"Chickened out posting - then changed my mind again!
I would like some insights (esp. from women) into where my GF's head might be at as I am often left in a state of confusion and uncertainty.
The background is that we have known each other (platonically) for a couple of decades and three years or so we got together properly, left the friends zone, and are now a couple very happily living together .
With my ex I have experience of (long term occasional threesome) and recently sex clubs although admittedly for the clubs I have sat on the side lines as she preferred the greedy girls days/route. My GF and EX were, and still are, good friends. Indeed it was my GF who has been fascinated by the exploits of my ex and has often shown an interest (just curiosity at the time).
At the start of properly getting together with my GF which was (and still is) the best sex of our lives, she showed an interest in the lifestyle and said she wanted to experience some things like spit roasting and DP. I leant into this as my preference is to have MMF (specifically with her as she is hot and I have a compersion thing going) or to see her being daring and naughty in what whatever form it may be. I once asked her what the odds were she would go through with it one day and she replied over 80% which gives you a sign of her interest. We did visit a club a few times and she was a little put off by the following that happens but understood it all as natural - she enjoyed the fact that she was seen to be attractive (she is far more so than her inner image) and she got a boost from the feelings that flowed. At this point we just played together in the clubs. Well soon fell deeply for each other and she claimed then that having done seems to puts her off playing the idea of playing with others - naturally I respected this and maybe just thought time may change that view but every now and again she would still say she wanted to do those things. I reminded her that it did indeed require others to be involved but she still said she didn't want to have anyone else.
She couldn't understand how I could share her and, unusually for her, she admits she has become possessive of me and would never want to share me (which I am fine with). Although she says she doesn't mind me saying fantasy things (dirty talk during sex) that involve her previous ideas she was clearly not comfortable with me doing so. After some problems with this and her seemingly being (at times) uncomfortable I even spent well over a year where I said I would not mention fantasies or sex clubs or anything of that ilk and I kept to that only to find that she would bring things up and then forget she brought up the subject and blame me for starting it again all within the same discussion (she did agree she had started it on the occasions she did) but it goes to show there is some internal conflict and, I believe, latent desire. One time, not that long ago,she just blurted out in the shower (no sexual activity going on) that she still wanted to try DP. One the one occasion (early on in our new relationship) she did state a fantasy idea which was actually further than I would have thought of doing (although the idea did side step getting actual penetration if not insemination!). We have (at her request) still gone to the odd club party (she likes to be anon in a crowd) and once she was extremely raunchy (with just me) that included sex in the bar area/dark room and big bed so she clearly is very sexually charged (I am happy to say). So here we are, I am still treading on eggshells for fear of saying the wrong thing and just this last week she said the idea of couples was not bad but she wouldn't want to share me (at no point did she say anything about me not sharing her). She then backtracked somewhat and said maybe we could just have the social aspect and not the sex LOL. I asked her, days later, hypothetically if we did do couples would the sex be same room or different rooms and she said definitely different rooms as she wouldn't want to feel like she was being watched. I asked it it was just another man and not a couple what then - she then said definitely same room with both of us. I only started asking as she had brought the subject up again regards couples and her wanting to watch a swinging series on TV (recommendations please) For my part I do feel (not just wishful thinking) she is wanting to experience more but if I suggest we can keep it soft play only etc. should she want she doesn't seem that interested. I think she is a full speed or nothing kind of person TBH and I also think her thoughts are very mood driven. These arfe just examples of events of the ast three years and I am no nearer understanding properly nor quite what to do.
I could just leave things to her and play neutral (as I try but she sees through that as she knows where I stand) but we are not getting younger (especially me), I am in great fettle at the moment but I wouldn't want her to ever regret not engaging whilst we have the chance and having the memories to look back on. For my part I want my raunchy memories to all be of her.
I do believe communication is the key but, as much as I have tried, I seem to get differing results and ideas from her.
Ladies - your insights would be most welcome as to from men who have had to navigate a similar scenario (hopefully successfully).
Thanks for reading such a long post.
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When you are in love with someone it’s sometimes very hard to see them with someone else or even indeed want to play with someone else.
In the moment or when horny it’s much easier but that can sometimes lead to regret and make things worse.
We have been doing this for 4 years now but every experience is different and I still get jealous giving the man I’m in love with to another woman, he sometimes feels the same way.
It sounds like she’s not ready yet, these things do take time. I take it she’s cool with you being on here ? |
