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"Is she from fab? " No | |||
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"Ok. I'm of the age where I don't believe in wasting time, so I would probably first find out what type of relationship she's after then tell her that you enjoy certain things sexually that are important to you. I would feel a bit put on the spot if a date asked me flat out what my sexual preferences are and would rather they started the discussion " Thanks I didn't want to lead her along and then drop the bombshell I would rather discuss honestly but without making her feel uncomfortable. | |||
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"Ok. I'm of the age where I don't believe in wasting time, so I would probably first find out what type of relationship she's after then tell her that you enjoy certain things sexually that are important to you. I would feel a bit put on the spot if a date asked me flat out what my sexual preferences are and would rather they started the discussion Thanks I didn't want to lead her along and then drop the bombshell I would rather discuss honestly but without making her feel uncomfortable. " Yes I really understand that. | |||
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"I have recently met a lady..we have been for a drink once but I know she wants to meet again. Question is she doesn't know that I'm not vanilla and I need to discuss this with her ..do I A ) ask what she has dislikes sexually or B ) Ask her what she is looking for sexually? " I’m guessing ( could be wrong ) that from this post you want to remain in the scene, not prepared to have a vanilla relationship ? No judgement here as we have both said that now we have done swinging we can’t imagine what going back to a vanilla relationship/lifestyle would look like. I do think that if you like us can’t imagine having a vanilla relationship that coming clean sooner rather than later is best and you will be surprised how open people can be. If she runs for the hills then I guess it wasn’t meant to be? Good luck OP  | |||
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"Third date, if you think you might be serious about a relationship Certainly before sex. Just tell her that you have had some unusual experiences ( not vanilla) in your past. Be honest about your past Be honest about what you want in the future She may run away screaming, she may have read ‘50 shades’ and similar books or films and be intrigued. I once raised my freak flags and it turned out she was kinkier than me." Thanks..heres hoping I get the same outcome 😊 | |||
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"Agree with everyone saying it's a subject you need to cover sooner rather than later. It's not clear whether the sexual adventures you wish to continue are involving other people and the swinging scene, or the desire for a dominant woman you mention in your profile. But, you need to be quite clear in your mind what aspects are a deal breaker for you, and you need to express them clearly but carefully to your lady friend. We had a single friend we met on the scene who was dating a lady (not on the scene) and he hadn't said anything to her at the outset of their relationship. He came to us all excited that she was sexually adventurous. I had to point out that's quite different than wanting to invite other people into your sex life. He put off talking to her about it. And when he broached the subject a few months later she wasn't interested in swinging at all.... Queue a girlfriend who was pretty angry that he'd left it so long to mention it was something that was/became a deal breaker for him.... " Thanks, that's why I think it best to discuss it earlier than avoid any upset | |||
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"You need to have an open and honest conversation. I can imagine it may be difficult starting a new relationship with someone who isn't a swinger / enjoys the lifestyle with someone that does. The conversation needs to happen now though....don't start something and then drop this bombshell. Good luck OP. " Thanks  | |||
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"OP, I think you should have breached the topic much sooner, before even arranging to meet her. As what if she's after just a "vanilla" relationship, and you want ethical non-monogamy or similar? But as you've already met, I'd start the topic as soon as possible. And go the way you were advised by the couple earlier on the thread, just ask what she's after, and explain what you're after. Best to be honest now, before you both get too invested. " Thanks, we are meeting for a chat later tonight..I may as well strike whilst the iron is still hot 🔥 | |||
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"I have recently met a lady..we have been for a drink once but I know she wants to meet again. Question is she doesn't know that I'm not vanilla and I need to discuss this with her ..do I A ) ask what she has dislikes sexually or B ) Ask her what she is looking for sexually? I’m guessing ( could be wrong ) that from this post you want to remain in the scene, not prepared to have a vanilla relationship ? No judgement here as we have both said that now we have done swinging we can’t imagine what going back to a vanilla relationship/lifestyle would look like. I do think that if you like us can’t imagine having a vanilla relationship that coming clean sooner rather than later is best and you will be surprised how open people can be. If she runs for the hills then I guess it wasn’t meant to be? Good luck OP "Thanks..if she runs for the hills then at least no one has been hurt | |||
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