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Grabbing attention and sustaining women's interest

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester

Hiya everyone,

I know how the site works and all that, I know how to market myself and make friends, I'm also social and do well for myself on here but just after a bit of advice really from those who know better. I'm always up for improving!

It's just that, I can easily start up message based conversations on here, I send good messages to people and get replies and stuff which is brilliant but I can't seem to sustain/progress the conversations which I develop.

I know that majority of the time, the women are interested because otherwise they would just delete. Some have even said in convos that if they weren't interested, they wouldn't reply to the first message.

So what tends to happen is that I send an initial message to a woman who I think I like, I usually get a reply... (If I don't, I sometimes block them so I don't disturb again) then I comment on their reply and ask an open ended question based on what I find interesting about that person.

Usually, the convos go on for about 10-20 messages then just fade away. Either I get bored and stop asking questions or they get bored I guess?

Anyway, I know that women love mystery and they like to just know a little bit more about someone, obviously, some men they will like, some men they will go off - I understand this. But I just feel that I'm being offered it on a plate sometimes but I'm just not hitting the right spots... There's something I'm not doing correctly. Almost like there's something which they expect me to say/do which I'm not... A certain attitude which I'm expected to portray or sonething like that.

I'm wary though that you cannot be sexual early on, so its not that. I've noticed that very few women want to get intimate with someone they've just met - so I tend to avoid sex talk early stages.

So, has anyone got any advice? How do you personally do this? Women, if you like a guy, what do you expect of him at this stage? Guys, do you have any particular techniques for sustaining interest or developing a convo?

Cheers everyone...

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

Variety is the spice of life. Talk about different things that interest you OR expand on the things that interest her.

If it turns out that you both share mutual interests beyond sexual antics, then you have your anchor right there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a woman I ike to chat a little then have a social meet. If the chemistry is there conversation gets saucy and leads to lots of fun 20-30 messages is too much try to be adventurous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hiya everyone,

I know how the site works and all that, I know how to market myself and make friends, I'm also social and do well for myself on here but just after a bit of advice really from those who know better. I'm always up for improving!

It's just that, I can easily start up message based conversations on here, I send good messages to people and get replies and stuff which is brilliant but I can't seem to sustain/progress the conversations which I develop.

I know that majority of the time, the women are interested because otherwise they would just delete. Some have even said in convos that if they weren't interested, they wouldn't reply to the first message.

So what tends to happen is that I send an initial message to a woman who I think I like, I usually get a reply... (If I don't, I sometimes block them so I don't disturb again) then I comment on their reply and ask an open ended question based on what I find interesting about that person.

Usually, the convos go on for about 10-20 messages then just fade away. Either I get bored and stop asking questions or they get bored I guess?

Anyway, I know that women love mystery and they like to just know a little bit more about someone, obviously, some men they will like, some men they will go off - I understand this. But I just feel that I'm being offered it on a plate sometimes but I'm just not hitting the right spots... There's something I'm not doing correctly. Almost like there's something which they expect me to say/do which I'm not... A certain attitude which I'm expected to portray or sonething like that.

I'm wary though that you cannot be sexual early on, so its not that. I've noticed that very few women want to get intimate with someone they've just met - so I tend to avoid sex talk early stages.

So, has anyone got any advice? How do you personally do this? Women, if you like a guy, what do you expect of him at this stage? Guys, do you have any particular techniques for sustaining interest or developing a convo?

Cheers everyone..."

I have had similar experiences, I tend to go for broke after a 20 messages and ask for a social meet. It can be like Russian roulette but if they are genuine interested they will agree to meet, if not it's usually silence , either way you know where you stand

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"As a woman I ike to chat a little then have a social meet. If the chemistry is there conversation gets saucy and leads to lots of fun 20-30 messages is too much try to be adventurous "

^^^^This!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a number of things that will sustain my intere..........oooooh be back in a bit just seen something I like the look of

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In general, I would never bother with 20msgs?!?! I'd likely have lost interest ages before! Not looking for a pen-pal a few messages yes (like... 3 each) should be enough. Then a chat on the phone. Maybe you should just bust a move!You can never tell about someone online?! They have time to consider the responses and edit. A phonecall will more quickly establish if you and the person can have an interesting conversation. And there is nothing that replaces meeting in person. Some people just don't look like the pics they post. Some people get too nervous or have no charisma.... And no click- no cookie!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont mean to be rude but stop jumping through hoops to meet women, yes I know men far outweigh the women on a site like this but sometime I feel men try too hard ( not saying women dont)

If I had to message someone 20 times then I would have given up!

If someone had to message me 20 times then...... well lets say I wouldnt let it get to 20 before arranging a meet if thats what I wanted.

All women on this site are different, some want wooing, some like to take things slow and then there are women who like a couple of emails and then meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont mean to be rude but stop jumping through hoops to meet women, yes I know men far outweigh the women on a site like this but sometime I feel men try too hard ( not saying women dont)

If I had to message someone 20 times then I would have given up!

If someone had to message me 20 times then...... well lets say I wouldnt let it get to 20 before arranging a meet if thats what I wanted.

All women on this site are different, some want wooing, some like to take things slow and then there are women who like a couple of emails and then meet."

We're all different. What works for one doesn't for another. And they might not have lost interest they might just have started other convos. Ask them for a meet and go from there - simples

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester


"I dont mean to be rude but stop jumping through hoops to meet women, yes I know men far outweigh the women on a site like this but sometime I feel men try too hard ( not saying women dont)

If I had to message someone 20 times then I would have given up!

If someone had to message me 20 times then...... well lets say I wouldnt let it get to 20 before arranging a meet if thats what I wanted.

All women on this site are different, some want wooing, some like to take things slow and then there are women who like a couple of emails and then meet."

Hey, be nice. It's the "jumping through hoops" which gets me all my meets. I don't know any women at all who would just go for a guy who doesn't put any effort in. Should I just stop messaging people then and wait for the meet invites to roll in? Haha! Unrealistic!

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto


"I think there are a number of things that will sustain my intere..........oooooh be back in a bit just seen something I like the look of"

SHINY!!

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester

I think I'm going to go with the fellas with this one...

It's just a case of doing what I'm doing then "boom" pop the question.

Either yes or silence, either way, I have my answer.

I can't help but thinking that if I'd have done *something* though that I would have been successful with that particular woman.

Anyway... I think I have my answer. cheers everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont mean to be rude but stop jumping through hoops to meet women, yes I know men far outweigh the women on a site like this but sometime I feel men try too hard ( not saying women dont)

If I had to message someone 20 times then I would have given up!

If someone had to message me 20 times then...... well lets say I wouldnt let it get to 20 before arranging a meet if thats what I wanted.

All women on this site are different, some want wooing, some like to take things slow and then there are women who like a couple of emails and then meet.

Hey, be nice. It's the "jumping through hoops" which gets me all my meets. I don't know any women at all who would just go for a guy who doesn't put any effort in. Should I just stop messaging people then and wait for the meet invites to roll in? Haha! Unrealistic!"

I was being nice

I wasnt saying to stop messaging but from my point of view if I get emails from guys wanting to strike up conversations then that puts me off, yes there are women out there who go for guys that dont put much effort in ( simple emails)

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Maybe you're doing the right things, and have it to a fine art.

If you're not meeting the wrong people, then your messages - from each of you - may be filtering out incompatibility. There's no point in having more meets, if they're not going to lead to anything that's fulfilling.

I'd prefer someone who made an effort, over someone who wouldn't any day. Better than everything though is where a potential meet partner is very honest and respectful. These qualities tend to recoup the same from others.

If you've had several messages each way, and you didn't think you were just repeating the same stuff each time, they they've likely read your profile and seen your pics by that point. They'll have a reasonable feel for whether you could be right for a coffee etc, before any potential sex.

If you go to clubs, you could introduce this somewhere - your profile or in messages. If people you're messaging do too, then you could always introduce a meet at the clubs you go to as an extra option.

Good luck!

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester


"I dont mean to be rude but stop jumping through hoops to meet women, yes I know men far outweigh the women on a site like this but sometime I feel men try too hard ( not saying women dont)

If I had to message someone 20 times then I would have given up!

If someone had to message me 20 times then...... well lets say I wouldnt let it get to 20 before arranging a meet if thats what I wanted.

All women on this site are different, some want wooing, some like to take things slow and then there are women who like a couple of emails and then meet.

Hey, be nice. It's the "jumping through hoops" which gets me all my meets. I don't know any women at all who would just go for a guy who doesn't put any effort in. Should I just stop messaging people then and wait for the meet invites to roll in? Haha! Unrealistic!

I was being nice

I wasnt saying to stop messaging but from my point of view if I get emails from guys wanting to strike up conversations then that puts me off, yes there are women out there who go for guys that dont put much effort in ( simple emails) "

Ok, well I can't say you're wrong as you're a woman but I can confidently say that you're a rarity! But ill bear that in mind if I'm in your area!

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester


"Maybe you're doing the right things, and have it to a fine art.

If you're not meeting the wrong people, then your messages - from each of you - may be filtering out incompatibility. There's no point in having more meets, if they're not going to lead to anything that's fulfilling.

I'd prefer someone who made an effort, over someone who wouldn't any day. Better than everything though is where a potential meet partner is very honest and respectful. These qualities tend to recoup the same from others.

If you've had several messages each way, and you didn't think you were just repeating the same stuff each time, they they've likely read your profile and seen your pics by that point. They'll have a reasonable feel for whether you could be right for a coffee etc, before any potential sex.

If you go to clubs, you could introduce this somewhere - your profile or in messages. If people you're messaging do too, then you could always introduce a meet at the clubs you go to as an extra option.

Good luck!"

Excellent! Thanks!

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

OP, if I like the fella and I see he is 'stuck' after 10-20 messages I am very very bad because I will usually 'pop' the question an say 'so...when/where are we meeting?' I find that men can be very shy with women who are 10-15 years older than them, its just a question of confidence.

My suggestion to you lovely OP is ..if you really like the lady you are taking to and the feeling is reciprocated...then just fecking ask...she is probably waiting for you to do so!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

If a man hasn't requested a meet within about 10-15 messages I assume he doesn't want to meet after all and let the conversation drop.

However, that's me. If the OPs actions work for him then no problem!

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex


"OP, if I like the fella and I see he is 'stuck' after 10-20 messages I am very very bad because I will usually 'pop' the question an say 'so...when/where are we meeting?' I find that men can be very shy with women who are 10-15 years older than them, its just a question of confidence.

My suggestion to you lovely OP is ..if you really like the lady you are taking to and the feeling is reciprocated...then just fecking ask...she is probably waiting for you to do so!"

for me, the thing that stops me from asking (whether its 3 messages,.. whether its 30) is the fear of being accused of being pushy.

Yes.. I once got accused of being pushy after 6 months of emailing a lady back and forth. So I figured "I'll let her ask".

the pattern I see as true is a woman will usually know within 1 minute is he's interested in someone.. the tricky bit if for the guy to keep her in that state of mind without saying something that loses that (and ultimately gets him blocked!) lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

IMHO, there is no hard and fast rule.

I can decide if I would like to meet a gent just by his first message alone, and the conversations would flow naturally without much effort.

However, with some gents, chatting with them is akin to my teeth being pulled without anaesthetics.

I believe having a busy and interesting life outside of FAB is essential, as sex is not high on my list of priorities, and I expect the same from my playmates and would be playmates.

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester


"OP, if I like the fella and I see he is 'stuck' after 10-20 messages I am very very bad because I will usually 'pop' the question an say 'so...when/where are we meeting?' I find that men can be very shy with women who are 10-15 years older than them, its just a question of confidence.

My suggestion to you lovely OP is ..if you really like the lady you are taking to and the feeling is reciprocated...then just fecking ask...she is probably waiting for you to do so!"

Thanks, I know what you mean but its kinda like dealing with stocks and shares... If you sell early, you can lose the deal, if you sell to late you lose out, you're knackered also... Women either cut you off for being too fast or get bored.. timing is critical... And its hard to master! But cool... Comments taken onboard though. Xx

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester


"If a man hasn't requested a meet within about 10-15 messages I assume he doesn't want to meet after all and let the conversation drop.

However, that's me. If the OPs actions work for him then no problem!"

Cool.. again... This helps me knowing what women think. X

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester


"OP, if I like the fella and I see he is 'stuck' after 10-20 messages I am very very bad because I will usually 'pop' the question an say 'so...when/where are we meeting?' I find that men can be very shy with women who are 10-15 years older than them, its just a question of confidence.

My suggestion to you lovely OP is ..if you really like the lady you are taking to and the feeling is reciprocated...then just fecking ask...she is probably waiting for you to do so!

for me, the thing that stops me from asking (whether its 3 messages,.. whether its 30) is the fear of being accused of being pushy.

Yes.. I once got accused of being pushy after 6 months of emailing a lady back and forth. So I figured "I'll let her ask".

the pattern I see as true is a woman will usually know within 1 minute is he's interested in someone.. the tricky bit if for the guy to keep her in that state of mind without saying something that loses that (and ultimately gets him blocked!) lol."

Correct!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

20 messages - surely you run out of anything interesting to say

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester


"IMHO, there is no hard and fast rule.

I can decide if I would like to meet a gent just by his first message alone, and the conversations would flow naturally without much effort.

However, with some gents, chatting with them is akin to my teeth being pulled without anaesthetics.

I believe having a busy and interesting life outside of FAB is essential, as sex is not high on my list of priorities, and I expect the same from my playmates and would be playmates.

"

Tut, there's always one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you keep getting yoursrlf in to the friend zone

Remember he who dares wins, put your knackers on the chopping block early and try at least a flirty msg. But definitely not a fuck me now msg.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only need a few messages to find out what men/women want and a little bit about them before I arrange something. Also if you feel a connection, a chat on the phone is good too.

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester

Thanks for the advice guys... General consensus seems to be; take a chance.

It seems that women expect men to just know when to ask... I should have known that to be honest. Haha!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting thread, have to say I think I know that feeling from when I first joined around 5 years ago! Took me back...

All I'd say is you're over thinking it, and I would agree to some extent about jumping through hoops, but ones that aren't even there! lol

Think of it a bit more objectively. You're trying to go from A - sat behind a computer to B - getting someone sat in front of you for a drink....

Break the ice,

See if you can get on ok,

Discuss whether what you want matches up,

If it does ask if they'd like to meet!

Also I'd say a lot for raising the level of communication as you go. Talking on here I find it almost impossible to get a sense of someone... On the phone is better but still difficult as you haven't seen someone's expressions. Once you've met, then go back to talking or texting, suddenly you can see more of them in their writing/or hear more in their voice.

Oh, and before you ask someone if they'd like to meet. Ask yourself genuinely at the point 'Do I feel I know this person well enough that I'd feel comfortable sat across a table talking to them?'.... because if you don't, she certainly wont!

Enjoy

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester


"Interesting thread, have to say I think I know that feeling from when I first joined around 5 years ago! Took me back...

All I'd say is you're over thinking it, and I would agree to some extent about jumping through hoops, but ones that aren't even there! lol

Think of it a bit more objectively. You're trying to go from A - sat behind a computer to B - getting someone sat in front of you for a drink....

Break the ice,

See if you can get on ok,

Discuss whether what you want matches up,

If it does ask if they'd like to meet!

Also I'd say a lot for raising the level of communication as you go. Talking on here I find it almost impossible to get a sense of someone... On the phone is better but still difficult as you haven't seen someone's expressions. Once you've met, then go back to talking or texting, suddenly you can see more of them in their writing/or hear more in their voice.

Oh, and before you ask someone if they'd like to meet. Ask yourself genuinely at the point 'Do I feel I know this person well enough that I'd feel comfortable sat across a table talking to them?'.... because if you don't, she certainly wont!

Enjoy"

Cheers!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Six months?

Hate to break it to you but you two were never going to meet. It doesn't take that long on a conventional dating site.

Some people just want the attention to stay whilst behind a screen, both on "dating" sites and "sex" sites.

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By *orsetandheelsWoman
over a year ago

Wimbledon

Oh my goodness...

Just be normal and start a normal conversation! Don't say anything in a message that you wouldn't say if you were to approach a person in real life.

Keep it light, don't over think it.

Men online need to expect rejection, just as women need to expect messages from people they might not like. We are all grown ups!

It's not rocket science!

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By *HAEDRUS2013Man
over a year ago

LONDON

[Removed by poster at 01/10/13 00:38:15]

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By *HAEDRUS2013Man
over a year ago

LONDON


"[Removed by poster at 01/10/13 00:38:15]"

So much wisdom here, but 20 messages does seem like a lot before meeting more moving on to text/phone/meeting or sex?? lol

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex


"Oh my goodness...

Just be normal and start a normal conversation! Don't say anything in a message that you wouldn't say if you were to approach a person in real life.

Keep it light, don't over think it.

Men online need to expect rejection, just as women need to expect messages from people they might not like. We are all grown ups!

It's not rocket science!"

And what would I say on a conventional date? Judging by my pre-swinging dating life... nothing remotely related to sex or intimacy. I stick to the essentials os FORM (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Money). Does that work?

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By *r Mahogany70Man
over a year ago

Leicester

If a woman makes first contact with me and I'm interested in meeting her it takes no more than a dozen messages between us to sort it out. If I'm not interested I'll just chat till she gets bored. Unless it's a couples profile in which case they're unlikely to get a response.

If I initiate contact and she's interested takes no more than a baker's dozen between us

It's a sex site, what's the point in fannying* around?

*Pun intended

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex


"If a woman makes first contact with me and I'm interested in meeting her it takes no more than a dozen messages between us to sort it out. If I'm not interested I'll just chat till she gets bored. Unless it's a couples profile in which case they're unlikely to get a response.

If I initiate contact and she's interested takes no more than a baker's dozen between us

It's a sex site, what's the point in fannying* around?

*Pun intended

"

The problem is most of the people I've met through initial exchanges have preferred "months to get to know each other". If I felt all those messages were unnecessary, then I'd have missed getting to know some interesting people.. so I guess what am saying is am torn.

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"If I'm not interested I'll just chat till she gets bored.

"

or falls asleep if she is 92 years old...

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By *r Mahogany70Man
over a year ago

Leicester


"If I'm not interested I'll just chat till she gets bored.

or falls asleep if she is 92 years old... "

Ha. I truly have no upper age limit but thought I'd try and be a little different. After all, I'm as unlikely to find a 92 year old who floats my boat (and can stay awake) as I am a 99 year old

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester

Hahaha, noticed some women saying "just be yourself", "just make normal conversation"... "You're reading too much into it". I can guarantee you that it is not that simple and being ignorant of women's psychology a how to appeal, etc, means failure on this site.

I'm sure of this... Women are completely different and its a great aid to understand how women decide if a man is good or not.

Xx

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By *opping_candyWoman
over a year ago

West Yorkshire

If someone sent me 20 messages all containing questions I would feel like I was being interrogated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love receiving a well thought out message especially from somebody who can spell.. Like a previous lady says if with every message you are asking another question they may just feel a little bombarded by them.

Go with the flow, cheeky suggestions never go a miss neither

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex


"If someone sent me 20 messages all containing questions I would feel like I was being interrogated "

Lol.. so 20 questions is agreeably too many.. but 1 question ("Sex?") is obviously a fail... what's a happy medium?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I can guarantee you that it is not that simple and being ignorant of women's psychology a how to appeal, etc, means failure on this site.

I'm sure of this... Women are completely different and its a great aid to understand how women decide if a man is good or not.

Xx"

But you cannot generalise about women - we are all different - just look at the threads on cock pics or whatever, opposite opinions abound. And in my opinion how I/we relate to each guy will be different.

I have one guy I've been chatting to since Jan of this year and we still haven't met!! It ebbs, it flows, it gets very steamy a lot of the time, but for one reason or another we just haven't managed to sort out a meet, though we both fully intend to.

Another guy on a dating site started with 'Like the frock - wanna know what's underneath it' and in his case it was almost a case of 'Get yer coat you've pulled' he was so confident and drop dead gorgeous!!

In my book boldness often works - as longs it's not accompanied by vulgarity. I don't think any woman minds 'keen', we like to be pursued, if you ask to meet with good humour in genuine interest, any decent woman, if she's not ready, will just say so and carry on talking.

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By *ohnjones3210 OP   Man
over a year ago

Chester


"I can guarantee you that it is not that simple and being ignorant of women's psychology a how to appeal, etc, means failure on this site.

I'm sure of this... Women are completely different and its a great aid to understand how women decide if a man is good or not.

Xx

But you cannot generalise about women - we are all different - just look at the threads on cock pics or whatever, opposite opinions abound. And in my opinion how I/we relate to each guy will be different.

I have one guy I've been chatting to since Jan of this year and we still haven't met!! It ebbs, it flows, it gets very steamy a lot of the time, but for one reason or another we just haven't managed to sort out a meet, though we both fully intend to.

Another guy on a dating site started with 'Like the frock - wanna know what's underneath it' and in his case it was almost a case of 'Get yer coat you've pulled' he was so confident and drop dead gorgeous!!

In my book boldness often works - as longs it's not accompanied by vulgarity. I don't think any woman minds 'keen', we like to be pursued, if you ask to meet with good humour in genuine interest, any decent woman, if she's not ready, will just say so and carry on talking."

Ok, I think that's a fair comment. Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can guarantee you that it is not that simple and being ignorant of women's psychology a how to appeal, etc, means failure on this site.

I'm sure of this... Women are completely different and its a great aid to understand how women decide if a man is good or not.

Xx

But you cannot generalise about women - we are all different - just look at the threads on cock pics or whatever, opposite opinions abound. And in my opinion how I/we relate to each guy will be different.

I have one guy I've been chatting to since Jan of this year and we still haven't met!! It ebbs, it flows, it gets very steamy a lot of the time, but for one reason or another we just haven't managed to sort out a meet, though we both fully intend to.

Another guy on a dating site started with 'Like the frock - wanna know what's underneath it' and in his case it was almost a case of 'Get yer coat you've pulled' he was so confident and drop dead gorgeous!!

In my book boldness often works - as longs it's not accompanied by vulgarity. I don't think any woman minds 'keen', we like to be pursued, if you ask to meet with good humour in genuine interest, any decent woman, if she's not ready, will just say so and carry on talking."

I had a guy proposition me for rough sex on a dating site. I told him he should join a "sex" site. Btw my profile is more sedate there (same sarcasm though ). He asked why should he since many women were on there for sex. I felt like inviting him here so I could tell him to f.uck off via the block button. Can anyone say instashag.com

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By *atty_mooMan
over a year ago

Bournemouth

I've been on this and other sites for quite some time now. Had one meet, which didn't quite go as well as we had both expected, but was still enjoyable. I have spoken to ladies and M/F Couples on the phone and in chatrooms (I don't have a webcam) but all go so far and nothing much happens. At the moment I am sending quite a few messages, but hardly any replies. Sometimes you can get a message out of the blue, which is great. I have often thought maybe my messages are too 'nice', and maybe I should take a slightly more assertive attitude, but that might be risky. After 20 messages (probably much sooner!) I think I would have asked to chat on the phone and then dropped the question 'would you like to meet up?' if I felt that we might click. Keep in mind, I think there are a lot of timewasters and fakes out there (not everyone!), so getting some sort of validation as early as possible that the lady is actually genuine is most important, otherwise, someone could be fooling you for months.

I am guessing some ladies like to take time messaging back and forth and others want to meet in a few days. Personally, I like to have a bit of correspondence beforehand, and try to keep things flirty but it is difficult to know how to keep the conversation fresh and interesting and of course in the meantime they may have decided to ditch you and move on.

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