FabSwingers.com forum: How to get your head round guys perving in a club?

By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

So we are new to the swingers lifestyle just 12 months in and progressing slowly.

We got comfortable with 1 or 2 extra guys around in our hotel meets so we thought we would try out a club.

Our “local” is quite open and flexible so single guys are welcome. Which, is ok with us but we are finding it hard to “get in the swing” as it were, because of the guys heavy perving.

We expected there to be a few watchers around, but here it feels like a there's lot and it’s constant

We though it wouldn’t bother us but now that we have experienced it at 1st hand, Ellen in particular is finding it a little off putting.

Other than that the atmosphere is nice and everyone is friendly and, it has great facilities so it just feels a shame to count it out because it’s a bit pervy. We figured we should stick with it and try and work it out.

So with that in mind we would really like to hear from some couples and especially, ladies who might have been through the same thing, to find out what your views and experiences are, and get some advice on how to get comfy with it.

With anticipation

Ellen & Tyler

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

find a Private room to play in. if you really have trouble Speak to staff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you tried couples only nights?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 brilliant solutions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go to another club where behaviour is clearly defined.

Our place for fun has the line policy where singles guy literally cannot cross a line unless invited.

Or find a couples night as stated above.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or a private room with couple hand selected men to watch of like being watched

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wrong club wrong people....

If you feel uncomfortable what is fun about it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try a couples only night. Maybe she could wear something that isn't too revealing- like a sexy lacy dress that doesn't make her feel 'vulnerable'. x

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

Wow that was a quick response from everyone! thanks so much.

Ok, so the pattern in the replies is becoming quite clear hear....

Being as we don't have so much experience, could we ask then if it is normal / acceptable to have a few guys watching whenever you play.

The problem is most of the play areas that have all the great benches, swings and the cross are fairly open plan so it's hard to avoid them. The guys have never interfered with us when we play, but the are just ... there!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have found that you do get used to it and as long as none of them are interfering in the play there isn't much you can do to make them go away.

You can involve someone else that you trust to monitor the crowd to make sure that they don't gather in too close

The other thing is that after a while when your comfort levels grow you will find naturally that they become more background noise than anything else. At least that has been my experience in clubs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Involve them but in a way that doesnt invite them? They obviously find you hot or they wouldnt look, so try to use that to get you and your partner off.

When I was being watched in Chams all I could think was "All these guys wish they were me right now" and my ex got off on my confidence from that.

If you get lemons...

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

Thanks Dragonsfire, that is comforting to know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was at a party once playing in the bedroom - I turned around and about 8 people were watching

I didn't expect it and decided to block it our out my head and carry on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow that was a quick response from everyone! thanks so much.

Ok, so the pattern in the replies is becoming quite clear hear....

Being as we don't have so much experience, could we ask then if it is normal / acceptable to have a few guys watching whenever you play.

Sounds like a good club to me if they only watch,well behaved men,personally I don't mind that,it the ones who think an open room means they can touch,I tell them to get back or out,as naughty sch boys they get in the corner ,unless I'm in the group mood then I mite let them join in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always happy to provide my opinion lol

I would also say you can feel proud of yourselves that you draw a crowd and your confidence can feed off of that too x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

seriously not meaning to be cheeky...

open room play, the guys are there to perv or get a shag(no different really from any other group eh?!)

think about spending £30-50 for a club entry, behave well(ie polite and respectful).........then be theres too many of u single guys perving???-its a swinging club and in open environments what do u expect???

hope my opinion is a valid single male one, since my group werent invited to comment on the OP lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"seriously not meaning to be cheeky...

open room play, the guys are there to perv or get a shag(no different really from any other group eh?!)

hope my opinion is a valid single male one, since my group werent invited to comment on the OP lol"

Good points there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"seriously not meaning to be cheeky...

open room play, the guys are there to perv or get a shag(no different really from any other group eh?!)

hope my opinion is a valid single male one, since my group werent invited to comment on the OP lol"

Spot on

If folk pay an entrance fee and then abide fully by the rules then they are simply not at fault.

As was suggested at the outset couples nights or private room play solves any issues for anyone uncomfy being watched by guys

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

"seriously not meaning to be cheeky...

open room play, the guys are there to perv or get a shag(no different really from any other group eh?!)

hope my opinion is a valid single male one, since my group werent invited to comment on the OP lol"

Fair enough and everyone is entitled to comment

To be honest we expected there to be some watchers, just not as much traffic as there was last time we were out. Like we said, we are trying not to let it discourage us, just wanted to know what other peoples experiences are.

Unfortunately the other clubs are so far away and we don't have a lot of spare time to go running around trying them out so we don't have anything to compare too. We don't live in the UK btw, and the swinging scene is not as prolific as it is in Britain.

But we understand where you are coming from

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"seriously not meaning to be cheeky...

open room play, the guys are there to perv or get a shag(no different really from any other group eh?!)

hope my opinion is a valid single male one, since my group werent invited to comment on the OP lol

Fair enough and everyone is entitled to comment

But we understand where you are coming from

ok can I wank over yas next time ur here then?...as ur acceptance of apology to me the ultimate club pervo

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

knock yourself out mate, everyone is!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go to a couples only night at your club then you can slowly take things to another level if you like as your confidence grows if you both like the idea of guys watching/wanking as they watch you in action.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You ask if its normal or acceptable to have a few guys watching you and my reply is only if YOU find it so. The only acceptable things in swinging are what you seem to be so, same goes for normal. I can understand that you won't want to put yourselves on the back foot but seriously find what works for you two and go with that this isn't the type of activity where I would recommend doing things to fit in, respect other people and be honest with them but also yourselves.

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

Thanks nice couple that makes good sense

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough

I think what livesexy is referring to is a certain lack of discretion in the watchers.

Moving around in your eyeline, wanking with the arm with the locker key on, feeling it is OK to mutter encouragement or a running commentary etc etc.

Yes we have had them all and frankly you just try to ignore them and though I have been known to tell them to Foxtrot if it gets intrusive.

If the idea of being watched appeals but some watchers spoil it for you consider finding a club with a voyeour room ie a closed room with a one way mirror enabling those outside to look in.

I find couples watch as much as singles are and just as likely to behave distractingly so feel a couples only night may not be what your seeking.

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By *orthwest_cplCouple
over a year ago

Stretford

No one has to do anything they don't want to do. However, if you go to a club with singles and play in an open room then you must expect watchers. If this isn't for you then you have chosen the wrong club or the wrong night. Either you need to change your club or become accepting of being watched. It's unlikely that a club will change it's policies to accomodate you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haven't read all the posts so apologies if we are repeating other posts

We don't like VA on a Friday (I'm assuming from your location and description that is where you mean), we have never had a problem with a single man's behaviour but the lack of privacy is not our thing. On one occasion we were playing on the bed area by the hot tub and found ourselves being watched from the hot tub by about 10 men and that just isn't our thing.

It is very different on a Saturday although you still need to be comfortable playing in open view.

We always go to Tease if we are out on a Friday as they have lockable rooms but choose between the 2 on a Saturday. I hope ththat this doesn't sound overly critical of VA it is a great club we just aren't always in the mood to be the focus of voyeuristic men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"seriously not meaning to be cheeky...

open room play, the guys are there to perv or get a shag(no different really from any other group eh?!)

hope my opinion is a valid single male one, since my group werent invited to comment on the OP lol"

I was going to say the same thing myself, Swingers Club but the men watch lol sorry made me laugh I am a single female I love to watch it is 1 of the reasons why I go to them if you do not like being watched then get a private room or stay at home and set up private meets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Haven't read all the posts so apologies if we are repeating other posts

It is very different on a Saturday although you still need to be comfortable playing in open view.

Actually having now read your profile my old post ia pointless as the OP doesn't live in Hitchon so VA is not necessarily the club being referred to.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

If they are behaving themselves and following the club rules then they are not doing anything wrong. If you are in an open play area then you are going to get watchers. (male & female)

Being watched is not for everyone and can be off putting.

Only suggestion I can think of is to either stick to private meets or play in a private lockable room at a club.

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

"Involve them but in a way that doesnt invite them? They obviously find you hot or they wouldnt look, so try to use that to get you and your partner off.

When I was being watched in Chams all I could think was "All these guys wish they were me right now" and my ex got off on my confidence from that.

If you get lemons..."

Good angle - like that, thanks for the constructive input

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

"Was at a party once playing in the bedroom - I turned around and about 8 people were watching

I didn't expect it and decided to block it our out my head and carry on

I guess there was nothing else you could do, thanks for sharing your experience.

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

"Wow that was a quick response from everyone! thanks so much.

Ok, so the pattern in the replies is becoming quite clear hear....

Being as we don't have so much experience, could we ask then if it is normal / acceptable to have a few guys watching whenever you play.

wow, well you sound like you know how to handle it, and how to make the best of it if you are in the mood.

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

"Always happy to provide my opinion lol

I would also say you can feel proud of yourselves that you draw a crowd and your confidence can feed off of that too x"

thanks, that's a nice way to put it

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"find a Private room to play in. if you really have trouble Speak to staff "

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

"I think what livesexy is referring to is a certain lack of discretion in the watchers.

Moving around in your eyeline, wanking with the arm with the locker key on, feeling it is OK to mutter encouragement or a running commentary etc etc.

Yes we have had them all and frankly you just try to ignore them and though I have been known to tell them to Foxtrot if it gets intrusive.

If the idea of being watched appeals but some watchers spoil it for you consider finding a club with a voyeour room ie a closed room with a one way mirror enabling those outside to look in.

I find couples watch as much as singles are and just as likely to behave distractingly so feel a couples only night may not be what your seeking.

Thanks, it feels like you know where we are coming from with this, you are not the only ones who have said that the best way to go is to ignore it. sounds like that is what we will have to do.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

"I was going to say the same thing myself, Swingers Club but the men watch lol sorry made me laugh I am a single female I love to watch it is 1 of the reasons why I go to them if you do not like being watched then get a private room or stay at home and set up private meets. "

Ok, sounds like we will have to learn to like it.

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

"Go to a couples only night at your club then you can slowly take things to another level if you like as your confidence grows if you both like the idea of guys watching/wanking as they watch you in action."

Thanks, that sounds like a good option, we could work with that.

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

"Haven't read all the posts so apologies if we are repeating other posts

It is very different on a Saturday although you still need to be comfortable playing in open view.

Actually having now read your profile my old post ia pointless as the OP doesn't live in Hitchon so VA is not necessarily the club being referred to."

Not at all, although we do not live in Hitchin and the OP is not about that club, we were thinking about visiting the VA next time we come to the UK.

You gave us your experience and that was exactly what we wanted. many thanks

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

"If they are behaving themselves and following the club rules then they are not doing anything wrong. If you are in an open play area then you are going to get watchers. (male & female)

Being watched is not for everyone and can be off putting.

Only suggestion I can think of is to either stick to private meets or play in a private lockable room at a club."

Thanks, we realize we have to deal with watchers. that's the way it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we always get loads of guys watching us , and too many is a put off , we don't mind 3/4 is ok ,we go into the cples room,

its not private but doesn't have loads of guys perving ,

also we go to clubs in our campervan so if we want a private play with another person we retire to our van

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being watched is part of why people go to clubs? And don't be be hesitant to tell guys if they are being inappropriate, you will get a suitable response in 99% of the circumstances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also feel uncomfortable if there are too many people watching. We usually go to couples nights (where there are a few single guys allowed in) and I find it much better.

On the few times we have been to singles nights we have made the mistake of going on bank holiday weekends so they have been even busier than usual. White lines keep people at a distance but 30 guys crammed into a room all watching is still intimidating! I remember at one point we just sat down on a bench to talk (probably about going home haha) and about 7 or 8 guys came and stood right in front of us watching.

If you like the club I would suggest a couples night.

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough

" I remember at one point we just sat down on a bench to talk .... and about 7 or 8 guys came and stood right in front of us watching.

Oral sex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If they are behaving themselves and following the club rules then they are not doing anything wrong. If you are in an open play area then you are going to get watchers. (male & female)

Being watched is not for everyone and can be off putting.

Only suggestion I can think of is to either stick to private meets or play in a private lockable room at a club."

We were at a club and we escaped to a lockable room , they started knocking on the door and when we finished and came out there was sighing and one guy was complaining under his breath .

It put us off going when singles are about for a while .

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By *utumnloversCouple
over a year ago

York (ish)

The single guys have a valid point, they pay twice as much as couples so you have to expect them to want to watch (and maybe join in with) the action.

Personally I find lots of single men off putting, so me & Mr a only go to couples nights.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I remember at one point we just sat down on a bench to talk .... and about 7 or 8 guys came and stood right in front of us watching.

Oral sex?

Aural sex

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By *imjohnCouple
over a year ago

Clacton on sea, Essex

There are plenty of couples nights etc so try them until you are more comfortable, These guys have to pay a lot higher price (for reasons unknown) so unless they are a direct problem expect them to look etc...go with the flow as this happens a lot in clubs.

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough

" I remember at one point we just sat down on a bench to talk .... and about 7 or 8 guys came and stood right in front of us watching.

Oral sex?

Aural sex

If they can get it in your ear they are wasting your time.

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By *un_JuiceCouple
over a year ago

Nr Chester

Personally speaking it would come down to respect and their persona. Voyeurisms not really for us so ideally it would be those we,d give the option to join us.

Main play areas are offputting too much scope to go wrong and so we choose to avoid.

We prefer private meets but then again you do meet some great people on the same level in clubs and sexy folk en masse wandering and flirting is erotic and gets the mood flowing.

Of course some swingers are more freethinking and less selective as perhaps sex and passion to them lowers any inhibitions ?

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By *heScotandthegirlCouple
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

i love being watched, find most guys respectful and enjoy putting on a show with my boy.

If you don't, you've had some good advice, private rooms are the way forward for some time together.

Ruby x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't go lol

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By *un_JuiceCouple
over a year ago

Nr Chester

We always thought that a more spacious club whereby it didn't get overly crowded would be the trend for us but recently went to one where rooms and space were fine and it was more homely with lovely folk of all ages and persuasions

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"seriously not meaning to be cheeky...

open room play, the guys are there to perv or get a shag(no different really from any other group eh?!)

hope my opinion is a valid single male one, since my group werent invited to comment on the OP lol"

This.

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

We don't mind being watched, but enough is enough. We used to visit a well known club (best not to name it) regularly, but got totally fed up with fully clothed men not only watching from playroom windows and doors but actually coming into the playrooms and making personal comments such as "look at the arse on that!" and "go on, give it to her harder!" - not very nice when you're trying to have fun with others. We now go to Chams where not only are the men more respectful, but can't wear street clothes and swig from lager bottles while watching. It's much nicer.

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By *ivesexy_se OP Couple
over a year ago

Hitchin

Just in case anyone is interested....

Since we wrote this post about a year ago, we have been to 2 different swingers clubs in Sweden, Par I hjarter where we are now regular visitors and Paradiseswings, which, was the club the original post was actually about.

We also have been to the VA and our place for fun in the UK, bot occasions were single guy nights. We even went to a club in New York when we visited the US just recently

The result of all this? We have pretty much gotten used to people watching when we have sex, single guys included. To be honest it still can be a little off putting at times but it doesn't spoil our fun and is no longer overbearing. We guess it just took time to get used to it.

We have actually lost count of how many times we have been to clubs now and when we think back, out of all those times, there has only really been one occasion when we have been put off by the watchers.

It was in one of the uk clubs and were not naming names because the club was great and it's not fair to tarnish a reputation based on one gnarly experience.

But Anyway what happened was basically a woman and a couple broke out a totally mundane conversation about where they lived and what they did for work etc right in front of about 8 of us who where getting our freak on in a communal play room. The worst thing was was they were talking louder than you would normally, so they could hear each other over all the sex noise coming for the group!

It was sooooo distracting. Surely that kind of thing should be kept to the lounge area?!

Anyway not to worry we all got our rocks off and the night was saved.

The end of the story is that Now we look forward to any club visit we might be making knowing full well there will be men watching and masturbating and it's all in the game.

We guess you can look on the bright side and say that if they didn't like what they are watching then they wouldn't be watching, so we must be worth watching!

Thanks so much to everyone who contributed to this post it was great to hear your opinions and it definitely helped get some closure on this issue

Happy valentines to you all and we hope you all get lucky

Regards E&T

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow that was a quick response from everyone! thanks so much.

Ok, so the pattern in the replies is becoming quite clear hear....

Being as we don't have so much experience, could we ask then if it is normal / acceptable to have a few guys watching whenever you play.

Why not just organise a private party at a club or your place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would expect to be watched in a club. I would probably enjoy it as long as they didn't touch without permission. Men watching wouldn't bother me at all,women watching might though

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

We don't mind being watched at all - in fact I like hearing the positive comments the single men make about me, my body and what I am doing - it's a turn on to know that they want me, but that I can choose who I have. However we usually play in invitation only rooms, which keeps some distance between us and the crowd.

We sometimes play with people who find an audience off-putting, in which case we are just as happy to play in private rooms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont mind being watched. but only touched if I Agree.

if I want privacy ill find a private lockable room

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By *ink magnolia s yorksWoman
over a year ago

south yorkshire

Just switch off to it x

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By *imjohnCouple
over a year ago

Clacton on sea, Essex

Shut the door...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs here.....

Having read the initial post by OP and not many of the other comments, I can slightly sympathise.

Five years ago Mr took me to my first club. My concern/worry was that there would be 'excited' single guys who would touch or come close uninvited. My worries were squashed. As Mr had me facing the bondage cross unbeknown to me three gent came in and were stood right next to me enjoying the view of us playing. After a while I turned and saw them. And giggled. I suddenly realised that it actually turned me on being watched.

Unfortunately those pesky boys are as rampant as everyone else and I would feel flattered that they actually like to watch us. It's tough out there for the boys and we have found all to be respectful of our wishes.

But if all else fails research for a couples only event at the clubs.

Good luck x Mrs

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