FabSwingers.com forum: Kittens advice to being declined

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We are repeatedly reading that single guys get annoyed when they send a message,, only to get declined or blocked without a reply.

I do my best to answer all polite and reasonable messages but there are always some I either wont reply to because they are rude or because they haven't bothered to read my profile and just sent a crass no effort message....'hi'....'nice tits'....'can I fuck u' etc etc.... I simply dont have the time to waste on that. They just get deleted.

However, on the whole, if their message is nice and polite,, I will try to send a simple but polite decline if I am not interested for any reason. I do not feel I need to then send follow up messages to justify my decision!

So WHY do some guys insist on debating the point and arguing with me, wanting an explanation as to WHY I dont think we are compatible etc..

Guys, have some pride and accept the answer graciously. Dont keep coming back with question after question about why I dont want to chat or meet you! We all have different tastes, look for different things and thats fine!!! It is so childish to argue about it...and reeks of desperation! Very unattractive qualities!

I kmow this isn't all of you as most of you are very polite and sweet in your replies and understand we can't all be attracted to everyone. There may be many reasons why. I dont think someone is compatible, just as there will be guys who wont fancy me! Thats life! Accept it graciously...and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly the reason after I send decline message I block, so they can't reply with the why question

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By *irtyleedsladMan
over a year ago

leeds

Fair advice!! I wonder how many of us single blokes will read this??

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Exactly the reason after I send decline message I block, so they can't reply with the why question"

I dont like to just block continuously. I prefer to be a little more discriminate. I only block if someone is being a pain.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fair advice!! I wonder how many of us single blokes will read this??"

They should! Because there has been the very rare occasion when I have recieved such a charming, amusing yet graciously accepted response.....that I have changed my mind!

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By *ete BarnesMan
over a year ago

maidstone

Speaking as a married guy on this site I get a massive amount of immediate deletions with a sprinkling of negative replys. I often like to thank the person for bothering to reply and sometimes ask if I could approach them again in say a few months time. An immediate block is very final like having a door slammed in your face but obviously I do get the message loud and clear!!

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By *irtyleedsladMan
over a year ago

leeds

I never take offence nor ask why. After

All you can't be every bodies type nor can everyone else be your type!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Massive waste of energy writing all that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If only men would take that advice!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having only sent a handful of messages so far and receiving 1 knock back. I think it's understandable that women/couples don't bother to even reply afterall they are inundated with messages from men every day if I do reply to a knock back its just to says thanks for taking the time to reply

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By *ummy mummyWoman
over a year ago

southampton-ish

"Speaking as a married guy on this site I get a massive amount of immediate deletions with a sprinkling of negative replys. I often like to thank the person for bothering to reply and sometimes ask if I could approach them again in say a few months time. An immediate block is very final like having a door slammed in your face but obviously I do get the message loud and clear!! "

If someone says that they are not interested,what makes you think they eod be in a few months? LOL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If only men would take that advice! "

yes, if only, life would be so much simpler

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

I'm not sure if I'm in the same boat. If I've read someone's profile, not seen any red flags ("only seeking a boyfriend") or any listed preferences that rule me out, and I work up the courage to send an email.... and they block me?

Well then, clearly I won't feel too bad about avoiding such an ignorant person. Next!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that guys who have no idea won't take any notice of any advice ever so its a waste of time offering it

If ive said no thanks thats it for me,most guys are really good about it anyway and anyone that keeps messaging gets ignored because there is no point at all in continuing a line of communication

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I get a knock back it's not the end of the world women on here must get hundreds of message and you can't be everyone's cup of tea I would never be rude to them no point

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By *ete BarnesMan
over a year ago

maidstone

If someone says that they are not interested,what makes you think they eod be in a few months? LOL"

Yes you are absolutely correct. I guess they are only letting me down gently when they say things like " having a break or "too busy working atm" Should take the hint!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to read a profile and write a response tailored accordingly

I find most times I get a response which, if its a no, I always respond by saying thanks for taking the time to reply and take care

It takes no time at all to be polite and if we all did it then there'd be less and often deserved aggro for single guys

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By *allen MadonnaWoman
over a year ago

In my own little world

Well put!!! Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having discovered what you have when I was here before, now if I'm not interested or can see someone hasn't read my profile I just block and delete saves the hassle of numerous why nots.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't see why people moan about being rejected, if a woman turned them down in a club they wouldn't stand there for 5 minutes pissing and moaning, so why do it online

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

When I get a negative response from anyone I have approached, I always make a point of thanking them in return.

Yes, it can be rare for people to respond these days, and when someone does, I let them know that such a gesture has been appreciated.

I do add that I accept what they say and won't bother them again (and make a private note too!).

In doing the above, I get people replying, just amazed that I have shown such a respectful attitude. On two occasions, we even got talking and subsequent meets occurred.

Politeness and manners cost nothing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love these patronising advice threads. They should be compiled into the Fab Guide to Being Fab on Fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to say, there seems to be a lot of prima donnas on fab. "I've been blocked sob sob" or "they've been rude" or "they've asked me a silly question" or a myriad of other responses.

It's. website and on the other end of the message might be a 22stone person who hasn't washed since the Millenium. Who cares? Rejection is part of life, suck it up and move on. Politeness is hopefully standard with the normal people on here but even then people get emotionally entangled in a process with someone they've never actually met. Truth is, if you're devestated by a rejection or by a rude reply I'd suggest you get a grip on reality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So WHY do some guys insist on debating the point and arguing with me, wanting an explanation as to WHY I dont think we are compatible etc..

If someone comes to your door and you really don't want to talk to them you can pretend you're not in. Why do people do this? The reason is that some people selling things won't take no for an answer, and they virtually have one foot in the door.

Likewise on-line, a response, albeit a knock back, is that foot in the door.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't see why people moan about being rejected, if a woman turned them down in a club they wouldn't stand there for 5 minutes pissing and moaning, so why do it online "

I don't see why people moan about people moaning about being rejected.

If this site is used in the manner the very clever site owners have set it up then no one should ever be contacted by any one they do not wish to be contacted by.

That said if you decide to use the site as you see fit then you make yourself look a bit silly when you moan when you recieve unwanted comments

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By *HAEDRUS2013Man
over a year ago

LONDON

"When I get a negative response from anyone I have approached, I always make a point of thanking them in return.

Yes, it can be rare for people to respond these days, and when someone does, I let them know that such a gesture has been appreciated.

I do add that I accept what they say and won't bother them again (and make a private note too!).

In doing the above, I get people replying, just amazed that I have shown such a respectful attitude. On two occasions, we even got talking and subsequent meets occurred.

Politeness and manners cost nothing!"

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

We only tend to get those saying something along the lines of 'thanks for taking the time to reply' and wishing us well.

Don't get the why or abusive messages....feel rather left out at times when I read the forums!

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By *andyblokeMan
over a year ago

birmingham

a couple of points.

if you havea profile that says no single guys and get loads of single guy mails...then they dont deserve a reply! full stop.

if you get a thoughful well written message that shows they have read your profile even if its not your type...then a "thank you but no thanks" reply is just coutesy.

why not put a KEYWORD in your profile then no keyword in message title then just delete it.

personally i am a big boy and can accept no thanks and move on.

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By *corcherMan
over a year ago

Loughborough

If someone says no, it's natural to want to know why. What you should do is fight the urge, accept the rejection & move on. There seems to be a fallacy amongst certain people that they can talk someone round, that you haven't "got" them & that if only you'd listen you'll see you were wrong. These deluded few make life difficult for the rest of us. I don't likebeing blocked but can see why ppeople do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We are repeatedly reading that single guys get annoyed when they send a message,, only to get declined or blocked without a reply.

So WHY do some guys insist on debating the point and arguing with me, wanting an explanation as to WHY I dont think we are compatible etc..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Exactly the reason after I send decline message I block, so they can't reply with the why question

I dont like to just block continuously. I prefer to be a little more discriminate. I only block if someone is being a pain. "
they should know if they messaged before, id block lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fair advice!! I wonder how many of us single blokes will read this??

They should! Because there has been the very rare occasion when I have recieved such a charming, amusing yet graciously accepted response.....that I have changed my mind!

me too

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By *ark Gr8 Teddy BearMan
over a year ago

Wigan

"If only men would take that advice! "

if only all the women on here could be as decent and respond to polite nice messages. If I do get a response, which is rare, I often message back to say thank you for taking the time yo message me back and to offer a hand of friendship instead of sexual interest. But if you've been blocked that's kinda hard. I'm well aware that some women get inundated with messages and can't spend all day reading them in which case block messages and hunt out who you want instead of being inundated. But I guess some people have gotten d*unk on power "delete block". You'd think in this lifestyle people could be decent and polite but it seems in the majority of cases thats not possible. Sorry for any offence caused there by the way. I just needed to get that out. I'll await the usual responses. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We only tend to get those saying something along the lines of 'thanks for taking the time to reply' and wishing us well.

Don't get the why or abusive messages....feel rather left out at times when I read the forums!

This applies to us as well. Maximum of five a week and all but one has been very polite and to be honest the one who wasn't, wasn't that bad either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Single females & Couples: There does seem to be a certain rationale that (as comforting as the constant attention may be) if you are being bombarded with unwanted messages from single males you could perhaps block these messages at source & seek out the chosen few you deem up to standard in your own time. An unlikely scenario but a flawlessly logical suggestion.

My brief time on Fab as a single has taught me the following (which may or may not help those receiving unwanted messages & those frustrated at having to write so many which are then discarded without being so much as read):

• As a single guy it is almost immaterial whether or not your messages are intelligently crafted & bespoke to the recipient or a generic copy & paste 'carpet bombing' - your single status precedes you & you will be judged as such - regardless of beautifully written profiles, glowing verifications or photographs of yourself in the throes of ecstasy (or measuring your manhood against a can of Red Bull).

• Ultimately - it's a single females / couples market on Fab - as a single man - six pack or otherwise - you will be at an automatic, massive disadvantage - the sooner you appreciate this fact the simpler (or shorter!) your stay on Fab will be. There is no changing this, no short cut to bypass it. It is fact. End of.

• As with everything in life, there are naturally exceptions to this - despite my seemingly bleak outlook I've met some fantastic people & had some amazing experiences through Fab - although I am afraid to think of the vast amount of time, effort & rejection involved in acquiring these (my choice!).

Above all, this is supposed to fun - it can be pretty easy to forget that sometimes! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"• As a single guy it is almost immaterial whether or not your messages are intelligently crafted & bespoke to the recipient or a generic copy & paste 'carpet bombing' - your single status precedes you & you will be judged as such - regardless of beautifully written profiles, glowing verifications or photographs of yourself in the throes of ecstasy (or measuring your manhood against a can of Red Bull).

This makes me laugh. We had a couples profile on here a couple of years ago but this time my wife has one of those "elusive bifem" profiles as we don't have much time for couples fun at the moment and she's looking for some fun herself.

She receives maybe ten messages in a week of which perhaps one might be of interest.

The point you make about regard for 'single' men has been interesting in the comments and messages I've received which assume I'm here to desperately and gratefully accept any old shag. Bottom of the pecking order.

When we've invited single men over it's only ever come down to good timing really - who's happened to be available at the right time (and doesn't sound like a freak). With that in mind it's understandable so many men feel they need to chance their luck.

The rudest responses we've received on any profiles have always been from couples - usually couples profiles that are actually just the bloke who believes he's top of that pecking order by measure of decorating a profile with his wife, and doesn't like being brought to earth with rejection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The rudest responses we've received on any profiles have always been from couples - usually couples profiles that are actually just the bloke who believes he's top of that pecking order by measure of decorating a profile with his wife, and doesn't like being brought to earth with rejection.

From my admittedly limited experience of approaching / bring approached by so called 'couples' this is certainly true. On the one occasion I attempted to generate a little rapport with a couple who messaged me by asking a couple of question (nothing more sinister than - how are you doing? am I talking to Mr or Mrs?) I was accused of insulting them & "not knowing how to talk to couples".

I almost choked on my weetabix with laughter that morning.

Fascinating to hear your perspective on being perceived as a single chap Brightandbloo

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I am going to be completely honest here. I don't get 100s of messages a day, despite being a single female, so I really do not have an excuse for not answering in that respect.

However, a three word message, or one without a face pic will not get a response. I don't have the longest profile here, and only have a couple of pics, so reading a profile first will actually help in some respects.

Also, responding to someone's 'chatty' message makes them think they have a chance, even though they are everything I've said I am not looking for on here, as I found out earlier. It probably sounds selfish but I am here for me, not to molly coddle unsuccessful messagers. As the FAQs state, no reply is a no. I've had messages deleted with no reply and still manage to sleep at night.

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By *ust_for_laughsCouple
over a year ago

Hinckley

We only tend to get those saying something along the lines of 'thanks for taking the time to reply' and wishing us well.

Don't get the why or abusive messages....feel rather left out at times when I read the forums!

Same here, we've even thought about trying to provoke a response so we can join in these threads !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best advice is if you don't like hearing thanks but no thanks or your messages being deleted.

Don't message anyone and you will never have a problem.

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

"The best advice is if you don't like hearing thanks but no thanks or your messages being deleted.

Don't message anyone and you will never have a problem."

That's what I do now

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