FabSwingers.com forum: A tad disappointed :-(

By *othingbetterthansex OP Couple
over a year ago

Accrington

So the story goes like this...

I love my wife implicitly and she feels the same. She and I have always enjoyed the mfm fantasy and before our first meet it would crop up everytime we made love.

During our first meet in a hotel, I experienced a bit of stage fright, (well it was unusual) however had fun and especially enjoyed Mrs having a good time too.

Afterwards Mrs told me she had enjoyed it and that we would do it again some time and we agreed it would not be as weird and I would be able to join in a lot more.

Cut to the present and we arranged a meet for Saturday at a club with the same guy, and a few hours beforehand our youngest started being sick

We don't like to leave the kids at babysitters when they're ill so had to cancel the meet.

We still had a fun time together that night however, afterwards Mrs tells me that she was only going to go along to the club to make me happy! and that she thought I would not love her anymore if she didn't go!!! She said that after the hotel meet she felt "dirty and cheap" I thought she was happy to try again and was surprised that she said this even though she was excited about the hotel meet.

I would love to try again as I enjoyed it so much but now don't know how to tell her without her getting upset and I can't stop thinking about it, its driving me mad.

Do I accept that now our brief foray into swinging is probably dead and keep quiet, or try and explain how I feel and risk her getting the hump?

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside

If she doesn't want to do it, isn't the answer obvious to you? i.e. stop!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds to me like you've got a choice mate. Your wife or swinging. If she feels strongly about not wanting to cntinue, then it may do irreparable damage to your relationship if you force the issue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If she doesn't want to do it, isn't the answer obvious to you? i.e. stop!

Very true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are asking the wrong people as we don't know your wife. Human beings are complex people.

She may have loved sex on the night but now feels guilty or it could be that she didn't enjoy it. Who knows!

In terms of feeling cheap and dirty, well yes if you are a new female who is particularly prim and proper then these feelings post swinging are understandable.

Talk to her and give it time. If you both genuinely loved the hotel meet then it will happen again if you give it time. Don't be too pushy as us blokes can be when we have a hard on!

Mr Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if either of us didn't want to swing neither of us would!

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By *othingbetterthansex OP Couple
over a year ago

Accrington

I would never push her into doing anything she didn't want to do. We were both up for it and she said nothing for months until now, even after discussing having another meet. Its the mixed messages that have me confused. We need to discuss it further i'm just unsure how to broach the subject.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

depends.

is it having full sex with someone else that made her feel cheap, or the whole idea of being with other people in a sexual situation?

maybe you went too far too quickly.

as has been said, this is a conversation you should be having with her as no one on here will have any idea what she is going through or how she feels about what aspect she didnt enjoy.

the biggest thing you have to remember, though, is not to force the issue with her.

she has said she didnt really enjoy it and you have to go with that.

sometimes fantasies really do have to stay in the head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would never push her into doing anything she didn't want to do. We were both up for it and she said nothing for months until now, even after discussing having another meet. Its the mixed messages that have me confused. We need to discuss it further i'm just unsure how to broach the subject. "

Women are very complicated so persevere. I'm sure your intentions are honourable and with a bit of patience you will establish if swinging is for both of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive solved you problem of how to tell het how you feel, just leave fab logged in and she can read this post herself

no thanks needed in happy to help

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By *othingbetterthansex OP Couple
over a year ago

Accrington

"Ive solved you problem of how to tell het how you feel, just leave fab logged in and she can read this post herself

no thanks needed in happy to help

"
cracking idea, thanks

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

Being a part of the swinging scene doesn't have to a an 'all or nothing' situation. You need to have a deep discussion with your wife and find out if she wants to back out completely or if she'd like to experience sexual adventures within her boundaries. For example, she may like the idea of visiting a club, being a part of an alternative, sexy environment and witnessing some horny sights before retiring to a private room with you for some sexually charged fun. She may even feel ok with going one step further i.e having fun with you in the same room as another couple but with no contact between you and them (soft swinging). There are many ways to experience this lifestyle according to individual boundaries. Of course, if she's been turned off the whole idea then there really is only one solution of you want your marriage to stay intact. And you know what that is.

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By *othingbetterthansex OP Couple
over a year ago

Accrington

"Being a part of the swinging scene doesn't have to a an 'all or nothing' situation. You need to have a deep discussion with your wife and find out if she wants to back out completely or if she'd like to experience sexual adventures within her boundaries. For example, she may like the idea of visiting a club, being a part of an alternative, sexy environment and witnessing some horny sights before retiring to a private room with you for some sexually charged fun. She may even feel ok with going one step further i.e having fun with you in the same room as another couple but with no contact between you and them (soft swinging). There are many ways to experience this lifestyle according to individual boundaries. Of course, if she's been turned off the whole idea then there really is only one solution of you want your marriage to stay intact. And you know what that is."
That sounds like very good advice and will make mention of what you have suggested. If its the end of the scene for us then its the end of the scene. its been brief, but fun. Thanks guys

If not then lets just see what the future holds

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

so to recap:

you went to a club.. she didnt like it

you went to a hotel.. she didnt like it

try DOGGIN

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

"so to recap:

you went to a club.. she didnt like it

you went to a hotel.. she didnt like it

try DOGGIN

I don't think they made it to the club.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"so to recap:

you went to a club.. she didnt like it

you went to a hotel.. she didnt like it

try DOGGIN

they had a meet at a hotel.

he couldnt perform

she had sex with a stranger (as it turns out to please him, not her)

she now is having second thoughts of doing anything else.

is there anything i have confuzzld you with, mr assassin?lol

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By *unwithus2.Couple
over a year ago

south kent

Never push the issue mate, if she dose not want to go through with it don't do it, nor force her or black male her into it you will re-great it.

Be a Man and except the fact its

your marriage or swinging, i know what i would pick if i loved her that much.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

"so to recap:

you went to a club.. she didnt like it

you went to a hotel.. she didnt like it

try DOGGIN

they had a meet at a hotel.

he couldnt perform

she had sex with a stranger (as it turns out to please him, not her)

she now is having second thoughts of doing anything else.

is there anything i have confuzzld you with, mr assassin?lol"

for the first time ever - I wrote the word 'befuddledment' just today, but confuzzld explains it all, thanks!

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By *lubPartyPeepsCouple
over a year ago

London

"You are asking the wrong people as we don't know your wife. Human beings are complex people.

She may have loved sex on the night but now feels guilty or it could be that she didn't enjoy it. Who knows!

In terms of feeling cheap and dirty, well yes if you are a new female who is particularly prim and proper then these feelings post swinging are understandable.

Talk to her and give it time. If you both genuinely loved the hotel meet then it will happen again if you give it time. Don't be too pushy as us blokes can be when we have a hard on!

Mr Z"

This is probably the best response, it may well come up and happen again, but its not worth your marriage.

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