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How to spot swingers and hoe to approach them

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster

I’m asking this on behalf of everyone who is new to this. I also want to understand how this works in normal, everyday situations, rather than in a club or another specific location designed for it.

I don’t want to come across as creepy or weird, or put myself in a situation where I could be humiliated, laughed at, or made to feel uncomfortable.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
2 weeks ago

East Sussex

Just don't approach people outside of known swingers locations is probably best

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster

I understand what you mean. Unfortunately, it isn’t realistic to be in these kinds of places every day. When it comes to online communities, there’s also very little opportunity to properly show your personality or communicate naturally with people. The online community can be really harsh, and you often encounter an unnecessary amount of rudeness, arrogance, and dismissive behaviour.

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By *its_and_TiramisuCouple
2 weeks ago

North Somerset


"Just don't approach people outside of known swingers locations is probably best "

This 100000000000000%

Why would you want to?

Swingers are a tiny % of the population. Odds are if you asked someone randomly you'd cause offence at best and get a smack in the mouth at worst.

Let people go about their normal lives ffs. 🤦🤦

Obi

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By *ellhungvweMan
2 weeks ago

Cheltenham

If they are in the vanilla world then don’t say or do anything. Treat that as a fundamental rule unless they have explicitly told you otherwise.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
2 weeks ago

East Sussex


"I understand what you mean. Unfortunately, it isn’t realistic to be in these kinds of places every day. When it comes to online communities, there’s also very little opportunity to properly show your personality or communicate naturally with people. The online community can be really harsh, and you often encounter an unnecessary amount of rudeness, arrogance, and dismissive behaviour."

I reckon if you approach people outside of swinging you will have the same reaction.

Out if interest why do you want to approach people in other situations?

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster

Okay, I understand that. You’re saying not to approach people during normal day-to-day activities. But do you agree with me that the internet can be quite a hostile and unfriendly place, and that only a very small percentage of people are actually open and friendly enough to have a conversation, or at least polite enough to make their intentions clear?

So I feel like I’m working against the odds. I’m trying to meet people within a tiny fraction of society, and that makes the pool of opportunities very small.

The real question is: how can I widen that pool and increase my opportunities to meet people who I might actually have common interests with?

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By *its_and_TiramisuCouple
2 weeks ago

North Somerset


"Okay, I understand that. You’re saying not to approach people during normal day-to-day activities. But do you agree with me that the internet can be quite a hostile and unfriendly place, and that only a very small percentage of people are actually open and friendly enough to have a conversation, or at least polite enough to make their intentions clear?

So I feel like I’m working against the odds. I’m trying to meet people within a tiny fraction of society, and that makes the pool of opportunities very small.

The real question is: how can I widen that pool and increase my opportunities to meet people who I might actually have common interests with?"

Simple.

Go to an organised swinger social (there are plenty held regularly) or a swingers club.

It's a pretty safe bet that 100% of people attending either will be swingers.

And no. I disagree that the internet is inherently unfriendly and unwelcoming. It's perfectly possible to engage with people online, provided you do it in the right manner.

Obi

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By *tacey_N_JaxCouple
2 weeks ago

Prescot

I’ll echo some of the other posts, if you somehow recognised us and came up to us while we were in a vanilla setting and asked if we were Stacey and Jax we would deny any knowledge.

Your profile says your married with her permission, if that is true then you should have no problem going to a club, or a social, that’s the only place you will easily meet other lifestyle people who would be happy to discuss this naughty hobby.

Alternatively keep a lookout for ankle bracelets, black rings, pampas grass, gnomes and upside down pineapples in peoples windows, that are all 100% a sign… honest!

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster


"Okay, I understand that. You’re saying not to approach people during normal day-to-day activities. But do you agree with me that the internet can be quite a hostile and unfriendly place, and that only a very small percentage of people are actually open and friendly enough to have a conversation, or at least polite enough to make their intentions clear?

So I feel like I’m working against the odds. I’m trying to meet people within a tiny fraction of society, and that makes the pool of opportunities very small.

The real question is: how can I widen that pool and increase my opportunities to meet people who I might actually have common interests with?

Simple.

Go to an organised swinger social (there are plenty held regularly) or a swingers club.

It's a pretty safe bet that 100% of people attending either will be swingers.

And no. I disagree that the internet is inherently unfriendly and unwelcoming. It's perfectly possible to engage with people online, provided you do it in the right manner.

Obi"
I do that, to be honest, but the amount of creeps on there is very high, so I don’t feel safe sharing much personal information or talking about myself. I can understand why some couples are cautious and act the same way, because there are so many people who make others uncomfortable.

On the other hand, when you approach couples respectfully, they often don’t even read the message or reply. I imagine some of them are getting millions of messages, so it can be really difficult to get noticed and have a genuine conversation.

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster


"I’ll echo some of the other posts, if you somehow recognised us and came up to us while we were in a vanilla setting and asked if we were Stacey and Jax we would deny any knowledge.

Your profile says your married with her permission, if that is true then you should have no problem going to a club, or a social, that’s the only place you will easily meet other lifestyle people who would be happy to discuss this naughty hobby.

Alternatively keep a lookout for ankle bracelets, black rings, pampas grass, gnomes and upside down in peoples windows, that are all 100% a sign… honest!"
I do appreciate your advice and the signs you mentioned, and I’m already aware of most of them. I also understand that even the advice you find online isn’t 100% accurate.

I’m definitely not planning to go out on the street and randomly approach people, or approach someone in a supermarket, for example. What I mean is when I’m already taking part in an activity I enjoy, such as hiking, walking, or a public group activity.

The reason I mentioned it is because I’d like to meet like-minded people who enjoy similar activities. It would be nice to find people with whom you can be yourself and feel comfortable expressing yourself without constantly worrying about being judged, while doing an activity or sport that you genuinely enjoy.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
2 weeks ago

East Sussex


"Okay, I understand that. You’re saying not to approach people during normal day-to-day activities. But do you agree with me that the internet can be quite a hostile and unfriendly place, and that only a very small percentage of people are actually open and friendly enough to have a conversation, or at least polite enough to make their intentions clear?

So I feel like I’m working against the odds. I’m trying to meet people within a tiny fraction of society, and that makes the pool of opportunities very small.

The real question is: how can I widen that pool and increase my opportunities to meet people who I might actually have common interests with?"

As I'm sure has already been said socials and clubs.

Opportunities are limited outside of the known swinging world but that's just how it is.

The internet is most definitely a hostile and unfriendly place but it can also be welcoming and inclusive. It depends to an extent on how you approach people and the circles you move in.

We hoped when we joined to make a circle of friends we could enjoy meals, drinks and sociable evening with but it proved not to be possible *for us*, others have done so successfully.

I would say keep this part of your life separate from the every day and approach it from the inside so to speak

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By *issmorganWoman
2 weeks ago

Yorks

Get yourself to some socials op.All the ones I've been to have been very friendly and inclusive and lots of like minded people attend them.

I agree with all the others, don't specifically look to approach people out in the real world.

Even if they are by chance swingers, doesn't mean they'd be up for anything and everyone.

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By *eautyandthebeast86Couple
2 weeks ago

Somewhere in Norfolk ask :)

We keep our swinging and vanilla life very separate. We don’t engage in anything swinging related outside of clubs or meets.

We would never and will never approach someone in the vanilla world with the intention of asking them about the scene or flirt etc.

We are a friendly bunch and often chatty to the workers in Lidl or the bar staff in our local pub but that’s it just vanilla friendly banter. There are socials, clubs and websites like fab for the swinging community to connect and interact and that’s exactly in our humble opinion where it should stay.

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By *WB85Man
2 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Imagine being out with your partner and someone approaches askjng if you're a swinger.

Its just not the done thing.

Clubs, socials or organised meets is the only way. Unless you believe the upside down pineapple in a shopping trolley nonsense.

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By *lley-CatMan
2 weeks ago

Folkestone

Swinging is one of those things best kept within a closed group, i.e. people who you already know know, such as at an organised social.

It's not like, say, fishing, that you can bring up with someone you've just met in a pub or got chatting with at work.

Most of the people I have met here and elsewhere keep their vanilla and sex lives very separate.

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By *heyorkiesCouple
2 weeks ago

townhouse


"Okay, I understand that. You’re saying not to approach people during normal day-to-day activities. But do you agree with me that the internet can be quite a hostile and unfriendly place, and that only a very small percentage of people are actually open and friendly enough to have a conversation, or at least polite enough to make their intentions clear?

So I feel like I’m working against the odds. I’m trying to meet people within a tiny fraction of society, and that makes the pool of opportunities very small.

The real question is: how can I widen that pool and increase my opportunities to meet people who I might actually have common interests with?"

The odds are stacked against you. You're on here as a single man amoungst 1000s of single men looking for people who probably aren't looking for the same thing.

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By *alandNitaCouple
2 weeks ago

Scunthorpe


"I’m asking this on behalf of everyone who is new to this. I also want to understand how this works in normal, everyday situations, rather than in a club or another specific location designed for it.

I don’t want to come across as creepy or weird, or put myself in a situation where I could be humiliated, laughed at, or made to feel uncomfortable."

People are entitled to live their normal lives, most of us are not focused on sex/swinging all day every day.

Cal

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By *onathanjonesMan
2 weeks ago

Chester

I have no idea why you’d want to approach a swinger couple in an outside setting. Why would you do that?

What would you even say to them? “Oh hello Jason and Lucy! I love your swingers profile! I watch your content daily!”. How do you expect them to react?!?

If you want to meet new people for sex, the best approach is socialising in non-sexual clubs. For example, I used to be in a Polish language club, I learned Polish, laughed, chatted to bitches and so on. That group was amazing for my sexual wellbeing!

Second to that are the dating apps. Hinge is the best (I’m banned though lol). The other apps are ok, but be honest and cut the crap. Put on your profile “looking for a fwb” and obviously market yourself properly. Pickings will be small because they all want relationships, but those fun ladies are definitely out there.

The downside is that the non-swing women generally expect relationships.

Swingers social nights come next. Years ago when I was on here, I went to loads of those social nights and they were good. They used to cost £10 entry, for male and female. I imagine they cost a lot more now.

Because it’s a low key social night, women are more likely to go, and men less likely to go. So when you go in there, there might be 5 women to 20 men or so.

Maybe you think 2 of those ladies are bangable, and usually, half of the guys will have their hands down their pants, looking down, and don’t talk - so they’re safely out of your way.

These are the approaches I’d take.

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By *rightonsteveMan
2 weeks ago

Hove, mainly…


"Imagine being out with your partner and someone approaches askjng if you're a swinger.

Its just not the done thing.

Clubs, socials or organised meets is the only way. Unless you believe the upside down pineapple in a shopping trolley nonsense. "

Upside down pineapple is a thing! An even clevererer sign is tinned pineapple. 1 tin of chunks means you’re up for a social, of which an own label tin means you’ll do local whereas a branded tin means you’ll travel, 3 tins means you’re up for a 3 sum. A tin of pineapple rings however, means you’ll do anal.

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By *onathanjonesMan
2 weeks ago

Chester


"Imagine being out with your partner and someone approaches askjng if you're a swinger.

Its just not the done thing.

Clubs, socials or organised meets is the only way. Unless you believe the upside down pineapple in a shopping trolley nonsense.

Upside down pineapple is a thing! An even clevererer sign is tinned pineapple. 1 tin of chunks means you’re up for a social, of which an own label tin means you’ll do local whereas a branded tin means you’ll travel, 3 tins means you’re up for a 3 sum. A tin of pineapple rings however, means you’ll do anal. "

Lol, what guy is going to be observant enough for that though?

I wouldn’t see a tin of pineapple if it was in the cupboard right in front of me. I’d need a woman to point at it.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Central

Don't do anything differently than before you were swinging. Get to know people but ignore swinging motivation.

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By *ewdtenantMan
2 weeks ago

Sheffield


"Imagine being out with your partner and someone approaches askjng if you're a swinger.

Its just not the done thing.

Clubs, socials or organised meets is the only way. Unless you believe the upside down pineapple in a shopping trolley nonsense.

Upside down pineapple is a thing! An even clevererer sign is tinned pineapple. 1 tin of chunks means you’re up for a social, of which an own label tin means you’ll do local whereas a branded tin means you’ll travel, 3 tins means you’re up for a 3 sum. A tin of pineapple rings however, means you’ll do anal.

Lol, what guy is going to be observant enough for that though?

I wouldn’t see a tin of pineapple if it was in the cupboard right in front of me. I’d need a woman to point at it. "

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By *entakuruMan
2 weeks ago

Try making pineapple jokes and see if they get the reference?

I did once try using 'fab' a lot with someone I thought I'd seen on here, they didn't get the reference and probably thought my slang was 40 years out of date

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster

Thank you all for the kinds advice, xx

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By *ootyfruityCouple
2 weeks ago

andover

Even if the person/people you approach ARE swingers, most I know wouldn’t appreciate being outed in their normal day to day lives. There they/we are just normal people living our normal lives

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By *iss DevilWoman
2 weeks ago

Bedford

OP, this is one of the reasons I don't have a face photo on here! I don't want to be approached in a vanilla life, it's creepy regardless how you'd do it. And just because some people wear signs that suggest they're swingers, it does not necessarily mean they'd be happy to be approached in the middle of their weekly shop. Why is it so hard to understand?

There are plenty of events for swingers, not necessarily just clubs. Get to those and then approach people there, showing your personality.

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By *uboCouple
2 weeks ago

East kilbride


"Imagine being out with your partner and someone approaches askjng if you're a swinger.

Its just not the done thing.

Clubs, socials or organised meets is the only way. Unless you believe the upside down pineapple in a shopping trolley nonsense.

Upside down pineapple is a thing! An even clevererer sign is tinned pineapple. 1 tin of chunks means you’re up for a social, of which an own label tin means you’ll do local whereas a branded tin means you’ll travel, 3 tins means you’re up for a 3 sum. A tin of pineapple rings however, means you’ll do anal. "

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By *izandpaulCouple
2 weeks ago

merseyside


"I’m asking this on behalf of everyone who is new to this. I also want to understand how this works in normal, everyday situations, rather than in a club or another specific location designed for it.

I don’t want to come across as creepy or weird, or put myself in a situation where I could be humiliated, laughed at, or made to feel uncomfortable."

You never, ever, ever approach anyone in public asking anything even remotely sexual, swinging or not.

Act your age and give it a few minutes thought.

A lady, a couple, in a bar, beach walk, restaurant, supermarket, shopping centre, walking the kids to school, how on earth would you know what they do in their spare time.

There will be half wits on here saying they know secret signs etc but they haven't actually met anyone in a swingers setting as they sit all day at home behind a keyboard.

If in a pub, they approach any subject around swinging or sexual adventures be very careful, let them take the lead, if booze is involved, tread carefully.

As I write we are in Cap D'Agde, the world's biggest swinging and naturist village and even here its a bit of an art to tell swingers and naturists apart.

If we chat to someone here, we generally know about them beforehand from forum or WhatsApp groups or we ask "are you on FAB".

In short, don't even consider mentioning swinging outside of parties, swingers clubs, online sites etc or your day could get very ugly, very quickly.

Good luck, it sounds you may need it.

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By *lley-CatMan
2 weeks ago

Folkestone

It is so easy the misread the signs.

In Lidl the other week I saw an attractive lady with the initials HW on her ankle chain, an ace of spades tattoo on her wrist, carrying a pineapple upside down.

I came on to her full-on, saying it's fab to play on the swings, I love watching the BBC, etc.

It was only when I was in the police car on the way to the station that the officer explained the lady was Hannah Williams, a professional professional poker player inspecting the pineapple before buying it.

My court case comes up next month.

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By *izandpaulCouple
2 weeks ago

merseyside


"It is so easy the misread the signs.

In Lidl the other week I saw an attractive lady with the initials HW on her ankle chain, an ace of spades tattoo on her wrist, carrying a pineapple upside down.

I came on to her full-on, saying it's fab to play on the swings, I love watching the BBC, etc.

It was only when I was in the police car on the way to the station that the officer explained the lady was Hannah Williams, a professional professional poker player inspecting the pineapple before buying it.

My court case comes up next month."

Brilliant.

The fact that this question has been asked by a grown man makes you shake your head in disbelief.

Oh, well.

Everyday is a schoolday.🤣🤣

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By *ustBoWoman
2 weeks ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

You don't it is a simple as that. You approaching anyone going about their day to day life and expecting a good reaction when asked are they on a swingers site will not go well. Your humiliation would be the least of your worries. How do you think the person you approach would feel?

I cannot believe a grown man would even think this is an appropriate thing to do to anyone ,much less thing it would lead to anything.

It is a creepy thing to do to anyone regardless of whether they are on here or not.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
2 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

[Removed by poster at 22/09/26 09:35:35]

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By *ools and the brainCouple
2 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.


"I’m asking this on behalf of everyone who is new to this. I also want to understand how this works in normal, everyday situations, rather than in a club or another specific location designed for it.

I don’t want to come across as creepy or weird, or put myself in a situation where I could be humiliated, laughed at, or made to feel uncomfortable.

Don't approach people in the vanilla world it's simple.

If you can't separate the two then perhaps time to come off here, step away from porn and bashing your old fella to lady parts.

If we are out and about and we see someone we know off of swinging and fucking generally a nod of a polite hello ( you never know who they may be with)

We have been approached once on a beach when we first started swinging we made the stupid mistake of saying where we were going!

As we sat on the beach a chap was walking up and down going up to everyone asking if they are Jools and the brain, he eventually got to us.

Our mistake, but bad form on his part and exceptionally creepy.

So OP unless you are in an environment where people are going to be approached just DON'T do it.

like the Fonz and be cool "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
2 weeks ago

East Sussex

We've been approached twice while out and about. It's embarrassing, awkward and offends people when you turn them down.

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster


"It is so easy the misread the signs.

In Lidl the other week I saw an attractive lady with the initials HW on her ankle chain, an ace of spades tattoo on her wrist, carrying a pineapple upside down.

I came on to her full-on, saying it's fab to play on the swings, I love watching the BBC, etc.

It was only when I was in the police car on the way to the station that the officer explained the lady was Hannah Williams, a professional professional poker player inspecting the pineapple before buying it.

My court case comes up next month."

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster

Here is a rewritten, polished version of your message with correct spelling and improved clarity, while keeping your original voice and tone:

Just for your knowledge, I do not approach people in general—please understand that is just not me. I have never approached anyone before; I was simply asking what signs to look out for so I could read the room, nothing more. And now I have my answers.

I feel like people are treating this thread as if I am actually asking people out, or willing to ask around. My original question was: how to spot the signs first to be 100% sure, and then how to approach if that was true. The answer I got was basically "do not approach at all." Well, nothing has changed anyway. Thanks for the advice, it is very kind.

Speaking of luck—yes, it is luck. I've met and talked to people before; some were a waste of time and some I had fun with, so I do need a bit of luck. Yes, thank God, I'm not desperate.

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By *lley-CatMan
2 weeks ago

Folkestone

Perhaps edit the AI response before posting next time

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By *ool_name_pendingCouple
2 weeks ago

Merseyside


"Here is a rewritten, polished version of your message with correct spelling and improved clarity, while keeping your original voice and tone:

I have never approached anyone before; I was simply asking what signs to look out for so I could read the room, nothing more. And now I have my answers.

My original question was: how to spot the signs first to be 100% sure, and then how to approach if that was true.

"

I think people missred your question but as you clarified you want to know the signs that you can be 100% sure they are swingers.

So my answer is: unless they got tattoo on forehead that says "we are swingers, come say hi" other than that there is no such sign that would give you that guarantee so do never approach.

Hope this helps...

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster


"Perhaps edit the AI response before posting next time "
i reach to a level that I want to make sure to express myself properly to make sure people will understand me 😂😂

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By *w funwifeWoman
2 weeks ago

near taunton

people metioning the upside down pineapple its the biggest joke amongs swingers its rubbish and it means nothing and when most swinger see ot tattoo or t-shirt its laughted at not to their face bit trust me its laughted at...

its alway men that start these things and none have ever been taken seriously oh and the queen of spade is hated by most too for obbious reasons ..

swinger dont want to be pesterd and if they do it will be at a swing event / website

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By *picyminxWoman
2 weeks ago

Huntingdon

I discovered some swingers at my old work place and it was never the done thing to approach them. I just felt at peace that we could all respect each other and not mention it.

In other areas of the world - it could actually be anyone 😂

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By *igladAndLulahCouple
2 weeks ago

South East


"I’m asking this on behalf of everyone who is new to this. I also want to understand how this works in normal, everyday situations, rather than in a club or another specific location designed for it.

I don’t want to come across as creepy or weird, or put myself in a situation where I could be humiliated, laughed at, or made to feel uncomfortable."

Why would you want to approach someone about swinging in a vanilla environment, just very odd behaviour

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By *ed and WolfieCouple
2 weeks ago

Gravesend

There are no signs. Swingers are just normal people doing their normal day to day things. The only place they are obvious will be at a specialist swingers event.

There are no secret handshakes or winks or signs.

Check the socials and get out of the virtual world and go to a club or organised social and chat with people. Simple.

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By *rightonsteveMan
2 weeks ago

Hove, mainly…

What am I gonna do with this bloody expensive pineapple then?!

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By *ed and WolfieCouple
2 weeks ago

Gravesend

Eat it?

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By *olo_89Couple
2 weeks ago

Kettering

Honestly one of the weirdest threads I have read and tried to understand. I wish you luck with whatever you are attempting

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By *ndianMidscplCouple
2 weeks ago

west midlands

Well it was different for us.

We got a message from a fake Cpl’s account stating that , he seen us in some social theatre event , and he mentioned some names supposedly our real name And then he said , “ I wanted to say hello to you but I thought let’s keep social life separate from swinging “

But he was clearly insinuating that he knows us and not afraid to expose us in public. lol

I simply replied “ if you want to approach any swinger in real life then go ahead and face the consequences of being a stalker “

Secondly “ we don’t chat or meet fake accounts which is clearly you are “

And we blocked that profile.

Let him assume and approach that person in public. lol.

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By *izandpaulCouple
2 weeks ago

merseyside

If you ever needed evidence that FAB attracts some people who operate on another plane, this is one thread that wins.

To be fair, I would assume English is not this guys first language so maybe a bit of lost in translation.

If English is his first language, I really don't know what to say except "Matron, think one got out!!"

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By *ackOnceAgainLikeAMan
2 weeks ago

Bridgend


"I’m asking this on behalf of everyone who is new to this. I also want to understand how this works in normal, everyday situations, rather than in a club or another specific location designed for it.

I don’t want to come across as creepy or weird, or put myself in a situation where I could be humiliated, laughed at, or made to feel uncomfortable."

Would you want people approaching you when you may be out with your family etc asking when was the next time you were going to go swinging was?

Get a grip

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By *dwkmlcrpCouple
2 weeks ago

Tamworth

The upside down pineapple tattooed on my leg normally gives it away iv seen people notice it and give a knowing smile but iv never been approached

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster


"Well it was different for us.

We got a message from a fake Cpl’s account stating that , he seen us in some social theatre event , and he mentioned some names supposedly our real name And then he said , “ I wanted to say hello to you but I thought let’s keep social life separate from swinging “

But he was clearly insinuating that he knows us and not afraid to expose us in public. lol

I simply replied “ if you want to approach any swinger in real life then go ahead and face the consequences of being a stalker “

Secondly “ we don’t chat or meet fake accounts which is clearly you are “

And we blocked that profile.

Let him assume and approach that person in public. lol. "
😂😂

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster

People often ask why someone would want to spot swingers, but I want to explain that these are completely normal places to meet people and hook up. Just like bars, nightclubs,clubs, cruise ships, holidays, or beaches—they are just normal environments. I don't know why people struggle to imagine these spaces as places where people naturally go to connect.

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By *ustBoWoman
2 weeks ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"People often ask why someone would want to spot swingers, but I want to explain that these are completely normal places to meet people and hook up. Just like bars, nightclubs,clubs, cruise ships, holidays, or beaches—they are just normal environments. I don't know why people struggle to imagine these spaces as places where people naturally go to connect."

Regardless of the place it is still creepy to approach someone just because you think they are a swinger so you can hook with them. That is what is not normal about what you are asking.

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster


"People often ask why someone would want to spot swingers, but I want to explain that these are completely normal places to meet people and hook up. Just like bars, nightclubs,clubs, cruise ships, holidays, or beaches—they are just normal environments. I don't know why people struggle to imagine these spaces as places where people naturally go to connect.

Regardless of the place it is still creepy to approach someone just because you think they are a swinger so you can hook with them. That is what is not normal about what you are asking. "
Look, people picture me just sitting around staring and creeping on people, which obviously would be weird. The real issue is that people act like they're gonna get targeted out of nowhere just for being swingers, which is basically paranoia. I'm just talking about places with good music and good vibes where you meet people and click. The catch is that if you start chatting normally and assume they're swingers when they're not, that gets super awkward. That's why picking up on subtle signs is useful—it just lets me be a bit more open to actually talking to someone. People are imagining me walking up to random strangers in a grocery store going, 'Hey, you're swingers, let's have sex!'—and that's definitely not what I mean at all.

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By *aomilatteCouple
2 weeks ago

Midlands


"People often ask why someone would want to spot swingers, but I want to explain that these are completely normal places to meet people and hook up. Just like bars, nightclubs,clubs, cruise ships, holidays, or beaches—they are just normal environments. I don't know why people struggle to imagine these spaces as places where people naturally go to connect."

Most swingers go to those places to have a nice vanilla time. They may use the "see who's near" feature if looking to see if swingers are nearby with that feature switched on, but for most they're in vanilla mode and you wouldn't even know they're swingers.

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By *eautyandthebeast86Couple
2 weeks ago

Somewhere in Norfolk ask :)


"People often ask why someone would want to spot swingers, but I want to explain that these are completely normal places to meet people and hook up. Just like bars, nightclubs,clubs, cruise ships, holidays, or beaches—they are just normal environments. I don't know why people struggle to imagine these spaces as places where people naturally go to connect.

Regardless of the place it is still creepy to approach someone just because you think they are a swinger so you can hook with them. That is what is not normal about what you are asking. Look, people picture me just sitting around staring and creeping on people, which obviously would be weird. The real issue is that people act like they're gonna get targeted out of nowhere just for being swingers, which is basically paranoia. I'm just talking about places with good music and good vibes where you meet people and click. The catch is that if you start chatting normally and assume they're swingers when they're not, that gets super awkward. That's why picking up on subtle signs is useful—it just lets me be a bit more open to actually talking to someone. People are imagining me walking up to random strangers in a grocery store going, 'Hey, you're swingers, let's have sex!'—and that's definitely not what I mean at all."

I get what you are saying to a point, you are saying that let’s just say you are at a bar chatting to a couple whilst you wait to be served and you are curious if they are in the scene but don’t have the guts to outright ask them so looking for signs?

What signs would there be ? In the vanilla world what possible signs could there be to indicate they partake in sharing their partners with others on occasion?

Some couples are tactile in public with each other but that just means they are in love and comfortable with public displays of affection.

Some couples prefer to keep the kisses and handholding to private.

But I’m missing the point, there would be no signs to look for that someone’s a swinger because there are no signs.. we don’t have a secret handshake, special perfume, we don’t do a special dance or blink a certain amount of times. Just like going up to a couple you will have no idea unless they announce it when they last had sex let alone who with. You will never know a couple is a swinger unless they tell you. They might even have the upside down tattoo or other ‘ swinging ‘ things but it could be innocent, it could be they once did swing but no longer do. I can pretty much guarantee that even if they ARE swingers they won’t want to be approached outside of a swingers event to discuss it.

So bottom line is, get to swingers events and realise that in the vanilla world you will never know…

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By *ackOnceAgainLikeAMan
2 weeks ago

Bridgend

If you want to socialise in a relaxed environment where you are likely to run into other swingers, there will socials run by someone near you

There's your answer

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By *ool_name_pendingCouple
2 weeks ago

Merseyside

OP so I got a question for you: If you think it's OK to approach swingers in vanilla life and ask them about it, why is your face covered on your profile photo? If you share it to the public they could recognise you and approach you instead.

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By *ed and WolfieCouple
2 weeks ago

Gravesend


"If you want to socialise in a relaxed environment where you are likely to run into other swingers, there will socials run by someone near you

There's your answer "

What they say. Simple. If you are worried about how you will be perceived by others this is the best way of actually meeting others in a safe environment- for you and them.

An online persona can only get you so far, so get to a social and interact with real people. You never know what may then happen!

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By *olo_89Couple
2 weeks ago

Kettering


"People often ask why someone would want to spot swingers, but I want to explain that these are completely normal places to meet people and hook up. Just like bars, nightclubs,clubs, cruise ships, holidays, or beaches—they are just normal environments. I don't know why people struggle to imagine these spaces as places where people naturally go to connect.

Regardless of the place it is still creepy to approach someone just because you think they are a swinger so you can hook with them. That is what is not normal about what you are asking. Look, people picture me just sitting around staring and creeping on people, which obviously would be weird. The real issue is that people act like they're gonna get targeted out of nowhere just for being swingers, which is basically paranoia. I'm just talking about places with good music and good vibes where you meet people and click. The catch is that if you start chatting normally and assume they're swingers when they're not, that gets super awkward. That's why picking up on subtle signs is useful—it just lets me be a bit more open to actually talking to someone. People are imagining me walking up to random strangers in a grocery store going, 'Hey, you're swingers, let's have sex!'—and that's definitely not what I mean at all."

So what your describing is a swingers club or social, when we are out in vanilla life it is vanilla if we want to be approached we are in a swingers event it's rather simple really unless they approach you it is foe par really.

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster


"OP so I got a question for you: If you think it's OK to approach swingers in vanilla life and ask them about it, why is your face covered on your profile photo? If you share it to the public they could recognise you and approach you instead. "
"There's a big difference between being seen in public and having a permanent digital footprint. People cover their faces online to protect their jobs and avoid creeps—similar to how swinger clubs ban phones. You don't wear a mask at a bar or club, but you also don't let people permanently database you there.

?If anything, let's just prove a point to everyone protesting being approached in real life: if you start a thread asking people if they've ever met a someone outside of a platform or club, you’ll find millions of examples of people meeting on a beach, on holiday, or at a regular bar. I really wonder what the critics are going to say to that." I'd love to see what the dogging folks have to say about that too 😅

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By *ormerWelshcouple2020Man
2 weeks ago

Stourbridge

Why is no one telling him about the pointed hat with “Get it Here” printed down from top to bottom ? I think you are cruel

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By *ool_name_pendingCouple
2 weeks ago

Merseyside


"OP so I got a question for you: If you think it's OK to approach swingers in vanilla life and ask them about it, why is your face covered on your profile photo? If you share it to the public they could recognise you and approach you instead. "There's a big difference between being seen in public and having a permanent digital footprint. People cover their faces online to protect their jobs and avoid creeps—similar to how swinger clubs ban phones. You don't wear a mask at a bar or club, but you also don't let people permanently database you there.

?If anything, let's just prove a point to everyone protesting being approached in real life: if you start a thread asking people if they've ever met a someone outside of a platform or club, you’ll find millions of examples of people meeting on a beach, on holiday, or at a regular bar. I really wonder what the critics are going to say to that." I'd love to see what the dogging folks have to say about that too 😅"

OK I hear you and accept your response. So please let me present you with an example how I see it: imagine you go to a bar and there is a woman with upside down pineapple tattoo on her leg. You chat for a bit and than you tell her, you spotted tattoo and asked if she is a swinger. In that moment her boss that sits few seats further overheard that. You didn't know she is a teacher and she is in bar with coworkers during team bonding event. She just lost her job because of you. I know it's just theory but can you see how wrong it could go and why people are so over protective?

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By *oris and doris wolvesCouple
2 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"I’m asking this on behalf of everyone who is new to this. I also want to understand how this works in normal, everyday situations, rather than in a club or another specific location designed for it.

I don’t want to come across as creepy or weird, or put myself in a situation where I could be humiliated, laughed at, or made to feel uncomfortable."

If you see someone in a car with the fish shape on the rear is a sign. Just beep your horn and do a blow job impression

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By *inks_apeyCouple
2 weeks ago

Staffordshire

As everyone else has said, outside of known situations where your in a like minded place with others you know are in the lifestyle then you just being daft bringing it up, and likely going to cause yourself or others harm/embarrassment. Just don't a big portion of people who do swing would be highly annoyed (at best) if you approached them in any sort of vanilla setting.

Its not worth the agro, hassle or punch on the nose. Just don't. There's a reason a lot of people keep this part of their life seperate from their normal one, and it should only be crossed on their terms, and someone pushing the point is due everything they get.

Just my personal opinion, but hey.

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By *aucyCouple89Couple
2 weeks ago

Cambridge

X

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By *ed and WolfieCouple
2 weeks ago

Gravesend

I think OP is now just being a bit of a nob just to provoke commentary and maybe get people to look at his profile.

I suggest that he probably doesnt get out much,probably doesnt have a wife, and is a bit socially awkward.

If he thinks there is a whole world of swingers floating around the local shops there probably is. But they won't want to talk to him, just like all the stamp collectors , train spotters, knitters, bakers and crossword puzzlers who all have their hobbies and interests but don't necessarily want to share these with a stranger.

GO TO A CLUB!

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By *w funwifeWoman
2 weeks ago

near taunton


"I think OP is now just being a bit of a nob just to provoke commentary and maybe get people to look at his profile.

I suggest that he probably doesnt get out much,probably doesnt have a wife, and is a bit socially awkward.

If he thinks there is a whole world of swingers floating around the local shops there probably is. But they won't want to talk to him, just like all the stamp collectors , train spotters, knitters, bakers and crossword puzzlers who all have their hobbies and interests but don't necessarily want to share these with a stranger.

GO TO A CLUB!

"

thing is op is no different to the many 1000s who want or think there should be a simple way to find swingers who drop there knicker at the sight of a man.

it these type of men who become the very men we try to avoid at clubs

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By *ed and WolfieCouple
2 weeks ago

Gravesend

Maybe fab should do a range of 'im a swinger' merchandise.

Perhaps some T shirts with 'hey, how are you?' On the front......the common call of the male swinger lol

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By *dsurreyCouple
2 weeks ago

Epsom


"I understand what you mean. Unfortunately, it isn’t realistic to be in these kinds of places every day. When it comes to online communities, there’s also very little opportunity to properly show your personality or communicate naturally with people. The online community can be really harsh, and you often encounter an unnecessary amount of rudeness, arrogance, and dismissive behaviour."

Yeah ok, try that in the real world and see how harsh,rude and dismissive the behaviour is, thats if you dont get the sh1t beaten out of you or arrested lmao

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster


"Why is no one telling him about the pointed hat with “Get it Here” printed down from top to bottom ? I think you are cruel "
Here is an example of how harsh and brutal an online community can be. I am sure you are much nicer in real life. If I am asking for advice on an online platform in the advice section just to understand the swinger community and its culture before I do anything, where should I go? I hope you are not just acting this way to side with the vast majority of the group to get validation."

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By *ed and WolfieCouple
2 weeks ago

Gravesend

You ask above.......again....'where should I go?'

How many people have to tell you to go to a club before you get it?

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster

[Removed by poster at 23/09/26 21:33:04]

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster


"You ask above.......again....'where should I go?'

How many people have to tell you to go to a club before you get it?"
I haven't asked madam

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster


"I’m asking this on behalf of everyone who is new to this. I also want to understand how this works in normal, everyday situations, rather than in a club or another specific location designed for it.

I don’t want to come across as creepy or weird, or put myself in a situation where I could be humiliated, laughed at, or made to feel uncomfortable.

If you see someone in a car with the fish shape on the rear is a sign. Just beep your horn and do a blow job impression "
😂😂

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By *ed and WolfieCouple
2 weeks ago

Gravesend

OP, I think we are all.bored now. Your original question.......where do i go to spot swingers without being made awkward etc......

A club or a social. That's it. Simple. There is no other answer.

We generally dont wear a swingers uniform or badge so you can't spot us in the high street or gym.

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By *orseCool OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Doncaster

Im ok with thr answers thank you for sharing, xx

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By *olds CoupleCouple
2 weeks ago

Louth Lincolnshire


"Okay, I understand that. You’re saying not to approach people during normal day-to-day activities. But do you agree with me that the internet can be quite a hostile and unfriendly place, and that only a very small percentage of people are actually open and friendly enough to have a conversation, or at least polite enough to make their intentions clear?

So I feel like I’m working against the odds. I’m trying to meet people within a tiny fraction of society, and that makes the pool of opportunities very small.

The real question is: how can I widen that pool and increase my opportunities to meet people who I might actually have common interests with?

Simple.

Go to an organised swinger social (there are plenty held regularly) or a swingers club.

It's a pretty safe bet that 100% of people attending either will be swingers.

And no. I disagree that the internet is inherently unfriendly and unwelcoming. It's perfectly possible to engage with people online, provided you do it in the right manner.

ObiI do that, to be honest, but the amount of creeps on there is very high, so I don’t feel safe sharing much personal information or talking about myself. I can understand why some couples are cautious and act the same way, because there are so many people who make others uncomfortable.

On the other hand, when you approach couples respectfully, they often don’t even read the message or reply. I imagine some of them are getting millions of messages, so it can be really difficult to get noticed and have a genuine conversation."

The thing is couples and especially single women can get a lot of messages from guys on here. So unless you're what they're looking for they're unlikely to want or have time to become pen pals. They're unlikely to enter into ping pong messaging if they don't want it to go anywhere because doing this would be seen as a green light to some guys. You'd be better off at a social as has already been said.

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By *ad NannaWoman
2 weeks ago

East London

You can't.

You don't.

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By *ull of PuddinWoman
2 weeks ago

isle of munters


"I’ll echo some of the other posts, if you somehow recognised us and came up to us while we were in a vanilla setting and asked if we were Stacey and Jax we would deny any knowledge.

Your profile says your married with her permission, if that is true then you should have no problem going to a club, or a social, that’s the only place you will easily meet other lifestyle people who would be happy to discuss this naughty hobby.

Alternatively keep a lookout for ankle bracelets, black rings, pampas grass, gnomes and upside down in peoples windows, that are all 100% a sign… honest!I do appreciate your advice and the signs you mentioned, and I’m already aware of most of them. I also understand that even the advice you find online isn’t 100% accurate.

I’m definitely not planning to go out on the street and randomly approach people, or approach someone in a supermarket, for example. What I mean is when I’m already taking part in an activity I enjoy, such as hiking, walking, or a public group activity.

The reason I mentioned it is because I’d like to meet like-minded people who enjoy similar activities. It would be nice to find people with whom you can be yourself and feel comfortable expressing yourself without constantly worrying about being judged, while doing an activity or sport that you genuinely enjoy."

You've contradicted yourself from the beginning of the thread. You posted this.....

But then say your not talking about normal places

So what's the actual question

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