractive person, its very hard to believe that other do see you as attractive, because you think everyone views you and you view yourself"

yep - i'm the same. always the first to take the piss out of myself because i tell myself it takes the sting out of it if anyone else does it - it doesnt.

in real life i am not a very confident or assertive person. My online persona is the real me but i have had so many years of being bullied/teased etc that i find it hard to project me when i am out in pubs etc. This is one of the reason i dont tend to pull when i go out which in turn is why i am addicted to this bloody site

i am getting better at the 'if you dont like me then do one' attitude and i am sure that in time i will build up the confidence to know that i am a great person and people are lucky to know me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This confidence thing is a huge issue for me .I was born with some congenital faults so always felt a little second best to everyone ..When my ex walked out on me 5 years ago after 32 years i saw myself as fifty fat and disabled and my self esteem was on the floor ..i actually took a whole year out to discover who i was ..i wasnt going to let anyone into my life until i liked /loved myself ...and what do you know?? ..i found out i was worth something...when i did start meeting people they seemed to like me too and the last 4 ears have been amazing ..i havnt changed anything about myself but i look in the mirror and see a very much different person and guys love a lady who is confident in herself regardsless of how many lumps and bumps she might have ...there are only so many supermodels in the world the rest of us have to make the best of a bad job !!!

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By *nkednkinky_bbwWoman
over a year ago

cannock

I can totally relate to what naughtynymphos and eveshamgal have both said. Also my confidence tends to go through highs and lows, i have days where i feel ultra confident and sexy, i also have days where i have so little confidence i dont even want to leave the house.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People can only respond to what they see if front of them. If they see exuberance and a zest for life in someone they are attracted to it like a moth to a flame - they want a part of it. On the flip side, if they see someone who's always down and negative then it repels them as that's probably what they're trying to escape from in their own lives.

It's ok to feel insecure anout oneself from time to time, it is what makes you human and prevents you from getting to above yourself. It's ok to compare yourself to others too, we all like to see a nice figure and a pretty face but we know we can't all be like that - it doesn't mean you have to feel inferior to that person though. A pretty person may well have his or her own insecurities and look at you with your vitality and wish they were more like you!

Being happy within your own skin is they key. You cannot ask someone else to love you if you don't love yourself first. Why would they?

(and I have my own little insecurities too but I have them under control and nobody needs to know what they are.)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its interesting that the OP has obviously had a complete crisis of confidence and left the site completely .......??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People can only respond to what they see if front of them. If they see exuberance and a zest for life in someone they are attracted to it like a moth to a flame - they want a part of it. On the flip side, if they see someone who's always down and negative then it repels them as that's probably what they're trying to escape from in their own lives.

It's ok to feel insecure anout oneself from time to time, it is what makes you human and prevents you from getting to above yourself. It's ok to compare yourself to others too, we all like to see a nice figure and a pretty face but we know we can't all be like that - it doesn't mean you have to feel inferior to that person though. A pretty person may well have his or her own insecurities and look at you with your vitality and wish they were more like you!

Being happy within your own skin is they key. You cannot ask someone else to love you if you don't love yourself first. Why would they?

(and I have my own little insecurities too but I have them under control and nobody needs to know what they are.) "

I could have written this...well said, agree completely!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People can only respond to what they see if front of them. If they see exuberance and a zest for life in someone they are attracted to it like a moth to a flame - they want a part of it. On the flip side, if they see someone who's always down and negative then it repels them as that's probably what they're trying to escape from in their own lives.

It's ok to feel insecure anout oneself from time to time, it is what makes you human and prevents you from getting to above yourself. It's ok to compare yourself to others too, we all like to see a nice figure and a pretty face but we know we can't all be like that - it doesn't mean you have to feel inferior to that person though. A pretty person may well have his or her own insecurities and look at you with your vitality and wish they were more like you!

Being happy within your own skin is they key. You cannot ask someone else to love you if you don't love yourself first. Why would they?

(and I have my own little insecurities too but I have them under control and nobody needs to know what they are.)

I could have written this...well said, agree completely!! "

Seconded!

Everybody has areas of insecurities - even Supermodels find things to criticise about their appearance; on of my colleagues, who is the epitome of class, intelligence, wit and success occasionally shares hers with me as do other people.

The bottom line is to accept what and who you are and start working on improving yourself in the areas of YOUR choice but only if you feel YOU want to.

For example, if you feel you want to loose weight... start there. If you feel you want to stop smoking... do it because YOU want to. Each one of us are in charge of our lives and choices...

I feel really sad reading some of the posts on people's life experience and the undoubted suffering they had through bullying and abuse of whatever kind. It is unnecessary and if you have been a victim, the first step is to acknowledge you had a bad deal. Then start finding the good things about your life and yourself - and each one of us has those.

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it didn't work peps, left the site...

Maybe the next one...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've read this piece for years, it put things into perspective when I was a teenager and I bought it on a poster for my bedroom wall.

desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People can only respond to what they see if front of them. If they see exuberance and a zest for life in someone they are attracted to it like a moth to a flame - they want a part of it. On the flip side, if they see someone who's always down and negative then it repels them as that's probably what they're trying to escape from in their own lives.

It's ok to feel insecure anout oneself from time to time, it is what makes you human and prevents you from getting to above yourself. It's ok to compare yourself to others too, we all like to see a nice figure and a pretty face but we know we can't all be like that - it doesn't mean you have to feel inferior to that person though. A pretty person may well have his or her own insecurities and look at you with your vitality and wish they were more like you!

Being happy within your own skin is they key. You cannot ask someone else to love you if you don't love yourself first. Why would they?

(and I have my own little insecurities too but I have them under control and nobody needs to know what they are.) "

Took the words right out of my mouth

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

'Six of one' situation for us...Mrs Cam is very insecure about her shape/size etc..a site like this can help or it can make the situation far worse..

When we are browsing or wandering through the profiles she will say 'move on'...'move on' if we come to one that features 'the beautiful people'..she just feels that they wouldnt be interested in her/us..(im no oil painting..but Im 'OK', apparently) It makes her feel worse then because it amplifies the problem..

It can put her on a massive downer and spoil the night..the sad thing is, she has the most wonderful endearing personality...and people we have spoken to on cam have always mentioned this..

Luckily we have spoken to some lovely people on here who do make her feel comfortable and she can let her self go and be happy within herself

Its not about her vanity..its about self worth and confidence. But sites like this can be a double edged sword..so far its ok, but it doesnt take much to upset things..chatrooms for instance..we have more or less given up with because people rarely chat unless your 'showing'...not much of a confidence boost is it? lol half a dozen 'veeeeery niiiiice' comments

At the end of the day..her feelings come first and if she isnt enjoying..im not either..

Just a few thoughts...

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By *harlie girlWoman
over a year ago

valleys

hi to all those that have insecurities i got them so bad at the mo im to scared to go ahed with a meet im hoping this is not long term i then wounder how others get past this stage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"hi to all those that have insecurities i got them so bad at the mo im to scared to go ahed with a meet im hoping this is not long term i then wounder how others get past this stage "

I have to admit ive never been to scared to go to a meet, but it does take me ages to agree to meet someone, i have to be 100% sure they like me as a person, i cant do quick meets due to the fact i think they will dissopointed if they havnt got to know me

I think what we all have to remember is, not everyone sees us as we see ourselves, to all the over weight ladies who have little self confidance....do you look at other over weight woman and think...fuck me look at the state of that? i very much doubt you do, so why do we think others think that about us? what we are doing is pushing our own self image onto other people, took me a long time to get my head round that, but it has helped

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Weve always been used to meeting people in our work lifes so helped us massively when we started to meet on sites like this.

Its difficult but confidence with new friends comes from having something in common than just sexual desire, hobbies,travel,sport,family life, kids theres loads of things to interact about and its makes you feel confident when theres laugh or two involved.

We always tell a horror story of a meet on hols , never fells to put people at ease we hope

Jackie Ian xx

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