This is a bit of a long-winded question from someone who's fairly new to FabSwingers, who's quite introverted and probably on the spectrum.
I've been on here for about a year now-ish, messaged hundreds, probably well over 600 different people by now. I've had plenty of conversations that seemed to be going really well, then after a few weeks or a month they just... poof... stop altogether. It's always left me wondering what happened.
But I think I've finally managed to arrange meeting someone. I say I hope, because there was a little hiccup the previous week. We were supposed to meet, then on the day she messaged saying she'd come down with a stomach bug. We've still been chatting since then, the banter seems friendly enough, and she says she still wants to meet, so hopefully it happens. You never really know until you're actually there.
It's a bit of a step into the unknown as well. Her profile has no pictures and barely any information on it, so I kind of took a leap in the dark. She does have quite a few friends on her profile though, which, in a way, gives me a little reassurance that she's a genuine person. I know it's generally easier for women to build up connections and verifications on here than it is for men, but it still helped put my mind at ease a little.
Anyway, it got me thinking...
How do people generally go about meeting someone from FabSwingers?
I know everyone's different, but I'm more curious about the overall process than any intimate details.
Do you usually chat on the site for a while, then swap over to WhatsApp or another messaging app?
Do you meet for a drink, coffee or meal first?
Do you meet at a social? And when people say "social", what do they actually mean? A club? A bar? A munch? An organised event? Somewhere like After Dark in Edinburgh? Or something completely different?
Or do some people just go straight from messaging to meeting at somebody's house, either yours or theirs?
If you do meet for a drink or food first, is it generally a "let's see if we click" kind of meeting, then decide what happens afterwards? Or do most people already know exactly what they're looking for before they even meet?
I'm asking because, unlike FetLife, where I've spent most of my time, FabSwingers feels very different.
On FetLife, people generally have much more detailed profiles. You get a better idea of who they are before you even message them. On FabSwingers I can't really fit a profile that explains me properly, and it sometimes feels like people only read the first few lines before deciding whether to move on, almost like looking through CVs. If those first few lines aren't exactly what they're looking for, they just skip to the next profile.
I'm not criticising anyone. It's just that the two sites seem to work very differently.
To me, FetLife feels more like a friendly, sociable kink community that may also lead to something more. FabSwingers feels much more direct, much faster paced, and a lot more extroverted.
When people say, "Come along to a social," for someone like me who's introverted and on the spectrum, it honestly feels like walking into a lion's den. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do or what people expect. My appearance probably doesn't help either, thanks to genetics making me look a lot younger than I actually am.
I'm one of those people who likes understanding how things work. Having an idea of what people generally do helps me relax a bit. I know every meeting is different and there's no single "correct" way of doing things, but having a rough understanding helps ease the anxiety.
You don't need to tell me anything private or intimate. I'm just interested in the overall flow, from the first message, to moving off the site, to meeting in person. What does that usually look like for you?
Thanks if you managed to read all of this. I'd really appreciate hearing how things tend to work for other people and how you usually approach meeting someone from here. |
