FabSwingers.com forum: Has anyone ever had this said to them?

By *rfate OP Man
3 days ago

south tyneside

Has anyone ever this said to them, "I think you are really attractive, but I don't think you are dominant."

I had a social the other night and thought things were going well, then got told that. My thoughts were basically, because I'm not like rag dolling you around in a crowed pub 😂? It kind of took me by surprise. Has anyone had anything similar happen to them?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
3 days ago

East Sussex

No neither of us has. I wonder how they thought they knew in such a short space of time 🤔

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By *inkPomPomWoman
3 days ago

Isle of Man

If that's your definition of dominant then they were right to be honest

Being dominant isn't 'rag dolling' someone around as you put it

It's a specific and nuanced dynamic

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By *rfate OP Man
3 days ago

south tyneside

It was the other around thats what she was expecting to happen lol

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By *issy_named_cTV/TS
3 days ago

Edinburgh

"If that's your definition of dominant then they were right to be honest

Being dominant isn't 'rag dolling' someone around as you put it

It's a specific and nuanced dynamic "

Agreed.

I pick up that your presence wasn't necessarily giving off the vibes that that person was seeking at that moment, and was perhaps a subtle challenge to see if you could pick up on the vibes they were giving off and respond in a way that unlocks things.

I wouldn't get hung up on it though

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By *rfate OP Man
3 days ago

south tyneside

"No neither of us has. I wonder how they thought they knew in such a short space of time 🤔"

I was a bit surprised myself 😂

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By *inkPomPomWoman
3 days ago

Isle of Man

Let's keep replies in the forum guys, it's not necessary to PM me thanks

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By *WANDTGCouple
3 days ago

Borough of Greenwich

So what do you define as Dominant in your play ?

Someone else was asking about Dom play , he was completely off track as it was more oppressive (not aloud to use S word) and master that he was explaining.

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By *ingpong70Man
3 days ago

Surbiton

Unfortunately many women have exactly the same distorted, fantasy idea of what "domination" is, as men do.

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By *enAdams87Man
3 days ago

Halifax

A profile I messaged which specifically requested no liars, said I wasn’t for them because I was single.

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By *acavityMan
3 days ago

Redditch

"If that's your definition of dominant then they were right to be honest

Being dominant isn't 'rag dolling' someone around as you put it

It's a specific and nuanced dynamic "

I would say that there are many ways to be dominant.

But no matter how you dom, you shouldn’t do it to a stranger on a social meeting.

It’s like (in analogy only) having a dog.

You train your dog to obey commands.you are in control.

This doesn’t mean you can start shouting “sit” at any dog you meet, or clip a lead on a random dog and take it for a walk.

From what I’ve picked up on the fetish side of things, it sounds like she is “prey” looking for someone “primal”.

That’s a very distinct sub genre, and if she isn’t clear about her expectations, she could be in for a lot of disappointment

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By *WB85Man
3 days ago

Staffordshire

People have very different interpretations of words on here.

Discussing things in detail to see you're on the same wave length is crucial.

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By *otPoshorBecksCouple
3 days ago

London

There are all kinds of Dom’s from all walks of life. A Dom that’s good for me might not necessarily be good for someone else. I can tell by talking for 15 mins if a Dom is not for me. But if I think a Dom is for me the vetting process for me takes time and plenty of regular meets.

I will play with verified Dom’s at a club in the safety of a Dungeon and safe words with my Dom watching over for added safety.

But if the first impression after about 15mins of chat isn’t for me then he’s not for me.

Sam here the lady

S&B xx

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By *ellhungvweMan
3 days ago

Cheltenham

I think you are being let down gently OP. They are giving you a reason why you are not for them. Take it like a gent and move on.

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By *aandLoCouple
3 days ago

Southampton

"Unfortunately many women have exactly the same distorted, fantasy idea of what "domination" is, as men do."

But if that's her expectation of dominance then it's valid for her, and any connection she wants to make.

It's why nailing down the specifics is very important. Yet from the OPs post she was expecting him to know what it meant to her without talking about it. 🤷

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By *s2pervsCouple
3 days ago

Truro

No, Mr. X

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By *ayKellyMan
3 days ago

Kinross

Could be worse

She could have asked "is it in yet"

"why is your little winky sleeping"

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By *rfate OP Man
3 days ago

south tyneside

"Could be worse

She could have asked "is it in yet"

"why is your little winky sleeping""

Silver linings 😂😂

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By *reya73Woman
3 days ago

Whitley Bay

I haven't had that .. no.

Did you not then express your curiosity and have an interesting conversation about dom and sub dynamics?

What kind of a Dom situation were you discussing? What did she expect/desire?

These dynamics should be negotiated and honed to each individual and also, sometimes more importantly, to what is present between you and how you might fit together. It takes time. But I can usually tell pretty quickly by how the conversation is going in discussion, if the person is tight for me or not.

Its an interesting topic .. but did you just want a mini whinge, or to open up discussion?

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By *reya73Woman
3 days ago

Whitley Bay

"I haven't had that .. no.

Did you not then express your curiosity and have an interesting conversation about dom and sub dynamics?

What kind of a Dom situation were you discussing? What did she expect/desire?

Its an interesting topic .. but did you just want a mini whinge, or to open up discussion?"

*Right

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By *rfate OP Man
3 days ago

south tyneside

"I haven't had that .. no.

Did you not then express your curiosity and have an interesting conversation about dom and sub dynamics?

What kind of a Dom situation were you discussing? What did she expect/desire?

No I just thought it was strange thing to say is all 😂

But we had been discussing pleasure dom, as well as other thing. Sadly it wasn't meant to be, I just wanted to know is all.

Its an interesting topic .. but did you just want a mini whinge, or to open up discussion?"

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By *my-blackTV/TS
1 day ago

Helston

I think too many people have read 50 shades and have distorted views of a Dom/sub relationship based on a combination of Mills and Boon mixed in with an abusive dangerous facet.

Plus every Dom/sub relationship like any relationship has its own distinct nuances (as a previous poster on the thread said). So OP, I guess you weren't the other persons idea of dominant but to someone else you would be their perfect Dom.

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