FabSwingers.com forum: Performance at Meets

By *PPerries OP Couple
6 days ago

medway

I thought I’d put this out there because I can’t be the only one who’s dealt with it.

We’ve met a great couple twice now and, on both occasions, I’ve really struggled to get hard. What makes it more frustrating is that mentally I’m completely there — I’m attracted to her, I want to have sex, I’m enjoying myself — but for whatever reason my dick just refuses to cooperate.

Just to add some context before, we play separately and we’re both completely fine with that. There’s no jealousy, insecurity or worry from either of us, so I don’t think it’s connected to that side of things.

I do wonder if it’s partly a pressure thing though. You want everyone to have a good time and once you realise things aren’t working, it’s hard not to get stuck in your own head about it.

The couple have been genuinely lovely and understanding about it, which helps, but it’s still incredibly frustrating from my side.

So I’m curious — has anyone else experienced this during meets? And if so, did you find anything that helped you relax and get out of your own head a bit?

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By *iss DevilWoman
6 days ago

Bedford

Question, as you haven't mentioned that and I don't want to assume. Do you play bare or use condoms? Condoms seem to impact on male performance, in my experience, probably because way too many men don't use the correct size for them and see them as a barrier to play rather than the enhancer.

If you don't use condoms, then it would be psychological, most likely. Even though consciously you are attracted to the lady and want to play with her, your subconsciousness tells a different story.

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By *PPerries OP Couple
6 days ago

medway

Hi,

Yes we play using condoms. But getting to that stage is the issue. Using Condoms isn't an issue , I think try to get to a point I cam actually put one is - which is frustrating 🙄

I think your right about the subconscious- not sure how to get around it 🫣

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By *WB85Man
6 days ago

Staffordshire

I had this issue and still find it awkward at times.

The pause for a condom after 10 years marriage doesn't come naturally. So we added them occasionally to our married sex life, and even when having a private moment alone.

Its all about making it normal practice for me.

Also, performance anxiety is real, and men cant hide it.

I don't big a situation up with someone, make it clear initially things might start with a slower approach. My advice is that its not all about your penis......theres lots of other things you can do and eventually, things just naturally occur.

Good luck op.

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By *WB85Man
6 days ago

Staffordshire

Sorry...me again.

Even suggest a soft swap initial meet....everything but full sex.

It can take the pressure of performing away.

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
6 days ago

Hastings

Blue pill 💙, will Boston you mentally and helps with performance.

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By *PPerries OP Couple
6 days ago

medway

"I had this issue and still find it awkward at times.

The pause for a condom after 10 years marriage doesn't come naturally. So we added them occasionally to our married sex life, and even when having a private moment alone.

Its all about making it normal practice for me.

Also, performance anxiety is real, and men cant hide it.

Good luck op.

I don’t think the condom is the issue.

I really want to have sex in the moment, but there’s just no way I can get it to work when it comes to the actual act 😅 very frustrating.

It’s a fair point though — if there’s even a bit of performance anxiety, there’s nowhere to hide it. And once I notice it’s not happening, it’s like my head gets in the way of my body even though I’m fully into it.

I’ve been doing other things instead, but I end up feeling a bit “meh” about it because I don’t want the other person to feel like it’s them or that they’ve done something wrong when it’s clearly just me overthinking things.

Hopefully it’s something that settles with time.

Now I’m unsure what’s best — stick with the same couple so there’s familiarity and hopefully confidence builds, or meet other couples and keep things moving rather than fixating on one situation.🙄

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By *PPerries OP Couple
6 days ago

medway

"Blue pill 💙, will Boston you mentally and helps with performance."

I tried sildenafil viagra 50mg last night, however I thinkni took it too early and it worn off.

Any brand recommendations 👀

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By *igad999Man
6 days ago

wolverhampton

"Blue pill 💙, will Boston you mentally and helps with performance.

I tried sildenafil viagra 50mg last night, however I thinkni took it too early and it worn off.

Any brand recommendations 👀 "

Cialis let’s you be more spontaneous as lasts longer

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By *eriously KinkyMan
5 days ago

West Midlands

Most guys will have been there at some time OP; try not to worry about it. I think it helps to remember that fancying someone and getting hard are two entirely separate things. After all, you can walk along a naturist beach, pass 10 naked women you fancy and not get hard, then get an erection in front of the GUM nurse you don’t fancy. We’ve all got our triggers, but few outside of the world of kink ever stop to figure out what they are.

Self-exploration, to discover what does it for you can be fun and enlightening. But the easier way (as another reply has already said) is to try a soft play meet then, when you do get hard, offer to take things further.

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By *eacock1221Couple
5 days ago

Bedfordshire

Just wanted to say (to hopefully build your confidence) this can be a common issue. I know that doesn't necessarily help, but hopefully it will help you realise that it's not just you. We've had a few meets where this has happened, and it's good to hear that the people you have met have been kind about it. It's so normal!

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
5 days ago

London

It happens. Definitely pressure to perform, get hard, stay hard, don't cum too quickly. Too much overthinking. It must be even worse for the professionals 😂

I'd recommend lots of foreplay, maybe some music to get you into the mood, and perhaps a condom trick; You could ask the lady if she could put the condom in her mouth while she gives you oral then places it onto your cock with her tongue. Just remember to have the condom facing the right way 👍🏾☺️

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Performance at Meets — Or Lack of It