FabSwingers.com forum: Helping

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I made mistake gave a guy from fab my number other week. He was really down n said needed chat. He now txts several times a day sayin how depressed and lonely he is with no friends.

I have told him needs professional help-I can't do anything

I felt bad hardly talk to him. Tonight he txt is on anti depressants adv to see friends but he has none and Is thinking do something stupid. I don't know what I can do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I made mistake gave a guy from fab my number other week. He was really down n said needed chat. He now txts several times a day sayin how depressed and lonely he is with no friends.

I have told him needs professional help-I can't do anything

I felt bad hardly talk to him. Tonight he txt is on anti depressants adv to see friends but he has none and Is thinking do something stupid. I don't know what I can do "

What you can do...

Learn from your mistake, then it becomes a lesson and not a mistake.

Always have a play phone, pay as you go, ( under a tenner from supermarkets )

In future if you have a similar problem, just bin the sim.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I made mistake gave a guy from fab my number other week. He was really down n said needed chat. He now txts several times a day sayin how depressed and lonely he is with no friends.

I have told him needs professional help-I can't do anything

I felt bad hardly talk to him. Tonight he txt is on anti depressants adv to see friends but he has none and Is thinking do something stupid. I don't know what I can do

What you can do...

Learn from your mistake, then it becomes a lesson and not a mistake.

Always have a play phone, pay as you go, ( under a tenner from supermarkets )

In future if you have a similar problem, just bin the sim."

I do have pay n go. Gave him tht num told him this is temp not to txt n he txts both. I tried ignore on my num doesn't work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dont do anything...u already gave him the best advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't read or reply to messages, just delete, you are feeding into his depression, and he is saying what he thinks you want to hear, to get what he wants, attention.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Don't read or reply to messages, just delete, you are feeding into his depression, and he is saying what he thinks you want to hear, to get what he wants, attention."

Can't help reading and I feel bad for him. I did ignore some n just deleted but didn't stop him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't read or reply to messages, just delete, you are feeding into his depression, and he is saying what he thinks you want to hear, to get what he wants, attention.

Can't help reading and I feel bad for him. I did ignore some n just deleted but didn't stop him "

basically he probably has the out of hours number etc...just tell him u wont talk to him until he's done as uve suggested.Dont play into manipulation,regardless of whether its real or fabricated.

Having worked with many in the same positions, u have to get tough, without being rude or hurtful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't read or reply to messages, just delete, you are feeding into his depression, and he is saying what he thinks you want to hear, to get what he wants, attention.

Can't help reading and I feel bad for him. I did ignore some n just deleted but didn't stop him "

That of course is your choice, and we all like to feel needed

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Don't read or reply to messages, just delete, you are feeding into his depression, and he is saying what he thinks you want to hear, to get what he wants, attention.

Can't help reading and I feel bad for him. I did ignore some n just deleted but didn't stop him

That of course is your choice, and we all like to feel needed

Trust me it's not a choice it's the way I am. I worry about people care too much drive myself mad and feel guilty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't read or reply to messages, just delete, you are feeding into his depression, and he is saying what he thinks you want to hear, to get what he wants, attention.

Can't help reading and I feel bad for him. I did ignore some n just deleted but didn't stop him

That of course is your choice, and we all like to feel needed

Trust me it's not a choice it's the way I am. I worry about people care too much drive myself mad and feel guilty "

We all have choices, from when we wake up until we go to bed.

Stress will drive you mad, and make you feel guilty, sounds like you thrive on it. as I say its your choice. You can change yourself, but cant change anyone else, there are many ways to change, if its what you really want to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you must respond, for your own sanity, tell him you cannot help him and that he can ring the Samaritans. Just keep repeating that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Don't read or reply to messages, just delete, you are feeding into his depression, and he is saying what he thinks you want to hear, to get what he wants, attention.

Can't help reading and I feel bad for him. I did ignore some n just deleted but didn't stop him

That of course is your choice, and we all like to feel needed

Trust me it's not a choice it's the way I am. I worry about people care too much drive myself mad and feel guilty

We all have choices, from when we wake up until we go to bed.

Sorry but I disagree. U can't change ur personality. I'm a worrier I care bout people ye prob way too much but it's better than not at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I certainly didn't suggest you change your personality, we are unique and special creations, but we can change our way of dealing with things,

Millions of people are carers and healers, if they let everything stress them out, they couldn't do their jobs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well I'd rather be too caring than unfeeling. Being too emotional is unfortunately a side effect of being the daughter of world class worrier,worrier myself,too mind,menopausal on hrt and oh yeah a woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'd rather be too caring than unfeeling. Being too emotional is unfortunately a side effect of being the daughter of world class worrier,worrier myself,too mind,menopausal on hrt and oh yeah a woman

As I said much earlier you get off on helping people, so enjoy your depressed texter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you must respond, for your own sanity, tell him you cannot help him and that he can ring the Samaritans. Just keep repeating that."

That is just giving the guy a reason to call, its feeding his need for attention, just say it once then let go.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

You're menopausal? You're only 24.

As for this gentleman he is absolutely taking advantage of your caring nature. It's up to you if you are going to continue to allow him. I have a very good friend who has suffered from depression for years. She has even spent time in psychiatric units for her own safety. She has never ever behaved in the manner you describe.

You need to get tough with him. As, if you don't he will continue, drag you down with him and not actually get the help he may need because he is using you as an emotional crutch.

I would also be very suspicious of a total stranger constantly imposing themselves into my life like this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're menopausal? You're only 24.

You need to get tough with him. As, if you don't he will continue, drag you down with him and not actually get the help he may need because he is using you as an emotional crutch.

I would also be very suspicious of a total stranger constantly imposing themselves into my life like this. "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If this is the case why are you asking for help then ignoring some very constructive advice? You aren't helping this man, you have been given ideas on how to do so but you can't because you care too much. If you care you will stop enabling him to sink lower and enable him to seek effective help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you must respond, for your own sanity, tell him you cannot help him and that he can ring the Samaritans. Just keep repeating that.

That is just giving the guy a reason to call, its feeding his need for attention, just say it once then let go."

My point is that if she refuses to engage with him, and doesn't deviate from that info, he will get the message better than getting a period of silence, then a response, then silence. Boundaries need to be put in situ, for there are none at present.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I may be wrong but it sounds like co-dependency. If you need to care then get a "caring" job and they should help you learn to switch off and protect yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have no contact whatsoever

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

It seems like one of 2 things...

Either he's telling the truth in which case you can't help him so give him the number for the Samaritans then block his number as this back and forth messaging won't be doing anyone any good.

Or he's playing you... In which case block him anyway! You can block numbers on iPhone and android now so just cut all communication.

Sounds harsh probably but I've been on the receiving end of this (not through fab) and nothing you can say will make a difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I may be wrong but it sounds like co-dependency. If you need to care then get a "caring" job and they should help you learn to switch off and protect yourself."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The other thing is it could be a fantasy, I can save him !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've taken on the actual constructive help eg give him simatitans number told him I can't help. Next would be block number which I don't like but did to last person my ex who knew how to play my feelings and on weekly basis told me he'd commit suicide if didn't take him back.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You're menopausal? You're only 24.

Don't know if was serious question or not but ye I am have been for last year. Hot flushes full shebang sucks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I made mistake gave a guy from fab my number other week. He was really down n said needed chat. He now txts several times a day sayin how depressed and lonely he is with no friends.

I have told him needs professional help-I can't do anything

I felt bad hardly talk to him. Tonight he txt is on anti depressants adv to see friends but he has none and Is thinking do something stupid. I don't know what I can do "
..Leave him to it you don't owe him anything not even a text,If he sounds as bad as you say I would keep well away from him,After all he is a stranger to you,Not a friend that would be different all together.xx

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By *organ and rob zombieCouple
over a year ago

bradford

As I said much earlier you get off on helping people, so enjoy your depressed texter

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By *organ and rob zombieCouple
over a year ago

bradford

Agree

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By *organ and rob zombieCouple
over a year ago

bradford

He's a cling on, get shut!!!

We had someone like that, trying to interfere in our relationship, texting, pestering, manipulative.

Get rid, you owe him nothing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He's a cling on, get shut!!!

We had someone like that, trying to interfere in our relationship, texting, pestering, manipulative.

Get rid, you owe him nothing "
Nothing at all

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

He says he has no friends. Have you considered that there may be a good reason for that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He says he has no friends. Have you considered that there may be a good reason for that? "

Depressed people tend to isolate themselves.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"He says he has no friends. Have you considered that there may be a good reason for that?

Depressed people tend to isolate themselves."

Yes and people who make a career out of victimhood drive people away. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He says he has no friends. Have you considered that there may be a good reason for that?

Depressed people tend to isolate themselves.

Yes and people who make a career out of victimhood drive people away. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy."

Obviously we don't know the person in question, but I'm pointing out it's not wise to cast apersions on limited information.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

in general, there are people in this world that are emotional leeches that have no interest in helping themselves out of a hile and delight in dragging others down with them.

they are beyond the help of reasonable people and can only be reached by professionals, that they are unwilling to seek out as they wont feed the needs they require met.

the best thing you can do, really, is ignore.

if you have to change your number, and most of all, learn from it and dont be so gullible/quick to 'help' a stranger in the future

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

Its not about being uncaring. Im a very caring person im a support worker and also had an ex partner who suffered from depression and other mental health issues. My advice would be to ignore his texts etc as they will end up making you ill.

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