FabSwingers.com forum: An insult to swingers? or not?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So it has been said to me this week by a long term fuck buddy (1yr +) that if they had a 'real' partner there is no way they would go swinging with them. It was implied that swinging is wrong/dirty/or something only bad girls do. Now I'm not overly sensitive but it's got me thinking. Is that what people really think??

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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago

Currently Faraway

Well, people who don't engage in that activity probably do think it. But if you have a fb and you swing with him and other couples or singles, it seems a bit odd to me that he would say something like that...maybe he needs to rethink? x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure it is an insult or more due to the way they feel. I doubt very much I could swing with a partner but not because it is dirty but because I don't think I have the confidence and security in myself.

I actually envy the relationships swinging couples have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sounds more like selfishness than having a go at swingers.. bear in mind it their own opionion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing."

But of course, their are many reasons people swing, and if it suits them all is good, no matter what anyone else thinks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone has different motivations and attitudes.... I think if you are only playing in a one on one situation, then being monogamous with a partner is a perfectly reasonable approach.

If you are into group play then it does seem a little different - but then there are lots of people who will be here for a little while, either as a phase, or deciding it isn't for them....

It does seem a bit harsh to you, but I guess you are comfortable with the level your relationship is at

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By *orny69pussyCouple
over a year ago

Tonbridge

I used to be in a relationship with my FWB, and there's no way he would have done it.

We went to a club together, but as singles and the WB doesn't really happen anymore either.

He's now just my best mate that I feel safe with.

Although saying that.. Fab just changed my profile to 'couple' so gonna have to rethink the wording lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing."

There should never be a 'need' to swing in a relationship, it should only ever be used as an added extra, I love and care deeply for my partner, but we both enjoy swinging , and if anything has brought us closer together.

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By *ony and shaz for funCouple
over a year ago

omagh

"So it has been said to me this week by a long term fuck buddy (1yr +) that if they had a 'real' partner there is no way they would go swinging with them. It was implied that swinging is wrong/dirty/or something only bad girls do. Now I'm not overly sensitive but it's got me thinking. Is that what people really think??"

Theres no way they shold be saying that and theyed be off any list of friends or contacts here or anywhere else if it was us

shaz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose if one partner is Bi, and their partner is straight, swinging would help the relationship, so that both are able to be who they are.

couples who play together, stay together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I suppose if one partner is Bi, and their partner is straight, swinging would help the relationship, so that both are able to be who they are.

couples who play together, stay together."

Agree to a point, but being bi has nothing to do with it in our relationship, it's just jolly good fun!

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

We are very much in love after 10 years together. We started swinging a few weeks after we met, played with others at least once a month, got married after 2 years and kept on playing monthly thereafter. We wouldn't want to be in a relationship with anybody else but we enjoy our extramarital hobby. We're both very highly sexed and monogamy didn't work for either of us during our last marriages. This way we can be honest about our need for sexual variety.

We also know many people who are happily married and frequent swingers, in fact the great majority of our regular swinging friends have always been like this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We are very much in love after 10 years together. We started swinging a few weeks after we met, played with others at least once a month, got married after 2 years and kept on playing monthly thereafter. We wouldn't want to be in a relationship with anybody else but we enjoy our extramarital hobby. We're both very highly sexed and monogamy didn't work for either of us during our last marriages. This way we can be honest about our need for sexual variety.

We also know many people who are happily married and frequent swingers, in fact the great majority of our regular swinging friends have always been like this."

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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago

Currently Faraway

We also know many people who are happily married and frequent swingers, in fact the great majority of our regular swinging friends have always been like this."

Loving and caring for your partner more than anyone else while being both swingers, should be a given. The rest is just a bit of spice on your food

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By *TMA that man againMan
over a year ago

worester

we all have a choice if we want to swing i did come of fab when i got a partner who was also a swinger because i had the green eyed monster nothing wrong with swinging each to there own and its nobody else to judge a nother person happy swinging all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some interesting points of view. Thanks guys and girls. Personally I think it smacks of double standards x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would not want to play with anyone who has the mentality to play with one half of a couple but then be incapable of doing it themselves. It shows they have no understanding of why couples share or swing which renders them incapable of truly respecting both halves of a couple.

crystal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing.

Hear hear

We got married soon after we started swinging. We just got to a place in our relationship where we just wanted each other so damn much and never wanted to be apart.

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By *lubPartyPeepsCouple
over a year ago

London

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing.

Hear hear

We got married soon after we started swinging. We just got to a place in our relationship where we just wanted each other so damn much and never wanted to be apart.

Same for us.

We have noticed that people, especially singles on the scene are often quick to quote these double standards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep. We just 'Use' you double standarded singles!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We share and delight in the experience with respectful couples!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course the FWB could be trying to put you off swinging so you only shag him.

Has his attitude to you changed recently?

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By *orny69pussyCouple
over a year ago

Tonbridge

Not sure if it's an insult to swingers, as I don't care what he thinks, and I'm a newbie lol

I think that maybe you have more feelings for him that you care to admit?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Of course the FWB could be trying to put you off swinging so you only shag him.

Has his attitude to you changed recently?

No don't think that's it. We both enjoy playing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends what he meant...if he meant that he would probably get jealous if he were to swing with a partner then I can understand that, but if it's because he feels there is something 'wrong' with a couple that swing then I think he needs to rethink where he's getting his rocks off!

I have had meets tell me afterwards they'd never date a woman from a swinging site and implied it would be because they were 'dirty'...personally I think it's that they'd be worried they couldn't keep her entertained! I didn't see any of them again after that comment as, although I have no intention of dating, I don't like the way they saw me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If swinging wasn't seen as dirty or wrong by others then no one would be hiding their faces on here or other sex sites. Single people looking for sex can't be open either because of other people's judgemental attitudes towards sex out of a relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing.

Hear hear

We got married soon after we started swinging. We just got to a place in our relationship where we just wanted each other so damn much and never wanted to be apart.

Swinging for us is club based and hence it's another universe. We enter the club environment and everything just seems so natural. We leave it and we wouldn't dream of playing with the people we come into contact with in everyday life."
I just don't think I could watch a man I loved with someone else and not cry or get jealous. I've not been in that situation ever, not counting being cheated on as I didn't see it,so it's just in my head for now

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By *eddonistikMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"Of course the FWB could be trying to put you off swinging so you only shag him.

Has his attitude to you changed recently?

No don't think that's it. We both enjoy playing."

What's an FWB?

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By *eddonistikMan
over a year ago

Manchester

I can't see that being my view but different people have different views.

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By *eddonistikMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"If swinging wasn't seen as dirty or wrong by others then no one would be hiding their faces on here or other sex sites. Single people looking for sex can't be open either because of other people's judgemental attitudes towards sex out of a relationship "

Lots of us do show our face pictures on here, not hiding anything, I'm not doing anything illegal.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You'd be amazed at how many people have this attitude within the swinging community (I don't like that phrase but what else to use?). One couple we met socially from another site were quickly ticked off our list when the man made it quite clear he wouldn't normally socialise with people "like us" meaning swingers

lol his double standards nearly choked him

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Well, people who don't engage in that activity probably do think it. But if you have a fb and you swing with him and other couples or singles, it seems a bit odd to me that he would say something like that...maybe he needs to rethink? x"

Why does he. He didn't SAY he thought it was wrong or Dirty. It was assumed that was the implication.

I used to meet loads when I was single but now I'm in a relationship with someone off here we haven't really swung that much. Do I need to rethink things?? Am I insulting all the swingers??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't swing with a 'real' partner either

for me swinging is a way of getting sex because im single, if I wasn't single I wouldn't need to be on here

that's not men as a insult to anyone I have met but yeah they are a make do, but then so was I to them, its NSA

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Can someone show me the fine print on signing up to this site where it says if a couple CHOOSES to play with you you must (even hypothetically) return the favour with your partner, current or future???

That by signing up as a single you MUST play as a couple when you meet someone.

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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago

Currently Faraway

Why does he. He didn't SAY he thought it was wrong or Dirty. It was assumed that was the implication.

I used to meet loads when I was single but now I'm in a relationship with someone off here we haven't really swung that much. Do I need to rethink things?? Am I insulting all the swingers??"

You said "we haven't really swung that much", which I assume means that you have been swinging juuuust a little bit? I don't know what you or your partner believe about swinging and relationships and I therefore cannot judge you but it IS my opinion that if you enjoy swinging with another person as a duo with other couples it seems a bit odd to say that if you have a "proper" relationship you wouldn't allow swinging...this is MY opinion though. Everyone else is allowed to disagree xx

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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago

Currently Faraway

Let me also clarify, I am not attacking those of you who are of the opinion that if they had a 'real' partner they wouldn't swing. Each to their own and we live in a free world. It's just that those of us who enjoy swinging whether solo or as duos/couples also have real, loving partners in very real and loving relationships xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why does he. He didn't SAY he thought it was wrong or Dirty. It was assumed that was the implication.

I used to meet loads when I was single but now I'm in a relationship with someone off here we haven't really swung that much. Do I need to rethink things?? Am I insulting all the swingers??"

no it means your content with what you have, your relationships pretty new and no doubt still going thro the honey moon period, maybe when you have been together for 10 years you may meet more, the fact you don't want to meet often anymore to me shows you are happy and isn't insulting anyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I met someone would I swing definitely not straight away maybe after our own relationship had been established however long that took and as long as we were both comfortable with it it could be something to consider

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I admit that's exactly how I feel. As a single gal I view swinging as a hobbie, not a lifestyle. If I was in a relationship I wouldn't want any part of the 'scene' in my life anymore.

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By *lentyoffun40Couple
over a year ago

Lancashire

Had this discussion whilst meeting a single lady last night

All of us suggested that we would never give up swinging .

1/ we all love sex and believe that eventually sex with one person does become monotonous . Even with all the will in the world .. That's just how it is

( there will always be exceptions for those who will rip me apart for saying this )

2/ after a meet we usually have the best sex together

3/ when you completely trust someone and have not got a jealous bone in your body . It's a great feeling

4/ we just love seeing each other being pleasured

5/ chances of either of us cheating is bare minimal ! .. Why would we?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of us do show our face pictures on here, not hiding anything, I'm not doing anything illegal."

nobody said you were. If sex outside of marriage wasn't frowned up no one would keep face pics private

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing."

I disagree. I'm not interested in meeting single guys by myself. But I do enjoy going to clubs and having an extra guy join us, or playing with another couple. I could be completely in love with Reggie until the end of time but he would only ever have one penis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This attitude of "What's yours is mine but what's mine is my own!" is more prevalent from singles, both male and female, than you'd think.

Some see swinging as just a way of filling in a gap between long term partners.

It's also another reason why we specified couples only.

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So my take on it is, and I hope I word it right:

Fwb's maywell be happy to swing and partake in sexual activity, because they have met someone that they are happy to explore their sexual inhibitions with.

However if and when they meet someone they want to date, they may not chose to swing for a number of reasons. This can range from contentment to their partner not feeling the same about swinging.

It may be that the person has had their time of exploration and doesn't have the urge.

It's all personal choice, which is why life is so exciting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing.

We are the same, well said

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By *ap AdgeMan
over a year ago

Wirral

Indeed swinging with a partner takes a lot of trust. Would I in a long term relationship yes. But the best sex is still with the one you love and care for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So my take on it is, and I hope I word it right:

Fwb's maywell be happy to swing and partake in sexual activity, because they have met someone that they are happy to explore their sexual inhibitions with.

However if and when they meet someone they want to date, they may not chose to swing for a number of reasons. This can range from contentment to their partner not feeling the same about swinging.

It may be that the person has had their time of exploration and doesn't have the urge.

It's all personal choice, which is why life is so exciting. "

We think what the O.P meant and what we mean is the people who say they WOULDN'T allow their partners to swing.

Nothing to do with contentment or their partner not wanting to do it, more a case of just not wanting to share them but having no qualms about sharing others.

XXXX

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By *ohjaneCouple
over a year ago

south staffs

"Let me also clarify, I am not attacking those of you who are of the opinion that if they had a 'real' partner they wouldn't swing. Each to their own and we live in a free world. It's just that those of us who enjoy swinging whether solo or as duos/couples also have real, loving partners in very real and loving relationships xx"

Well said, that man.

Jane x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With my ex husband i would of never even suggested swinging, as our relationship was different and i was different back then, if you meet someone in a real relationship! is there a guarantee they would be interested in swinging, also would people confess to a future partner about there swinging pasts!!

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By *lackCherryCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

There is an attitude among a small number of singles on here that you cannot swing and be in a loving relationship and if they "had a partner" they wouldn't be on here.

Quite frankly its a bizarre attitude to have when you're part of the community, quite insulting and makes me question why THEY are on here at all.

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By *ushishlipsWoman
over a year ago

Gateshead

I am happily married and swing with my husband so there is no need to swing with strangers, if your fb is saying this to you after 1 year + I think its bout time he moved on and found someone else, in the swinging world you need to be able to trust people and make sure that he is gonna keep you safe, ditch him and find another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think your fb is right. I wouldn't want to share someone if I was in a relationship with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is an attitude among a small number of singles on here that you cannot swing and be in a loving relationship and if they "had a partner" they wouldn't be on here.

Quite frankly its a bizarre attitude to have when you're part of the community, quite insulting and makes me question why THEY are on here at all.

I think I would be worried it would come between us. The thought of it sounds perfect as I would get to have him every night but I don't know if I could handle the reality of it. I'm probably destined to be single forever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing.

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many people on here specify "no strings attached" I take strings to mean commitment and emotions.

If I were in a committed relationship involving love (whatever that is) i.e. strings, then the decision to swing or not would have to be a joint one. If my partner did not want to swing then I would respect that as a decision affecting both of us.

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By *uietlyKinkyUsCouple
over a year ago

midlands

I think it is rather sweet.

When in a relationship, he wants to keep his other half to himself. That's fine and his choice. As long as he doesn't play it as a double standard.

Many people are happy in love and happy just having sex between them.

So what if he swings, because he doesn't have someone at home. Everyone is here for a different reason.

Same as those couples that do swing, they enjoy an added extra to their sex life, good for them.

I dont see it as a double standard.

If he were to decide to start a relationship with a swinger, he may change his mind, he may not.

He was honest and open, & that I applaud

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing.

We are the same, well said

same here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a few who think that way its because as a single you can see it differently and if you got the loved up thing you would want to spend all your time with your partner. I hardly see that as wrong should it be?

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By *ngel_screwballCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

OMG, two faced, hypocritical, small minded, all come to mind. Understandably everyone has different opinions but its ok for singles to enjoy themselves ( with couples may we add ) and then have check with cheap shots. If you don't like the scene then sling your hook. Sex in the scene is just an extra avenue as a couple you can explore, whereas when alone it is love making, that's the simple difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing."

really...

you have no idea.

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By *heScotandthegirlCouple
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing.

really...

you have no idea."

I totally agree with those that have said we swing to enhance our relationship, not to replace/substitute - damn I don't like to brag but we enjoy sex together a lot! There's nothing missing, we just like to enjoy the hobby/lifestyle/meeting sexy people and having fun.

Totally agree that the sex after is even more intense and the emotional bond even closer.

Ruby x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

in my opinion if you think this then you havent understood the depth of feeling behind anyones choice to be a swinger and cant call yourself one! x

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"I would not want to play with anyone who has the mentality to play with one half of a couple but then be incapable of doing it themselves. It shows they have no understanding of why couples share or swing which renders them incapable of truly respecting both halves of a couple.

crystal"

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By *orn_To_PerformCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Swinging is about recreational sex; gaining pleasure from a physical activity. It has nothing to do with a loving relationship. Some swingers are in such relationships; some are not. However, we have noticed that quite a few swingers see swinging as somehow connected to an emotional relationship. Anybody with this attitude should not be swinging, as they clearly don't think there is such a thing as 'no strings attached' sex...

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia

"Swinging is about recreational sex; gaining pleasure from a physical activity. It has nothing to do with a loving relationship. Some swingers are in such relationships; some are not. However, we have noticed that quite a few swingers see swinging as somehow connected to an emotional relationship. Anybody with this attitude should not be swinging, as they clearly don't think there is such a thing as 'no strings attached' sex..."

we have met a few who really don't get it! Thankfully most do!

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By *uietlyKinkyUsCouple
over a year ago

midlands

Well this has taken an interesting turn. It comes up often enough if you met someone would you give up swinging? Mostly its a yes. I do think had this been posted by a man not a female the responses would have been different.

. Some very interesting statements made above. One of the joys of the forums i suppose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like it's what his opinion is. He's not actually married is he ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I suppose if one partner is Bi, and their partner is straight, swinging would help the relationship, so that both are able to be who they are.

couples who play together, stay together.

Agree to a point, but being bi has nothing to do with it in our relationship, it's just jolly good fun!

Agree with you totally trixie, we love each other to bits and are totally secure in all things we do. We love swinging for the eroticism even though we have plenty of passion at home. it is merely an extension of our sex life.

Sorry OP, bit off track from your original post xx

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We really couldn't give a flying monkeys left testicle about what other people think lol. Don't let it bother you x

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By *allen MadonnaWoman
over a year ago

In my own little world

yup I've had similar comment. I'm good enough to be fucked and various scenarios, but I'm not good enough to be a girlfriend or to be seen out in public. Nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, if you care for and love someone, there would be no need to swing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yep. We just 'Use' you double standarded singles!

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